HWTV Holiday Special - Royal Wedding

Ronin: Greetings Beasts! After much anticipation we bring you coverage from the Royal Wedding,
where King Arthur's son is set to marry! It's a Royal Romp! It seems the whole Camelot kingdom
turned out to celebrate their marriage! The carriages are all lined up and the creme-de-la-creme
are emerging to take their places. They have hundreds of backstabbing, two-faced, superficial
friends pouring in from all over Anglorum and even Europe to attend the wedding! The
fashion community and paparazi is buzzing on what everyone will be wearing . . . and
who WASN'T invited! This is high-society's gala of the year!
Ballantine: Hey, who are you calling 'gala'? Anyway, the bride tried to sneak up on the
groom earlier thinking she was invisible. Apparently she totally misunderstood that
'groom-can't-see-the-bride-in-her-wedding-dress-thing'.
Ronin: Given the bedazzled sequins on the dress I WISH I couldn't see the bride! I hope
the wedding doesn't make me cry. So full of tradition, enchantment, elegance, suck-ups
. . .
Ballantine: You're as sensitive as an armadillo, or a pet rock! Also, Ronin . . . whose baby
is that your carrying and why are you missing a tooth?
Ronin: That was one crazy bachelor party last night. I'm a bit fuzzy, or is it 'furry',
or the details. I'm surprised I even got an invitation to the wedding!
Ballantine: When I heard you got a letter I first thought you've been writing the boys
in the Bremen Asylum again!
Ronin: Well, there are already some troubling signs for the wedding! There have been reports
of a wedding Crash Banger! There's just no keeping him away.
Ballantine: This wedding is so tacky! Is that an ice sculpture of Grimfrost?
Ronin: The swans were a nice touch, . . . until someone slaughtered them thinking the horde
had returned!
Ballantine: Who was the wedding planner? Jack Thundercloud? Looks like someone barfed glitter
everywhere.
Ronin: Regardless, I’ve got a good feeling about this wedding!
Ballantine: What kind of feeling is that? Gas? Indigestion? Isn't Yon suppose to be
here?
Ronin: Yon has a way of spoiling civilized gatherings. Remember Spring Rites? Ooops,
here he comes now!
Yon: Ronin, does this tuxedo make me look fat?
Ronin: Yes! Yon: Ronin, you didn't even look!
Ronin: You're late! Yon: I had a hard time getting out of bed
this morning. Ronin: Remember, lift with the knees!
Yon: Oooh look! Wedding cake! There's a note on it. "Yon don't eat this" Why would I eat
this note? This wedding cake though is delicious! Wow, and so fattening! Whose the chef?
Ronin: Starfox. He secretly wants to turn us all into husky furries. Maybe I'll try
one of these appatizers. YUCK! Great Gaia! I believe he just stumbled upon the recipe
for "Suck"!
Yon: Looks at all those bridesmaides! Looks like ripe picking for the love buzzards!
Ronin: Buzzards? If frogs could fly... well this wedding would still be a disaster, but
wouldn't it be neat?
Ballantine: Oh Ronin, as punishment King Arthur is giving you the extrodinant bill for the
wedding.
Ronin: Tell you what, I'm a reasonable beast. Tell him to write down a number he thinks
is fair and equitable ... and shove it up his . . .
Yon: RONIN! Why don't we just charge beasts as they come in? That way we can make money
on the wedding!
*sound of champagne glass for toast*
Ronin: I have an announcement for the groom. You're going to make love for the first time,
with the woman you loved ALL of your life. Now, I don't want to put any extra pressure
to perform tonight on you. Instead, I'd like to congratulate you . . . prematurely. In
fact, as my wedding gift I give you this magical elixer for your wedding night I purchased
from a snake oil salesbeast! ME!
Ballantine: Ronin, you said to be civilized and respectful!
Ronin: Don't go throwing my words back at me! If I had wanted my advice I'd listen to
myself when I talked, which is nonstop!
Drac: It's not a party without me! Aren't we supposed to be having a fiesta? Where's
the pinata? . . . oh, there it is!
*whack*
Ronin: That was the mother of the bride's hat! I don't have candy but I have my druidic
'swarm' spell! Anyone call for some insects to add some 'buzz' to the event?
Ballantine: Oh no, all this romance and sugar high is making Yon go crazy! Put your clothes
back on! Stop dancing naked in the fountain! You're scaring the guests away!
Yon: I celebrate nature's awakening from her winter slumber! This is my dance to the spring!
Ronin: Everyone's too shy to dance at weddings . . . those insects are getting everyone hopping
now though!
Yon: I inspired everyone to dance! Oh, I've got moves you've never seen before baby! Sure,
there won't be a marriage, or a romantic night between bride and groom, or wedding cake for
everyone, but there will CERTAINLY be magic and dancing!
Drac: And drinking of grog! The most important step.
Ronin: I think the bridesmaids are blushing.
Ballantine: No, they're feeling nautious and are allergic to those insect bites!
Ronin: Well love bites . . . if you do it correctly!
Ballantine: Oh great! The inlaws are fighting! This wedding has descended into mayhem! Wait,
where did Ronin go?
Yon: Hey cutie, like the way I shake my hips? I don't want to show off but . . . my fire
mage magic will certainly impress you!
Ballantine: What's that hideous smell? Is that the bride's perfume?
Drac: Actually to celebrate the holiday I've been eating refried beans, gooey cheese and
guacamole!
Ballantine: Wrong holiday Drac. It smells . . . combustible.
*sound of fire magic*
Ballantine: Oh no, the bridesmaide's dress caught fire! There goes the honeymoon in Corsica!
Oops, there goes Ronin running away with the groom to a land Far, Far Away!
Ronin: I caught the bouquet! . . . and this Groom is about to catch my rash!
Ballantine: I think it's safe to say that this party is about to become a historical
fact. King Arthur is really going to want to kill Ronin now!
Yon: Well, almost everybody who meets Ronin wants to kill him. I suspect he'll be a contestant
on the next episode of Wheel of Torture!
Ronin: I feel I'm forgetting something.