Il Ladro e il Ciabattino

INFERNAL FUNSUBS presents
It is written among the limitless constellations of the celestial heavens
and in the depths of the emerald seas
and upon every grain of sand in the vast deserts
that the world which we see
is an outward and visible dream
of an inward and invisible reality.
Once upon a time
there was a golden city
In the centre of the golden city
atop the tallest minaret
were three golden balls.
The ancients had prophesied
that if the three golden balls were ever taken away
harmony would yield to discord
and the city would fall to destruction and death.
But...
the mystics had also foretold
that the city might be saved
by the simplest soul
with the smallest and simplest of things.
In the city there dwelt a lowly shoemaker...
...who was known as Tack the Cobbler.
Also in the city...
existed a Thief...
Who shall be nameless.
Have no fear! Have no fear!
Zigzag the Grand Vizier is near!
Have no fear! Have no fear!
Zigzag the Grand Vizier is near!
Yeeeeoooowwww!
Seize him! Take him! Seize him! Take him!
Take him! Seize him! Take him! Seize him!
Take him into the palace!
Wake - wake - father!
Er...er...oh!
Something's happening!
Oh Great King Nod - have no fear! Zigzag your Grand Vizier is here!
Oh...it's you...Zigzag...
And now - Oh Greatest of the Great! To rest you from affairs of State -
I've searched the world and brought you thence
at no little effort and great expense
a plaything from far south of Gaza
A bountiful Maiden from Mombassa!
Mombassa?
Oh... Father.
Who is this?
Oh Greatest King of all the Earth! This low-born cobbler of no worth
attacked me in the square today! shall we take his head away?
uh?.. no.. yes, Zigzag ...if you really...think so...
But what has he done?
Attacked me!
Really?
Yesss.
You great fool!
What? What? What?
At the moment...Daddy...I need a cobbler
Oh, yes, of course...
Of course...Oh Rose of the Land. Your slightest whim is my command.
Er...Cobbler...go with Princess Yumyum...
Open for the Royal Polo Ponies!
The nice young man is fixing your slippers, my dear?
Yes, Nanny.
Cobbler... What's your name?
Tack?! Is that your name?
Tack.
Your bath is ready, my dear!
Where is my backscratcher?
Oh... Well... I have another.
What's happening to me?
Ew. Maybe the pipes are backed up.
Maybe something died.
Aha! You've finished Yumyum's shoe! You've done it very well!
And now she has no need of you, we'll put you in a cell!
Oh Imperial Majesty!
Yes, yes, Zigzag...
From farthest Cathay at my bidding was sent the best polo ponies of the Orient.
Very nice...
To please King Nod beloved by all
Commence the game!
In short - PLAY BALL!
Father, Father...
...Oh?
Do you know where my Cobbler has gone to?
What? Er, no - isn't he with you? ...Fixing your shoe?
He seems to have vanished.
Oh! What a wonderful swing, oh King!
Yes... Oh, yes...
Oh, wisest of Rulers!
Happy is the Kingdom
in this milk and honeyed land!
Happy are the subjects who live beneath your hand!
We rejoice at all around us as this beauteous evening falls,
safe beneath the sure protection of the Ancient Golden Balls!
One-Eyes! One-Eyes!
One-Eyes win again!
One-Eyes! One-Eyes!
I shall gnaw the Golden City to the bone
and I shall spit it out!
No one is left alive to warn them!
One-Eyes! One-Eyes!
The day of death has come to the Golden Land!
And I shall conquer the Golden City!
I shall trample and break them!
And not show pity!
No man escapes the Mighty One-Eye!
Sleep...Sleep...Sleep! They sleep...they sleep...they're all asleep!
But I am quite awake!
Eh, Phido?
I rise above the human heap!
The world is mine to take!
Eh, Phido?
Men are fools who walk in dreams...
...they sleep their lives away!
But I, Zigzag, will reign supreme!
For they are easy prey...
Eh, Phido?
For I intend to take as wife...
...the daughter of the King!
And with her as my Royal Bride
I'll rule in public sight -
With Princess Yumyum at my side
the crown is mine by right!
Eh, Phido?
Poor Phido! How could I forget?
I fear you haven't eaten yet.
For you dear bird, a special treat -
For breakfast you'll have Cobbler meat! (laughs)
Thief! Thief! Stop thief!
You can have the head to start, then the neck, and then the heart.
Such a tasty little man - Eh, my flying garbage can?
There's your breakfast, Phido dear. You can eat him up right here.
