Klubhusets Nytårstale 2012/2013

Uploaded by Klubhuset on 31.12.2012

Precisely 5:30. Welcome.
2012 has been a wear year for Klubhuset. The year started on a Sunday with a nasty hangover.
As this will be the case for many people tomorrow morning.
We in Klubhuset present the best advice for curing a hangover:
Activities in Klubhuset has been scarce in the past year.
This may be due to the easy going mentality, or that we simply have drunk
so much that we can not remember the year's activities - we assume the latter.
We have done a major discovery in Klubhuset in the creation of this speech.
As everyone knows, we have a cliff hanger from last year's New Year speech: Bacon Statistics!
Klubhusets intentions with bacon statistics is to identify the effective amount of bacon
after frying. This is a proportional line between quantity and quality before and after
frying. We expect that this research will help people around the world to choose bacon,
and help the Danish bacon industry optimize their quality and sales, and thereby leap ahead
of Poland and other countries in the industry even more.
Great cake.
When on the subject of our efforts in the bacon industry, it should be noted that aggravating
world economy has been on everyone's lips this year - while being a serious issue in Klubhuset.
This is not least because we in Klubhuset have the skills and the means to help.
We have amongst others advised Carlsberg who consulted the Klubhus think tank
about opportunities for expanding their market,
therefore, Carlsberg has just invested in the growing Chinese beer market.
Some of the small businesses that are under Klubhusets advisory, are;
Bjesken, Postgaarden, Buddy Holly
who also have benefited from Klubhusets bulging money tank.
As a side note it should be mentioned that
Klubhuset has the skill to make Denmark a superpower, but we have other things to do,
and as long as we have a female Prime Minister, it is excluded. We can consider this
when we again have a male on the post of Prime Minister, but nothing can be guaranteed, we
DO HAVE other things to do.
It says i have to drink again.
In contrast to the the world economy, we must remember to enter an always strong topic:
the Toy Market. Last year we saw Lego Ninjago take over the
leading position from Gormiti in the toy market. This strong Danish brand has managed to maintain
this position throughout 2012 where Gormiti is now only a minority in the market.
One of the products which have had a say in the toy market is the video games series Skylanders.
Spyro the dragon has gone one step further and is trying to take pole position of children's
wish lists during 2013, we will closely follow the development of the market - but we must remember
that even Klubhuset can not predict this organism.
I think Scooby Doo needs a cookie.
I don't think he likes it.
As you know, the apocalypse was planned to go down on December the 21st of 2012. Klubhuset
of cause averted this international crisis, but we can not go into details of the events
due to classification. Only a small group of men in the world have access to this information.
The people we are talking about is of course men like members of Klubhuset, Sean Connery
and Kim Jong-Un.
Last year we saw the fall of the great but little leader.
It is obvious that we're talking about Kim Jong-Il.
He was honored in last year's speech and now his little son has taken over the family business.
And he has, of course, done this with great success,
and we have seen many of our dearly beloved disney characters endorse the Great Successor.
This is great international recognition for the otherwise too hated country,
The Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
One of the most generous things the Great Successor introduced after the Dear Leader's
demise was the introduction of fast food in the People's Republic
to the great benefit of its inhabitants.
We in Klubhuset have followed his ventures closely, and have officially invited him to
an idea development meeting in Klubhuset.
From one powerful leader, we must draw attention to another.
This topic is not the same kind of success story as the previous one.
We are of course talking about Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller's death.
A man who has lifted the Danish economy and work ethic
and simultaneously made a generous effort to beautify the Queen’s Copenhagen.
In Klubhuset, we have always worked based on his motto:
"No loss will us hit which by due diligence could be averted."
Therefore it seems deeply essential to us to honor the lovely Mr. Møller's memory.
In the name of Mr. Møller I am going to make a toast in "lineracer"
The preffered Aquavit in Klubhuset. 0:05:48.509,0:05:52.509 Remember this tomorrow. Cheers!
A sad news for Klubhuset of the past year was the death of the Super Computer, and thus
the end of the original Guard Penguin. Electrical Engineer Knutzen had obviously kept a cool
overview of the situation and quickly obtained a new supercomputer. Evil people do not mean
this magnificent human’s well being and abducted this super computer from a highly
guarded fort in the form of a Peugeot 107. If anyone meets this supercomputer about in
the world, consult Klubhuset and a reward of 1 million dollars are awaiting. However,
there are of course been purchased a new super computer that can solve all the demanding
tasks in Klubhuset.
This i a good year!
Now that we are on IT subject, we can mention Klubhusets roaring appearance on social medias.
Klubhuset have recently created a Google Plus forum, where Claus, due to last year's incidents
on facebook, was not appointed as administrator. Of course we hope in the future that all of
Klubhuset's members can be authorized as administrators of this social media.
We will of course encourage people to follow us on Facebook and Google Plus,
to let them see themselves in having the opportunity to win money and alcohol.
In addition, we have just in this context launched a twitter profile
Where you also can follow Klubhusets debauchery.
In 2012, Klubhuset bestowed upon the world a trailer for the film that everyone is talking
about "Klubhuset the movie: Vi vader i pis" - Filming has been going on in 2012 and we
will of course continue throughout 2013 so we can achieve our premiere in 2015. It is
clear that this is a very tight deadline, but in Klubhuset everything’s possible.
In this context, Klubhuset been doing some research around the world, we can mention
places like Barcelona, ​​Andorra, Montpellier, Sète, Carcassonne, Edinburgh, Örnsköldsvik,
Askim and Lørenskog. These locations inspired Klubhuset the Movie, and most of them are
included in "Vi vader i pis" we can of course not anything further of the content of the movie
It runs right through the system
In 2012, Klubhuset had its second birthday and this was of course celebrate with a decent
night of fiercely drinking as last year. Unfortunately, none of the Klubhus members remember this
event and we can only look back on this and rejoice we are still alive.
We can, also related to another event of the same caliber, publish one of the many Klubhuset
rules. This rule specifies that excessive use of Jägermeister and Red Bull in under
an hour is not recommended. To be precise, Klubhuset as a unit, is not recommended drinking
two bottles of Jägermeister in under an hour.
Two bottle of Tuborg in under an hour is okay.
Klubhuset will as always take this opportunity to thank the companies who in the past year
have helped support Klubhuset, and these are:
Postgaarden, Buddy Holly & Peggy Sue, Tuborg, Bjesken, Bombay Gin and City Pizza.
We will also thank Postgaarden who once again allowed the Klubhus speechwriters to
organize a temporary office on their premises, and thus helped
to bring this speech to life.
We hope that in 2013, these companies will again help to
support Klubhuset in our way of life.
To all our fans we would like to say thanks for all the moral support you have given,
and we will of course encourage all our fans to spread Klubhuset's wonderful message
to their friends, family and acquaintances.
So we conclude that 2012 has been another great year for clubhouse and we expect
strong that 2013 will be just as good and eventful year.