Hatoful Boyfriend (Pigeons and Love?) - MetaDating ep. 1

Uploaded by geekandsundry on 21.08.2012


SEAN PLOTT: Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
And welcome to the show, the very first ever debut.
My name is Sean Plott.
BILL GRANER: And I'm Bill Graner.
SEAN BOUCHARD: And I'm Sean Bouchard.
SEAN PLOTT: And welcome to MetaDating, whereby we will be
playing through romantically themed video games and
basically making fun of them, as best we can.
Because here's the basic idea.
I'm sure many of you beautiful nerds out there have played
your Skyrim's or your Gears Of War or StarCraft.
And that's great and fine and well and good, in terms of
beating someone else and crushing someone else for
victory, et cetera.
But there's something magical about the idea of a
romantically themed video game that, how do you crunch
something as abstract and amorphous and impossible as
dating and relationships into a game?
What structure?
Is there like a first person shooter game where you fire
Cupid arrows or whatnot?
We're going to explore them all.
And before we do, I figured that we should introduce who
everyone is.
I'm Sean.
I'm one of the Seans on the show.
I live in South Central LA, which means that you'll be
hearing a lot of construction and explosions and police
sirens and the like.
And I'm host a show called the Day[9]
Daily, where I do video game strategy and analysis.
I'm like this super, hyper, mega nerd.
And I talk a lot.
So this is an ideal merging of my interests.
And I've dated before.
I have some qualifications there.
And I'll throw it to Bill.
Who are you man?
Hi, my name's Bill Graner.
I'm an independent game developer and proud small
business owner in the US of A here.
I live right now in Berkeley, California, hoping to move
into San Francisco someday.
But you know rent there, so whatever.
Yeah, we make little games over at Crater House.
And I've also dated before.
I specialize in long term dating.

SEAN BOUCHARD: It's a class perk.
BILL GRANER: I'm on my second girlfriend.
But I've been dating for probably 16 years, total.
Which I guess is more than half my lifetime.
SEAN PLOTT: There's the accumulated statistic.
It's like [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, right.
So I'm here to help propel us toward stardom and help you to
be entertained and intrigued.
SEAN BOUCHARD: My name is Sean Bouchard.
I live not far from Sean Plott, actually.
I used to be roomates with him, but no more.
I work at an educational research games center called
the Game Innovation Lab at University of Southern
And I also work with Bill on his indie games,
Crater House stuff.
So I just get around.
SEAN PLOTT: Now that we got that out of the way, let me
just note that we all went to grad school together and were
pretty good buddies there.
And rather than just hang out with each other,
we created a show.
That's what we do.
BILL GRANER: So that we can hang out with you too, right?
Like faux interactivity.

SEAN PLOTT: So I wanted to talk a little bit about what
the first game that we're going to be playing is, as I'm
like the host, which means that I am here to guide
everyone through the experience.
Because we're doing romance and dating, we're going to
begin with the canonical, classic example of romance in
video games, the Japanese dating sim.
are X-rated, so we're not going to do that in the debut.
In fact, I recently found out, as in like 30 seconds before
the show, that I can't curse at all.
So this is going to be an adventure, [INAUDIBLE]
tactfully dance around those words, because I am respectful
of the show.
What better dating sim to begin with then Hatoful
Boyfriend, where we are going to be embarking upon dating in
a school for mentally gifted birds.
Every character in the game is a pigeon.
And, of course, most of you are all, oh, that's crazy.
It's from Japan, of course.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, unbelievable.
SEAN PLOTT: You guys have played any
Japanese dating sims?
I know we had to do research for this show.
BILL GRANER: I try to keep myself as fresh as possible.
So you might think I did.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I've certainly played games in the visual
novel genre in the Japanese dating sim style.
I don't know that they were actually from Japan.
But I'm familiar with the genre.
BILL GRANER: You know what, I've played hidden object
games before.
I know that those are not the same.
Those are more American.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Same thing.
SEAN PLOTT: What's a hidden object game?
Is that where it's like you match the cards and
you flip them over?
It's like where there's a romance.
There's like, Prince Edward wants you to be his vampire
bride, so first please click on the shoestring and the
candelabra now and then.
It's the new thing, as far as story telling games.
They started as Where's Waldo, and they've just gone
completely off the hook.
SEAN PLOTT: I like how you started with an explanation.
You're like, it's what people do, alright?
We all stay up until 5:00 AM with these,
right guys, every night?
SEAN PLOTT: Total lonely nerd style, forever alone.
But hopefully we're going to fall in love with some birds.
Let's do it.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm excited about it.
SEAN PLOTT: The classic trope is, of course, that these
relationships take place in a school.
SEAN PLOTT: [INAUDIBLE] at school while battling,
juggling of dating.
I went to an all guys high school.
I didn't.
It wasn't.
BILL GRANER: You didn't do a lot of dating there?
SEAN PLOTT: Not in the school.
Yeah, but--
oh that's right.
We're all drinking beer, I forgot to note.
I don't want a description.
I found out that we must be drinking some
kind of imported beer.
SEAN PLOTT: Mine is from the Stone Brewery,
imported from San Diego.

Really good.
This one of my favorite IPAs.

I feel like we're all drinking fake imported beer today.
BILL GRANER: No, mine's for real.
OK, to be honest, I felt a little dirty.
Because I do love imported beer.
But I especially love American microbrews.
And so when I went to the store and had to look past all
of them, I went to the only important that I really love,
which is Newcastle.
no sponsor.
This is like commercial practice.

SEAN BOUCHARD: Dude, am I supposed to plug.
I thought, in the spirit of the Japanese dating sim, I
went with some Asahi.
Yeah, you win.
SEAN PLOTT: We should've all gone for sake.
I can't print out stuff, but it's [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN BOUCHARD: I could do that, yeah.
Next time.
We'll do it one delayed.
We can drink from the last show.
BILL GRANER: Drink from the last show.
SEAN PLOTT: Yeah, inspired from--
BILL GRANER: And pour one out, for all my homies.
SEAN PLOTT: Without any further ado--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, there's a lot of ado going on.
SEAN PLOTT: All right, here we go.
BILL GRANER: Let's do it.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm loading it up for the first time ever.
And I double clicked the wrong executable.
That is [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's a rookie mistake, Sean.
BILL GRANER: Is that a crab?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Famous Writer.
BILL GRANER: There's the first pigeon of the day, my friend.
SEAN PLOTT: Watch this.
BILL GRANER: PigeoNation Incorporated.
That's awesome.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh my god, that's so--
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is amazing.
BILL GRANER: This is more than I could have hoped for.

This is what you need after a day of work.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Look at that cast of characters.
An ensemble.
BILL GRANER: They're just like lovely sky rats.

SEAN BOUCHARD: The name of the game is helpfully abbreviated
for us, HB, so that we can refer to it by shorthand.
SEAN PLOTT: Yeah, do you want to play some
TF2 or HB later tonight?
Is this hateful or heartful?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I think it's heartful.
SEAN PLOTT: It's like a play on words.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Look at that heart.
Look at how full of heart that is.
SEAN PLOTT: Here we go.
We're going to do a new game, at St.
PigeoNation's Institute.
Welcome to St. PigeoNations.
Please enter your name.

OK, sure.
SEAN BOUCHARD: There we go.
SEAN PLOTT: Is Dating Meta OK?
BILL GRANER: I mean, already this is--
we're on the other side of the world already here.
SEAN PLOTT: Now this is talks about something with voice
credits and how great the voices are.
Except they're not in the game.
I'm just going to skip past it.
If you got the Japanese version, you
would love these voices.
SEAN PLOTT: But reads.
Right, click to show a menu with more options.
I'm not going to read that.
St. PigeoNation's a school blessed with extensive
curricula and facilities.
It's already been a year since I ended my ordinary life and
walked through these gates.
This music really puts me in the mood to
get with some birds.
BILL GRANER: Let's do it.
SEAN PLOTT: I should probably say, this school is known for
one thing in particular.
This school is Japan's--
no, the world's greatest gathering
place for gifted birds.
Birds who want to study the arts and sciences even sports
all come to St. PigeoNation's
The teaching staff and student body are both made up of a
diverse blend of birds of different
backgrounds and species.
I'm often asked why I chose to come here
despite not being a bird.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is definitely a classic trope.
So I haven't watched a lot of anime, but I've definitely
seen this before at the lake, the one guy in the school--
everybody else is special somehow.
SEAN PLOTT: Like everyone else is female?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Right, exactly like that or birds.
You know, it's a metaphor if you're from England.
BILL GRANER: This is like, yeah.
In the United States, X-Men is about if
you're somehow strange.
And Japan, you're not a mutant.
You're a bird, I suppose.

This better have something to do with nature spirits.
SEAN PLOTT: It says, it's a long story.
Not every day I see you rushing along like this.

BILL GRANER: You can tell exactly where the lag is,
because like that pigeon his us all equally hard, right
when we saw it.
I've been ready for hour by now, Meta.
SEAN PLOTT: Usually, you've been ready-- oh, you read it
out loud, Bill.
BILL GRANER: Sorry, dude.
I stepped on your--
SEAN PLOTT: Do you [INAUDIBLE] all of Ryouta?
I mean, although, to be honest, through the connection
sometimes I can't read it too well.
So I jumped on the chance.
I hope I didn't step on your tail feathers.
No, continue.
SEAN PLOTT: Overslept, says Ryouta?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't know what any of this says.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is a problem.
SEAN PLOTT: Kawara Ryouta, we've been friends since he
was barely hatched.
Which means--
no, he'd just been hatched.
I thought he was a friend as an egg.
He can be a little mischievous.
But he's responsible and kind.
Breakfast was--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Interesting like background flash.
SEAN PLOTT: Yeah, where it's just like you're suddenly in a
conversation, like he had some sort of giant ohh!

I can't relax without red meat inside.

BILL GRANER: That's, um.
OK, well, let's just take him at his word.
Let's just see where this goes.
SEAN PLOTT: Ryouta, living as a hunter
gatherer sounds tough.
I'd be happy to make you breakfast you know.
To which I say, I might take you up on that offer when
starvation looms.
Thanks, Ryouta.
BILL GRANER: If you were the last pigeon
in the world, maybe.
SEAN PLOTT: We've got the character of jerk, I guess.
BILL GRANER: How are we supposed to read their
They just all look surprised and angry.

SEAN PLOTT: I like the bird thing, where
it's just this constant.

SEAN BOUCHARD: There's definitely--
it lacks subtlety, I think.
SEAN PLOTT: Well, we need a perk class.
Jeepers, no good being late on the first day, says Ryouta.
And so Ryouta pulled me along into the school.
Today is the start of any semester.
I wonder what lies in store.

