Shit Vegas Cabbies Say

Taxi Driver: I said, maybe it's God telling me, "You don't need to..." You know, ta...
Passenger 1: Hold on a little bit on the gambling? Taxi Driver: Yeah, yeah well if I lose a hundred... well, if I keep, if I don't gamble I got a sure hundred dollars for the p*ssy.
Taxi Driver: But if I lose it, then I gotta say "Do I wanna pay another hundred?" So, yea maybe these guys had to bring these people downtown, so... I didn't gamble.
Taxi Driver: Or, I could just jack off, and be better off the whole way! Where... Passenger 1: You don't gamble and you get to keep a hundred bucks. Taxi Driver: Yeah, and I can go to Walmart.
Passenger 2: (laughs) That's a win-win right there.
Taxi Driver: Let me ask you... Let me ask you something, cause I don't know everything. I know most things.
Taxi Driver: But if you was coming to a place that's a brain health place... Center for Brain Health
Taxi Driver: and you see a f*cking building like that wouldn't you think something is wrong with ya? You know like, "I KNOW i'm f*cked up!" You know what I mean?
Passenger 1: That looks like a normal building.. Taxi Driver: See, I think that, i think that... Passenger 2: Sh*t, where we come from... (laughs)
Taxi Driver: See, see I think that doctor got a sense of humour. You know: "Yeah you f*cked up."
Passenger 1: What are you talking about it's melting? It's a normal building. Taxi Driver: Yeah, man, people couldn't figure out what they was doing when they was building that thing
Taxi Driver: That is f*cked up. (Taxi Driver rolls down window and leans out) Taxi Driver: (shouts) Walking and talking on the phone!
(laughter) Taxi Driver: That f*cker gonna get hit. (chuckles)
Taxi Driver: I see 'em texting and walking. I yell out: "Texting and walking!"
Taxi Driver: I f*ck with everybody, that makes my day go faster. Passenger 2: Well yeah. For sure.
Taxi Driver: I mean, I mean that, that makes you feel good! I like, I like to f*ck with somebody, f*ck their whole f*cking day up. Passenger 3: Cause I'm petty and vindictive.
Taxi Driver: F*ck with people.
Passenger 2: You sound like my boss.
Passenger 3: He's the biggest jerk ever.
Taxi Driver: Tell him... tell him it was subliminal when they named him "Boss", because that's two S - O - B's spelled backwards.
Passenger 3: Oooooh... I'm using that.
Taxi Driver: Two S - O - B's spelled backwards. Boss. Passenger 2: I like that one, I like that one.
Taxi Driver: Yep. I retired out here man. They don't f*ck with me at the cab company cause they know I'd quit in a minute. F*CK YOU!
Taxi Driver: Say so, I'm a good employee. I'm going be there every day. I'm trying not to wreck no cars and sh*t. I will look up a dress or two when they get in. But other than that I'm pretty good, you know.
Passenger 1: It's a good thing you didn't wear your dress today Jay.
Taxi Driver: Yeah... I, I've been... I've been look for the first six months. That was really outrageous, I was looking every chance I got.
Taxi Driver: But after you've see so many p*ssies... You just, f*ck it. They all look the same.
Passenger 3: I've never said that. Passenger 1: Yeah, I have not reached that point. Passenger 3: How about you Jay? Passenger 2: (laughs) Not yet, no. Taxi Driver: Well y'all not no cab drivers. Passenger 2: Sh*t, that's my problem.
Taxi Driver: Then when I first started, I used to... I gotta, I got, I went to this place where these girls be walking on the street.
Taxi Driver: Mostly crackheads. And uhh... get a bl*wjob ya know? Usually thirty, forty bucks and this one girl said, "Fifeteen".
Taxi Driver: I said, "Fifeteen?" Passenger 1: Half price sale! Taxi Driver: Yeah...
Passenger 2: Fire sale! Taxi Driver: Then the cab driver came out in me... said "Look, I ain't had no rides yet, you know I only got ten dollars"... She said, "I'll do it, and I'll make it just as good."
Taxi Driver: You know, and some kinda way she said "I'll make it just as good" made my d*ck get harder. You know?
(laughter) Taxi Driver: So as I, went ahead and put my d*ck in her mouth, and everything...
Taxi Driver: Oh man, was the best f*cking bl*wjob I ever had man. I'm telling ya. I had... I had my shoes on when she stared, and some kinda way my f*cking shoes got off.
Taxi Driver: It was like in the front seat of, of a cab. I don't know what it did... She untie 'em with her mouth or what? But anyway.
Taxi Driver: And uh, I came back there and never could find that girl again man.
Taxi Driver: I search for her a f*ckin.... Passenger 3: Are you sure it was a girl? Taxi Driver: Yeah it was a girl...
Taxi Driver: Well, if it wasn't, if it wasn't a girl HE can suck my d*ck any time he wants.
Taxi Driver: So anyway, if, if if I knew her first and last name I woulda went to Police Department, put a missng report out on her. I woulda got one of them sketch artists to draw the back of her head. (laughter)