NerdOffice - S03E16 - Nerdtour 2012 - Veneza (ENG SUB)


Uploaded by JovemNerd on 02.05.2012

Transcript:
JovemNerd.com.br presents: NerdOffice Editing by GavetaFilmes.com.br Subtitles by Fabio Lima - @fabiopl
Lambda, lambda, lambda, nerds! Welcome to the NerdOffice!
Today, we're back to the Nerdtour, Azaghal!
Your mask is a preview of today's location, which is...
"Venezia!"
You gotta do this, man!
- That's what makes the accent. "Ottoni!" - "Venezia!"
- "Mangiare!" - That's how you do it!
Well, Venice is 1 hour from Bassano, where we were last episode,
- Right. - Just one hour by train to Venice.
Look, if you're thinking of going to Europe and not to Venice, think again.
Venice is a city you can see in one and a half days.
- Sleep there only one day. - And enjoy the full day afterwards.
- It's a unique city. - True. There's no other like it in the world.
It's crazy, a place where people live at water's edge.
Yeah. In fact, Venice is not on the sea, like a lot of people think.
It was built on a lagoon, which means the water's naturally dammed.
It has 118 islets, and they built the city on them,
which originated the canals that connect the islets.
Venice is not only on the water, there are also some little streets.
There's the touristic area and the residential area.
- Yeah. - The touristic area has more canals and less land.
The residential area has more land and is much larger.
Venice is a city that had once 200,000 inhabitants and now has only 60,000.
Only recently did the government make it a full-scale tourist city,
but it looks like it was built for tourism.
But it wasn't, and that's what makes it so amazing.
It wasn't built for attracting tourists from all over the world, as it is today.
Being on the water was the city's defense.
It's Marco Polo's hometown, great explorer, so there's a lot of culture,
it's a very charming city and it's totally worth visiting it.
And you gotta ride the gondola.
Don't whine about the price, you just gotta do it.
- Come on, dammit! - Just once in your life, man! Ride the gondola!
If you go to an amusement park, you gotta ride the rollercoaster!
Yeah, dammit!
Check it out, man. No matter where you point the camera... Awesome!
Dude, it's... it's so creepy.
We are here on this tiny street... It's so deserted.
And our hotel is this way.
Check out this dead end. We were so fucking scared, we thought, "we're screwed,"
"We're staying at a fucking terrible hotel..."
...and then we turned here and... Ooh!
Look at the front of the hotel, how surreal! We enter from the back door.
Open.
Look at the front of the hotel! Look where it leads to!
This is the Vaporetto, Venice's bus.
It travels on the Gran Canale,
and it goes around Venice.
And those are the Vaporetto stops.
It's €6,50.
An Indian woman will want to sell you a multi-day pass, if you'd like to ride it all day,
but anyway: walk.
If you spend the whole day in a Vaporetto, it's no good.
Yeah.
- Peeled walls in Italy are a charm. - Yeah, you can see the little bricks.
It's much cooler.
It's much more charming. Everything nice and clean is no fun.
The walls are always more peeled on the other side of the fence.
Oh, no! If it's not peeled, old... it's not Europe.
You know where else there's a lot of peeled walls?
Where?
Rocinha. (a slum in Rio)
Here, it's wonderful. But when we saw Lapa (a district in Rio),
before the refurbish, everyone hated it.
But! Don't you dare compare Lapa to Venice!!
Come fucking on!!
I'm not comparing. I'm just saying it's all about the place.
- This is not pretty there. - Because that's Lapa!!!
Dear, if here there were a bunch of cross-dressers lined up...
- Exactly! - ...and people peeing on the walls,
you wouldn't be saying that.
If we get in there, it will lead us to San Marco Square.
- Oh, you're so funny. - Yeah, it's a shortcut.
Gaveta should put on the video now:
"Very funny, Mr. Jones! Very funny!"
Dr. Jones, I can't go on like that.
- Look! (PISS BAR) - Look at the bar! Impossible!
- Do you know Venice's funniest hotel? - Which one?
(Portuguese for HIGH RIVER - or I LAUGHED OUT LOUD)
We're not in the USA, but we have this urge for outlet malls.