It was all I could do to adjust the atmosphere
better make up for all that lost fun.
BILL GRANER: Lost fun.
BILL GRANER: Is this like referring to something that
happened in the past?
BILL GRANER: It was like a tragedy?
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is like it's throwing us in in the
middle of the action.
Except that we're talking to somebody outside of a school.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, well, I can't wait to make a decision
of some sort.
I'm going start speaking--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Sure, let's do it.
SEAN PLOTT: If we can get to a decision point where we
actually have action.
First term, yes.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Look at how sparkly those pigeons are.
I'm excited.
SEAN PLOTT: Now my [INAUDIBLE] does cover up the M in term,
but that's all right.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's fine.
BILL GRANER: I'm a little concerned, after Grand Theft
Auto for awhile, I had this compulsion feel like I should
steal cars when I saw them.
I'm wondering if, after this, I might feel a little weird
around pigeons.
Stay tuned.
looks like Ryouta.
BILL GRANER: I know, I'm going to be like, that pigeon's
really go through stuff guys.
You don't understand his world.
No one's had feelings like this before.

SEAN PLOTT: I think we're in 2-3.
Ryouta and I are in the same class again.
Old faces, new faces, a strange thrill fills my heart
as I look around at all the assembled birds.
BILL GRANER: Something tells me.
SEAN PLOTT: I hope we get along.
Here's to the formation of many happy memories.
I guess I'm just talking to myself.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, I think you are.
SEAN PLOTT: I don't know.
I'm actually curious, if, in college, you had this
experience where whenever you'd enter a new class, you'd
walk in and scan the room like the Terminator and all the
girls would turn red.
BILL GRANER: You instantly plan out your
life story with them.
And then you never make good.
SEAN PLOTT: You never even approach them.
BILL GRANER: Be honest.
Be honest, now.
SEAN PLOTT: Want to study for that midterm?
Well, me neither.

Want to get coffee?
Because I know that that's like human males try to get
with a girl, but they're too scared to just go, do you want
to go on a date?
Do you want to get coffee?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Get coffee, yeah.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, get coffee.

Because if it's terrible, you can just
get it to go, I guess.

SEAN PLOTT: In the line, and you've already
decided you hate her?
BILL GRANER: You're just like.
SEAN PLOTT: I always felt like asking a girl to coffe is
another way of saying, say, no, to me gently.
I can't handle actual, [INAUDIBLE].

Here's to the formation of many happy memories.
Oh, the teacher's here.

SEAN BOUCHARD: Every birdy, oh god.
SEAN PLOTT: Good morning, every birdy.
BILL GRANER: You got to appreciate that in a
translation too.
No, somebody really cared.
BILL GRANER: So they really did.
I mean, if they had done this with the Bible, even through
the Aramaic, like I'd be religious right now.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I have a problem with this.
I don't have a problem with pigeons specifically.
But I can't read anything into this character.

This is the professor.
I can't even tell if it's male or female.
BILL GRANER: If the the pigeon had clothes, maybe.
I'm going to start blasting ahead.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, let's do it.
SEAN BOUCHARD: We're going to absorb it.
It's impressionistic.
SEAN PLOTT: Let's try to hang onto the story
line as much as possible.
But yeah, let's inject a little fuel in here.
I seem to be your teacher this year, she said unsure.
I specialize in math and physics and
also some other things.

It's homeroom.
He sleeps with his eyes open?
We're going to learn a little about our bird.
This quail is--
BILL GRANER: Nanaki Quail, his famously
soporific math professor.
Keep that in mind.
SEAN PLOTT: Expected him to fall asleep just like that.
Apparently, he's well known as a mathematician.
He just goes to show, great minds come in all forms.
BILL GRANER: Said the bird about the other bird.

SEAN PLOTT: I'm sorry, isn't it a little warm in here?
Which reminds me, we have a transfer student.
Please, introduce yourself, Shirogane.
Oh, check out that array of tail.
BILL GRANER: The plumage.
SEAN PLOTT: That's a fine mating display.
Sakuya says, what is the point?
I have no wish to speak with commoners.
Do not think I'm here because I wish to be.
Well, I guess that's fine.
Hey, hey, hey, that's no [INAUDIBLE].
I like Ryouta.
He gets it.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Ryouta is going to start something.
SEAN PLOTT: But he doesn't want to introduce himself.
We can't just let him break the rules like that, sir.
The system will collapse, and we'll turn into kulaks and
This is my dialogue.

What is a kulak and is that a term we should be saying?
I feel like it's.
SEAN PLOTT: Do we want to look up kulak?
I'm curious.
SEAN PLOTT: Well, when you put it like.
Could you at least say your name, Shirogane?
To which she says, dot dot dot dot dot dot.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Lots of dots.
SEAN PLOTT: Le bel Sakuya.
BILL GRANER: That's pretty good.
SEAN PLOTT: There's a lot of information about these birds.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Affluent Russia farmer?
SEAN PLOTT: Is a kulak?
SEAN PLOTT: That's obscure.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't know what to do with that.
BILL GRANER: Its feathers would make any birdy proud.
SEAN PLOTT: Any birdy, wow.
What a translation.
BILL GRANER: Are we female?
What are we?
SEAN PLOTT: I don't know.
BILL GRANER: What are we going for here?
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's unclear.
It's really unclear.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm going to assume that we're female.
No hatoful boyfriend.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, yeah, right.
SEAN PLOTT: This didn't occur to me until right now.
So we are a female in a school for gifted male pigeons.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Right, yeah, totally.
SEAN PLOTT: He's pretty stuck up.
But then transferring is never easy.
I hope we can be friends.
Sakuya sits down, glaring daggers at Ryouta and me for
having to introduce himself.
I think this little bird is telling me [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh god, Sakuya.
SEAN PLOTT: Lunch already.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Already, huh?
SEAN PLOTT: Today's happening to us.
The days go by so quickly.
That reminds me, I've had these books out from the
library all summer.
I'll return them now.
Where is everyone, aside from the receptionists?
There's hardly any birdy here.
BILL GRANER: This any birdy thing is just going to get--
it's just staying with us, isn't it?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I like that chime, that pay attention to
this question mark chime.
SEAN PLOTT: Well, there are people who are just going to
click, click, click, click.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm almost.
Thus far, it's communicating to me that most of dating is
sort of drivel, just sort of [INAUDIBLE].

SEAN BOUCHARD: You still have to get through it.
BILL GRANER: We can probably bring it a little--
we might be able to speed it up a little.
Aiee, another.
A mourning dove stands in a dark corner,
staring in my direction.
SEAN PLOTT: They're not very common in Japan.
But apparently they're everywhere in America.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, we're sick with them.
SEAN PLOTT: I say, and did you want something from me?
That's so hot.
Nageki, ohh.
He looked away.
Not really, says Nageki.
I'm pretty sure it was him who I felt looking at me.
There's no one else here.
Are you sure, says Meta?
I like a consistent girl.
That's why I play one in this school for birds.
Nageki [INAUDIBLE], I don't want anything with you.
It's the things you're carrying that
I'm interested in.
BILL GRANER: If you know what I mean.

SEAN BOUCHARD: OK, I expect some explanation there.
BILL GRANER: What's our inventory?
Do we have an inventory?
Hit, I.
She should say, hurry up and return them already.
Oh, sorry, ehehe.
This is me talking.
They were a little too dense, and I never finished them.
Were you waiting for them all summer?
He says many dots.
He silently returns his gaze to his book.
Maybe he's in a bad mood.
I'm dating [INAUDIBLE].

I think we chose a good name guys.
BILL GRANER: Wait, so this is our second?
Oh wait, did we transfer or is this our second year?
SEAN BOUCHARD: No, this is our second year.
We already did a year of this.
There's not even a fish out of water thing going on.
So yes, I am the only human at a bird school,
but I'm used to--
BILL GRANER: That's already jumped the shark.
SEAN PLOTT: You're comfortable with it.
There's no problem.
SEAN PLOTT: Fujishiro.
BILL GRANER: Nageki, freshman.
SEAN PLOTT: He's a freshman.
Now we get a little information about who he is.
Dude, are you [INAUDIBLE] quickly?
[INAUDIBLE] or Fujishiro Nageki, huh?
I'm going to start clicking them real fast.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Let's just go.
SEAN PLOTT: [INAUDIBLE] a little something.
Leave me alone.
He's reading his book.
BILL GRANER: He's reading his book again.
I'm sorry to bother you.
SEAN PLOTT: Oops, I did something.
Now that I have that out of the way, I think I'll head
back to class.
Wait, isn't that, oh.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I recognize--
BILL GRANER: [INAUDIBLE] right in front of you.
SEAN BOUCHARD: him, Sakuya.
Who's the other one?
SEAN PLOTT: I don't know this bird.
BILL GRANER: It could also be Sakuya in
like a different pose.
I mean, what are we supposed to do here?
We just literally didn't evolve for this game.
I mean, I don't.

SEAN PLOTT: You should have been instructed not to
approach me in school.
Come on, Sakuya--
this is the other bird.
This is Yuuya.
SEAN PLOTT: What kind of thing is that to say to your
[INAUDIBLE] all these years.
My brother, you must be joking.
You've never once been a brother to me.
Please, don't try to talk to me again.
I've no time for half breeds.
I'm going now.
Hey, wait just--
BILL GRANER: Slytherins, man.
SEAN PLOTT: Disintegrating birds.
[INAUDIBLE] even though we're in the same school now, what's
done is done.
I hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but I think I overheard
something juicy.
Ever popular trendsetter and ladies' man, Sakazaki Yuuya--
BILL GRANER: Ladies' bird.

SEAN PLOTT: That's right, because we are a lady.
That's right.
SEAN BOUCHARD: OK, let's keep the men of the
ladies' in mind here.
SEAN PLOTT: This is the it bird right here.
I want to get--
SEAN PLOTT: I wonder what the story behind that is.
SEAN BOUCHARD: How do you pronounce that, Sean?
Just the exclamation point in quotes.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, I pronounce it, ring.
BILL GRANER: I pronounce it, hah hum.

SEAN PLOTT: I don't know if you've watched a lot of anime,
but that seems to be like whenever
the exclamation press--
was really surprised.
Well, it looks like we heard the whole thing.
And matter of [INAUDIBLE].
BILL GRANER: I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to listen in on you.
Oh my god.
BILL GRANER: Was that an emoticon?
SEAN BOUCHARD: That was amazing.
Now that is exactly like real dating.
I don't know about you, but I [INAUDIBLE]
messages like--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Look, Sean, real dating now, the kids
these days, it all takes place over text.
I mean, most relationships are held together by emoticons at
this point.
You could be just a decaying skeleton in a chair, and as
long as someone's stolen your cell phone you can be a
happily married person.

SEAN PLOTT: Like have you ever read something you sent to a
girl, like two years ago?
You don't talk to her any more, but you like read.
Isn't that terrifying?
Oh my god.
SEAN PLOTT: Of all the sentences, two had periods.
All the rest had exclamation points and happy faces.

