Modern Yamlok College Skit 1 of 3

Uploaded by prateeknarora on 16.04.2011

Time: Namaste, I am time. No man knows their destiny and can be sure...
of where it will take you. Man, always tries to imagine what happens after
death. Where will he go? Why will he go? And what will happen to him?
To answers all these questions, I will take you on a journey through Yamlok (purgatory).
Let me introduce you to the right hand man of Yamraj (Grim Reaper's king), Chitragupta.
Chitragupta, keeps a record of every human beings good deeds and sins.
Topic is: 20 minutes in Yamlok (purgatory)
Yamdoot (Grim Reaper): Move, move. I said move.
Chantu, Bantu: Sorry sir. We are sorry sir.
Chitragupta: Wait, hang on.
I am asking you for the last time.
Are you ready to pay, or else I will throw you both in furnace.
Chantu, Bantu: But we don't have any money, please forgive us.
Chitragupta: Shut up!
Yamdoot, take them away and throw them in the furnace.
Yamdoot: As you wish, sir. Move on.
Stop resisting! Stop resisting!
Chantu, Bantu: Aah! Aah!
Chitragupta: Novice Yamdoot! God knows from where he get these poor chaps souls.
Can't even earn a decent bribe out of them.
Yamdoot: May I come in sir.
Chitragupta: Yes.
Yamdoot: Sir, I have brought with me, two unlicensed Atma (souls) from Prithvi (Earth).
Chitragupta: Souls without license. Who are they? Did they tell you anything about themselves?
Yamdoot: Yes, my lord, one them is a white foreigner who claims to be Bill Clinton.
And the other older one with big beard says that he is Bin Laden.
Chitragupta: What! Clinton and Laden.
Where did you find them?
Yes, my lord, after throwing Chantu and Bantu in the furnace...
I was on my regular beat.
That is when I saw these two Atma (souls) were scaring Bush in the White House.
I arrested them right away, and brought them here to you.
Chitragupta: You jerk, you should have brought them one by one. It would have been easier for me to deal with them then.
Yamdoot: Why should I bring them one by one? I thought why bring them in two rounds and waste my gas.
And you don't pay me for gas anyways.
Chitragupta: Ok, Ok. Go and get them.
Oh no, what a fool! Why did he bring them. I have taken bribe from these two people.
Yamdoot: Move, move you two.
Chitragupta: No, no, what are you doing? Don't hit them.
Oh wow, Osama bhai (brother)! Bill bhai! What are you two doing here?
Osama: Oye, Shrewd Mr. That is what I am asking you, how come we are here?
Clinton: Yes, Yes, why are we here?
Chitragupta: Chill my friends, chill.
Thank god, we are not in Yamraj's (Grim Reaper's king) darbaar (court). You would have spoilt my impression otherwise.
Osama: You cannot make peace with us with your lie again.
Now tell us the truth, we paid you so much. But still we died?
Clinton: Oye, I did not even spend this many $$ on Monica Lewinsky case as much as I have paid you.
You digested the money and forgot about it.
Chitragupta: Sorry, my friends. It must be a mistake.
I am sure some mistake has happened some where.
But before we look into that, I want you both to go through this invisible lie detector here.
Yamboot, check them.
Clinton: Hey, hey, behave yourself.
Yamboot: Move! Go there.
Chitragupta: Who will take him, you jerk!
Yamdoot: What are you a prince, that I will come especially for you. Go there!

Chitragupta: Whistle blowed!
The whistle blowed, that means you are hiding something Osama. Please give it Yamdoot.
Yamdoot take it from him.
Yamdoot: Sorry Osama, but Yamlok Puri's police, for your money, with your money, and your money is for us.
Oh my lord, it is a hand grenade.
Chitragupta: Osama, you will never change, atleast behave yourself here in Yamlok.
Yamdoot, take it and keep it in the store.
Oh, not him you idiot. I mean the hand grenade.
Yamdoot: Sometimes Osama, sometimes grenade. Make up your mind!
Chitragupta: Show me respects. Say yes, my lord.
