Massholes Episode 12: Patriots vs Ravens Hangova


Uploaded by LOUD on 24.01.2013

Transcript:
KENNY: [SIGH]
It's just a tough day for us.
I don't know.
We suffered a tragedy back home last night.
We're just all trying to deal with it the best way we can.

Fucking Patriots.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Oh, shit.
Patriots.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Go Patriots.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Oh, yeah.
JIMMY: Oh, oh.
It is a good day to be a Patriots fan right now.
We went to a Ravens bar just to obnoxious.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Let's go Ravens.
Let's go Ravens.
JIMMY: Fuck you.
-Fuck you.
JIMMY: Fuck your mother.
[CROWD CHEERING]
JIMMY: Out to an early lead, bet the house on them.
Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Let's go, Ravens.
Let's go, Ravens.
[CROWD CHEERING]
JIMMY: [SIGH]
Plenty of time--
I'm going to lose everything.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Let's go, Ravens.
Let's go, Ravens.
[CROWD CHEERING]
JIMMY: I don't know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to skip town.
Jimmy Nine Fingers is not a good nickname.
They're going to break my kneecaps.
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Asshole.
Asshole.
Asshole.
Asshole.
PADDY: Oh, yeah.
Real funny, fucking Raven fans.
Huh?
Let's see how funny it is when I pull a Ray Lewis and put one
of you in my fucking trunk.
-Let's go, Ravens.
Let's go, Ravens.
BRENT: This is too much.
This is a little crazy.
I don't know.
[CROWD CHEERING]
PADDY: Look, I hate all the fucking Ravens fans, but that
little fucking twerp with that smirk on his face.
I swear to God.
He's going to get it.
BRENT: Goofy bastard.
[CROWD CHEERING]
BRENT: Are you OK with Baltimore fans?
[CROWD CHEERING]
-Shout outs to all my haters, boo.
Get that on camera, boo.
BRENT: Baltimore fans are scary.
I don't like them.
And Paddy he just won't stop drinking.
I don't know what he's going to do.
He's off the grid.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[POLICE SIRENS]
PADDY: Hey, that's what happens when Massholes fight.
It's going to happen when Patriots lose.
What?
KENNY: Yeah, so I didn't get to watch the game yesterday
with my boys.
I was choreographing for the ASU Cheerleading Squad, and I
got stuck in the fucking Phoenix Airport
watching the game.
Currently at the Phoenix Airport watching the
game with this guy.
He's a fucking beaut.
[SIGH]
I wish the Patriots scored as much as I did this weekend.

BRENT: Oh.
This is the worst morning ever.
I don't have my bandana, can't find my bandana anywhere.
Paddy, I need my bandana.
I need to look for my bandana.
PADDY: Yeah.
Yeah.
I fucking know the Patriots lost, all right?
I fucking figured when I woke up so hungover.
Get away.
Get away from me, weirdo.
[SIGH]
I didn't hurt anyone too bad last night, did I?
MAGGIE: When the Pats lose, I tend to take
it like a bad breakup--
gain 10 pounds, and let's just say, I'll be burying more
dudes than just Ben & Jerry.
BRENT: Look, I need to wear it.
I need to have it.
There is no Brent McMasters without his bandana.
I'm like Dumbo without his feather.
I just can't fly.
PADDY: You knocked over a puke bucket.
BRENT: That's a puke bucket.
JIMMY: Someone threw up in that.
PADDY: Who do you mean someone?
You?
JIMMY: I don't remember much of the
night after the Patriots.
PADDY: Dude, I blacked the fuck out.
Why does our phones been ringing?
I've got 47 missed calls.
JIMMY: Oh, it's probably the bookie.
I put everything we had on it.
PADDY: We didn't have anything to begin with.
JIMMY: [SIGH]
My bookie keeps calling me.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
I bet the house on the Patriots.
It was a lock.
I'm sure I'll sell some more Kenny Wormald "Footloose"
posters, but last time I did that I made $6,
so we are in trouble.
Oh, fuck.
PADDY: Who the fuck is knocking on the door?
JIMMY: This is serious.
My bookie's been calling.
My bookie's been calling, and I can't pay.
MAGGIE: Those fucking huge guys?
JIMMY: I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
PADDY: Go away.
JEREMY: Guys, what the fuck?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Get up.
Guys, I've been calling you all morning.
PADDY: Jeremy?
JEREMY: Paddy.
Jimmy.
JIMMY: What are you dong here?
JEREMY: Hello, Mr. Wormald.
JEREMY: I just a promotion to junior assistant.
So this time around, I'm going to be a little bit more
assertive with Jimmy and Paddy.
What the fuck are you guys doing?
Are you still fucking drinking?
PADDY: If you touch my Jameson, I'll rip your arm off
and beat your ass to death with it.
JIMMY: Do you know what happened yesterday?
The Patriots lost.
We're in grieving.
KENNY: Jeremy, get the fuck out of my house.
JEREMY: Yes, I will in two seconds.
JIMMY: Jeremy, you scared the shit out of me.
JEREMY: Promise me that you're going to go to your audition.
MAGGIE: That's not going to happen.
PADDY: Just fucking leave.
JIMMY: Yeah.
KENNY: Go.
JIMMY: What'd you go to a fucking Men's Warehouse?
JEREMY: Yes.
You know, I got a raise.
KENNY: Jeremy, get the fuck out of my house.
JEREMY: Yes, no problem, Mr. Wormald.
JIMMY: You're going to like the way you look.
I guarantee it.
PADDY: It looks fucking stupid.
JEREMY: OK, maybe not too assertive.
[MOANING]
KENNY: What the fuck was that?
[BANGING]
PADDY: Is that your fucking bookie again, Jimmy?
KENNY: What the fuck?
JIMMY: That's coming from the bathroom.
Guys, my bookie's in the bathroom, so that's good.
MAGGIE: Oh my God.
[BANGING]
KENNY: What the?
[MOANING]
-I need help.
I need help.
I need help.
I don't remember doing that.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BRENT: Oh.
Cut.
There's my bandana.
-Get it off me.
BRENT: No, I need this back.
You can't have this.
-What the hell?
Who are you guys?