NerdOffice S03E19 - Créditos, Cinque Terre e uma torre torta (ENG SUB)

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JovemNerd.com.br presents: NerdOffice Editing by GavetaFilmes.com.br Subtitles by Fabio Lima - @fabiopl
Lambda, lambda, lambda, nerds! Welcome to the NerdOffice!
Look what we have here!
Dovahkiin, Azaghal!
Today you're the one who has to do the Fus Ro Dah.
- Do what?! - Fus Ro Dah!
'Kay.
Like hell!
We should thank Paulo and Aaron, from Manaus, who gave us this beautiful helmet.
Yes, they actually made this Skyrim helmet.
They didn't buy it, they made it themselves!
It's made of papier mâché.
They're very talented. It's just like the one in the game, really good!
On video, it looks even better.
Very well.
Azaghal, we don't usually complain about things. At least I don't.
Right?
In fact, you complain quite a lot.
What do I complain about?!
You're always doing this sad voice...
But that is like, when the website goes down, that kind of thing.
But I try to focus on the good things and put away the bad ones.
- Put them away. Right? - Right.
But today I decided to complain about something.
I don't want to go Felipe Neto or anything. (vlogger who complains about stuff)
I'd like to complain about something.
I'm not going to complain about History Channel's 30-minute commercial breaks.
I'm not going to complain about this crazy-haired orange guy who talks about aliens.
I'm not going to complain about him!
I'm going to complain about the following:
I like my movie channels. Sometimes a good movie is on and I watch it.
People enjoy that. I pay for the subscription, there are many movie channels.
You have the option of watching cool movies. Right?
- Right. - It seems like some channels did some polls...
...and found out that, during movie credits, which are so long,
people change channels.
And they lose those viewers.
Well, nobody reads the credits.
- No one reads them. - Only those who are really into movies.
They respect the work and watch until the end of the credits.
So, what happens now?
Right after the movie ends, some movie channels...
...stick a huge spot there!
- Holy crap! - They don't even wait for the first chord!
That makes me so angry!
It's so disrespectful!
I'll watch X-Men: First Class, but not on Telecine!
Man!! That is unthinkable, Azaghal!
When you dedicate 2 hours of your time to a movie,
you lay your emotions on it.
You're in the movie. You're watching the movie... Right?
At least that's the purpose of a movie channel.
They give you a movie, an experience, and you lay your emotions on that movie.
Well, not necessarily.
- But sometimes you do. - Sometimes the TV is on and you just...
Yes, but sometimes you're really into the movie, on your sofa with popcorn and stuff...
What if you've already watched it?
You can still get into it.
You can re-watch a movie you really like.
Like I was re-watching Pirates of the Caribbean...
...and remembering, "Boy, that was a good movie!".
So, when credits roll after a movie ends,
that's the moment when you breathe the movie in.
It's like you're digesting the movie.
Exactly. You absorb all that,
and you turn to whoever's by your side and say,
"Man, what a great movie!", or when you're alone. Because usually you...
It's like decompressing.
Yes! Exactly. Usually they set the main theme of the movie,
which is very exciting, and the credits are part of the experience.
At least those first few minutes are.
You're coming back to reality.
Exactly. But when you're watching, say, The Dark Knight,
and you're like, "Wow, there's our Dark Knight!",
and you see this!
Wait for it.
Here it comes...
Here it comes...
Oh, come on!
You really think people are in that kind of mood now?
Watching The Dark Knight and then...?
Look, man...
At the end of the movie you have air bubbles in your blood.
That could fuck up your health.
Look, dear managers of those channels:
I know you don't want to lose the viewers.
But the ones to blame are the people from the commercial department.
Okay, whoever is responsible for that...
It's like that Ad HTML thing.
You go to the website and there's that in-your-face ad.
I can't stand that shit.
Guys, use common sense when analyzing your polls...
...and picture yourselves watching a movie at home!
- Yeah, but... - Is that pleasant?
But that's not a new thing.
It's happened before, Alottoni.
Broadcast and subscription TV channels...
Yes. Broadcast TV channels have always edited everything and whatnot.
They've never given a rat's ass about you.
It's not their fucking problem if at the end of the movie...
...you'll need a hyperbaric chamber.
They want money. People pay loads of it to advertise their products...
...one second after the movie ends.
But it's not an ad! They're just announcing their own programs!
- Oh, that's pretty shitty, then. - How absurd!
Since it's all automatic, they don't choose what to show after each movie,
they just stick the spot in there.
I was watching The Dark Knight ending credits...
...and there was a Dark Knight spot there, with joyful music, man!
You're seriously showing Dark Knight scenes during the Dark Knight ending credits...
...with that music?!
Does that type of communication make any sense, Warner?
Does it make any sense in your minds?
- Holy shit, man! - That's fucking terrible.