Yamdoot: Yes, my lord, am I your father's servent.
Chitragupta: I can't understand this, even though I increased your age, still you guys died.
One minute, let me check in the system.
Clinton: Osama, this place is so modernized. I mean latest computers, and invisible metal detectors.
Osama: Yeah, I can see.
Chitragupta: Oh no, now I got it. A high level virus has affected our Atma Management System.
Which has corrupted the records of all the Atma (souls).
Clinton: So what do we do? It is not our problem.
Chitragupta: Oh, you don't have to do anything. Let us go to Yamdev / Yamraj. He will decide what to do with you two.
Don't worry, he is like us. He will be in our favor.
Time: We just saw a glimpse of Adhunik Yamlok (modern purgatory). Let us see what happens in Yamraj's darbaar (court).
Yamraaj: Come Narad muni (ascetic). Welcome.
Narad muni: What welcome Maharaj (king of kings)? One of the popular character of a daily soap opera is missing.
There is an urgent order from the Tridevi (Three godesses), to get her back on the show.
Chitragupta: Come, come on Bill and Osama.
Court guard (making fun of muslim era): Attention, everyone, in the court of Yamraj, keep your eyes low, or else your head will be chopped off.
Chitragupta: Pranaam (respects) my lord. Yamraj (Grim Reaper's king): Welcome Chitragupta.
Yamraj: Before you start. That soap opera actress Tulsi is missing. Find her, or else we will all loose our jobs.
Chitragupta: I will do that, but please do something for these two.
Yamraj: Who are they? Who are these mischievous looking Atma?
Clinton: Who is this clown with big moustache?
Chitragupta: Shant (Chill) Yamraj! Shant!
Narad muni: Narain, Narain, they look mischievous by their face itself. For sure they must have created some kind of havoc on earth.
Chitragupta: No, no, Narad muni, they are two very famous people on earth.
Clinton: Namaste, Yamraj.
Yamraj: Namaste, Billu.
Osama: Aas Salaam Valekum, Yamraj.
Yamraj: Valekum As Salaam, Osamu.
Clinton: But this is amazing. Yamraj, you are replying to a Muslim in his own language.
But on earth, all these people of different religions fight with each other for no reason.
Yamraj: To absolve your dirty mind from the darkness of racism, let me light a lamp of knowledge for you.
Just as God Ram does not ask us to break the Mosques and Minars of Muslims, Islam does not preach to hate the Hindus.
Narad muni: Clinton, this is Yamlok, and you are standing in Yamraj's court. All the religions are same here. It does not matter what religion you follow.
Clinton: Oh, its that logic.
Yamraj: Leave that now and tell me why did you bring them here?
Chitragupta: Maharaj (my lord), our Atma Management System has been corrupted by a virus.
And the records of all of the Atma (souls) have been corrupted.
So I brought them here for justice from you.
Yamraj: I told you there is no use for this computerization.
So there is no official record left of them? Chitragupta: None.
Yamraj: See, we do not have any official record of you anymore. So truthfully tell us about your life, yourself.
But remember, there are invisible lie detectors fit around here.
The moment you lie, the whistle will blow, the moment it blows, my Gada (mace) will blow.
Osama: He is mad!
Yamraj (angry): Do you want a trailer of it...
Now, you seem to be well dressed, why don't you start first Billu.
Clinton: What can I say, other than that this place is so amazing and modernized. Can't believe it.
Yamraj: Now stop buttering me! And start speaking the truth.
Clinton: What can I say Yamraj, I have never done any sin in my life, ever.
Yamraj: You impish, you are starting itself with a lie. Do you want a taste of my Gada (mace).
Chitragupta: Shant Maharaj! (Chill my lord). Forgive him.
Clinton: Forgive me, Yamraj. I was just joking.
Yamraj: Joking! I will make a joke of you if you lie again!
Clinton: Actually, I was the President of US and I worked very hard for my country during my tenure.
Yamraj: Oh, but you seem to be a nice guy. Then how come you died?
Clinton: Maharaj, I died when I was 55 yrs old.
Yamraj: What will I do with your age? Tell me how you died?
