Warpaint Story - Resignate

Uploaded by iamapartyiamaparty on 08.04.2011

bjbj Resignate the cat looks at me longingly but I don t know why I walk around the house
all day and wonder how the years go by so fast dan marino is talking about the super
bowl I look around when I wait on the corner for the walk signal where is all this taking
me what is my place in this world of live coach audio and tweets from the end zone I
sing the song of the quiet question with my face these dangling pans shake when the train
goes by I pet the paws and the cat jumps from my lap to the hardwood two detectives walk
quickly through the station the styrofoam cup isn t going anywhere for a long time and
I relate to that the fingers touch the pieces on this game board the player says check and
is certain it is almost over I am in the blimp circling slowly replying to radio signals
from the tower on the mountain over there I touch the shirt sleeves where are you where
is the warm blood flow I have let you slip by I have let you pass with little effort
to stop you did I miss my chance already I have signed a lifetime lease on loneliness
and shoves in the mornings I look for any possible reason to miss work am I sick is
my car stuck I will do anything and I commiserate in the lobby of the hotel with the salesman
from oracle who is trying to watch the last quarter of the game the sheep drives the car
to prove to you to buy a car I wait for the all white eagles to rotate around the price
before shutting off the set and looking for my boots to leave this place and go to the
drive through where I will question my life again when I order the number ten and try
to find a drink without caffeine so I can get to sleep for once without seeing that
ghost out of the corner of my eye that hovering figure that keeps me away and hoping for steve
jobs to appear in my dreams again and remind me of the call of the it that I must focus
on to make this life worth anything otherwise I m fading just another social media begging
for a comment wasting my imaginative powers by imagining you naked and telling you lies
I am standing on the hill in kneepads there is no rolling down today there is only the
view from the peak the mystic steps out of the teepee in the middle of the amusement
park to part the cardboard sea and lean against the set once everyone has left he cleans up
a little he smokes a cigarette in the doorway under the streetlight pyramid surrounded by
sand viewed from a distance meaningless sequence of numbers noted on an instruction manual
in the empty apartment left behind after the blast after the upwards motions of stationary
objects I touch the bill of my cap and pull it towards my eyes you say can t you see it
I say yes yes of course but you know I don t want to the feeling will not go away something
rotates in front of the explosion and nears the ground the cars pass by every now and
then barely plowed streets surround this building for miles those damn candy bars stay in the
box on the shelf where the television draws attention away from the radio I have this
overwhelming urge to do great things immediately and find some way around the simple decay
that waits and surges I see horns reflecting under the spotlight somewhere bees still buzz
but not in this dark room did I miss it did I miss it I am afraid I missed it while we
drove I dozed and drifted I can feel low elevation in my ears it makes me want to go back to
sleep I want to say something to you but I feel like I am not allowed I am exiled from
talking to you maybe I will tell you there is way too much whipped cream on my hot chocolate
but just as I open my mouth a nail punctures the tire I hear the pop through the window
even the sad state of the constantconstant will stop eventually but what will it make
of us slow breathing I hop over the barrel in a sack towards the line of trees the flag
is not swaying but it is sturdy in the ground it is so late I am too late the tides have
turned against me I know it I can feel it without trying it comes for me I am resigned
to lean against my walls and hope for erosion I feel the claws through my jeans my cat is
speaking to me again I stand in front of the desk with the letter I resign I resign and
accept the way things will be there are changes and they are too powerful to ignore the diversions
that are everywhere we all have the amenities of celebrities and the networks that share
us what else can we do in a world of such loneliness and desperation loudly updated
hourly with some branding to attract I am not a banker but sometimes I eat bread the
color of the roof of your mouth is what I think of when I am biting and food touches
just slightly inside I sit on the hill and look toward the city I can hear those distant
wheels I can hear you telling me get down from there you gunn break your neck I can
see you through the water it is calming to have you here I hate to see those emails I
need to unwind the sound of the cannons is what I think of when I drop the bag of cans
I learned so much on purpose only to unlearn it on purpose the cat is asleep in the chair
the fox runs through the tall grass hidden like a propelled set of shining eyes nearing
I have had enough I have had it up to here with this nonsense I am really sick of it
the crushing of the spirit this is what lifelike becomes so sinister and demanding I know there
are ulterior motives every meeting is a performance review I touch the office chair all day just
to be another internal complaining but it is just the rage of the call the rage of it
grinding against my heart I have been cut off long enough that I have forgotten what
is good and what is just the sickness so I go ahead and bob I ban writing from my life
I ban it forever every day with the slouch and buttons where has my heart gone where
has it gone I feel it like a hang nail telling me no no more you have worn me down with this
what do I do from here the new things aren t so new just daunting chains sway in the
dark barn it is the wind it is just the wind kittens circle on boxes in unison then sit
down I am sympathy when I hear that sound in your voice I am bowing however I can and
my nose is touching your foot there are cheers coming from the tv in the other room I don
t know what to make of it none of it I flounder in dialy life I am lunch and back to work
clean cut and intent on pleasing how did I get here oh god good how buckets of dinner
I am just a wiggling in your heart a minute defect that brings twitch oh sorry so so sorry
for your luck every day is the part of the story where I want to break out of this pattern
and find new things out there but the pull is relentless and the bills are still there
I must work before freedoming this is what I tell myself but I will always worry until
my day comes that I did not follow the call and that I am wasting with this useless stuff
I cannot retreat I must integrate I must find a way to keep up the war while paying the
bills there will be no other way I am of the daily struggle and I witness the moose next
to the road when the moose shadow distracts the driver into the tree misdirection happens
everyday we are the worlds most powerful magicians there are birds on the ground and in the tree
and on the wire I am blinded by the reflections on the wishing fountain she has that sound
in her voice that sound of knowing what she is doing will lead to pain and delay but there
is no stopping it these urges to near pieces of paper slide out of the receipt machine
thirty crabs leaving tiny swipes in the sand ogre s ears that hear the sound we make when
we are caught in the web of the giant spider it must have been a plan I like to watch balloons
rise because it makes me feel like I am shrinking these elevator doors take too long to close
so I hold the button down one cat scratches on the window while the other circles on the
cardboard dick van dyke will find out what is going on it is getting late work tomorrow
work tomorrow always to the grind sensations at the office often make my body tighten like
it was getting smaller and heart squashing I fear disease I imagine various disastrous
futures you will find your love and I will shipwreck I fear the simple things that become
uncontrollable the ribbon loosens on the maypole and tangles I knnnowwww it will all be all
right no matter what happens that is what I am resigned to it is what makes me shrug
the cat is circling my chair sometimes he stops to stare at me he reaches up and claws
into my leg I pull away and say quietly annoyed I stare at the cat until he is distracted
and he looks at the wall for a long time today I handed in my two week notice no one talked
to me the rest of the day I head shake and sigh and shrug but the call was looking at
me from a distance and I had never seen it from so far away when I get up close I say
it took me a while to recognize you confidant but here you are at last I will search for
grace in this wreckage I am not pinned by the pylon I was napping and I woke up and
said no thanks no need slight gesture of the hand and the python lets go it eats my cell
phone and leaves I would rather just hold your hand and figure things out let s go for
a walk when the electricity goes out I pay the bill and the next day it is back on someone
is driving on the wrong side of the highway the police are lit up behind her and two more
are coming toward her I will add one more dr pepper to my life today and spend two dollars
cash then I take my exit and head for the hill to swing in the tire and make paper airplanes
out of this rolodex or ball them up and throw them through the tire and all the floating
contacts are so peaceful in the cold PAGE PAGE &`#$ gdY' gdY' the cat looks at me longingly
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