Bradley and Gary Episode 1: The Work Ethic Fairy

jbjb{x{x Bradley, come here! We need to talk! What s the matter, Skip? t call me Skip, but
we ll get back to that; these sales reports are absolutely horrendous! Well, what would
you like me to do about it? First order of business, when did you change your name to
Bradley? I was just getting used to George from when you changed it from Robert. Man,
I wanted to branch out- Second order of business, how do you get off calling me Skip? s your
name, isn t it? Yes, but only my fishing buddies call me Skip. What does your mom call you?
Francis, because she suffers from dementia. Third order of business, these sales reports
are absolutely horrendous! I think we ve already come here, sir. We did? Yeah, dude, you told
me to shape it up. Then you told me the story of how the Poughkeepsie Poltergeist stole
your car keys. Ah, yes, the Poughkeepsie Poltergei- Don t call me dude! But, dude, you are a dude.
I am your boss! Yeah, man, and I m A boss! We re like dudes. Alright man, I ll give you
a week. If these reports aren t polished by this time next Tuesday, you re out of the
company. ight, man. Man, Gary, boss Skip says I mma have to kick my work up a notch if I
want my pay. Well, I mean, it s not like you actually do any work. Man, how do I get to
be a wiligent gerker like you? Did you just call me a willing gent gherkin? Ah, man, I
did it again. Get to be diligent worker? Y know, like you? I don t know, pray to the
work ethic fairy? That s a great idea! Seeya bro. I was being sarcas- Gruh how do I deal
with him Oh work ethic fairy, how do I ever get strambition to rive? Shut up, I m trying
to sleep. Are you the work ethic fairy? m your next-door neighbor! This complex has
thin walls! The work ethic fairy is my next-door neighbor? Man, I don t know, if I say yes,
will you go to sleep? Oh, work ethic fairy, how do I become a better worker? Oh, walk
north three miles in the forest of shut up, knock on the door of the wise old lady of
get to sleep, and listen to all the magical words of wisdom of leave me alone! Thanks,
work ethic fairy! And I m white, not ethnic! Hey, where d you park, anyway? I didn t park.
Then how d you expect us to carpool? re not going to work today. Ah, man, why did I pick
you to be my best friend? Because I m great. Taxi! If we needed to call a ta- Why didn
t you just bring your car? s more fun in a taxi. Where to? The forest of Shidupp. Is
that the one northeast of Newark? Yes. Hey, wait a second, there s actually a forest of
shut up? Of course there is. The work ethic fairy told me so. The work ethic- ah man you
re gonna be disappointed. Alright, boys, this is your stop. That ll be fifteen dollars.
Can I pay you in gum? Oh, definitely I lo- wait, is that new Trident layers? Of course
you can t pay me in gum! I ve got a family to feed. Can t you feed them with gum? That
s it; I m putting you on the no ride list. I didn t know there was such a- Get out! Well,
I hope you re happy. We re in a forest and we ve got no way back home. re not going home.
I need to become a better worker. You know how most people become better workers? They
go to work and don t kidnap their best friends! Look, do you want to find the old lady of
Gett Tuslepe or not? Honestly? Not. Great, let s go this way. Didn t you hear me? I said
Not! Ugh here we go again Man, these woods are thick. You can say that again. Man, these
thoods are wick. ight. maybe you can I think I see something off in the distance. What?
It looks like a shack that s prolly pretty shpooky. Dah, spooky. I can tell that you
re shared skitless. Wait Aw, am I rubbing off on you? I hope not. I don t like the looks
of this thing. Why? Too shpooky? No, it s just that grey isn t really a flattering color
for rotting wood. What is a flattering color for rotting wood? I don t know, mauve? Come
on; let s knock on the door! Why? The old lady of Gett Tuslepe is in there. I don t
think anyone is in there. Infidel. Eww that s nasty. Gary, do you have any hand sanitizer?
Why would I have hand sanitizer? When I left my house I thought we were going to work,
where hand sanitizer is, y know, there? Why don t you just carry hand sanitizer just in
case? Because I don t stalk into forests and bang on old houses! Fine Gett Tuslepe! What
do you guys want? Oh my god! Oh my god Are you the old lady of Gett Tuslepe? No, I m
Gertrude. Ugh I can t escape you people. What do you mean? I was once a movie star, on the
big screen. Maybe you ve heard of me, Gertrude Truman? Nope. Doesn t ring a bell. I was in
Time for Change and Time for Change II: Larger Denominations. Can t bring em to mind. Sorry.
