A Dog's Life

Welcome to the Daily Slog News Review
In upbeat defense news, Prime Minister Netanyahu and President Obama
resolved their bombing dispute with the Americans agreeing to attack Auschwitz.
And then in a prelude to the rockets from the south,
the army introduced its latest war version: Ehud - Gabi; while the former chief of
staff protested that his alleged activities show that he was well
prepared to enter Israeli politics and the recently crowned Miss Israel stated
that her dreams were that:
"Peace would break out between Ashkenazi and Barak."
And then the rocket war from Gaza renewed.
The Israeli expectation is that within the next two to three rounds of fighting,
we'll be at the point
where every resident of the south
has been interviewed and explained live how they feel.
The Islamic Jihad clarified that there is no intervening quiet;
It's just the hours are between two and four.
The Army is satisfied that the Iron Dome system also successfully
intercepted any cuts to the defense budget
in 2013. The home front explained the situation was complicated
and that it would take several months
to return the south to its natural abandoned and forsaken state. The defense
establishment was unworried by the next round where missiles are expected to
reach South Tel Aviv. "At least it is still south," they noted.
The enforced homeschooling did lead to some unexpected gains in academic achievement
and authorities considered extending the educational holiday until Passover.
Upon their return, eighth graders had no problem with the question: "Hamas fired
five missiles at a cost of $5 each and Israel fired five iron dome
missiles at a cost of $50,000 each. What was the profit to Hamas?"
The short-lived Israeli Olympic Committee romance with the Osem mascot
Bomba baby
ended in public ridicule.
On facebook it was noted that in London, the Osem Bomba infant
could be had for less than half the promised NIS100,000.
The Olympic Committee defended its decision, "We wanted a symbol that
represented the Israeli athletes: "An infantile crybaby mostly sitting on the
floor." Committee members claim that they were under the influence of psychiatric
pills prescribed by Big Brother shrink Doctor Ilan Rabinovitch and when
they got the "munchies," it seemed like a great idea...
The search for an appropriate replacement has so far
turned up to Michelin tire man
and the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
With the Israeli delegation now mascot-less,
they will be forced to train.
Only now have they learned that the Olympic games are like the Maccabi games, except
with athletes.
In political news, in the Kadima leadership struggle,
Tzipi Livni declined accepting the number two spot on Shaul Mofaz's list,
claiming she would only settle for a realistic slot.
President Shimon Peres opened a facebook page
and the company servers immediately crashed when constructing his timeline.
His first comment was: "Am I the only one noticing the disappearance of dinosaurs?"
Meanwhile, convict Moshe Katsav refused to undergo a DNA examination
claiming in his innocence:
"I didn't know "D", I didn't know "N", and I don't know "A".
The big brother reality show was rocked by charges of widespread prescription
mind-altering drugs. One participant even left the home still think he was a dog.
Psychiatrist did agree that viewers of the series actually do require
psychiatric drugs.
Thanks for watching!