Crackòvia: Athletic 0 - 3 Barça (2nd half) [English subtitles]
Uploaded by Kewban on 28.05.2012
Transcript:
"Come on! Pass the ball! No! Run! Come back to defend!
Granpa!" "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention!
Well, now I can finish telling the end of the last 'Cup of Myself.' Listen. In the second half..."
"A historic moment! Last time Guardiola discusses the tactics in Barça's bench!"
"Messi's hogging the ball and I won't score a hat-trick.
Why are you studying the tactics if the game is already locked up?"
"It's not the tactics, Pedro. He's helping me to decide where I'll spend my holidays."
"I suggest Croatia, but he says it's a crowded destination. Always so special..."
"And what about the Canary Islands?"
"Go and play. Hurry!" "Pulitzer moment! Last time Guardiola picks a holiday destination in Barça's bench!
Commander, it's hard to find a place worthy of you on Earth, isn't it?"
"I'd be satisfied with a place where you won't cling to me as a tick all day long, you pain in the neck!"
"Can you hear? Las time Guardiola pours scorn on me in Barça's bench!
Sorry, I've got a piece of grit in my eye."
"Shoot! Take care! Oh!
Carles, how's your knee?" "Very bad. You should think about what you'll do after retirement."
"Always so optimistic!" "Wait, I've brought something.
A newspaper to look for job offers."
"Look, I may fit in here:
Looking for a salesman, training will be provided, €15000 plus bonuses. Well, €15000 per month is not too much, but to start working..."
"Per month no, fool! €15000 per year!"
"€15000 per year for 40 hours per week! These guys are out of their head!"
"You should be a color commentator, like me."
"Of course, you're right! You can teach me. What's your analysis of the game?"
"Well, right now I'd say Barça should be careful, because there's no small team. And football is like that, because sometimes the ball doesn't want to go in, you know."
"Jeez! It's clear you've been doing it for ages, eh!" "After this master class, I think I'm gonna listen to the radio.
Carles, as I don't have hands, can you put the headphones on me?" "Ah! No hands, no headphones."
"Come on!" "Attention, Quim, there's a controversial play. Let's see what has really happened."
"I'm clear about that, Ricard! While Barça players were calling for 'offside', an opponing player 'handled' the ball outside the box! [words in English]
The 'referee' has awarded a 'free-kick' to Barça and the Basque players have accepted his decision with 'fair play'!" [words in English]
"On behalf of the British Government, it's a pleasure for me to announce that, because of the magnificent use of Anglicisms in sports language, you've been named 'English of the Year'!"
"But I have something to say: I'm not the English of the year.
English of the year is the one who drives on the left! English of the year is the one who carpets the walls!"
"What a good speaker, right?" "English of the year is the one who has tea at 5pm everyday! English of the year is the one who makes a call from a red phone box!
English of the year is the one who gets anywhere on time! English of the year is the one who gets on a double-decker bus!"
"Your Highness, what a move!" "Yes. Xavi, huh? I don't know how he can turn around."
"No, I was talking about Shakira! She's just behind me and doesn't stop moving her hips."
"I already noticed it, but I have to sneak a look at her because my wife is watching the game on TV, and if she sees me, I'll be in for it."
"Keep quiet, I'll let you know when she stands up again." "That's good!"
"Gentlemen, a bit of respect, please. There's another lady present."
"Jeez, don't tell me Bar Refaeli is here!" "Bar Refaeli! Damn! Where?"
"It's true. What a lack of tact. Take it, for your cold.
I can't see that lady, eh..."
"We'll miss you!"
"Great, coach!"
"Is it a heartfelt hug or just for the camera?"
"Commander!" "Get away, man!"
"I think he'll miss us more than he can imagine." "Yes, boy."
"Champions! Let's celebrate!" "Yeah, let's go!"
"But how come a celebration if we've lost?" "No, we've won. We're the champions."
"Champions of what, jeez, if we've lost?" "Forza Barça!"
"Very good!
And don't worry! I may run for election to Barça to sort it out!"
"No, there's no hope! Without Guardiola, we're done for!
The only solution is a collective suicide!" "Watch out!"
"All for the commander! If he leaves, I'll leave too!
Who wanna immolate with me?
Bunch of merengues!
Guardiole-le, Guardiola-la! Pep Guardiola is the best there is! Guardiole-le, Guardiola-la!
Wait a moment...
Maybe I'm overdoing it and it's not worth giving life for a fanaticism..."
"Damn!
What's up? It's what he wanted.