I'm not that excited about anything in life.
BILL GRANER: Now you make me want to punctuate.

SEAN PLOTT: As expected, Yuuya says, ha ha.
No sweat.
What a ladies' bird, man.
BILL GRANER: I try and stay sexy and suave in front of all
of you little ladies.
SEAN PLOTT: That there was too cool.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm trying to imagine a situation in my life
where I would say this line.
SEAN PLOTT: I mean, how would you have pulled this situation
off, ladies' man Sean?

SEAN BOUCHARD: That's a good question.
I don't usually refer to myself as sexy and suave in

And I certainly avoid the term, all you little ladies.
BILL GRANER: Actually, that's either western or insulting.
SEAN PLOTT: So do you say like, I try to stay well
groomed and hygienic?
[INAUDIBLE] peoples.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, exactly.
No, that's my strategy.
That's how I roll.
SEAN PLOTT: Nailed it.
Well, let's find out what Yuuya is doing.
BILL GRANER: We haven't done anything yet.
We haven't actually made any choices.
SEAN BOUCHARD: No we haven't.
SEAN PLOTT: Well this is the visual novel.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, this is how this goes.
SEAN PLOTT: This fan-tail pigeon, this Sakazaki Yuuya,
an upperclassman, I've never really [INAUDIBLE]
famous or infamous through the school.
Every birdy knows of him.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm learning so much about ornithology.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, I know.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is a fan-tail pigeon.
SEAN PLOTT: How did you?
I know every birdy here.
Besides, you're the only human.

SEAN BOUCHARD: So, in the event of the question, are
these birds inordinately tall or are we inordinately short?
SEAN PLOTT: They're just inordinately close, Bill.
When they have conversations they come like six
inches to your eyes.
I'm [INAUDIBLE] sexy and suave, little lady.
Right on.
At least let me get my class schedule.
Besides, you're only human.
A single poppy in a field of wheat.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, that was classy
SEAN PLOTT: Not exactly.
We had a rather ballistic introduction this morning.
SEAN PLOTT: We're in the same class, that's all.
I'd never have thought that stuck up aristocrat wannabe
was your brother.
Aristocrat wannabe?
He is an aristocrat, actually, the genuine
article in the flesh.
SEAN BOUCHARD: In the feathers.
[INAUDIBLE], he just left.
BILL GRANER: Noble bird.
SEAN PLOTT: Noble bird.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Noble bird.
SEAN PLOTT: Probably a twisting business.
SEAN PLOTT: Back to school.

That's all for today.
Stay safe everyone.

This is me talking.
Sir, where's Ryouta?
He said he was going to the infirmary.
Maybe you should go see if he's still there.
Oh my God, now that I think about it, Ryouta always did
have a weak stomach.
She was [INAUDIBLE] red meat this morning.

SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, what happened?
Pigeons aren't very good at keeping their food in, in the
first place, I don't think.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, yeah, that's true.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That is true.
BILL GRANER: That infirmary just has to be like a
speckled, white floor covered in, ugh.

SEAN PLOTT: Yeah, to think about it, Ryouta always did
have a weak stomach.
I should go to the infirmary just to make sure he's OK.
All right, we're the only female.
Meta, excuse me.
Dot, dot, dot, dot dot, no birdies here.
Oh crud, he said, being respectful.
No one's sleeping behind the curtains.
And the doctor isn't here either.
BILL GRANER: That's actually a bad sign in Japan.
SEAN PLOTT: In America, that's quite common.
You just take a number.

My hunter gatherer instincts feel no presence.
There's no birdy here.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Wait, because you're a human--
I'm just now getting this.
This was from like the third dialogue page at the beginning
of the game.
I'm the only hunter gatherer in this place.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, I see.
It's like a Mass Effect how the Volus are always like, and
what do you want Earth-clan.
SEAN PLOTT: Awful, derogatory term for a person.
And this one's hunter gatherer.
It's like, why don't you go hunt buffalo, hunter gatherer.
And Meta's like, oh.
And all the birds fluff out their feathers say, oh, shit.
this culture of birds.

OK, so Ryouta, no reply.
The infirmary is empty.
Weird, did he go home already?
I feel a little nervous poking around the empty room.
Now that I think of it, I haven't been here much before,
unlike Ryouta, I'm perfectly healthy.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's good to know.
SEAN PLOTT: It's a healthy way to measure yourself against
other birds.
Whoa, they've got all kinds of drugs in here.

BILL GRANER: Oh boy, our first choice of the game I hope.
SEAN PLOTT: I mean, in like a bird-firmary do
have medicinal seed?
BILL GRANER: I hope so.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I have questions about
how they open drawers.
SEAN PLOTT: Yeah, I mean, as we go back to the game, there
are cabinets here.
And there's a sink with faucet.
How do you?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, I mean, I assume that they use one of
their weird little three toes on their foot while just
bizarrely staring at something else, because
they're birds and stuff.
BILL GRANER: It's just, ugh, birds man.
SEAN PLOTT: Ethylpar, tri-fe, lucio benzene.
BILL GRANER: Lucio benzene, what does that even do?
SEAN PLOTT: That does sound a lot like some vampire from
Twilight, right?
BILL GRANER: Lucio benzene.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Lucio Benzene, yeah.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, someone's going to find out.
Oh my god, is it Yuuya?
Who is this bird?
BILL GRANER: D-d-d-d-d-doctor [INAUDIBLE].

SEAN PLOTT: I'll feed you all sorts of things
if you want, mm.
SEAN PLOTT: Well, I'm the only hunter gatherer, maybe they
just like puke into each others mouths maternally.

BILL GRANER: No, thanks.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm glad--
BILL GRANER: Is that the game music?
SEAN PLOTT: That is.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's doing the "Nutcracker Suite"?
SEAN PLOTT: Does this game have the rights
to play that song?
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's a good question.
BILL GRANER: Does this cast have the rights to play that
song, that's the question.
SEAN PLOTT: This partridge is Iwamine
Shuu, the school doctor.
He's rather creepy in person, and a bad reputation among the
student body.
Every birdy knows that just talking to him can bring you
down with aspergillus--
SEAN PLOTT: Psittacosis--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Psittacosis.
SEAN PLOTT: I didn't realize it would be a challenge to
Words are spread out, where I'm just like
reading these lines.
It's like impossible.
And I never heard him come in the door.
Ninja doctor!
SEAN BOUCHARD: Now that's a game I would play.
SEAN PLOTT: I would play Ninja Doctor.
[INAUDIBLE] would make that game.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, no kidding.
BILL GRANER: That's true.
SEAN PLOTT: You know what would be weird [INAUDIBLE]
be in here.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That is a hell of a doctor.
What on Earth are you doing in the infirmary?
Get out of here.
SEAN PLOTT: What are you, sick?
You don't need lucio benzene.

Um, I heard Ryouta Kaware from 2-3 was supposed to be here.
Him, he's already gone.
Oh, why didn't come find me before going home?
I'm a little attached to Ryouta, man.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Apparently.
SEAN PLOTT: Sorry to bother you.
I'll be going now.
Ahh, finally, out of that den of evil.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's how I want to think about my
infirmary, den of evil.

The board of directors at this school is doing a good job.
SEAN PLOTT: Well, don't they have the
attention span of pigeons?
BILL GRANER: The smell of death surrounds you.

SEAN PLOTT: Ryouta's already gone home, what do I do now?
Oh, I never got around to joining a club last year.
Maybe I'll go take a look at some of my options.
Yes, guys, options.
BILL GRANER: Cue the option music.
SEAN PLOTT: We're going to make a decision.
SEAN BOUCHARD: 42 minutes into the game.
42 minutes.
We're actually going to go way over the--
BILL GRANER: Flex your agency muscles, boys.
SEAN PLOTT: Because, I mean, in my eyes, what makes a game
a game is that it's like interactive, you do stuff.
You are given verbs, like jumping and shooting.
SEAN PLOTT: Sliding, yes.
BILL GRANER: Sleeping.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Choosing your schedule.
SEAN PLOTT: While jumping.
BILL GRANER: Choosing your own adventure.
Wait, no, bird watching.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh god damn it yes.
BILL GRANER: That's like people watching.
It's like creepy if you're bird watch at this school.
SEAN PLOTT: There's like a club for it.
Can you imagine it that was [INAUDIBLE]
university people watching.
SEAN BOUCHARD: We have to do that, guys.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's just like a club where you sit in the
woods watching people and just sharpening knives.

SEAN PLOTT: Wasn't there another [INAUDIBLE]
track team.
I ran in middle school and that's always funny watching
the birds [INAUDIBLE].
BILL GRANER: That's cool.
Wait, did we just join the?
SEAN BOUCHARD: We just joined track.
BILL GRANER: Oh, come on.
SEAN PLOTT: A white dove is having a tantrum [INAUDIBLE].
Oh, look at this dove.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Did he hit me?
SEAN PLOTT: I think he just [INAUDIBLE]
slapped you.
BILL GRANER: Does that say, pudding?
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is no pudding for a man.
He's not saying that.
That's just--
SEAN PLOTT: Is this like a thought that he's having?
SEAN BOUCHARD: What's happening?
BILL GRANER: I think we got punched.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I think we got punched, and now we're
BILL GRANER: This is no pudding for a man.
SEAN PLOTT: Okosan rejects.
It is a lie, a viscious falsification.
SEAN PLOTT: He's answering--
He only speaks pigeon.
It's translating for us.
I assumed that every one here was speaking pidgin English.
and I apologize for [INAUDIBLE].

We don't even know his CV.
BILL GRANER: Maybe [INAUDIBLE] has a web series.
SEAN PLOTT: He doesn't really look it, but he's apparently a
fan-tail pigeon, I think.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Aren't they all fan-tail pigeons?
SEAN PLOTT: Okosan says, it's a deception most vile, a
wretched betrayal.
Okosan instructed that pudding be provided for new members.
But this is no pudding.
BILL GRANER: This is no pudding.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't understand the pudding.
SEAN PLOTT: I don't think this game has enough of a graphical
engine to it.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is it what?
SEAN PLOTT: Squished and filthy, but the thing under
his feet looked like normal store bought pudding.
What's wrong with it?
Coo coo, spare the jests young lady.
SEAN PLOTT: Okosan used wing attack!
It's super effective.

SEAN BOUCHARD: OK, that's good.
I did not expect that.
SEAN PLOTT: This bird--
BILL GRANER: It seems aware that we're playing it.
this is what this must be like for Pokemon.
You don't make any decisions.
You just get thrown out of the Poke ball--
SEAN PLOTT: Crushing you.
Cooo, they'll rue the day they crossed Okosan.
He's just upset.
And now he's gone.
He's a good runner.
BILL GRANER: It's a good sound.
SEAN PLOTT: And so ended the first day of my second
semester at St. PigeoNations.