That shit is surreal! So, please,
- I'll do you a favor... - Boy, you're really pissed off!
- Oh, man... - You're salivating so much!
Let me tell you something: there's that recording function.
I can use it to record shows. I recorded Pirates of the Caribbean 4,
because I haven't seen it yet.
- And I have the recording function... - It's not worth the trouble.
- What do you mean, it's not worth it? - No, it's not cool.
- Come on, man! - It's a bad movie!
No, I'll watch it!
Now, after I recorded it and before I watched it,
I found out they're doing that.
So, I will not watch Pirates of the Caribbean 4 on the channel that offered me that.
I don't want to reach the ending credits, when I'm super excited, and...!
What are you going to do, then?
Borrow it from Paulo Coelho? (download a torrent)
No, I'll... I'll rent it on Apple TV.
I'd rather to. I pay the fucking subscription, but I'd rather pay again for a movie...
...that's on the subscription channel, in order not to have this unpleasant experience.
And by the way, I'll pay, but you're encouraging other subscribers to do not even that,
but to download the freaking movie!
There's a movement on the internet that defends the idea that,
from the moment you pay for a service...
I'm not saying I do that, though.
But they say, for example, that if I have cable TV, I can download any movie or serial...
...because I have already paid for them.
Yes, I get the logic.
There are people who think like that.
I think it's a good logic.
Yeah. There's no law against or for that, but you can...
After all, and I'll go back to the same old boring talk,
when subscription TV came around, the idea was that there wouldn't be any ads,
since you're already PAYING to watch TV.
- I'm not even against commercial breaks... - Oh, I am. It's too much.
I'm not against them. But that way, you're violating your viewers' emotions.
I'll do you a favor: I'll make you a poll, for free!
If you like that, say it in the comments: "I'm okay with the spots during credits."
If you, like me, think it's bullshit, say so in the comments.
And then, dear TV managers, take this poll by Jovem Nerd and see what you can do with it.
There are other channels that speed up the credits.
They cram 10 minutes of credits in 1 minute, or in 30 seconds.
That's good enough. You can already listen to the music, relax,
and you don't even change channels.
See? You were there, relaxing, and after you've come back and digested the movie,
you're still on the same channel.
But they can't speed up the music, right?
- No, I've seen it, just the credits. - It'd be cool if they did, though!
- I think it would work. - My dad would love it.
- If they sped up the music. - The music?
My dad thinks that anything sped up...
...is the funniest thing ever.
Benny Hill was unbelieavably funny, in my dad's opinion.
He goes crazy with anything that's sped up.
Even more so if it's backwards.
Gaveta can do it with the NerdOffice, so your dad will to watch it and laugh.
Sure, go for it, Gaveta!
And Azaghal...
We cannot but use our channel to advertise products from our Nerdstore!
Yeah. After all, our products are fucking good!
Azaghal, let's talk about our Nerdcast Card Deck!
Here it is, in its aluminum case! Great!
You open the case and there are two Nerdcast Card Decks, Azaghal!
That's right! It has the main Nerdcasters...
...on the ace, king, queen, even jack cards!
Also, the Jokers, and even backup cards!
These cards have the Nerdcast podcasters on them,
but the other cards, the numbers, are also customized.
- Yes, they are. - It's a fully nerd deck!
Yeah. So, nerds, if you want to play some cards on the weekend...
...and are Jovem Nerd and Nerdcast fans...
- These were made by Copag. - They're no convenience store cards.
- They're not made of some fragile paper. - They're made of fine, durable plastic.
It's important to say that it's a limited edition product...
- ...so it's like a collector's edition. - Yes, a collector's edition.
- Yeah, with a deluxe box. - Deluxe.
- Special Edition. - Yes.
I'll give a hint to you Nerdcast and NerdOffice fans out there.
Why don't you buy the Nerdcast Card Deck...
...and get the autographs of all of the podcasters on their respective cards?
Good one! Cool!
It's an enhacement!
There's the link for you to buy your Nerdcast Card Deck.
And now Azaghal, let's go back to our Nerdtour.
- Oh, how I miss that! - Yeah, me too!
A big friend of mine, Marco Gomes of BooBox fame,
has recently been to Italy and Europe...
...and it reminded me of my trip. Oh, man...
Did you see his Instagram pics?
- Yes. Oh, how I hate being here with you guys! - Oh, cut it out!
- Look, this time... - I almost fell off my chair!
Be careful, for Christ's sake.
- This time, we went to Cinque Terre... - Oh, how I miss it!
...which are the fisherman village of the Italian coast. They're very romantic.
- Well, there's a fancy slum... - There's the Via dell'Amore!
- Right? That little path... - Other people's slums are always prettier.
And there's Pisa! We had to stop by there to take that funny picture with the tower.
So, have fun with the Nerdtour!
[CINQUE TERRE - ITALY]
Diving here must be cool.
