Android Puke and Squall Trooper Training - Space Janitors: Episode Two [Official HD Version]


Uploaded by geekandsundry on 20.11.2012

Transcript:

[MUSIC PLAYING]
L: Can we change where we sit so I don't have my ex staring
in my face at every meal?
DARBY: I'm not thrilled about this either.
Good thing psych evaluations are next week.
With any luck, I'll get put into a social group that at
least has as an officer in it.
L: I definitely need a new social group.
MIKE: Come on, guys.
I thought we had some good times.
EDITH: Yeah.
You guys are the best friends the Empire's ever put me with.
DARBY: Maybe we had some good times, but I don't know about
old, cold, and calculating over there.
L: OK.
Yes, I calculate, obviously.
And yes, my body temperature is three degrees
cooler than a human.
These are things I can't change, Darby.
OK?
DARBY: That sounds familiar.
See and I'm always the one that has to change.

[TWITCHING ROBOTIC NOISES]
DARBY: What's wrong?
MIKE: She's malfunctioning!
DARBY: I know she's malfunctioning.
What do we do?
[TWITCHING ROBOTIC NOISES]
EDITH: Hold her down!
MIKE: I can't hold her down.
She's too strong!
DARBY: Ahhhh!
MIKE: Do it!
Do it!
DARBY: Wait, wait.
L: [SIGH].
Sorry, guys.
New taste buds.
Milk is gross.

MIKE: Oh, that got out of control.
Phew.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

DR SABATO: Hello.
I am Dr. Sabato.
Please state your full name for voice identification.
MIKE: Mike Chet.
EDITH: Edith Kingpin.
L: LN6-K.
DARBY: Darby Richards.
DR SABATO: I am here to help you, Darby.
So tell me about your problems.
DARBY: Well, you may have heard around, from everyone,
that L and I broke up.
DR SABATO: I am sorry to hear your relationship is no longer
functional.
DARBY: Well, that's just the beginning of it.
See, I had a plan to get back together with her.
[WHISTLE]
INTERCOM: Attention, crew.
Health control is [INAUDIBLE] droid population Report
unauthorized self-replicating droids immediately--
DARBY: L, I was just on my way to see you.
L: Darby.
DARBY: What's with the escort?
Something top secret going on in engineering?
L: He's actually not from security.
He's--
DENNIS: Hey, man.
Dennis 4862, what's up?
DARBY: I see.
So we broke up how many milliseconds ago?
L: 518 million.
DENNIS: Oh.
You're that janitor.
DARBY: Was a janitor.
In the middle of a career change.
L: Darby, you don't have to say things like that.
DARBY: No, no.
This time for sure.
No.
This time, yeah.
I-- just this morning, I actually signed up for the
squall troopers.
DENNIS: Oh, man.
That's great.
Congratulations.
L: Do they even accept non-clones?
DENNIS: It's don't ask, don't tell.
L: Really?
DARBY: Yeah, I thought the best way I could help the
cause is to fight alongside my brothers here.
DENNIS: That's right.
That's what I'm talking about, man.
That's what I'm talking about.
Welcome to the Corps.
Squall Trooper Corps!
Squall Trooper Corps!
Corps, Corps, Corps!
Hoo ha hoo ha hoo haha!
DARBY: Yeah.
No, like I just joined.
I don't know any of that.
I got to go.

L: I've never seen you do that weird dance before.
DENNIS: We all do it.
L: Oh.
And the next thing I know, my ex-boyfriend and my new
boyfriend are best friends.
And the infatuation with Dennis just disappears.
DR SABATO: A common occurrence with simulated human emotions.
L: I don't know what I would do without Edith.
I honestly can't tell you how helpful it is having a
computer psychologist in your social group.
It makes putting up with Darby so much easier.
DR SABATO: Tell me about your relationship with Darby.
L: That's a long story.
Binary?
DR SABATO: Proceed.
L: [FUZZY SIGNALS AND BEEPS]
DR SABATO: Very interesting.
L: [FUZZY SIGNALS AND BEEPS]
MIKE: OK, so it says here that only 3% of squall trooper
candidates die in training.
DARBY: Those odds are pretty good.
MIKE: Except for non-clones, then it's 90%.
DARBY: That's just for the ones who aren't fit.
MIKE: Do you know the expression "fit as a
clone?" DARBY: No.
MIKE: Well, it's something I started saying and it doesn't
apply to you.
DARBY: Look, I'm not actually joining the Squalls, OK?
I didn't sign up.
I just said that I would because I wanted to borrow the
armor for a couple of days.
EDITH: This is about L, isn't it?
DARBY: Oh, look.
This lights up.
EDITH: I'm just going to play rebels advocate here, and say
that you two were the worst couple in the galaxy, and that
getting back together would be a terrible idea.
Don't do it.
[BEEP]
MIKE: Come in.
DENNIS: [SINGING].