Maybe we make decisions on day two.
That was like orientation.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, I hope so.
SEAN PLOTT: OK, good, choosing class council.
As you all know, the school doesn't require
you to join any club.
If you want to you can.
But if you don't, then you're free to go home after school.
Okosan has only time for the track team.
That's good.
What about you, Shirogane?
A foolish question, I already hold a position here.
Oh, that's right.
You became student president when you admitted.
BILL GRANER: Nepotism, ho!
SEAN BOUCHARD: You made president upon admittance?
That's an amazing system.
BILL GRANER: I just love the fact that we were forced to
say the line, nepotism ho.

SEAN PLOTT: Isn't it standard in every new game where the
main character actually doesn't say anything.
I think that's to help build a sense of involvement, as if
you have some sort of say over what you do or are going to
say or whatever.
I mean we're really visually noveling here harder than I
ever thought we could.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Well, OK, so for me a key thing to look at
with games is why is this a game?
Why isn't this movie.
And if the Japanese version of this was powerful.
The Japanese version of this was voice acted.
Wouldn't it be better just to sit down and watch this?
BILL GRANER: Well, I don't know, is the clicking-- all we
have control of over is the clicking.
Why are we clicking?
SEAN PLOTT: Because the thing is, first, I read slowly.
I'm reading out loud [INAUDIBLE] as fast as I read.
300 page book is a year long experience for me.
There is a book I read in 2012.
But also this is standard in these games, where they like
to introduce the characters, and they want you to really,
really know the characters before you decide who you're
going to go out on a date with.
BILL GRANER: Oh, on the way.
That makes sense.
I'd imagine.
BILL GRANER: Well, the other thing is like, if you notice
on the screen there, they've got the advance to the end
button, the tape player button.
What do you think that does?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is that was that is?
Is it going to speed through stuff.
BILL GRANER: I don't know.
SEAN PLOTT: Let me click on it.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Click on it.
BILL GRANER: Hey, that was a decision!
We found it.
SEAN PLOTT: We found a decision.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I wanted to do bird watching.

OK, so student council, the stuck up bird is on the
student council.
The other stuck up bird is on the track team.
And the third stuck up bird is in the library.
We only have choices between stuck up birds at this point.
BILL GRANER: I don't think we want to date a freshman.
I'm thinking track team, honestly.
SEAN PLOTT: The one that came to--
BILL GRANER: Yeah, the crazy bird is interesting.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I feel like we can turn him.
I feel like we can make him see that humanity has
something to offer.
BILL GRANER: Maybe we can sexily teach him English.

It happens--
SEAN PLOTT: Track team.
BILL GRANER: All right, have fun.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh god, what I've--
dude, this is scary.
This is like going into a Casino with $10, and you can
only make one bet.
Dude, oh my god.
Here's my stats.
I have 1 wisdom, 800 vitality--
SEAN PLOTT: Is that my charisma?
Is that my charm?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I think it's something like that.
BILL GRANER: 800 vitality.
So basically there's going to be something that can nickel
and dime us 800 times before we die.
What is that thing?
Is it like [INAUDIBLE]?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I think it's the wing attacks.
BILL GRANER: Is it the wing attacks?
SEAN BOUCHARD: We used to have 802.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's just like random, like being pecked and
run over like in the lives of birds.
SEAN PLOTT: It wants me to attend math class, gym class,
music class.
BILL GRANER: Music class.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, it's elective day.
So that means whatever we want.
We just skip math.
SEAN BOUCHARD: We're not getting any bird melodies.
BILL GRANER: Singing together was fun.
SEAN PLOTT: A little tiring, but singing together was fun.
Meta leveled up.
Charisma increased by five.
BILL GRANER: Because we really need charisma, because we want
to be like the belle of the ball here, I think.
SEAN PLOTT: I need to go sign up for track.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh yeah, we're going to do
track, that's right.
SEAN PLOTT: I'll find out when I get there.
A Meta appears.
BILL GRANER: Oh, he's still Pokemoning us.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, he's totally Pokemon.
I didn't realized that was gimmick.
I thought that was like a one off joke.
BILL GRANER: I know, now it's like a little bit irritating.
It's like a Chocobo.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I like this music though, this [INAUDIBLE]
SEAN PLOTT: Just listen.
I'm actually about to fight Okosan to this music.
It says, choose your weapon ma'am and draw.
A fit he is having, though not over pudding.
Not really, I want to join the team.
Do you know where the captain is?
Coo, he stands before you.
Okosan is the captain and a faster bird the world has
never seen.
I never knew.
Oh, well, here, forms.
Thank you.
Coo, a dove never refuses a challenge.
Commence the entrance examination.
There's an exam?
Of course.
Track isn't daisy chain making missy.

BILL GRANER: This is going to be like a weird
challenge isn't it?
SEAN PLOTT: OK guys, long distance or sprint.
SEAN BOUCHARD: We have huge vitality.
Huge vitality, long distance.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, let's do long distance.
We have 800 [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN PLOTT: I do have a lot of charm, so I want to sprint.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I think we show him now that we're looking for
I'm scared.
I figure this is going to be one of these spam click games.
Get, set, go.
How is he so fast.
He can't even fly this fast.

No game.
SEAN PLOTT: No game, none.
What mini-game do you want to choose?
Well, you lost.

Pant, pant.
Coo, you're still weak, but you've got potential.
Welcome to the team.
Catching up, guys.
BILL GRANER: We did it.

All right.
SEAN PLOTT: So thanks.
Coo, that's all folks.
It's life on the track team.
Who knew doves could run like that?
BILL GRANER: Who knew doves could run like that.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh my god.
BILL GRANER: Whoa, wait a minute.
SEAN BOUCHARD: What is this?
BILL GRANER: Meanwhile, in a totally different game.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, he's relaxing.
I live on a cliff face?
BILL GRANER: What the hell?
Yeah, what are we, man?

SEAN PLOTT: Oh, tomorrow is the class hike.
Should I prepare anything?
We won't be going far, so I don't have to.
Well, health first, I think I'll have some
udon and go to sleep.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I really thought that was like, should
I prepare anything?
We were going to get to prepare something.
BILL GRANER: Like the Oregon Trail a little bit.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Like brownies or something.
BILL GRANER: 12 wagon axles and a banker.

Go hunting for buffalo and when we kill them, just keep
going and hunt for more buffalo?
SEAN PLOTT: I played Oregon Trail.
BILL GRANER: Today's found 900 pounds of buffalo.
You can carry two.
SEAN PLOTT: 20 pounds back.
BILL GRANER: Who do you want to talk to on this hillside?
SEAN PLOTT: Let's talk to Ryouta, Sakuya, San.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't like San anymore.
I mean, he is a friend.
I'm into friends.
BILL GRANER: So we're basically friend-zoning him.
Can anyone explain who Sakuya was again?
Is that like the fuzzy tailed?
SEAN PLOTT: That huge plumed noble bird.
And who's Kazuaki?
SEAN PLOTT: Kazuaki, isn't that the teacher?
No, that's the emo kid in the library.
SEAN BOUCHARD: In the library?
BILL GRANER: Oh, but he's a freshman.
Let's talk to Ryouta.
SEAN PLOTT: Let's see what our friend--
SEAN PLOTT: Ryouta, let's eat together.
Sure, great view huh?
SEAN BOUCHARD: What are we eating?
SEAN PLOTT: Huh, is that your lunch, Meta?
Yep, it's like a calorie.
And it's bleeped.

SEAN BOUCHARD: What could that be?

BILL GRANER: Some sort of obscene future food.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Don't say it if you come up with it, but.

BILL GRANER: It's a calorie f--.
SEAN PLOTT: That's a pretty sad thing
to bring on a picnic.
Well, a great man once said, it's the ambrosia of the gods.
BILL GRANER: Wow, this really shoves words into your mouth.
It does not just put them in, it picks them up with a crane
and lowers them into your mouth.

SEAN PLOTT: Dude, like with phrase, nepotism ho.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I have so many problems with this.
SEAN PLOTT: In what way?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Well, so first of all, ambrosia of the gods
is redundant.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, it really is.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It doesn't make any sense.
SEAN PLOTT: Wow, I don't even know what ambrosia is, but I'm
right now.
BILL GRANER: You drink it, you turn immortal.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, exactly.
It's like, I look at it and I don't know how to
salvage that sentence.
And secondly, like Calorie Mate?
I feel like that's Lean Cuisine, right?
SEAN PLOTT: Calorie Mate.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Or it's something like that.
SEAN PLOTT: It has to be.
BILL GRANER: Maybe it's a brand name.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Did they bleep out mate?
BILL GRANER: Maybe it's a brand name?
SEAN PLOTT: It's for birds.
If this were an English visual novel, they'd bleep out sex,
but with birds it's mate.
That's what birds do.
BILL GRANER: Well maybe it's because you're eating like
chicken or something and to them it's bordering on
And so that's why he says it's a sad thing to bring.
You literally are eating one of his kind.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's mournful.
SEAN PLOTT: There's chicken extract n there.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't think.
I'm trying to imagine somebody saying Lean Cuisine is like
the nectar or the gods.
I don't think anybody's ever said that.
I don't think that's a real quote.
I feel like I'm making that up on the spot.
BILL GRANER: I think you are, yeah.
I think we're full of crap.
Basically, us, as a character, we're just awful.
SEAN PLOTT: I like how, Sean, your commentary is that this
game is just not very realistic.
I have problems with on a notion--
BILL GRANER: [INAUDIBLE] historical and sort of
socio-economic [INAUDIBLE] are not accurate.
SEAN PLOTT: Find out what happens.
Geez, if you eat like that, you'll be dead on the roadside
by the time you get back.
Here, I'll share mine.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is the guy who couldn't
get enough red meat?
SEAN PLOTT: I think so.
BILL GRANER: Oh, sure.
Are we going to contract his horrible stomach illnesses?

SEAN BOUCHARD: Wait, wait, he's obsessed with food.
That's his gimmick.
BILL GRANER: It's his thing.
SEAN PLOTT: You can save the calorie [DOOO]
in case of [INAUDIBLE].

SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm interested in these birds.
I'm interested in getting to know these birds, until I
learn what their gimmick is.
And then I feel like it's not worth it anymore.
BILL GRANER: I think just to be honest, that's probably how
women feel about men.

SEAN PLOTT: that's probably fair, yeah.
God, yeah, one month into knowing any girl, I'm not
funny anymore.
I used all my stories.
BILL GRANER: I've used all my stories, exactly.
SEAN PLOTT: If you want to watch my daily, I'm doing a
good show on Mech and StarCraft.
That'll be interesting.