Zigzag! Zigzag! Get me Zigzag! Now!
Zigzag! Zigzag! Zigzag! Zigzag! The King wants Zigzag now!
Oh ffffffffPhido! Affairs of State!
I fear your breakfast will have to wait!
Coming, your Majesty! Coming!
Oh Great King Nod - have no fear! Zigzag your Grand Vizier is here!
Death and destruction, Zigzag! My Kingdom will come to destruction and death!
Be calm, Serene Highness.
You must catch your breath. What dawn of disaster?
Why speak you of death?
I've had a dream. A nightmare! No! A vision! A vision of invasion!
An entire race of one-eyed men!
And death... everywhere!
Excellent Majesty! Ruler Supreme!
I can safely assure you a dream's just a dream...
I saw it! I'll tell you!
Calm down, your Highness. Invaders? One-eyed?
But this is against what has been prophesied.
For has it not been written - we are safe from any threat
as long as those Three Golden Balls are on the minaret?
What if the balls are taken away?
A way has never been found to take them away.
What freak of nature could ever get up to the top of that minaret?
BLOOD! FIRE! CATASTROPHE! CALAMITY!
Highness! Calm thy fear! Such things could never happen here!
Such things have never happened!
Well, they haven't happened yet!
Can't you see? The Golden Balls are safe atop the minaret!
I just have this feeling...
It's not time to get up. Too early to rise.
Too early to open the King's sleepy eyes.
Wake! Wake, father! Something's happening!
Is this opportunity ringing?
I think there are some balls you should be bringing...
Get those balls! Keep out of sight!
Bring them to me late tonight!
One...One...One...Eye...
One? Eye?
is coming!
One Eye?
Eye?
ONE EYE!!!
THE BALLS ARE GONE!
MY KINGDOM WILL COME TO DESTRUCTION AND DEATH!
My loyal generals! My brave soldiers! The Three Golden Balls have gone!
Our City faces invasion!
The Mighty One-Eye is coming!
Take up your positions!
With my blessing.
Nanny, where could my Cobbler be?
Try the prison...
What? Oh no!
What goes on in this palace!
Oh I see who did it!
Get away - bird of evil!
Get back to your master's tower!
Gone...
Thief! Thief!
Thief! Thief!
Gentlemen! Gentlemen! What a delight!
We'll let this be our little secret...
All right?
I'll rule the land... After one little thing.
Now that I have the balls, I will go see the King!
Have no fear! Zigzag, your Grand...
You're here, Zigzag! But where are the balls?
Magicked away, my lord...
Magicked away! Oh no...
Oh, you mustn't look so tragic -
I am not unschooled in magic.
You?
Alakazam!
Observe!
That's something...
You see, I can restore you the Gold Balls, though they be lost.
I'll give you anything, Zigzag! Just do it!
As my peril will be dire... you must grant my heart's desire!
Which is...?
I require, Sire, your daughter, Yumyum, to wed.
You...want...my...DAUGHTER?
NEVER!
... Never?
NEVER! EVER!
GET OUT! OUT!
Well, I just thought I'd ask...
We'll see who wins at the end of the day!
We'll see who ends up grieving!
I'll go to the One-Eyes right away.
I'm taking my balls and leaving!
Magicked... The Witch!
Get me my daughter!
Beautiful... Princess... Yumyum!
How can we help, Daddy?
You must get away.
I've got to stay and fight.
Listen carefully.
The Golden Balls have been magicked away!
Magicked?
We have one chance.
There is a mad and holy old Witch, who dwells at the top of the desert mountain...
You must go and seek out out this Witch!
Perhaps she can tell us how the City can be saved.
Had I a son, I would send him on this perilous journey.
Father, I can handle it!
My princess, I hardly know you. So brave ...
just like your dear mother was!
Very well. You will go.
Look here...
At the foot of the desert mountain...
...is a golden idol with a priceless ruby set in its forehead.
When the desert sun is directly overhead,
the reflection of the ruby falls upon a hidden door to a path up the mountain.
Yes, father.
Then you must cross the great desert. Go now!
Father, we need a guide!
Yes, but who?
I know who.
How did you get free?
Him? The Cobbler?
He's resourceful.
Can you trust him?
Yes.
Oh my darling, take care.
Times has changed.
It was different then.
Things is not what they used to be, you know.
There's a caravan coming! Here comes a caravan!
Ah, will you stop going on?
Chieftain!
It is a caravan!
Caravan?...
A caravan!!!
Food!
Drink!