- Do you want to buy a purse there? - Only at Venice's Guess store!
- That's no outlet, darling! - I'll buy some clothes at "Guess" for myself, too.
"Gas"! You're ridiculous!
- Here, the fish doesn't stink. - But I can smell it from here!
No, but it's a good smell! Not that rotten smell.
Like at the supermarket, when you pass by the fish aisle... Not nice.
- They don't wanna walk into the fish market. - Why?
- They don't wanna reek of fish. - Okay!
- You don't wanna get in? - It smells good, like Lapa! Don't you wanna?
No, the fish smell nice, but...
...over there, not on me.
This is how Azaghal gets so many trinkets.
- Only on NerdOffice. - Travelling around the world, just like that!
Sometimes, people get carried away...
...and buy a little mask like this one, to put on their fridge...
...but no one will get you were in Venice.
They'll think you bought it on 25 de Março (popular street market in São Paulo)
So, be careful to not get carried away.
- It might be dangerous. - This is how you do it: "Venice".
- I'm taking this one! - Or these, more obvious ones...
Oh, that is so kitsch!
Yeah, they are.
Come on, pictures?! Just take one with a camera and stick it on the fridge!
Out of the blue, these two stop by the window display...
Guys, Sinéad O'Connor is old, and she's still a hit here!
- Still a hit! - And now she's bald. She's in the Military.
- You guys! Oh my God! - It's not that impressive, guys.
It is, too! I'd thought she was already dead!
She's like, such a rebel, always bald... Why?
A rebel!
Maybe her head just feels hot a lot.
Or maybe it's dandruff.
In the First World, ice-cream never melts.
That's called "hydrogenated fat".
No, it's called "pleasant weather".
- What's that? - Man...
Deive doesn't want to walk into the drugstore because he was afraid he'd get stuck.
I have the camera on me...
- Just open both doors! - So, open the other one... smart ass!
Oh, you'd totally get stuck here!
She got in!!
Man... "The Wizard of Oz: €1,750".
Come on, guys... She gets home in the end.
Oh look, "Arabian Nights"! €1,200!
Judging from the prices here, that must be the actual Death Note notebook.
They must have the book from "The NeverEnding Story".
We should go in and take a look.
Did you see? That Sherlock Holmes book was signed by Arthur C. Doyle, XIX century.
- Yep. The real deal. - Yeah.
I'm buying a Masonic book and candle.
- What for? - Dunno.
You're no Freemason, you're just a hillbilly!
They could invite me to join them!
Look at that! Doesn't it look like a Pixar thing?
Why?
Those pidgeons...
They're just waiting for people to pass!
"Aim for the baldie!"
- Watch out, guys. - Oh, those naughty pidgeons...
Oh, I don't wanna!
- Careful... - You gotta be fast!
- Careful... - Careful...
We survived!
Oh, man! Look, they're following us!
We fell into their trap!
The good thing about Venice is that it's a city that's aware about the environment.
Look what they do to the pidgeons.
- Look! - Oh my God!
That's for impaling pidgeons in case they try to perch there.
- Or build nests. - That's right!
I would do the same! Pidgeons are disgusting!
ST MARK'S SQUARE
ST MARK'S CLOCK (WORLD'S FIRST DIGITAL CLOCK)
Where's your Ezio outfit?
- Yeah! You should've brought it! - Yeah, right.
Here's so many people, you would at least be able to walk among them.
Jovem Nerd is out! He didn't have the guts!
- There's too little room there! - ...to make like in Assassin's Creed!
- They're really next to each other! - Didn't have the guts!
Not even Ezio himself would've passed through that crowd!
I could simply get closer and blend in. Wanna see?
That guy over there got you.
ST MARK'S BASILICA
Those mosaics are all carved in gold, bronze and gems.
They're so tiny, you can barely notice them.
Look at the level of detail on that.
No, no, woman. No! Not the pidgeon!
- Gross! - Ew, gross!
Yeah, right! Just rub it off!
They're laughing now, but tomorrow they'll be in an ICU!
YOU, YOUNG MEN! STOP THAT SHIT NOW!!