We got an elective--
attend math, gym or music.
BILL GRANER: Not music, music was--
SEAN BOUCHARD: No, music--
I want to do math.
BILL GRANER: Let's do math class, bird math.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm not getting this at all, says me.
BILL GRANER: How stereotypical of us.
SEAN PLOTT: Kazuaki was--
BILL GRANER: A little more dating.
Oh wait, dating is our name.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Dating is our name.
BILL GRANER: That was almost cool.
That was almost interesting.
That was like a lifeline that then turned out to be
shenanigans through and through.
SEAN PLOTT: Maybe you should review the basics of little
more, Dating.

Our last name.
Yes, sir.
Meta leveled up.
Wisdom increased by five.
I didn't know we could do that.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Even though you failed, OK.
No, that's good.
SEAN PLOTT: I want help.
No, your wisdom's better.
BILL GRANER: Sure, review the basics.

Er, I imagine you're all well aware, but the sports festival
is right around the corner.
Please think about what you'll do.
Sports festival season already?
SEAN BOUCHARD: What is sports festival season?
BILL GRANER: Yeah, is this like a thing in Japan or
something, like a cultural festival?
SEAN PLOTT: It's a thing in our reality now.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Wait, it's the second day of school.
BILL GRANER: Run 100 meters and dine on
whale burgers or something.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's the second day of school, why is it
already May?
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, we count number of days.
We went on a hike.
We went to the [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's May 16, holy cow.
Do they have a different semester system in Japan.
BILL GRANER: Couldn't tell you.
SEAN PLOTT: We can fast forward and find out.
BILL GRANER: Isn't it like summer is winter there and
stuff and everything is upside down?
SEAN BOUCHARD: That doesn't mean they're like--
SEAN PLOTT: Australia is where, when you flush the
toilet, it just comes out up like this.
BILL GRANER: In a spiral, in a perfect conular spiral.
It's like Ghostbusters II when the bathtub fills up.

SEAN PLOTT: Ryouta says, if it were in the fall, it would
conflict with the cultural festival.
So it's always been in May.
What are you going to do Ryouta.
I haven't decided, but probably the
three-legged race.
Some birdy has to.
BILL GRANER: Two birdies, actually.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Actually, two birdies.
BILL GRANER: Thank you, Sean.
We [INAUDIBLE] that one together.
That one left left San Francisco and LA at the same
time and just crossed into our earbuds.
SEAN PLOTT: Do you have a lot of stamina, Okosan?
What about you, Sakuya?
You can't possibly be expecting me to run in some
race, can you?
BILL GRANER: He is fabulous.
SEAN PLOTT: This is me.
It is a sports festival.
Is there an event that doesn't involve running?
How about being a cheerleader?

The general, in other words.
SEAN BOUCHARD: General cheerleader.
BILL GRANER: From now on, whenever someone asks me to do
something, I'll be like, oh, you mean the general.
The admiral.
The admiral of taking out the garbage.
The king of mopping the floor.

SEAN BOUCHARD: We're not doing first aid team.
I veto that right now.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, you don't want bird lawsuits.
SEAN BOUCHARD: The doctor dude was creepy.
I do not like the doctor.
BILL GRANER: He was, that's true.
He's not the one we want to date.
SEAN PLOTT: So we got to make some decisions.
Ryouta's three-legged race, Okosan's running a marathon.
Sakuya is a cheerleader.
BILL GRANER: I don't want to date Ryouta anymore.
He's too food-tastic.
He's not going to be able to keep his figure.
I can sense that he would be like freshman 35.
SEAN PLOTT: I never did make up my mind what should I do?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Wait until the last minute.
BILL GRANER: Victory or calorie.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, Meta Dating.
BILL GRANER: There's like a joust or something.
SEAN BOUCHARD: You can just go to the library.
BILL GRANER: No, no, no.
SEAN BOUCHARD: You can skip out on the whole thing.
We are going to participate.
And we're going to win.
Because we're a human.
And these are pigeons.
Come on, man.
I say, cheerleaders.
I think that this snobby guy has something
interesting going on.
He's got to have a heart of gold somewhere.
Let's dig it out.
Heart of gold diggers.

SEAN PLOTT: We have to choose a bird.
We're leading every bird on, every birdy on.
SEAN BOUCHARD: They're all boring.
I don't like any of these birds.
This is like when you're with a bunch of friends and it's
like, where do you want to eat?
I don't know.
Where do you want to eat?
I don't know, where do you?
Let's just go to Jack in the Box or something.
It doesn't matter.
BILL GRANER: I just don't Ryouta is the right bird.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't want the two that
we've already done.
I say--
BILL GRANER: All right, cheerleader, cool.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I say cheerleader or library.

SEAN PLOTT: There's something of a crowd around our
I see Sakuya, and he has a brass band.
That's overdoing it.
I think I saw something similar during the changing of
the guard in Buckingham Palace.

You're here, says Sakuya.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I hope he's got a beefeater hat on.
SEAN PLOTT: You're not cutting any corners, I see.
Naturally not, only a best from Le Bel.
BILL GRANER: E Le Bel, so that's his [INAUDIBLE].
That's his family name.
SEAN PLOTT: Sir, preparations are complete, sir.
Tuba, your orders, sir.
Sakuya, very well, begin.
And so the band began to play.
Where did he get these people?
They all look like--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Are they birds or are they people?
BILL GRANER: I don't know.
SEAN PLOTT: These are birds playing brass
instruments, Sean.
BILL GRANER: I haven't been so confused about animals sizes
since Redwall and that must've been a long time.

SEAN PLOTT: OK, so Sakuya says, you join in?
Meta, um, OK.
I seem to be in charge of the cymbals.
One wrong slip and I'll be the laughing stock of the
playground, yikes.
SEAN PLOTT: I imagine that we don't
actually hit any cymbals.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm pretty sure you're right.
What is this based on?
We have wisdom and charisma.
Oh, charisma.
BILL GRANER: I bet we'll just to to hit sticky keys.
We'll just hit a Shift until sticky keys happens.
That's usually what happens in situations like this.
SEAN PLOTT: Sakuya's conducting is awfully flashy.
Is this the Le Bel style?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Was that a cymbal?
SEAN PLOTT: Did I do it?
SEAN BOUCHARD: And now we're back in class.
BILL GRANER: Whoa, come on.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Lack of resolution.
Come on, game.
SEAN PLOTT: Did I black out?
BILL GRANER: What's going on here?
SEAN BOUCHARD: This Is actually Memento.
BILL GRANER: It was all a dream.
SEAN PLOTT: It's like May 12th.
You start to play the cymbals and you look down it's like,
don't trust his lies.
And you're like, oh.
I'll play the cymbals.
Let's find out what's up.
The first barrier, midterms.
We're getting them back today.
SEAN BOUCHARD: We already did them.

Yes, I replied.
Hm, I don't think you did too badly.
Not to-- hm.
No, sorry.
You did badly.

What a jerk of a teacher.
BILL GRANER: Point, game.

Try harder next time, OK.
I disappointed Mr. Nanaki.
I'll have to study more from now on.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Did we have an option to study?
Was studying like?
SEAN PLOTT: I think I decided to hit the cymbals, join the
track team, and not go to the library.
This has been the [INAUDIBLE].
With the festival and midterm over, there's nothing to look
forward to but summer heat.
Doves smell kind of funny when it gets humid like this.
There's a bunch of birds in front of the staff room.
What are they doing?
Oh, there's Yuuya.
Yuuya, what's going on?
Salutations, Meta.
Brian won his seventh Pulitzer.
BILL GRANER: Wait, Brian.

Can we just screencap this please?
Just a screen capture for old times, for posterity.

SEAN BOUCHARD: Good job, Brian.
SEAN PLOTT: Look at Brian--
BILL GRANER: Well done.
SEAN PLOTT: His previous record of six Pulitzers.
He gestures at a news clipping on the staff room pinboard.
It says, Brian, the first intelligent pigeon, crowned
with again.
This character is as confused as I am.
Don't tell me you don't know who he is?
BILL GRANER: Was he like the first pigeon who could talk?
SEAN BOUCHARD: There's like Rats of Nimh
thing going on actually.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, it really is.
He's like out of the scientific testing laboratory
where they replaced his brain with a larger
one that barely fits.
And now he can conjugate and stuff.
SEAN PLOTT: So wait, so Sean, what's Rats of Nimh.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's a book.
It was a cartoon, when I was growing up.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, I remember.
It was sort of terrifying.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It's about these rats who live in a
junkyard, who are intelligent.
And they talk and make stuff with their
little hands and whatnot.
And it turns out that they're the products of some insane
It's basically the National Science Foundation.
True story.
SEAN BOUCHARD: They make crazy intelligent rats, then let
them escape into junkyards, where they build stuff.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, they're hatoful rats.
SEAN PLOTT: So, I think I've heard the name before, I say.
Oh, look.
dot com.

BILL GRANER: He began when birds were barely intelligent.
SEAN PLOTT: What happened?
BILL GRANER: This is great.
We are getting somewhere now my friends.
SEAN BOUCHARD: So I've had this suspicion.
I feel like the art team quit halfway through this game.

BILL GRANER: Yeah, I mean there's definitely a lot of
magnetic lasso going on here.
We've done backgrounds.
What more do you want?
SEAN PLOTT: Well, we did a joint promotion with
pigeonblog.wordpress.com to get this pigeon award.
BILL GRANER: Wait, is this like a cross
promotional viral ad.
Let me just navigate here.
SEAN PLOTT: It wasn't enough.
And he had to be like, no my bird won seven Pulitzers.

BILL GRANER: There he is.
Oh my god, you guys, dude, go to that address.
BILL GRANER: Seriously, it's there, man.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is this a subculture?

BILL GRANER: This is a real thing.
They've gone all the way here.
We're in the rabbit hole now.
SEAN PLOTT: Look at that.
Sorry for the lack of posts.
for a few days.
Look at, ooh.
BILL GRANER: I'm going to look at his oldest and most
unintelligent posts.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, oh my god, that's Brian, look.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, Brian!
Brian's, there's like 21 Pulitzers.
BILL GRANER: Me, Brian Pigeon.
He started in 2005.
What is going on here?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I had no idea this existed.
BILL GRANER: I want to find more about--
BILL GRANER: Welcome to the first ever
diary of a London Pigeon.
Well, in all fairness, I came from Hays, which is not
strictly speaking London.
It's close enough.
And let's face it, it's as good as you're going to get.
Because not many of us pigeons have
mastered the art of blogging.
More's the pity.
You'd never know though, if enough of them can be
something, something to read this, it might just catch on.
Pigeon friendly cyber casts are, as a result,
hard to come by.
So posting might be a little irregular.
Although I heard--
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is amazing.
BILL GRANER: When it's slow.
Anyone to know it, let me know in the comments.
This is a picture of mom.
She sent it to me as a birthday--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is this actually Brian?
Is this first person from Brian?
SEAN PLOTT: Well, let's find more about him.
He's the world's most famous blogger.
Wait a minute, he again when birds were barely intelligent.
Oh my god, he's very skilled and insightful writer.
He was the one who suggested that the Dove Olympics be
called the PigeOlympics.