Women!
What is it that we do now?
May I remind you, Gentlemen, that when in doubt...
...consult...
The Brigands' Handbook!
'Tis the Book! 'Tis the Book...of words!
Ca..ra..van... Caravan!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!
HAAAAAAAAALT!
Who are you?
Well...er...I am Roofless. The Chieftain!
And this is my band of Brigands.
I am the Princess Yumyum - Daughter of your King!
And that's my Nurse you're sitting on.
Your country is in great danger!
I hereby declare you my Royal Guard!
Royal guard, boys!
You will accompany us on our perilous journey to save our Golden Land!
The camp of the One-Eyes! How very nice!
Perhaps they'll be willing to pay my price!
I'll have these barbarians kissing my feet.
And maybe we'll find you something to eat!
Eh, Phido?
Gentlemen! Gentlemen! What a delight!
To meet you all here on such a fine night!
Throne!
Phido!
Who dares enter the camp of the Mighty One-Eye?
Oh, Mighty One-Eye, I...I...I am Zigzag the Great!
Of the Golden Land!
And..?
I am a magician - a sorcerer too!
And I'm in a position, I think, to serve you!
Sorcerer?
I conjure demons!
Charm beasts!
And birds of prey, too!
Phido!
But as you will see - that's not all I can do!
I have power over people,though they may appear complex.
For me they fall like playing cards.
And I control the decks!
But all this is nothing,
for now in my hand
is the very key to the Golden Land!
For no man can take it - no matter how great -
unless he possesses these Three Balls of Fate!
You say you can charm beasts?
Throw him to the alligators.
My friends...
it grieves me to see you fed on persons like me with no meat!
Just help me a little and I won't forget
to serve you each day a surprise
that is plump, portly, paunchy, and FAT! FAT! FAAAAAAAT!
Magic! 'Tis magic!
Ah ... er... Princess ... perhaps me and my men ought to be stayin' here?
Yes, Roofless. You stay here.
Magic from another world!
Royal guard?! Phh...
My friends...
My friends...
Careful, Tack.
Oh Tack, I knew you'd get us here!
Giant bird! Giant bird!
Oh Mad and Holy Old Witch?
I am Princess Yumyum of the Golden City.
Our Golden City is going to be under attack!
My father says you could tell us how we can save our city!
We'll pay.
Ok.
Anyone here who can save your City ... Eenie, meenie, miney, mo!
Tack!
Can Tack save our City?
He's got a big heart...
Tack, how do you feel about it?
Money in front!
A-a-a-a-a-ah! For you I will make special price!
And take a special trip!
Mystic fumes...
Show me the way, show me...
Match... match...
A tack... See? But ... it's what you DO with what you GOT!
GO HOME! NOWWWWWWWWWWW!
Faster! Faster! Take me to your master!
One mistake will suffice!
Don't treat me lightly twice!
Take me to your master!
Gentlemen! We must return at once!
Your majesty... if there's one thing myself and my men are good at...
Good at?
We are good at making a getaway!
We're good at running!
Away!
Except for the Princess - that we agreed!
She is the price for my traitorous deed!
Their soldiers will cower behind these walls
when they see that we have the Three Golden Balls.
Tomorrow... I strike!
And you shall ride at the front... Sorcerer.
Take the right flank! You the left flank! Right turret! Gate! Drawbridge! You take the women, children!
Get the doctors ready.
Faster! Faster - you fools! Fasteeeeerrr!
This is One-Eye magic, Sorcerer!
It must be the One-Eyes!
MOVE IT BOYS!
ONE-EYES! ATTACK!
Oh, my God! My daughter!
My daughter! My daughter! Oh, my God! My child!
Help me! Help me to help her!
Tack! Please! No!
Oh, Tack!
The Cobbler.
Taaaaaack!
Oh Tack! My wonderful Cobbler!
Taaack! Taaaaaaack!
Taaack!
The greatest wizard has to know exactly when it's time to go - O-O-OOOOOH!
My friends, my friends, are you still here?
I haven't fed you yet, I fear!
Oh! My bottom! Oh! My top! Greedies! Don't you ever stop!
You too, Phido? Man's best friend?
For Zigzag then, it is the end.
Oh, my God!
Oh Tack! My Cobbler!
My daughter! My wonderful daughter!
The Prophecy is fulfilled!
The City owes you a great debt of gratitude, oh Cobbler!
How can we ever repay you?
Father...
I love you...
I... love you!
Subtitles prepared: tetsue edited: Alone Coder