Well, good bye."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, IN THE VICENTE CALDERÓN LOCKER ROOM
"Eh, the man from Fuentealbilla! This is an exclusive interview. Some words for the press..."
"Can you see it? Can you see how Moix dances? Although Guardiola's leaving, we already have another cool bald man."
"The truth is yes." "He rules, doesn't he?"
"No, the truth is yes, you're making a fool of yourselves." I'll upload it on Twitter, boy: The president and the dancing bald man. Moc moc!"
"Boys, congratulations for the title. You'll see the celebration we're preparing tomorrow at the Camp Nou. It'll be awesome.
Lights, fire, smoke, and the main event: your speeches!"
"Jeez, president! Do we have to speak again? Don't bug me! What a drag, always the same!
Long live Barça and long life Catalonia!
We'll come back next year!
You're fucking awesome!"
"Last year I spoke in Catalan and I don't know how to surprise people now."
"Yes, I'll pass on saying something original like Pep's 'ziga-zaga', that still is haunting him 15 years later."
"Listen, Tito, as new Barça coach, you have to speak tomorrow." "I'm feeling awkward when speaking in public."
"A Barça coach doesn't feel embarrassed to speak in public!" "And a president neather, but we've got him..."
"Well, people wait for you to speak tomorrow.
Listen, I know it's...
Listen, boys. I know it's awkward speaking to the Camp Nou, and finding a football player who speaks well is more difficult than finding an upright banker.
But think about the people who'll come to see you. You have a duty to the fans.
They enable Barça to be more than a club! They make you heroes! They make you idols! They...!"
"And do they pay our wage?" "No, the TV channels do.
"Well, president. Therefore, we can give it a miss. Huh, boys?" "Money talks."
"Jeez, everyday you look more Catalan, boy. I'm proud of you.
Come on, mates. We have a lot of work to do. Let's celebrate! Party time!"
"Yes! To change nappies, to bottle-feed..." "Bottle! Bottle! Bottle! Bottle...!"
"Wait, boys! Wait!
Eh, Moix. How about a bit of dancing at the Camp Nou tomorrow?"
"Now I can understand why Pep has emptied."
"Come on, you're the king of the dance floor! Olé!"
"And that's how Barça won last Copa del Rey."
"Very well, grandpa. But how are we gonna watch TV?"
"Very easy! Turn it off and turn on again!" "Of course!"
"It seems it needs some time to warm up."
Granpa!" "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention!
Well, now I can finish telling the end of the last 'Cup of Myself.' Listen. In the second half..."
"A historic moment! Last time Guardiola discusses the tactics in Barça's bench!"
"Messi's hogging the ball and I won't score a hat-trick.
Why are you studying the tactics if the game is already locked up?"
"It's not the tactics, Pedro. He's helping me to decide where I'll spend my holidays."
"I suggest Croatia, but he says it's a crowded destination. Always so special..."
"And what about the Canary Islands?"
"Go and play. Hurry!" "Pulitzer moment! Last time Guardiola picks a holiday destination in Barça's bench!
Commander, it's hard to find a place worthy of you on Earth, isn't it?"
"I'd be satisfied with a place where you won't cling to me as a tick all day long, you pain in the neck!"
"Can you hear? Las time Guardiola pours scorn on me in Barça's bench!
Sorry, I've got a piece of grit in my eye."
"Shoot! Take care! Oh!
Carles, how's your knee?" "Very bad. You should think about what you'll do after retirement."
"Always so optimistic!" "Wait, I've brought something.
A newspaper to look for job offers."
"Look, I may fit in here:
Looking for a salesman, training will be provided, €15000 plus bonuses. Well, €15000 per month is not too much, but to start working..."
"Per month no, fool! €15000 per year!"
"€15000 per year for 40 hours per week! These guys are out of their head!"
"You should be a color commentator, like me."
"Of course, you're right! You can teach me. What's your analysis of the game?"
"Well, right now I'd say Barça should be careful, because there's no small team. And football is like that, because sometimes the ball doesn't want to go in, you know."
"Jeez! It's clear you've been doing it for ages, eh!" "After this master class, I think I'm gonna listen to the radio.
Carles, as I don't have hands, can you put the headphones on me?" "Ah! No hands, no headphones."
"Come on!" "Attention, Quim, there's a controversial play. Let's see what has really happened."
"I'm clear about that, Ricard! While Barça players were calling for 'offside', an opponing player 'handled' the ball outside the box! [words in English]
The 'referee' has awarded a 'free-kick' to Barça and the Basque players have accepted his decision with 'fair play'!" [words in English]
"On behalf of the British Government, it's a pleasure for me to announce that, because of the magnificent use of Anglicisms in sports language, you've been named 'English of the Year'!"