BILL GRANER: I guess I just didn't peg
this for a true story.
SEAN BOUCHARD: What an amazing suggestion.
I understand now why he had seven Pulitzers.
SEAN PLOTT: Wait, look at this.
Why don't you try looking him up right now, mon ami.
Brian the pigeon is so transmedia.

BILL GRANER: This is great.
Yeah, he's on LinkedIn.
Dude, he's on LinkedIn!
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is an ARG you guys.
I'm pretty sure we fell into a rabbit hole.
BILL GRANER: Dude, I don't think this is an ARG.
I think this is a actually a documentary.
He's a CEO at Fashion Furniture Rental.
It's the greater San Diego area.
We could go look him up.
Oh wait, no, I don't think he's a pigeon, actually.
This is a different one.
He graduated from UT Austin.
OK, enough.
If this is not, in fact, in our--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Back to the game.
Back to the game.
BILL GRANER: Forget what you've heard.
SEAN PLOTT: Google him.
BILL GRANER: Google him yourself.
SEAN PLOTT: So lunch is over, adieu, Meta.
All right, let's make some decisions, man.
SEAN BOUCHARD: You can just hit the button.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, bam.
Should I go to the store, infirmary, or cafeteria?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Not the infirmary.
BILL GRANER: Wait, the store.
We'll probably find the really rich pigeon there buying
things, as opposed to the cafeteria where we'll just
find hungry pigeons.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, yeah, store.
SEAN PLOTT: I don't really need anything, but I think
I'll go to the store.

Is this like a stereotype, as we're the only human female?
BILL GRANER: I think so.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That seems unfair.
SEAN PLOTT: I've never really looked around there before.
Wow, they've got all sorts of things for sale.
Though these nest building materials look like what you'd
find in a human store's trash.
My, how mature of you, mon ami, planning
to settle down already?
Oh, my god, is it Yuuya?
BILL GRANER: All the questions.
BILL GRANER: How did you?
OK, wait a minute, recap.
Who's Yuuya again?
Is he the one who looks like the rich--
SEAN PLOTT: [INAUDIBLE] the upperclassman who's always
macking on the lady birds.
BILL GRANER: And is he like the evil-- he's like the
shunned brother of the other bird?
SEAN BOUCHARD: No, he's the popular one.
He's the--
BILL GRANER: Isn't it the same bird?
SEAN PLOTT: It's Sakuya.
BILL GRANER: There's Sakuya and Yuuya, right?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Right, Sakuya is the younger brother, who's
kind of an ass.
BILL GRANER: OK, so let's go with Yuuya then, I think.
Although is just continuing in our endless flirtation with
all the birds.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, OK, no, that's not.
I'm still a high school student.
This is Meta.
That may be so, but you know we doves reach sexual maturity
within a year of birth.

SEAN BOUCHARD: That just raises more questions.
SEAN PLOTT: Guys, we can't curse, because it will be

SEAN BOUCHARD: We don't want to warp young minds.
SEAN PLOTT: But pigeons do become
sexually active in a year.
They do?
That seems a little hasty.

SEAN PLOTT: What a summer.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, hasty is exactly the right word.
BILL GRANER: Your love, of course-- yeah, he's coming on
too strong.
SEAN BOUCHARD: He's coming on real strong.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, he's popular.
Let's get with him.
Come on.
Why, I, Yuuya, that's.
We're not.
I'm not good enough?
Oh, well, I'll have to try again later.
BILL GRANER: Ugh, this guy.
SEAN PLOTT: Is this how he talks to every girl he meets?
BILL GRANER: I just would not want to be in a
room with this guy.
SEAN BOUCHARD: No, I think it's rude.
I think it's [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN PLOTT: I want to let to it slide.
BILL GRANER: Call him on it.
SEAN PLOTT: God, he's popular.
BILL GRANER: Call him on it.
BILL GRANER: We can't have this in pigeon human society.
This is not cool.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, all the pigeons want his bird seed.
And he hangs out at the store.
That's so cool.
I bet he drives an awesome car with this little feet.
SEAN BOUCHARD: His little feet.

All right, OK.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, OK, no, this has to be consensus, because
we're playing together.
BILL GRANER: I vote for rude.
I vote for rude.
I think we want to get with the--
I still think that the rich guys got a heart of gold.
SEAN BOUCHARD: The younger brother?
You think the younger brother?
SEAN PLOTT: Your bird cage is going to be empty for life,
you know that?
You're going to die with it empty.
SEAN BOUCHARD: You have to have standards, Sean.
SEAN PLOTT: Sean, these are birds, come on, man.
this bird talks.
SEAN BOUCHARD: He is royalty, all right.
Come on.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, my god, that's right.
He's related to Sakuya.
That's rude.
Well, let me.
I think that's a little rude, Yuuya.
What is?
That sort of loose talk, like I'm a game or something.

BILL GRANER: That's so Meta.
SEAN PLOTT: That is Meta.
You know that's the first time a girl has ever
said that to me.
SEAN BOUCHARD: There you go.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, our chances are still
looking good with Yuuya.
I like it.
BILL GRANER: By girl, does he me human?
SEAN PLOTT: Thank you, mon ami.
I'll carry this warning in my pigeon heart forever, adieu.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Words are cheap, guys.
I don't buy it.
SEAN PLOTT: I can still, like if I saved right now and
loaded it up after the show, do you think he'd want me?
I think you actually picked the right thing in the Choose
Your Own Adventure towards him.
SEAN PLOTT: What elective are we doing, attend gym?
We haven't done gym.
SEAN PLOTT: We already went to math class, maybe we can--
SEAN BOUCHARD: I like math class.
I want to get good at math.
SEAN PLOTT: You want to get good at math?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I want to get good at math.
It'll be a high paying job and school all these pigeons.
SEAN PLOTT: Literally.
BILL GRANER: I mean, we haven't done
gym class yet though.
We could have a billion vitality.
SEAN PLOTT: It's compelling.
I always find myself wondering what the math we
learn is good for.
Hey, I majored in math.
What the hell?
BILL GRANER: Yeah, I know.
Well, you're a human though.
And now we can draw a line perpendicular to the zzzz.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, they're all falling asleep.
SEAN BOUCHARD: The falling asleep before a professor
really bothers me.
SEAN PLOTT: It doesn't bode well.
It's just like no time was spent thinking about this guy.
SEAN BOUCHARD: We got five more wisdom guys.

SEAN PLOTT: Today is Tanabata.
BILL GRANER: Of course.
SEAN PLOTT: There's probably a bamboo tree in the
plaza this year too.
I think I'll go make a wish.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It sounds like a real.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, look at this invasive--
BILL GRANER: Let's just say, Christmas.

SEAN PLOTT: Christmas.

There's lots here already.
SEAN PLOTT: My mother stay healthy this year and make my
stomach get better.
BILL GRANER: Oh, Ryouta.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Wait, are you reading other people's wishes?
BILL GRANER: That's kind of low.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I feel like that's not OK.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh yeah, it's like one of those prayer books,
where they write and they slip underneath like the assortment
of candles.
And we're supposed to pray for all them underneath.
Except we're just opening them up.
SEAN BOUCHARD: What's this one say?
SEAN PLOTT: Ryouta's mother's sick?
That foul bird food.
And may my stomach-- wait a minute.

Seems like a pretty selfless bird.

BILL GRANER: Oh, it's in--
impossible is not--
SEAN BOUCHARD: French is not impossible.
SEAN PLOTT: Or impossible isn't French.
I don't actually--
BILL GRANER: Didn't go France.
SEAN PLOTT: I never--
BILL GRANER: Why is it sideways, too?
You'd think we'd hold it differently.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's weird.
SEAN PLOTT: Can you hear the song of the stars above?
May they send you happiness, mon ami.

Interesting, so these are love letters.
Oh, I got you.
And this must be like the track guy.
These are love letters.

SEAN PLOTT: That's right, he doesn't speak English.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, that's right.
This is his greatest dream.
SEAN PLOTT: What should I wish for?
Conquer the by force.

Rule the world from the shadows.
Become a famous artist.
SEAN BOUCHARD: From the shadows.
From the shadows.
BILL GRANER: From the shadows.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm a master assassin.
SEAN PLOTT: Now, I just want to note that this is what
interests me about dating games.
Is that they give you a choice that like this.
I'm thinking how did I get with Yuuya.
You guys might be thinking he's rude.
All right.
SEAN PLOTT: And everywhere else.
I feel it in my tail feathers.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Sakuya for life.
SEAN PLOTT: How do we rule the world from the shadows?
That's wisdom.

This is going to give us wisdom.
BILL GRANER: Take the reins of power through clever schemes
and rule the world from the shadows.
Sure, math.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Right, exactly, math.
BILL GRANER: Is that you, Dating?
SEAN PLOTT: There's my teacher, who's in to that.
Is that you Dating?
Please, call me Meta.
Mr. Nanaki!
SEAN BOUCHARD: Wait, have we ventured down this path?
Is this where we're going now?
BILL GRANER: Is this our lot in life?
I don't know.
He's educated.
He has a stable job, teaching me math.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, but he looks pretty old.
You can tell.
He has a stable job teaching me.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm not going anywhere for three years.
That's as long as I'm in school, man.
He can buy me [INAUDIBLE] materials from the store where
Yuuya hangs [INAUDIBLE].

SEAN BOUCHARD: It can be dangerous for a girl out in--
where are we?
SEAN PLOTT: We're in Christmas.
BILL GRANER: PigeoNation, I think.
We're in Christmasville.
SEAN PLOTT: I was about to head home.
Would you like me to walk to your place?
Always go with the hot choice, right.
OK fine, yeah, yes.
Let's do it.
SEAN PLOTT: Yes, the hot choice.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is terrible.
This is terrible.
BILL GRANER: We're going to get the whole pigeon school
closed down.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, Yuuya and the teacher, it's like
collecting ethers in Final Fantasy 7.
You don't [INAUDIBLE] one, you just want to have 99 of them.
Come on.
Yes, please, I say.
All right.
Come on.
Get there one time.
Master Nanaki demonstrate some extreme sleeping on the way
home, but we arrived eventually.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is extreme sleeping an internet sport?
SEAN PLOTT: Extreme sleeping?
BILL GRANER: It is now.
SEAN PLOTT: Like the RedBull athletes where they chug a
RedBull and jump out of an airplane and nap for a mile.
If you have a good dream, you hit the ground and you die.
[INAUDIBLE] you're a bird.
BILL GRANER: It's just like Apm0.

SEAN PLOTT: Kazuaki says, your house is very--
SEAN BOUCHARD: I can't help but think that he just ends
every sentence with the word, Dating.
Come on, Earth-clan.