Careful, Crazy Boy...
You're used to adventure!
This is too hardcore. Oh God!
She looks like she's gonna take a dump!
Sporty!
Dang, I'm so sporty!
Did you understand this sign here?
- "In case of a..." what's this? A storm? - Yeah.
In case of a "mareggiata", you go like this:
Isn't it scary?
"Mareggiata!!"
Tell us what "Cinque Terre" means.
It's the coast...
The coast where the fishermen live...
There's a lot of parties here... It looks like Rocinha [Brazilian slum].
They're five fisherman village on the Italian coast,
which became tourist attractions.
There was a breaker wave...
...and now two of the villages that are completely destroyed.
You can see it's very traditional here.
Did you film that?
I got totally distracted by the roots fisherman.
But that's it. They've just recently discovered this place as a touristic spot.
So, there's not much of a touristic structure.
You have to stay in a nearby city.
You can stay at a hotel here, but...
...it's easier to stay in a nearby city and come here by train.
- It's a 10-minute trip. - Just 10 minutes.
We're in the first village. I want to eat a sea bass!
Where's Zé Mayer? [Brazilian actor]
I think of myself as an average man.
You filmed a Zé Mayer around here.
Yeah, he did, in fact!
Put it in your purse.
It's a lot of extra weight.
These stairs are fucking tiresome. Stairs, slopes...
The person who painted that picture...
Do you wanna paint with my paintbrush?
It's just the Trattoria dell'Amore, guys. [Tavern of Love]
No, that's just dirty!
It's not romantic!
This is the Via Dell'Amore. [Path of Love]
Oh, you have to put the lock there!
- There's some little locks there! - Oh, Deive! Where's our lock?
Check out the lock hearts!
And here, on Via dell'Amore, our love is perpetuated!
It's kind of unreadable, but...
When we come back, let's see how it'll be!
Writing your lover's name is kitsch. On Via dell'Amore!
It's kitsch.
Oh, I'm kitsch. I loved it!
We filmed it, we took pictures...
He's vandalizing the fishermen's heritage.
I'm-a kitsch-ay! I like-a la kitsch stuff-a!
Romantic kitsch!
The rain's gonna...
Oh, Andrea is so boring! She's not-a romantic-a!
The next rain is gonna erase it all.
Look, same handwriting!
"Giuseppe and... Mimma?"
"Giuseppe and Pietra." Man!!
- He didn't even try to hide it! - Yeah, he wrote it all on the same spot!
Next time, he'll do it again!
He must have come with both! He had a ménage!
- Oh, a ménage! - He wrote it there, look!
Look, a heart-shaped lock!
- Look at that! - Aw, so cute!
If you didn't bring your romantic lock,
you can take a supermarket plastic bag and tie it there.
Oh my God, there are poor people even on Via dell'Amore!
So many plastic bags!
There are some purse straps too, up there.
Jesus Christ!
- There's a handkerchief up there! - Hair elastics...
Hair elastics are too much!
- There's even a paper bag. - Earphones!
- Where? - Over there!
Where is it?!
Man, we're on "Via del Garbaggio"!
There might as well be a plastic doll's head.
There's a ziplock bag there.
Ziplock?
- Yeah, from a sandwich. - Holy crap!
They ate a sandwich and tied the bag there.
That's gross!
Sandwich dell'Amore!
- I'm disgusted! - I'll tie a paper handkerchief dell'Amore!
With snot on it!
That's disgusting, Deive!
Use snot from both of you!
Snot 4ever!
Cuckold!
Below:
You're crazy...
- Look, The Bluehand Protocol! - Almost the same symbol!
- Look at this! - The Via dell'Amore is turning into...
"Maradonna is a son of a bitch!"
A Brazilian was here and messed it up!
- "Frodo and Sam"! - Awww, they were here!
- Come on, guys! - Everything goes on Via dell'Amore!
"Cris Brazillllllll !"
It's only her, though. So, someone wrote below it: "Forever Alone"!
Look, "Papacito and Mamacita"! [Mom and Dad]
This is the family that leaves the baby behind, on the floor.
- Snotty handkerchief! Someone put it up there! - There's a medicine leaflet over there...
Little baby shoes...
- Here, here: a hair scrunchie! - Gross!
An iPhone cover...
There's a lot of artists here.
This one made a rubberband heart.
The other guy used shoelaces.
"My love for you is so great, I'll take off my shoelaces."
Then this poor fellow tried to copy him...
This was the retard dell'Amore.
- This one put up a Band-Aid dell'Amore. - OMG!! So gross!
This is the cable binder dell'Amore.
This one's gonna last forever, since plastic takes long to deteriorate.
Jesus!
There's a lot of stairs in this town!
The problem is that the steps are tall.
Yeah right, that's the problem.
- I don't know how to eat that. - I don't have the slightest idea.