Clinton: Maharaj, my wife Hillary is responsible for my untimely death.
Who was having an affair with that good for nothing Bush, who is now the President of US.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. How strange that people are having extra-marital affairs at such old age on Prithvi (earth).
Clinton: No, no Narad muni. In my country, thanks to plastic surgery, you can be young as long as you want to be.
Yamraj: But why did she kill you?
Clinton: Because she wanted to take a revenge from me. Yamraj: Revenge? For what?
As I was helping Monica on humane grounds, Hillary came to know about it and she misunderstood me.
So to take a revenge, she had an affair with Bush and invited me to a party.
At the party they gave me adulterated Coke and Pepsi to drink because of which I died.
Narad muni: I think he is lying Maharaj.
Clinton: No, no Maharaj, I am saying the truth.
Chitragupta: Yes, Maharaj, Clinton is saying the truth. I have also heard of this, that the latest batch of Coke and Pepsi is adulterated.
Yamraj: Leave all that, tell me who is this Monica you are talking about?
Clinton: Monica, is one of the most beautfiul ladies in my country, and I have had some sweet memories with her.
Yamraj: Who so ever she may be, but she can't be more beautiful than Menka.
Clinton: Who is Menka?
Yamraj: How dare you ask about Menka?
But if you are so interested, Menka is one of a very beautiful Apsara (angel) in Swarg (heaven).
Narad muni: Narain, narain, why are you so interested in Menka? I think you are one character less person who can't be trusted.
Chitragupta: No, no Narad muni. This person is already troubled with wife and circumstances.
Yamraj: Don't you worry, I am the King of Yamlok. Who are they? Nothing but petty Atma (souls) in front of me.
I am done with you Bill. Now you start saying the truth Osama.
Osama: I am a peace loving Muslim since childhood.
Yamraj: How dare you lie to me? Do you want a taste of my Gada (mace)?
Osama: I started so many Madarssas where they teach peace and tolerance.
Chitragupta: Why are you getting so melodramatic? Its the lie detector which is whistling.
Yamraj: I am warning you for the last time. If you lie to me once again, I will give you such severe punishment that even God Bhrama would stop the cycle of re-incarnation.
Osama: I am sorry my lord. The truth is that it was America which supported me and funded my projects against other countries.
But when they thought that I am a danger for them now, they declared me a Wanted criminal.
They tried allot but couldn't catch me. And I took a revenge on them by hitting their planes in their buildings. They tried but couldn't catch me alive.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. Which means: As you sow, so you reap!
Yamraj: If America couldn't catch you, then did you die?
Osama: Oh my hard luck.
I ran to hide in Hindustan (India), in Gujarat. But there was a riot going on there.
When I went to buy some bread, the rioters caught me and killed me.
Yamraj: How sad, but: As you sow, so you reap! You deserved it.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. What is going on Maharaj? There seems to be a system failure. Privitization of public units has not helped at all.
Chitragupta: Maharaj, I don't think we can do anything but to send them back to the earth. Ever since they have come here, they have created a havoc.
Yamraj: Why send them back? Give them two-two blows and throw them in the furnace.
Chitragupta: We can't Maharaj. Yamraj: Why can't we? Add them to the Miscellaneous expenditure.
Chitragupta: No Maharaj. You have already done so many similar scams. God Bhrama will catch us in next auditing.
Why don't you consult the Tridev (Three main gods)?
Yamraj: Why don't you guys just go back?
Osama: What do you say Bill? Clinton: Two....Three.... no Two.
Clinton, Osama: We will go only on two conditions!
Narad muni: Narain, narain. Don't negotiate with them Maharaj. Yamraj: But we have to send them back.
Billu, you seem to be well dressed. You tell me first, what do you want?
Clinton: Maharaj, I want Menka! (audience applause)
Don't worry everyone will get a share! (more applause)
Everyone will get the slice of a melon.
Osama: I want Aftab (immortality nectar).
Yamraj: I was suspecting him to be gay from start. We do not have Aftab (Indian film actor).
Chitragupta: Maharaj, he means the immortality nectar not the film actor.
