Jan. Blog - Excerpt from Conversations Out of Chaos

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Hello, this is the January edition of my multi-media blog. I’ll be reading from Conversations
Out of Chaos by your truly. This book is available on-line (like here on my laptop) and in print
wherever books sold.
Stay tuned for my forthcoming CD (hopefully available by June) as well as my coffee table
pic book follow up – to this memoir. Full of poems, excerpts, and interactive fun! Available
as soon as I can get a book deal so they can press it up!
January is the month of my mom’s birthday.
I am blessed to have such a mother who was able AND willing to give me a ride to the
airport, funds towards my Israel trip, and happily take care of Ms. Cutie (my fat and
lovely cat). She even went to my apt. before she picked me up from the airport to clean
the litter box, feed my cat, and bring me some food so I could simply go home, bathe,
and sleep!
Even though my mom is laid up paralyzed on a breathing machine due to several strokes,
I refuse to give up. I’ll keep hoping for some miracle for her recovery – whatever
amount that is.
Mom loves arts and crafts, always did stuff with her hands, and is a very creative person.
I pray and command the universe to restore some level of her abilities. And thus, I wish
to speak IN the present tense and not as IF she’s already gone!
You can click the links and read all about my unfortunate situation, my mom’s cond,
and how you can help. I don’t want or need your pity, I need your help! Please Help by
forwarding this to at least 1 other person. Perhaps they may know someone – who can
help.
Here’s an except from my book
MIRACLE FROM THE START I was actually a miracle right from the start.
Perhaps a bound to be famous, known to all, destiny. I don’t know; but my mom tried
very hard to have kids — and I am the only child. She had two miscarriages and a stillbirth
before me, and one miscarriage after me. She stopped working and only rested and prepared
for my coming. I was the only baby to survive, the only healthy live birth. They had my baby
shower after I was born just to make sure she had a successful birth.
My mom is an artist and makes all types of arts and crafts. She made mini dollhouses
out of cardboard and raison boxes. She also made me a playhouse out of cardboard when
I was 4. I truly enjoyed playing in the house with my toys. I guess I played so much and
so rough, it just fell over.
If I remember right, it leaned to the side like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I enjoyed
the house just as much leaning and on the ground as I enjoyed it standing. I remember
using it like a sleeping bag and a sled down the hill. My mom screamed. Her dollhouse was
ruined. That was the last one she made for me.
I am an only child so I usually had to play by myself, thus my imagination is very elaborate
and vivid. My mom gave me those wonderful kid books in which you would play the 45”
as you manually read the book and look at pictures. You’re supposed to read along
with the narrator and they had nice songs too. I would make pretend I’m a character
inside the story. I pretended to be there and would imitate the pictures in the book.
If the author drew them in action like running or jumping then I would put on my pretty Easter
dress and would pose and put my legs and arms in the same position as the picture inside
the book.
One of my favorites was “Richard Scarry’s Best Word Book Ever”. I liked that book
through out elementary school—even after most kids outgrew the book. I would pretend
to be inside the book and act like I was brushing my teeth, eating with the animal family, oh,
and my favorite, traveling with them in the city and through the country. And I still
LOVE to travel.
The first Broadway play I saw was The Wiz. And I Loved It! I liked it so much that my
mom bought me the album. I played it so much that my favorite songs became one big scratch.
I would play the album and sing and pretend that I was actually in Oz. I soon got a crush
on the Tin Man. I would sleep with the album cover under my pillow so I could look at the
Tin Man whenever I needed to through out the night.
As a kid I liked a wild assortment of odd characters. The Tin Man, Blue Bear from the
Jungle Book, I also liked the boy in the Jungle Book. Oh my lovely choices of men. I must
immediately travel elsewhere to find my husband because now I’m just lonely and horney.
THE MUSIC BUG
I remember in I think 3rd grade I saw this high school choir perform in some assembly.
I know it was before I entered 4th grade because you could start joining band or chorus in
4th grade. And it was after I left my lofty DC public kindergarten and pre-kindergarten
and 1st grade Catholic school. I know I was in the dreaded PG Md. Public school (that
I hated) when I saw this assembly. This group I believe was from Parkdale, this local high
school not too far from where I grew up.
I assume it was some type of jazz and show choir because their songs were very fun and
catchy. The females all wore long yellow looking dresses and I can’t remember what the guys
wore but they sang and moved to their music.
Me seeing The Wiz LIVE as a kid, created this MASSIVE music and performing bug that STILL
lives in me today. Mom also took me to see Peter Pan on Broadway when I was around 8.
The fun kid shows which I LOVED watching, were full of fun songs as most kid shows are.