- Look how cute! - Now, crack it open!
- Guys... Do I have to cut it? - No, first you gotta measure it!
Oh, it's a fine lobster.
Use your hands!
- You gotta use your hands! - Oh, I won't do that!
Azaghal's gonna do it.
Deive! You're not supposed to cut it! You have to break it!
No, don't break the tail, break it in the middle!
She said it! You gotta use your hands!
Mrs. Jovem Nerd's got the chops!
I'll just grab some spaghetti.
That rock has lips like a duck, a nose like a pig...
What was the other thing? Hair like Neymar! [soccer player]
Get away from the rain, you poor people!
Now there's a whole bunch of people here.
Just like in Brazil.
- Yeah, now it's more like Brazil! - Carioca subway station.
Hey!
Run, guys!
Holy shit! Run!!
We ran like poor people!
- It's kinda tilted... - It's totally tilted.
Did you know it started to tilt while was being built?
Nothing was ever built all at once in the Middle Ages,
or whatever era it was built in.
So, they started building it and it started tilting.
"Oh fuck!" And they tried to fix it, but it was too late.
- Yeah, you can tell. - If you look at the top of the cake...
...you can see it clearly.
Yeah! That's what was bothering me!
The last layer of the cake...
- Yeah, it's much more straight. - Much more so than the bottom.
The Tower of Pisa is, in fact, the Pisa Cathedral's bell tower,
which is over there.
But look at the mess they made.
Public funding is a bitch.
"Let's just fix this mess during the construction!"
It's Superman 4 or 3, whatever.
- It's one of the bad ones. - He was angry.
- Superman comes... - ...and he fixes it.
And there's a guy selling tilted tower souvenirs...
- Yeah, that's right. - And then the guy makes them all straight.
And then Superman goes and...
Then he makes them tilted again. The guy was like, "Fuck!".
Look at the foundation.
You can see the floor is tilted, too.
Here you can see the distance from the floor to the grid.
It gets bigger.
There are tourists all over the place here.
This is where it's at.
I didn't see that one coming.
The Synopsis Museum.
- Wow, the jokes are getting worse. - What's that, Dr. Jones?
We think it's not gonna happen, and then it happens!
Fans in Italy!
- Caio, where are you from? - Andirá, in northern Pará.
A Jovem Nerd fan here in Italy!
Wow! What are the odds?
Yeah! Nice to meet you, man!
So many bumpkin tourists come here...
...and just have to take the same picture,
holding the tower.
This is when photographers say, "No, don't do that!!".
Oh, just go to hell, all of you artsy-fartsy photographers!
Oh, but you gotta do it! It's a good joke!
- What's the fun in coming here and not doing it? - Yeah!
Last week there was the Towel Day, on the 25th,
and we've gotta say who won the contest!
- That's right! - We can't forget about that!
- So, since we're recording beforehand... - Yeah, we're working in São Paulo this week.
They already know!
So, Gaveta is going to say who won! Yo, Gaveta!
We're just delegating now!
Well, I'm here to announce the winner of the Towel Day contest.
Since today's episode is ginormous, I'm just going to go ahead and say it, okay?
Straight to the point!
On 3rd place we have...
Man, congratulations.
You used Photoshop very creatively.
Your creation, "Game of Towels", was awesome.
Alottoni was thrilled with your image!
It was really cool!
You won a Nerdcast mug...
...and a book, The Bluehand Protocol: Aliens!
Congrats!
On 2nd place, the winner is...
Man! You showed us how to frighten aliens with towels!
Just look at that picture! It's wicked!
You won a Nerdcast mug...
...and The Bluehand Protocol: Aliens,
which is appropriate, since you've already shown off your skills in alien combat.
And on 1st place...
This person won a Sony Vaio EG13 notebook,
offered by Saraiva and Sony,
and I am happy to announce that the winner is Anderson Gaveta, YEAH!!
So I can't win? Because I'm a member of Jovem Nerd?
That's bogus...
And the winner is...
She was brave enough to go out on the streets...
...with three arms, to read the only reliable newspaper in the whole universe.
You deserved it, your humiliation was public,
congratulations.
You won the... notebook.
Enjoy it. 'Kay?
Kisses!
What about this week's question, Azaghal? What can we ask?
Every week we have nothing ready and we have to improvise. That sucks.
What unique...
...deluxe...
...collection addiction (sic)...
Collection addiction!
- ...collector's edition should Nerdstore release? - Nice!
WHAT'S THE BEST WAY YOU CAN USE YOUR TOWEL?
On Mondays, Nerdplayer. On Wednesdays, NerdOffice.
On Fridays, Nerdcast. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, MRG.
And don't miss Skynerd: Jovem Nerd's social network!
This Friday, live twitcam with Gaveta. Here, on...
*subtitles by @fabiopl*