The Dark Lord: 53% Machine, Total Badass - Space Janitors: Episode Four [Official HD Version]


Uploaded by geekandsundry on 04.12.2012

Transcript:

LIEUTENANT TANNIS: Who was it?
Which one of you malfunctioning pukes?
It was you, wasn't it?

Six months in the gas mines for all of you.
Someone's career in defacing restroom walls is over.
And for the record, my mother has no dick for you
to punch her in.
DALLAS: But six months, sir?
Come on.
We're the best deck crew on the station.
LIEUTENANT TANNIS: What I'm hearing, is that you're not
accustomed to the kind of hard leadership that keeps the
galaxy in order.
You know, the gas mines will do you good.
How do you think I made Lieutenant at my age?
You see, I was once mistaken about a great many things.
DARK LORD: Lieutenant Tannis.
LIEUTENANT TANNIS: Dark Lord!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yes, my Lord?
DARK LORD: Why is the hyper-drive on my shuttle not
yet operational?
LIEUTENANT TANNIS: The part is on its way from the
distribute--
[GAGGING]
DARK LORD: You have failed me for the last time.
[CHOKING]
[LAUGHTER]
WALMSLEY: Damn.

[MACHINE BEEPING]
REVUS: You know, you're not supposed to choke for more
than three seconds--
union rules.
MARF: Yeah, I'll bring it up at the next meeting.
WALMSLEY: That's the end of Tannis.
MARF: So who wrote that thing about punching his mom in the
dick again?
REVUS: I thought that was you.
MARF: Oh yeah.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
MARF: So he's all like--
[CHOKING NOISES].
And I'm all like---
[CHOKING AND LAUGHING NOISES].
And his eyes are like--
[GAGGING NOISES].
DENNIS 4862: Hey, don't know if you guys know, but Tannis
took a trip to choke city.
LN6-K: Yeah!
Marf was there!
DENNIS 4862: No way.
MARF: Yeah, so he's fully choked out
on the ground, right.
Which means Jacobs is already getting promoted to
Lieutenant.
Which means Revus gets a bump.
DARBY RICHARDS: Wait, so there's an
opening on deck crew?
MARF: Guys, Dark Lord--
pure badass.
EDITH KINGPIN: I can't believe you actually saw him.
DENNIS 4862: Well, I've seen Dark Lord.
EDITH KINGPIN: So what does he look like?
DARBY RICHARDS: Wait, so who fills in for
Revus on deck crew?
DENNIS 4862: I don't know.
He's about yay tall, kind of see through, kind of blurry.
MARF: Oh, so you saw the small full body hologram?
Yeah, I saw the big head and shoulders one, so--
DENNIS 4862: That is pretty badass.
LN6-K: So what does he look like?
MARF: Oh, well, big head, shoulders, blue, blurry.
He had a cape.
DARBY RICHARDS: So there's an opening?
EDITH KINGPIN: That's so cool.
The closest I ever got to Dark Lord was when I got to do some
paperwork with his signature on it.
I dream about it.
MARF: Deck Crew exam is in two weeks, if you're interested.

LN6-K: Where you going?
DARBY RICHARDS: I gotta study.
Oh, and Dark Lord--
6' 5", cobalt black armor, durasteel mask, 53% machine--
always looks total badass.
EDITH KINGPIN: [CHOKING].

DARBY RICHARDS: The one swift stroke policy was instrumental
in preventing decades of senseless war in all but which
of the following rebellions--
the Senderian slave revolt, the Prisoners of Peace
incidents--
MIKE CHET: The only rebellion that's lasted more than a year
is the one that's going on right now.
DARBY RICHARDS: Right.
Yeah, I knew that.
So number D, then.
[BEEP]
-Correct.

LN6-K: Hey Darby, I've got some files you might want to
take a look at.
DARBY RICHARDS: Oh, thanks L, but I think I got it covered.
Light on fuel engine ratio.
DENNIS 4862: Here's your coffee, Darby.
DARBY RICHARDS: [SIGH].
Can everyone please leave me alone?
I need to study.
Wait, how did you get in here?