Darb, are you ready for training?
[SINGING].

DARBY: My training isn't today.
DENNIS: Yeah, I know.
Schedule's all messed up, man.
Didn't see your name on the list and I know how bad you
wanted to sign up, so I signed you up for today.
Anyways, chop chop, buddy.
You don't want to look like a dweeb on your first day.
Oh, anyone who's late gets vaporized.

[MILITARY CHANTS].

MIKE: Oh, yeah.
He's right.
Look, they even underlined "vaporized."
EDITH: Get dressed.
I feel like the whole thing was my fault.
DR SABATO: How so?
EDITH: Well, when L came in to have her taste buds remapped,
I may have suggested that she date a clone.
DR SABATO: That isn't so bad.
EDITH: Right, but then I also implanted the idea into her
brain, just to be sure.
DR SABATO: That is a violation of your Turing oath.
Why did you do this?
EDITH: [SIGH].
I don't know.
I thought maybe if she dated a clone, she'd be
around Darby less.
And then they'd both have a chance to get over everything.
It's only temporary.
And I do feel bad.
But it's for the good of the collective.

[GRUNTING]
SQUALL TROOPER: Ha ha, whoo.
This dweeb here, oh.
Nice unitard, dweebtide.
DARBY: I'm wearing the same thing as you.
[LAUGHTER]
SQUALL TROOPER: Yeah, but you're different.
Yeah.
DENNIS: Just ignore those dweebs, man.
They got out of the vats yesterday.
DARBY: So what happens here?
DENNIS: It's easy.
Just dodge that remote.

DARBY: Oh.
I've seen one of these things.
It's a whole shock thing that zaps you, huh?

[BUZZER]
[ZAP]
SQUALL TROOPER: Whoa!
[LAUGHTER].
DENNIS: No way, man.
This thing will totally blow you up.
[LAUGHS].
Makes you feel like you're in real battle.
MIKE: The whole thing was my fault, really.
I rigged the targeting system so that the remote wouldn't
shoot at Darby.
DR SABATO: Good for Darby.
MIKE: Yeah, good for Darby.
Bad for the imperial fleet.
[LASER ZAPS]
SQUALL TROOPER: Yeah.
Come on, boy.
[CHEERING].

[LAUGHTER].

[BUZZER]
DENNIS: [LAUGHTER].
Awww!
Squall Trooper Corps!
Yeah.
All right, you're up.
[DRUMMING AND TAMBOURINE]
DARBY: If I die, can you tell L--
DENNIS: L?
Oh man, we broke up.
DARBY: What?
DENNIS: So stay in the target area, just dodge the remote.
[BUZZER]
DENNIS: [LAUGHS].

[SIRENS]
[ZAPPING]
INTERCOM: Decompression removed.

L: What a disaster.
I can't believe this.
How are we in the same social group again?
MIKE: Is the pink mush weird today?
L: What did you tell Dr. Sabato?
DARBY: Nothing.
Just about how I got kicked out of training.
MIKE: Literally, a robot comes and he kicks you.
In the butt.
EDITH: You know, L, the Empire does everything for a reason.
It's not always ours to understand.
DR SABATO: Incorporating brain scan.
Just a moment.
Calculating your most compatible friends.
Congratulations.
You will find the most harmony and contentment with
social group 899.
[BEEPING]
EDITH: Wait, why am I the only one not still in 417?
DR SABATO: [BEEPING]
EDITH: What was that?
DR SABATO: Nothing.
Move along.
EDITH: Define directive four.
DR SABATO: I have no fourth directive.
EDITH: Program override.
Code CR Delta Picard.
DR SABATO: Wait.
EDITH: SUDO, define directive four.
SUDO: Directive four allows for creation of special crew
quarantine in social group optimization scheme for
maximum overall harmony.
Implemented as standard procedure for
incompatible leftovers.
EDITH: Incompatible?
We might fight sometimes, but I've never been in a social
group where people help each other more.
Surely, the Empire must see the value in that.
DR SABATO: Irrelevant.
EDITH: It's not irrelevant, actually.
DR SABATO: Irrelevant.
You must join social group 899 for the good of the
collective.
EDITH: No.
Move me back.
What's best for the collective is that I stay in 417 and help
my friends.
If they are leftovers, then [MUSIC PLAYING]
so am I.
DARBY: Hey, Mike.
You going to finish your green mush?
MIKE: No, man.
Go for it.
DARBY: Thanks.
Thanks for the favor.
L: I still can't get used to this old taste.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]