The Wizard of Oz with Judy Garland – which I LOVED – and all of those cute holiday
claymation musicals stirred and mixed this music bug into some brew waiting to steam
off. And seeing this show choir from Parkdale High SEALED my fate. From thence on, I was
addicted to music, the arts, and my overactive imagination. Their music was the coolist and
they sang the grandest songs. I still remember this one song. The lyrics are something like
this:
I wanna sing..love song ….dance …dance
I want to laugh…out all my laughter I want to cry… out all my tears
I want to ….???? …before they – disappear I want to sing…just one more love song
I want to sing, just one more love song, before I go
As a kid – and I’m not going to even begin to say that I know what it feels like to be
a kid NOW – but I DO know that when you are little and young, anyone bigger than you
seems really big.
With that said, even though they were only in high school, they seemed like the authoritative
figure for all music and performing. Maybe because they were not only live compared to
the TV shows , but they were much closer and more personal than the performers from Peter
Pan or The Wiz. Not as if I had a chance to talk to them and get an autographs, but at
least I knew of their school. (It was attainable). In fact, their choir teacher used their show
as some recruiting tool to get us interested in joining chorus.
MUSICAL, BUT CAN’T PLAY AN INSTRUMENT I guess I’m a true muse and genuine artist.
I would have the most elaborate dreams and ideas, and people seem to quickly steal them
and never pay me!!
If you wonder how Rod Sterling, Disney or those sci-fi authors think of it, it’s in
their head—literally. Most likely, they had very elaborate dreams (& imagination)
and they hooked up with the right people to figure out how to capture their ideas into
stories, films, and so forth. I write down many of my ideas.
I guess I’m very left brain (or whatever side creative thinking is on). I have very
elaborate songs in my dreams. I understand John Lennon dreamt of Imagine. Songs enter
my head through my dreams, listing to other songs, hearing slight melodies in everyday
life (like door chimes or engine noise); or even listening to the rhythm of a copier can
inspire a song. I would be a good copyright infringement researcher. I can hear a song,
and find the melody, harmony, rhythm, and even a drumbeat that belongs or is inspired
by another song.
One Christmas Daddy bought me a guitar because I was playing with—not playing on, the one
my aunt had. I didn’t even know the fingering. I was just plucking and playing with “a
toy.” Daddy was convinced that I was a natural musician and that I knew how to play a guitar,
or could learn easily. Unfortunately it just sat there. I never learned how to play a guitar
nor ride a bike.
My mom, on the same music bug as my dad, insisted that I take music through out school. Many
schools offered band. I decided to join the chorus and band in 4th grade. I decided to
play the flute, because it was small. My parents seemed ecstatic of my beginning band programs.
I guess all parents are pleased to see their kid onstage. They took me to see Herbie Mann,
a flutist, in concert. They wanted to expose me to other forms of classical and orchestral
music. I, however, was never good –– and stayed in beginning for the next three
years.
I guess reading music is too math oriented and hard. I would cheat and write the letters
of the notes above the actual notes. I never learned to read music. To this day I still
can’t read music. I, unfortunately, never was blessed to play by ear either. This means
I always need someone who is a musician to help make tracks. For I love to perform, I
think I’m a natural.
When I went to 7th grade, I had to choose between chorus or band. Mom was quite irate
when I chose chorus. “Everyone is in chorus. Anybody can try to sing. Only a few can read
music and play an instrument.” She was right. I’m just not one of them. I did join the
drama club. And when I went into high school, I stayed in chorus.
My mom sent me to piano lessons. It was quite boring. Probably because all I did was play
the scale constantly. Then I would play these boring songs. I enjoyed playing with the lady’s
cat more than the lessons. I soon started hiding from her and mom eventually took me
out, to both her and the teacher’s dismay.
They need a fun, easy to learn way to teach piano, guitar, and music by ear to kids and
adults alike. So folks actually learn music, and not stay in beginning all 3 years.
Stay tuned 2 See the next vid. I LOVE da wiz & da wizard of oz. & I can’t wait 2 see
wicked. So this song is from wicked. & it’s Alli Simpson’s version. Enjoy & DO sign
up 4 my blog & pass this video on!!!
As of New Years Eve 2008, my mom went to the hospital right after she moved into her lovely
retirement apt. because she fell down and was too weak to get back up. She began to
have a series of mild strokes and lost the use of her right arm. She went into a rehab
where she unfortunately had a few more strokes. From there she went to the sewage level Washington
Adventist Hospital where she went in better than she left!!
The demonic curses have been beating down strongly and heavily upon me, my mom, her
health, the success of my entrepreneurship, the success of my music and art, my ever meeting
my help/soul mate business partner, to even me losing weight after months of walking due
to me not having a car.
I refuse to let go and give into defeat, for my mother or me!! I am just beyond tired and
need some immediate help and results – NOW!!
I am using the power of the spoken word, my belief, and everything else to not just keep
my mom alive, but to restore the time back to Christmas 2008 when she was able to walk,
talk, eat, drink, use the bathroom, and breathe independently on her own.
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