YOU, YOUNG MEN! STOP THAT FAD NOW!!
- Picture those guys with rats all over them. - Yeah, right!
"Yay guys, this is so cool!"
Pidgeons are rats with wings!
They're just as filthy.
Look, a trained pidgeon!
He must be thinking it's a parrot or something.
- No, that's really a pidgeon. They're everywhere. - They're rats!
That's no parrot, dude.
Yeah, now you're clean. You may now touch your mouth and eyes.
Scratch your eye now!
We were considering climbing that tower...
...to check the view, but somebody suggested something else.
There are no elevators in that tower.
No Deive, they must have installed one by now.
- They did! - Mr. Otis (elevator manufacturer) put one.
- Mr. Otis, help me, please! - No... There probably aren't any.
Let's go check it out then.
That is the church that was used in The Last Crusade.
Actually, in the movie, it became a library,
where Indiana Jones finds the X.
Where's the manhole?
I think this is the camera angle.
He comes out of a manhole.
The only manhole I saw was a square one, over there.
But the manhole from the movie was round, so I don't know how they did that.
Hollywood.
Hollywood magic. "How 'bout you stand over here in this set..."
"...and we just put the church behind you?" That's probably what happened.
Maybe he wasn't even here.
There's a gondolier over there offering gondola rides.
Not for me or Deive, he doesn't.
He knows better.
- He didn't?? - He doesn't want any extra work.
When Deive and I pass by a gondolier, he freezes.
He just pretend he's a statue.
He doesn't want any extra work.
Check it out. I'll pass in front of him... Shhh! He won't even way a word!
C'mon, let's go walk in front of the gondolier.
It's none of his business!
I told ya so! They don't want any extra work!
They look at us and say, "No, no heavy duty for me, thanks!"
Dammit! So the gondolier carries all those people, but not me and Deive?!
Look! All those people and he's afraid of us!
And now, we're going to go on a gondola ride!
And the gondola is going to hold all of us. I asked!
Right now, it smells a little bit like sewer.
I can't breathe!
It's like somebody pooped here.
What's the movie where spirits come from down here and take people away?
- People jump into the water. - Because of the smell!
The legend is true after all!
Funny, when we were on the streets, it didn't smell like that.
When you get into the lagoon, you smell it.
It smells like shit so much... It's like somebody just pooped!
Do this, Agatha!
Now it's better.
- Yeah. - Before this point...
It was just that specific part.
People who live over there poop more often.
They should do like at Disney,
where they use those water thingies on the bridge,
to take out those who are on the gondola.
- Everything here is so beautiful! - It makes me want to paint a picture!
If I knew how to paint, that is.
It makes me want to become a writer, smoke a cigarette, drink absinthe...
...and live in one of these houses.
- Look who's there! - It makes me want to be a millionaire,...
...come to Venice and enjoy it.
Too bad you're not!
Oh, Venice!
I'm in love with Venice, man!
I would so go back there! We did it on one day, walked a hell of a lot...
- We gotta go back there. - I will, when I go back to Bassano...
- Giuseppe, we will be back! - Venice, my heart is there, too.
So, this week's Venitian question...
Venetian!
Shut it, please!
Uhhh...
Uhhh...
Uhhh...
Well, Gaveta...
This week's question will be by Gaveta!
No, poor Gaveta!
We're not creative, but we shouldn't just have him do it!
What's good for coughing, hoarseness...
That's this week's question!
Okay! Let's have Gaveta ask the question after all.
Gaveta, make up some question.
"INCEPTION MOMENT!"
"When your boss asks you to make up a question, what do you tell him/her?"
WHAT OTHER CRACKLE MOVIE SHOULD WE USE ON THE NEXT SPOILER ZONE?
ZOMBIE STRIPPERS (LOTS OF NERDS)
RED SANDS (WILIAN1305A/85211100)
SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL (LOTS OF NERDS)
*subtitles by Fabio Lima* @fabiopl
Let's go. What?
- What! NerdOffice! What else?! - Oh!
What? We're on a trip, in Venice...
...some guy grabs a camera to film, what?
But that's usually when there's something funny going on!
Well, now there is!