Maharaj, let us consult the Tridev. The situation is getting complex by minute.
Clinton: Give him a cell someone.
Yamraj: I have one, can't you see.
Hello, Bholenath (God Shiv, the destroyer).
God Shiv: Hello Vats (son). Yamraj: Pranam (Namaste).
God Shiv: As far as the system failure is concerned, talk to architect Vishwakarma (creator of the universe). Don't disturb me, I am going to watch a movie with my wife.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. What did he say? Yamraj: He says he is busy.
Yamraj: Hello, Vishnu ji (God Vishnu, the preserver).
God Vishnu: Ya go ahead. Yamraj: Maharaj, there is problem with system, and there is no power here.
God Vishnu: You are worried about yourself. There is no power here since past 3 days, do something or you will be fired.
Yamraj: Chitragupta, you us to be unemployed, send Pandu to fix Vishnu ji's power.
Chitragupta: Pandu, go and do the needful.
Pandu: Am I your dad's servent? Address me with respects. Call me Pandu ji.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. Now what happened Maharaj?
Yamraj: I will loose my job because of you. Shut up, and stand in the corner.
God Bhrama (the creator): Hello. Yamraj: Pranam (namaste).
Yamraj: We are in a deep problem here, please help us.
God Bhrama: I am too busy son. There is an exciting offer going on a cellphone. I have to buy for the family. Call me after two-three days.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. Now I am not going to ask what happened? Yamraj: No, no ask. Ask. He is also busy.
Chitragupta: Why don't you agree to their terms Maharaj? Accept the first condition, as the second one can get us into trouble.
Yamraj: Let me talk to Indra dev(King of heaven). Chitragupta: Maharaj, who is Indra dev in front of you, take decision yourself.
Yamraj: Ok, so I can give you Menka only. So take her and go back. Clinton: Ahaa, Menka.
Time: So Yamraj is giving away Menka without consulting Indra dev. Will the heaven be Menka-less from now on? Would Indra dev agree with Yamraj? Let us see, We, the people.
Narad muni: (on the phone) Maharaj Indra, Yamraj has committed to give away Menka without consulting you. Come here fast....
Yamraj: Indra dev, how come you are on a cycle? Is your elephant Iravat on a holiday?
Indra: I will send you on a holiday with my Vajra (sword).
First tell me this, Menka is my patent. How dare you give her away?
Yamraj: You are forgeting. Last week only, we took out an IPO and I have 50% of the shares.
You have so many Apsara (angels), what's wrong if you will give away one.

Indra: The question doesn't arises to send Menka with such mischivious chaps.
Osama: What wrong with me? Indra: You don't even know how many wives and kids you have, and you are asking what is wrong?
Osama: Its because there is a proverb in my country that, sow your oats all around, so that you have your kids and kids all around.
Clinton: So send her with me? Indra: Oh, when did you shift from Monica to Menka? Clinton: When I heard about her from Yamraj.
Indra: Oh what have you done, now Urvashi will get jealous.
Menka: Quite! I don't care for you guys. I am in love with Bill now and I am going with him. (audience applause)
Clinton: Menka, Oh my darling.
Narad muni: Narain, narain. What is this Indra dev? Are you just going to let Menka go?
Indra: You don't understand Narad muni. It is an era of women liberty and suffrage.
Yamraj: What happened to Menka? Chitragupta: Told you to get them corrective glasses. Clinton: No, its the magic of my White skin.
Osama: Hands up!
I want both the Amrit (immortality nectar) and Urvashi now.
Yamraj: Call Urvashi, now.
Urvashi: Yes, my lord. Yamraj: Were you sitting right here for this moment? Go with him.
Urvashi: Oh my god, tall, dark, handsome, he is the prince of my dreams.
Chitragupta: Here is the Amrit.
Clinton: Hey Osama brother, I want some Amrit too.
Chitragupta: They are gone Maharaj. Yamraj: Oh, I accidently dropped my Gada (mace) or else.... Chitragupta: Yes, my lord.
Yamraj: Don't tell anyone.