I it this way, says Meta.
I like my rustic--
BILL GRANER: Yeah, why do we live in a cave?
Will this be revealed?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't know.
I think this is student housing.
SEAN PLOTT: You just have a cliff face open [INAUDIBLE].
That'll be $10,000 a semester.
BILL GRANER: Is it possible to tell what's normal and what's
not normal in Japan?
This is probably how it works.
You live in your little hillside dwelling, looking
down on pigeon town.
And then every day you walk down about three miles, down
the path, and you have to make sure there's no char marks on
you from your little cooking fire the night before.
Are we a cave man?
This is what I want to know.
Are we like a cave man?

A simple question.
Is there an FA committee?
SEAN BOUCHARD: All of the signs point that direction.
I can't believe I didn't see it before.
Bill, this is like the end of Lost.

SEAN PLOTT: It was a dream.

Here we go, guys we have about 10, 15 more minutes to get
with someone, so [INAUDIBLE]
BILL GRANER: Let's just do this.
Let's, you know.
SEAN PLOTT: Just wonderful indeed.
He looks a little sad.
Um, sir?
See you tomorrow.
Don't forget your homework.
So he left somewhat a hollow sounding farewell echoing
behind him or was it just my imagination?
BILL GRANER: So what happened?
SEAN PLOTT: I'm going to do--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Nothing happened.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm going to do Hatoful brevity
and only hit the--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Yeah, do it.
SEAN PLOTT: All right, math class, come on teach.
Is this swimming?
SEAN PLOTT: What did I?
I don't know what the question is.
Who is most likely to murder somebody?
SEAN PLOTT: Well, Sakuya's an aristocrat, so probably him.
Ha ha, even the hominid recognizes my spirit.
Ha ha.
That's harsh.
SEAN PLOTT: They dive with perfect synchronization.
Yikes, they're both.
Another decision.
BILL GRANER: They don't swim do they?

SEAN PLOTT: Join him.
Let's do it.
BILL GRANER: I do feel that we may want to actually read some
of these things, but even quickly.
Because I just feel irresponsible
answering these questions.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm curious what the structure of the
questions is, actually.
Like I'm curious what are the questions that it asks.
SEAN PLOTT: A hunter-gatherer's body is her
way of life, so maybe I'll go running.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Interesting.
BILL GRANER: What is going on here?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Are you running?
Oh my god!
SEAN BOUCHARD: Post-apocalyptic
BILL GRANER: Maybe we went too far forward you guys.

That was a good run.

SEAN PLOTT: Ah, that was good run, a true running girl's way
to start a vacation.
I wonder how far I ran?
I lose track of where I'm going when I get
the runner's high.
Where am I?
I must have walked-- fast forwarding.
Oh, geez.
BILL GRANER: Get a job.

Get a job.
SEAN PLOTT: I think a saw a flier at the station hiring
high school students.
Fast forwarding.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That is so much.
SEAN PLOTT: Give the job to Ryouta man, I want him too.
Give the job to him, his mother is sick.
SEAN PLOTT: Mr. agah.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, who do I--
BILL GRANER: Let's invite Sakuya.
SEAN PLOTT: Not the teacher?
Come on, we've gone to math class.
SEAN PLOTT: He walked us home.
You mean it, really?
BILL GRANER: We can't condone.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I can't see the teacher.
You've got nerve to call me out during vacation.
What is it?
Oh, right, you just moved here, so you
wouldn't have known.
Today's the festival.
Let's go together.
Festival, what's that?
You'll come and to understand when you see.
Come on.
What in the?
Shops, food, good fun for all around.
People can't possibly be eating food
prepared like this.
It'll be unsanitary.
It's madness.
Don't worry, there haven't been any reports of
[INAUDIBLE], There were reports three years ago?
[INAUDIBLE] the panic-stricken Sakuya around the festival is
a little troublesome.
I wholeheartedly agree.
SEAN PLOTT: And so the night wears on.
When did you buy that candy apple, Sakuya?
They had interesting colors, so I thought I'd buy one.
BILL GRANER: I mean he's sort of a bird,
that's how a bird thinks.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Mount it in a case.
SEAN PLOTT: You wanted the bird that mounts it in a case?
It's Mazy.

BILL GRANER: Ah, home sweet home.
SEAN PLOTT: Slept too late.
School starts.
Oh, hello, Dating.
Sir, I'm sorry.
I overslept.
Ahh, my homework.
I forgot to bring my homework.
Aren't you getting a little bit ahead of yourself, Dating?
What's the number in the top left hand corner say.
SEAN BOUCHARD: August 30th.
SEAN PLOTT: You're just a little bit early.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I don't know what that means.
What's happening?
SEAN PLOTT: I think it's fall term.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Did we come on the wrong day?
We went to school on the wrong day?
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, Kazuaki wants me to
help him with something.
I'll assist.

Lend you a hand, says Meta.
I was about to start grading the freshman exams and thought
that maybe you could help if don't have something else.
Of course, you have a test in September, so if you want to
go and study--
BILL GRANER: No, no, no, not the library.
That's where freshman boy hangs out.
We got to hang out with this guy, because return.
No, wait.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Return to my glorious abode.
BILL GRANER: You're abode--
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's amazing.
BILL GRANER: I mean, is there a way to upgrade our house,
because it's literally just the entryway to a cave.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Micro-transactions Bill.
BILL GRANER: Right, exactly, free to play, pay to win.
Let's do this guys.
I've got like $1.50.
SEAN PLOTT: So I spent the morning grading tests in the
air conditioned staff room.
Oh, I see.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, air conditioned.
BILL GRANER: It has mango in it.
SEAN PLOTT: Weak tea, is that a euphemism, bird?
BILL GRANER: What are you trying to say, bird?
SEAN PLOTT: What is this fun.
SEAN BOUCHARD: What is this fun?
Oh man.
SEAN PLOTT: Get with Sakuya?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm regretting it.
I hate all of these guys.
BILL GRANER: It's got to be Kazuaki.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I thought the point of this was to like
create all of these characters that are so attractive it's
difficult to choose between them.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, but they're all so awful, it's difficult
to choose between them.
It's the same level of challenge.
BILL GRANER: But it's also difficult to know when you're
choosing between them.

SEAN PLOTT: A student ID?
What is it?
Someone from 2-2, a name I don't recognize?
Should I go blah blah blah a little blah?
BILL GRANER: Is 2-2 like another zone?
SEAN PLOTT: Fast forward!
Let's do some math [INAUDIBLE].
SEAN PLOTT: I'd hoped for something a little more
interesting from an elective, but this is dull.
Skip, skip, skip.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Whoa, what happened?
SEAN PLOTT: Guy's, maybe I should invite him along.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Invite him.
BILL GRANER: Invite him along.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Invite him.
SEAN PLOTT: Do you need something?
You're free today, right?
Want to go look 2-4's haunted house?
SEAN PLOTT: A haunted house is a waste of time, nothing but a
foolish charade of commoners by
commoners and for commoners.
BILL GRANER: They love that phrase.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, you don't go.

Nepotism, ho.
No, you have some negotiation skills.
SEAN PLOTT: Oh, I suppose it might have some value.
Since I have no other pressing matters to which I must
attend, I shall accompany you.
SEAN BOUCHARD: How hard would it be, like honestly, guys, as
game designers, how hard would it be to restate the question
before it gives you the choices?
It's got that button in the top right hand corner.
You know that people are going to press that.
And they're going to go to a question, where it's like,
invite him along?
BILL GRANER: And you know that people in play testing--
someone has used the fast forward button.
And so this must always come up as an issue.
Maybe it's just more fun this way.
I mean, I don't know.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is it punishment?
SEAN PLOTT: Stumbling around [INAUDIBLE]
BILL GRANER: It could be.
SEAN PLOTT: Slot machine.
Well, it's like, do you want to place a bet?
And you're like, on what?
And they're like, do you want to place a bet?

And they're like, well, you lost.
And you're like, can I place another bet?
And I just hit the fast forward button.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Shit was pretty exciting when we discovered
that was Sukuya.
SEAN PLOTT: What is this madness?
A haunted mansion.
What on earth is that?
No, that would a ninja mansion.
Bla bla bla.
SEAN BOUCHARD: A ninja mansion.
BILL GRANER: Wait, a ninja mansion?
SEAN PLOTT: I can't see.
Why is it dark in here?
BILL GRANER: Oh, this is cool.
We're in the ninja mansion.
BILL GRANER: Something nasty.
BILL GRANER: Ah, my underwear.
SEAN PLOTT: Agh, aiiee.
You're not supposed to kick the [INAUDIBLE] buddy.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, it's a haunted house.
It's Halloween guys.
BILL GRANER: This is fun.
This is pretty good.
SEAN BOUCHARD: September 25th, Halloween.

SEAN PLOTT: I've never seen him this worked up before.
Anyway, I'm glad he enjoyed it.
I think?

BILL GRANER: Sakuya's got maybe a few too many problems
to really bring-- oh, hey.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Side with Kazuaki.
Never with Shu.
SEAN PLOTT: That's not very nice doctor.
What do you want?
Hello, Dating.

BILL GRANER: Like teacher like pupil.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm going to just start fast forwarding as fast
as possible.
Drink it!
BILL GRANER: They're on to us, man.
SEAN PLOTT: Drink it.
No, what are you doing?
OK, and, and.
SEAN BOUCHARD: I think wisdom leveled up, because we drank
the unknown medication.
SEAN PLOTT: I'm going to go look at whatever.
SEAN BOUCHARD: That's a good lesson.
That's a good thing to teach.
SEAN PLOTT: Sakuya, yes!
Dude, we're consistent [INAUDIBLE] guesses.
Ha, how long have you been there?
How unpleasant.
No, I just came over here.
It sounded beautiful.
I never knew you could play.
I'm amazed yo can practice and still study enough to get such
good grades, Sakuya.
BILL GRANER: He does have a nice--

he's got sides.
He's got depth.
He's like an onion, noble onion.

SEAN PLOTT: Sorry, I'll go now.
Don't mine me.
No, stay.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, I know.
SEAN PLOTT: What do you love?
BILL GRANER: Ooh, here it is.
Yes, let's get into it.
SEAN PLOTT: Why this all of a sudden?
BILL GRANER: It's been worth it.
Let's do this.
SEAN PLOTT: Udon, truly?
SEAN PLOTT: Yep, I eat it every day.
BILL GRANER: Oh, we so failed at that.
SEAN PLOTT: We suck.
SEAN PLOTT: God, we're awful.
BILL GRANER: What is our problem?
SEAN PLOTT: What is wrong with us?
BILL GRANER: She's just a cave man.
I don't possibly understand your love.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Shame spiral.
SEAN PLOTT: That's what the Geico commercials showed me.
December 8th, we get our finals back.
Sir, top of year this time.
Well done.

SEAN BOUCHARD: All of that math class really paid off.
BILL GRANER: She beat Shirogane.
Sorry bro.
Sakuya is glaring daggers at me again.
How nostalgic.