Oh!
I know what's going on.
I'm in the test right now.
This is the test.
I'm sitting in a room, with wires plugged into my brain,
feeding me the questions in context.
Right?
Right?
DENNIS 4862: I don't know.
Here's your coffee, Darby.
DARBY RICHARDS: All right, I am ready.
Bring it on.
LN6-K: OK, so you're lucid testing.
-Correct.
LN6-K: So just remember that everything in here's a
projection of your own mind.
MIKE CHET: We've boarded a rebel frigate to recover some
stolen data.
That escape pod was just jettisoned.
What do you do?
DARBY RICHARDS: Blast it.
No, wait.
Are there life signs on board?
MIKE CHET: No life signs.
DARBY RICHARDS: Protocol doesn't require any action.
So C--
hold fire and report the escape pod to
a commanding officer.
[NEGATIVE BEEP]
DARBY RICHARDS: Oh, come on!
MIKE CHET: Everybody knows this one.
DARBY RICHARDS: You knew the answer?
You knew the answer, and you didn't tell me?
MIKE CHET: You just push me?
DARBY RICHARDS: Yeah!
MIKE CHET: Well, don't!
DARBY RICHARDS: Ow!
Stop it!
Mike, stop it!
Mike!
Yeah, you know what?
I don't have time for this.
Next question, when interfacing
with a Mavox system--
computer psychology.
Edith, do you know this one?
EDITH KINGPIN: Sure, let me see.
MIKE CHET: Don't give him the answer.
EDITH KINGPIN: Why?
MIKE CHET: Because he's being a dick.
DARBY RICHARDS: Mike, shut up!
EDITH KINGPIN: Can't you see this test is
important to Darby?
OK, let's help him out.
It's A.
[NEGATIVE BEEP]
DARBY RICHARDS: Wrong answer?
If you weren't 100% sure, then why did you tell me?
I'm going to fail this test, and it's
going to be your fault.
MIKE CHET: I told you he was being a dick.
LN6-K: Darby, we're all just projections in your mind.
DARBY RICHARDS: Yeah?
Well in that case, Mike, how's the new uniform?
MARF: Ah!
OK.
EDITH KINGPIN: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Darby,
what are you doing?
What is happening to my voice?
DARBY RICHARDS: Oh, and L, looks like you and me--
back together.
LN6-K: [GAGGING]
DARBY RICHARDS: Guess who's back?
LN6-K: Really?
This is how it's going to go down?
[NEGATIVE BEEP]
-Test failed.
EDITH KINGPIN: OK.
You know that test where you weren't supposed to blame your
friends for your own shortcomings?
You failed it!
Because it's this test.
DARBY RICHARDS: Yeah, jeez Darb.
You just had to be responsible for your own answers.

DENNIS 4862: Here's your coffee, Darby.

[DOOR OPENING]

MIKE CHET: So Darb, how'd it go?
Oh man, that's space garbage.
DARBY RICHARDS: No.
It's not space garbage.
I screwed up.
[DOOR OPENING]

EDITH KINGPIN: OK!
So it's a better luck next time party.
I made you some sweet mush--
for you.
[LAUGHS].
DARBY RICHARDS: Thanks guys.
It looks great.
Trust me.
Next time, the test is going to be a breeze.
[TYPING]
MARF: Lieutenant Jacobs?
LIEUTENANT JACOBS: Marf, how is this one doing?
MARF: The test is going well, sir.
He's learned his lesson, and it looks like
he's going to pass.
LIEUTENANT JACOBS: There's going to be
another opening for sure.
MARF: Excellent.
LIEUTENANT JACOBS: Put him on the short list.
DARBY RICHARDS: All I have to do is wait for Dark Lord to
force choke that nerve hurting dumbass, Jacobs.

MARF: [SIGH].
Probably just a--
sorry, there's a problem with his helmet.
DARBY RICHARDS: I tell you-- how that guy got a command,
nobody knows.
And I even asked the droids, and the
droids don't even know.
MARF: [SIGH].
Don't even-- that's just subspace interference.
That's all that is.
DARBY RICHARDS: [LAUGHS].
Check this out.
Jacobs is so dumb--
MARF: No, no, no.
DARBY RICHARDS: --that he thinks
imperial navy is a color.
[LAUGHS].
Whoa.
Oh come on, that was funny.
MARF: Right.

So still a janitor then?
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]