Ep 1.5 Dirty Birds - Seeking Simone

Uploaded by SeekingSimone on 05.11.2009

I just didn’t see it coming.
Neither did I. And I watch Gossip Girl!
Wait a minute. She brought her own après-sex notecards?
Simone – what a fabulous evening.
I’m on a plane to Milan tonight – meet again when I get back?
She IS out of your league.
So then…you went to the audition?
No no – first, I had to get a latte.
Hey, can I get a low fat latte please?
- Elisa, hi! - Hi!
- Wow. How are you? - I’m good, how are you?
I am good, I am good! I am finally getting the hang of Toronto.
- I’m glad to hear it. - Yeah.
- Great, yeah. - Yeah.
Um…thank you so much for being so cool about our date.
I know I was a …hot hot, steamy mess that night.
- Oh, no. Ah..hahaha… - Yeah
- Yeah... - It was steamy. Yeah.
Well, you know, your note made me really laugh, so...
Oh, really? Oh, thank you for saying that, I’m so glad it made you laugh and not call the police.
- Well... - Yeah...
So, that’s good, you and, um…
- I’m sorry… - Jackie
- Jackie! - Jackie, yeah.
- So you guys got back together. - Yeah
- Yeah, we did. - Cool
- and how is that going? - Oh, it’s good
- it’s good - Good
You know… relationships are work, so…
- Yeah - Yeah
Well, anyway, how about you? Been on any new dates lately?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
- You know, some of them really bad, you know … - Yeah?
- Yeah. Some of them…not. - Wow, I am so pleased for you. That’s great.
- Yeah, thanks. - That’s great.
- Cool. - Yeah.
Oh, thank you. Thanks.
- Smooth! - I know!
And I didn’t feel nervous at all, it was perfect.
That’s because you got some.
I went to the audition.
For The Pelican Brief.
The Albatross Appeal.
- Simone? They’re ready for you now. - Okay thanks.
Holy fucking shit.
Oh! Umm… Simone. I’m Carmella, the casting director…
- Hi - That’s quite a handshake.
Your hands are so soft and smooth,
and my other hand is just aching because of all the (beeeeep) right now
There’s so much (beeeeep) on my palm right now
I’m just going to fall apart…
Simone? Can I get you on that mark please?
Right here?
So we’re going to begin from Scene One.
I’ll read the part of the judge, so if you could just address your lines to me…
- Whenever you’re ready. - Okay.
Your Honour. These birds have been driven from their homes. They –
I’m sorry – could you…I need to see some eye contact there.
Could you address Carmella directly?
Well, I was just sort of going for, like…her having an internal moment, so…
Ah, interesting choice, but...
…just sock it to her.
So, we’ll start again, whenever you’re ready.
Your honour, these birds have been driven from their homes.
They are afraid, alone, endangered…
Miss Featherstone, the condo developers only want to
hold you down and suck (beeeep)
balloon animals (beeeeep beep) with my hot, rich (beeeeeeeeeep).
Your Honour.
the birds need to be spoken for.
Who will speak for the birds?
Those birds are a dirty nuisance to society.
This supporting passion you have towards them is career suicide.
so I can grind your (beeeeeeeeeeep) sweet pudding.
But these birds are such beautiful creatures, so -
Beautiful creatures?
(beeeeeeeeeeeeep) These birds make me want to
Riding crop - vomit down my judge robes.
(beeeeeep beeeeeeeep) cakes. I find in favour of the developers.
- I... - Simone
Oh my God, I’m…sorry, I lost my lines…
I’m sorry, is there any way I can start from the top, I know I can do it better -
No, hey, I…think we’ve…got it.
Thanks for…coming in.
Thank you.
- Wow. - I was so humiliated. I have never frozen like that, ever.
Well, you’ve never beeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeep the casting director the night before either.
Well, that’s true.
You don’t know. Maybe it’s all in your head.
Maybe it came off like an interesting character choice!
I don’t think “flustered, sweaty and possibly drunk” is what they had in mind.
It’s a text from my agent.
- And? Did you get it? - Huh.