It's winter break.
Christmas party at Le Bel's.
My family is Buddhist so I hadn't had anything planned.
I might as well go.
In think I'll--
all right, we're going to go to this party.
And we're going to wrap up.

SEAN BOUCHARD: Oh, fancy party.
BILL GRANER: Wait, this is the Buddhist?
SEAN BOUCHARD: No, no, no, I'm Buddhist, so I didn't have
plans on December 24.
BILL GRANER: Meta is Buddhist?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Meta is Buddhist.
Or my parents are Buddhists.
BILL GRANER: Is that why we live in a cave?
SEAN BOUCHARD: Is that why we live in a cave.
I don't know, Bill, that that's right.
SEAN PLOTT: It sounds reasonable.
Let's keep exporting and find out more about our
embarrassing self.

SEAN BOUCHARD: This is [INAUDIBLE]. "Jingle Bells" is
not going to get old.
SEAN PLOTT: Stone age lifestyle, wow.
BILL GRANER: It's the first time we've really just
admitted to ourselves that we live in the Stone Age.
SEAN PLOTT: Every year, don't be foolish.
We have one every month.
Creating a habitat for social discourse is a noble's duty.

BILL GRANER: It said duty.
SEAN PLOTT: Feeling overwhelmed already?
Poor foolish common--
BILL GRANER: Oh is this that guy, the crazy one?
SEAN PLOTT: This establishment lacks pudding.
BILL GRANER: He's going to destroy it.
Buckle up, because he's going to go nuts.
SEAN PLOTT: Oko, you dog, why are you here.
I never invited you.
BILL GRANER: Oko is basically the cave man of pigeons.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, coo.
Okosan sensed a feast and came in through the window.
But there's no pudding.
I wouldn't give you, even if you would have--
BILL GRANER: That is low.
This is low.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is terrible.
These guys, I feel like--
SEAN PLOTT: You genetic--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Why the hostility?
Genetic throwback.
BILL GRANER: He's a little bit of himself.
SEAN PLOTT: Meta's been trying to get with
Sakuya for like 20 minutes.
BILL GRANER: I think Sakuya is just really deeply insecure
about the pre Brian days, when pigeons were just pigeons.

We got to let them have at it.
SEAN BOUCHARD: OK, I'll watch a fight, sure.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Okosan has a wing attack.
SEAN PLOTT: [INAUDIBLE] at once, dirty mongrel.
Okosan rains chaos and vile destruction on the
establishment for a little while and then flies away.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Vile destruction.
BILL GRANER: Misery and spilled eggnog.
Our work here is done.
SEAN PLOTT: The sun's majestic brilliance sweeps across the
land, lighting it into incandescent glory.
That translation.
It's the first day of the new year.
Looks like I'm still alive to enjoy it from my cave.
My home in sun is warm.
And I think I'll go visit a shrine.
There are lots of birds here already and most of them are
bla bla bla.
BILL GRANER: All right, good.

SEAN PLOTT: You know, I guess we wrap up episode one of
BILL GRANER: I just, I feel way more confused than I did
when we started.
Is that normal?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I'm honestly surprised.
I thought this was going to have a very different
narrative bent to it.
These guys are all uninteresting.
I don't care about any of these guys.
SEAN PLOTT: I hate the pigeons.
BILL GRANER: And we found ourselves, I think, we didn't
really dig deep into any one pigeon.
Because they were all so lacking.
And I think maybe this just demonstrates the female point
of view in high school, where it's just all
the boys are horrible.
And in this case, they're pigeons, horrible pigeons.
And so, really, all the woman can do is to go back to her
cave at the end of the day and hope to wake up on sunny
morning and visit a shrine.
The end.

SEAN PLOTT: Maybe this a was an example of just my own
personal flawed dating technique, but I wanted
something to just happen.
Any choice, I was like, all right, let's get a date and it
was like math class, gym, music.
I was like, math is sexiest one there.
BILL GRANER: Yeah, it's like we were building up levels and
levels of subtlety that were just crafting
bit by bit a sculpture.
And this huge, enormous sculpture that would take
years to craft.
And that sculpture is one tiny bit of interesting anything.
And so, really, just got to say, what?
SEAN BOUCHARD: From a game design perspective, I feel
like there's a disconnect between the game
and us as an audience.
Because this game would work.
I feel like this game would totally work if I were
intensely attracted to pigeons.

If I had a reason to really want to
be with these pigeons--
BILL GRANER: As opposed to just to see like what would
physically have happened, out of the sheer size
differentials and stuff.
SEAN PLOTT: Part of me wants to after we get off, just like
hit the next, next, next next until it's like,
you've got a date.
Because I mean a lot of the other Japanese romance visual
novels are like crisply paced.
It's like, how do you want to decide your class schedule?
You've decided it.
It's Friday night.
What do you want to do.
And it's like stay in and study, go on date with Ben.
And you're like, is that [INAUDIBLE]?
BILL GRANER: The game was bad.
SEAN PLOTT: Is that a choice, honestly, truly?

But at the very least, I hope that you Bill and you Sean got
the chance to--
and of course, all you beautiful viewers at home--
got the chance to see kind of like what a Japanese romance
sim is like.
SEAN BOUCHARD: No, it was interesting.
It was interesting.

I don't know that I'm very curious [INAUDIBLE]
into the genre.
BILL GRANER: I'm very curious what kind of machinations were
happening under the surface there that never
came back to us.
I mean, at the end of the game are you you're presented with
here's what happened, here's what we did?
SEAN BOUCHARD: We scored the best on the final, right,
because we went to math class so many times.

Like that's the way the world works.
The more you go to class--
BILL GRANER: We irritated Sakuya or Sakuake.
SEAN BOUCHARD: It did seem like the game was tracking us
towards Sakuya.
I wonder if that's because of a decision that we made.
SEAN PLOTT: But man, come on, there was never an option,
like date a bird right there.
SEAN PLOTT: It's like, this is the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
I don't play any instruments.
I have a stick.
And they just ran away.
And I'm like, no.
So embarrassing.
BILL GRANER: The other thing I wonder is how many miles and
miles of text did they write for this?
Like what other things could we have done in this?
What were the [INAUDIBLE] costs?
SEAN BOUCHARD: I think there's a lot of text.
I think there's a lot of text.
What kind of stuns me about it, as someone who grew up
with Choose Your Own Adventure novels and like that kind of
thing, is how few branching points there seemed to be.

My whole conception of the visual novel, the interactive
novel, is that you write a bunch of text, because there
are lots of different paths that you can take.
And this really felt like it there were much fewer paths.
They were just really long.
SEAN PLOTT: I like hitting next, and it was like, drink
it or don't.

BILL GRANER: And you just drink it.
I'll drink it, [INAUDIBLE]
me as a person.
Meta, the character I control, I don't care about her.
It could be like acid.
There's a jar of acid on the track field.
Do you drink it?
I'd be like let's just guzzle it man.
We don't even need water to chase it.
Get it in.
BILL GRANER: That's the other thing.
That little fast forward button is
like a regret machine.
Because if you don't hit, you spend your life wondering what
else you could be doing.
And if yo do hit it, you are just waking up, Memento style,
in the middle of a situation, like do I shoot the guy or do
I drink the stuff or do I run around the track?

SEAN PLOTT: Well, either way, I'd say I'd describe myself as
having a successful time, with you fine gentlemen.
SEAN BOUCHARD: This was gun, yeah.
BILL GRANER: This was good.

I think this is good.
BILL GRANER: You're going to have weird dreams tonight.
SEAN PLOTT: The point of this entire show is to explore how
video games depict romance and what sort of [INAUDIBLE]
SEAN BOUCHARD: This is a good starting point.
This provides a touch stone for us going forward.
We're going to always be able to compare
back to Hatoful Boyfriend.
SEAN PLOTT: Pigeon dating, it's down to math class, drink
it, and leaving.
BILL GRANER: Well, I got tell you though, there's something
that still bugs me.
And that is that this game has a very strong, very extremely
large, strong following.
So I want to know what did we not experience?
SEAN PLOTT: Part of me feels like what's tough about doing
a game on dating is that dating is so much about
getting to know someone and the personality.
But honestly, I would just prefer someone to be like the
love of your life is at the top of that platform.
Now dodge these flying objects on this platform
for you to get her.
And I would be like, I love you so much.
Jumping when I get them.
Victory, high score, like to me that's.
BILL GRANER: I mean, maybe this is what--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Donkey Kong dating.
BILL GRANER: Right, this is what would've happened had
there been no Donkey Kong.
Your princess is not in another castle.
Your princess is one of these lackluster people--
SEAN BOUCHARD: Obsessed with pudding.
BILL GRANER: That you just run up against every day.

SEAN BOUCHARD: I appreciate the choice.
I appreciate the idea that like it's a game about dating.
It's a game about getting to know people.
I totally get that.
I just feel like there's a distinct lack of agency.
There's a distinct sense of stuff is just happening to me.

And that's ridiculous.

This is like the Harry Potter situation.
It's some crazy, wacky boarding school.
I'm the only human at this school.
I should be doing stuff.
I should be having adventures.
SEAN PLOTT: It should've been an MMO.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Should've been an MMO.
Bill, how do you solve the problem of everybody wanting
to be the only human?
It's tough.
You can't do it.
BILL GRANER: I'm not convinced that everybody wants to be the
only human.
It think especially the caveman angle is really sort
of off-putting.

If it was a 3D rendered world, we would be able to tell how
tall we were, which would be great.
And maybe you'd also get a glimpse of someone as they
were still coming towards you, instead of just like [THWCK].

SEAN BOUCHARD: I actually, I love the idea of a fully 3D
rendered world that just has billboards of photographs of
pigeons that are poorly cut out.
BILL GRANER: And here at Crater House we
can make that happen.
SEAN PLOTT: What I would say is that I would give this game
9 out of 10 stars.
SEAN BOUCHARD: For a given value of star, sure.
SEAN PLOTT: Dude, I am so thrilled at the chance to able
to tell someone that I played this game, so 9 out of 10.
SEAN BOUCHARD: Definitely.
BILL GRANER: You know what I want?
I want mail.
I want email from people who are just-- there's got to be
people who are livid that we didn't get it or something.
And I want them to just.
I want to hear about that.
SEAN PLOTT: That's feedback@day9.tv.
I look forward to your Hatoful email.
BILL GRANER: I didn't know there was an address for that.
SEAN PLOTT: Yeah, totally man.
BILL GRANER: Sick, dude.
SEAN PLOTT: We take this super serial.
Well, until next time, I'm Sean Plott.
BILL GRANER: And I'm Bill Graner.
SEAN BOUCHARD: And I'm Sean Bouchard.
SEAN PLOTT: And this has been the first episode of
Hope to see you next month for episode two.