A Midsummer Byte's Dream - Part 1

Uploaded by cchanak on 16.09.2009

Now is the winter of our discontent Made glorious summer by this term of work;
And all the texts that lour'd upon our house In the deep bosom of the bookstore shelved.
Now are our brows bound with victorious grades; Our stern reports changed to merry drinking,
Our dreadful coding to glorious gaming!
But I, that am not shaped for sportive tricks, Nor made to court an amourous looking glass;
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature, Deformed, unfinish'd, sent before my time
So lamely and unfashionable That camels spit as I halt by them;
And therefore, since I cannot prove a lover, To entertain these fair well-spoken days,
I am determined to prove an engineer
And hate the idle pleasures of these days.
Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous, By drunken prophecies, libels and dreams,
To set my brother Comp Sci and the Dean In deadly hate the one against the other:
And if King Lynch be as just and true As I am subtle, false, and treacherous,
Then this day should Comp Sci be closely mew'd up, About a prophecy, which says that 'CompE'
Of King Lynch's heirs the murderer shall be.
Dive thoughts, down to my soul: Here,
Comp Sci comes.
My skull had a brain in it, and could write once: How the Faculty jowls it to the ground, as if it were
Cain's jaw-bone, that did the first murder! It might be the pate of a politician, one this ass
now o'er-reaches, that would circumvent God, would it not?
Be you Comp Sci, or be you heathen?
Be civil! Or, if thou wouldst not, then hold thine heretic's tongue!
I am not so much tech support, as I am manager,
And I am not so much socially inept, as I am drunk!
I have not gone to such great lengths to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world,
Only to be confused with the likes of you!
So, let it be made clear that we are not so much Computer Scientist
as we are Computer Engineer!
And it is clearly seen !
You are not so much manager, as you are unemployed,
And you are not so much modest, as you are an arrogant ass.
How now, sirrah! You do these hardworking engineers injustice.
Having the better faculties to join a better faculty, I do retort!
Your faculty hardworking? Hardly.
Get thee to ETLC! Go thy ways to ETLC!
Ooh! We shall settle this feud as to which BS is harder to acquire--
Yours, the Computing Science,
or ours, the Computer Engineering!
Well then, muse away. Te us a story of why you have the right to strut like a goose.
Ay! I shall begin with a prophecy.
Where hast thou been, sister?
Drinking wine.
So foul and fair a grade I have not seen.
So, you passed, then?
God grant that some, closer in failing thought, than in failure,
Deserve not more than a wretched EE.
How far is it to Forestry? What are these So wither'd and wild in their attire,
That look not like inhabitants o' the earth, And yet are on it? You should be women,
Yet your beards forbid me to interpret That you are so.
Hail! Hail!
Is there not a third among you?
She failed.
Thou shalt get assignments, though thou do none.
So all hail, CompE and EE!
Hey guys, did you get the answer to the one on BJTS, question 2 b?
To be?
No, I just left the question blank.
Oh, okay, thanks.
Who was that guy?
I don't know, he sits beside me in 350 and asks me questions about the assignment.
Will you look at that! The future has a Gaussian distribution!
Witches forbode your failure? Pray thee, tell a better story, or we shall know
that Comp Sci, not CompE, is the true wizard.
Midnight labs eave many in a fragile and pungent state.
Even yesterday, a vulture of a man tried to gain advantage over my sister.
Wanna buy some poison?
Osmium tetraoxide. Pure stuff! Lifetime guarantee.
Not interested, eh? How about a love potion?
Guaranteed to work! Almost as good as the poison!
And if it doesn't, I've got broken hearts. Half off!
Is this a TI that I see before me, keypad towards my hand?
Come! Let me clutch thee!
I have thee not, yet I see thee still!
She did runn'st away! My faculty would lead even you to death!