"But I have something to say: I'm not the English of the year.
English of the year is the one who drives on the left! English of the year is the one who carpets the walls!"
"What a good speaker, right?" "English of the year is the one who has tea at 5pm everyday! English of the year is the one who makes a call from a red phone box!
English of the year is the one who gets anywhere on time! English of the year is the one who gets on a double-decker bus!"
"Your Highness, what a move!" "Yes. Xavi, huh? I don't know how he can turn around."
"No, I was talking about Shakira! She's just behind me and doesn't stop moving her hips."
"I already noticed it, but I have to sneak a look at her because my wife is watching the game on TV, and if she sees me, I'll be in for it."
"Keep quiet, I'll let you know when she stands up again." "That's good!"
"Gentlemen, a bit of respect, please. There's another lady present."
"Jeez, don't tell me Bar Refaeli is here!" "Bar Refaeli! Damn! Where?"
"It's true. What a lack of tact. Take it, for your cold.
I can't see that lady, eh..."
"We'll miss you!"
"Great, coach!"
"Is it a heartfelt hug or just for the camera?"
"Commander!" "Get away, man!"
"I think he'll miss us more than he can imagine." "Yes, boy."
"Champions! Let's celebrate!" "Yeah, let's go!"
"But how come a celebration if we've lost?" "No, we've won. We're the champions."
"Champions of what, jeez, if we've lost?" "Forza Barça!"
"Very good!
And don't worry! I may run for election to Barça to sort it out!"
"No, there's no hope! Without Guardiola, we're done for!
The only solution is a collective suicide!" "Watch out!"
"All for the commander! If he leaves, I'll leave too!
Who wanna immolate with me?
Bunch of merengues!
Guardiole-le, Guardiola-la! Pep Guardiola is the best there is! Guardiole-le, Guardiola-la!
Wait a moment...
Maybe I'm overdoing it and it's not worth giving life for a fanaticism..."
"Damn!
What's up? It's what he wanted.
Well, good bye."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, IN THE VICENTE CALDERÓN LOCKER ROOM
"Eh, the man from Fuentealbilla! This is an exclusive interview. Some words for the press..."
"Can you see it? Can you see how Moix dances? Although Guardiola's leaving, we already have another cool bald man."
"The truth is yes." "He rules, doesn't he?"
"No, the truth is yes, you're making a fool of yourselves." I'll upload it on Twitter, boy: The president and the dancing bald man. Moc moc!"
"Boys, congratulations for the title. You'll see the celebration we're preparing tomorrow at the Camp Nou. It'll be awesome.
Lights, fire, smoke, and the main event: your speeches!"
"Jeez, president! Do we have to speak again? Don't bug me! What a drag, always the same!
Long live Barça and long life Catalonia!
We'll come back next year!
You're fucking awesome!"
"Last year I spoke in Catalan and I don't know how to surprise people now."
"Yes, I'll pass on saying something original like Pep's 'ziga-zaga', that still is haunting him 15 years later."
"Listen, Tito, as new Barça coach, you have to speak tomorrow." "I'm feeling awkward when speaking in public."
"A Barça coach doesn't feel embarrassed to speak in public!" "And a president neather, but we've got him..."
"Well, people wait for you to speak tomorrow.
Listen, I know it's...
Listen, boys. I know it's awkward speaking to the Camp Nou, and finding a football player who speaks well is more difficult than finding an upright banker.
But think about the people who'll come to see you. You have a duty to the fans.
They enable Barça to be more than a club! They make you heroes! They make you idols! They...!"
"And do they pay our wage?" "No, the TV channels do.
"Well, president. Therefore, we can give it a miss. Huh, boys?" "Money talks."
"Jeez, everyday you look more Catalan, boy. I'm proud of you.
Come on, mates. We have a lot of work to do. Let's celebrate! Party time!"
"Yes! To change nappies, to bottle-feed..." "Bottle! Bottle! Bottle! Bottle...!"
"Wait, boys! Wait!
Eh, Moix. How about a bit of dancing at the Camp Nou tomorrow?"
"Now I can understand why Pep has emptied."
"Come on, you're the king of the dance floor! Olé!"
"And that's how Barça won last Copa del Rey."
"Very well, grandpa. But how are we gonna watch TV?"
"Very easy! Turn it off and turn on again!" "Of course!"
"It seems it needs some time to warm up."