What about Time for Change III: This Time Is For Change? Didn t we see that one, Gary?
No, that was Weekend at Bernie Right. Sorry, Gretchen. Gertrude. Gesundheit. Hey, Gertrude,
can you tell us the fastest way out of the forest? You ll leave me alone if I tell you,
right? *gasp* The magical words of wisdom of Leave me alone! Yes, wise words, indeed.
Scram. Teach me more, Gretel. m serious! Skedaddle! I can feel the bard work hoiling inside of
me. Get out of my face or I ll call the cops! That s OK, we don t want to cause a scene.
We re going. Wait! I was almost there! Gary, you re ruining my dream! And good riddance.
Who was that, Gertrude? Just some obnoxious fans, Ms. Tuslepe. Just enjoy your soup. Now
where are we going? I wish I knew. If you hadn t annoyed Gertrude, we would know our
way out of this place. Her name was Gary. No it wasn t. I m Gary. You re Gary? Then
who s Skip? Our boss. Right. Speaking of which, we re taking off work today. I didn t call
in to take a personal, did you? Oh I did. Well, good to know at least one of us will
keep a job. What? What do personals have to do with keeping jobs? s the difference between
skipping and being on leave. Oh. I just put Wanted: A cab driver to take me to the forest
of Shidupp. Will pay 15 dollars. Are you trying to imply this isn t actually the forest of
Shidupp? Of course it s the forest of Shidupp, Gary. The cab driver said so. But you said
you d pay 15 dollars. I tried to, but he wouldn t take my money. Gum is not legal tender!
Look; I need to get to work, too. I never thought I d hear you say THAT. I do! I need
to test out my newly acquired work ethic! Well, let s see, we went North, right? How
did you know which way was North? I followed the moss on the rocks. What rocks? The ones
that look like that! Those are beetles. Then why are they covered in moss? They re not.
They re just green. Well, look, there s a break of sun coming from over there. If we
can get out to a clearing, we can probably think better. You re right in a strange sort
of way. To work! Huh I guess we re in a city? Which one, though? I don t know. Hey, where
are we? Like, I dunno man, location is relative to perspective. I m in another galaxy right
now. Well, we can t be too far from home. Let s just hail a cab and be done with it.
Taxi! Sorry, I can t help you. You re on the no-ride list. Well, can you tell us how to
get to Stepford-Cowell Marketing? You an advertiser? Yeah! What commercial did you do? You know
that Super Bowl ad with Kenny G pole-vaulting into a pool of Jell-O, punching a penguin
in the face, and then screaming Eat Grain Brothers Kettle Corn and having his face melted
off by a blowtorch? No. What Super Bowl was that on? I don t know. I don t follow sports.
All I remember is asking, t this a great idea for a commercial? and my boss said in some
sort of funny voice, Oh, definitely, it could be a Super Bowl ad. Then he threw it in what
I thought was the trash bin but I guess it was the outbox to the film crew. Man, do you
know what sarcasm is? Man, Gary, I definitely know what sarcasm is. m not sure what to make
of that. Well, boys, I d love to help, but I ve never heard of your firm. Neither have
I. What do you mean? I mean I ve never heard of your firm, (reading slowly) North Buntsville
Cab Company. North Buntsville? We re in North Buntsville? I went to a business meeting in
North Buntsville! I know how to get home from here! Come on, Bradley! Gary, you didn t say
our city was five miles away. Better five than fifty. Where were you guys? We were stuck
in traffic. For six hours? Rush hour ain t just an hour anymore. Were you at least working
on the sales rep- OH IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT. HE SAID WE WERE CARPOOLING AND HE TOOK ME
TO SOME STUPID FOREST AND GOT US PUT ON THE NO RIDE LIST AND- No ride list? Yeah, we didn
t know either. Gary, you re being put on probation. George, you re fired. Bradley. Gesundheit
Still, fired. I know, I m so fired up and ready to work on the sales reports. No, I
mean, I m taking your name off the time clock. So I no longer have a time limit on those
sales reports? I guess you could look at it like that Thanks, Skip, I m gonna get to work
on those right away. You don t work here anymore! Let him keep working and just don t pay him.
He ll probably catch on eventually. I hope not. Free labor is the best labor. hum9 hum9
hum9 hum9 gdum9 :pum9 Bradley, come here Shoreline Schools Normal Shoreline Schools Microsoft
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