CGRundertow Z.H.P: UNLOSING RANGER VS. DARKDEATH EVILMAN for PSP Video Game Review


Uploaded by CGRundertow on 24.07.2012

Transcript:
THE WORLD IS IN DESPAIR! Darkdeath Evilman has come to Earth, and has taken hostage the
Super Baby, prophesied savior of mankind! Only one hero has the guts to stand up to
this massive challenge, and that hero... just got hit by a car. Because he overslept. Because
his mommy didn’t wake him up for the battle to decide the fate of the world. With his
dying breath, he entrusts his transformation belt to you, an innocent bystander (and yes,
the name does default to “Main Character.”), who goes up against this terrifying evil...
and promptly gets his ass handed to him. Thus, with humanity doomed, the game ends. And then
the first level starts. It’s the kind of half-paradoxical, half-nutjobness that could
only come from the twisted minds at Nippon-Ichi. And that’s only the beginning.
Y’see, there’s a Bizarro Earth. And it’s used as a training ground for superheroes.
Etranger, a clock-clad, lop-eared stranger, takes it upon herself to whip you into shape
so you can go back down to earth and give that Duckman Daredevil what for. You’re
welcome to use any of the facilities of her base, including a body-modification parlor,
blacksmith’s shop for repairing weapons, and... oh, you’ve also got a wife and child,
graciously donated by the facility staff. Sure, your wife is a Prinny, but stop complaining.
You’re supposed to be a hero! Once you’re settled, it’s time to beef yourself up by
grinding through randomly-generated dungeon after randomly-generated dungeon, which should
be familiar to anyone who’s played any roguelikes, such as the Mystery Dungeon series (Pokemon
or Chocobos, your choice.) Unlike many roguelikes, though, death is anything but permanent. After
all, you’re the Unlosing Ranger! You do lose all your items (except your cape, ‘natch)
and have to start again from the first floor at level 1, but any levels you gain are banked
into your “Total Level,” which determines your base stats as well as how much they increase
at each level-up. As you’d expect from a Disgaea-ish game, there’s lots of stats
to manage and techniques to master, so you’re either going to bleed from the ears and pass
out or have a great time working out the complexities of the system.
I have infinite respect for any game that can make a triple-layer Ultraman/Dragon Ball/Ranma
½ reference, all in the space of one dialog box. Never mind that when it’s time to go
toe to toe with Wholewheat Evilbran himself, things get decidedly retro. You need to save
people in dungeons, to attract corporate sponsors, to offset the cost of better graphics, after
all! So what are you waiting for? If you scoff at brutal difficulty, if you’re in need
of a bit of genrebending humor, if you’re the one dentist out of five that DOESN’T
prefer Crelm toothpaste, it’s time to fulfill your destiny! Go! Unlosing Ranger! AND LOOK
BOTH WAYS THIS TIME, DUMBASS!