[Howard]Well, good morning and thank all of you for getting up for what for some of you
is an ungodly hour week and coming to an eight o'clock workshop. I think by the end of it
you'll find it was worth getting up early and coming on in.
What I'm gonna talk about today is not important to you in your daily lives. You live in a
different setting, in a different world. But when you get into the business world you're
going to find yourself in situations where if you don't know these things it's going to
hurt you in your job, it's going to hurt you in your advancement to your job. I just gave
you a quiz. And the reason why I gave you the quiz is because I know that you don't
know what you don't know. I don't expect that you would be able to answer half of the questions
on that quiz, and I'm not be giving you all the answers. At the end of the workshop we're
gonna go over the answers in this quiz. But the real purpose of giving it to you is: these
are the kinds of things that over time you should learn. You should learn the proper
way to greet people. You should learn who goes first when you are going down an escalator.
You should learn who goes first when the maÓtre d' is taking you to your dinner table. Those
are the kinds of things that are important, they are little things but they're important.
So, before you leave, pick up this handout here which is called "Proper Table Settings".
It's something that you can refer to before you go to a business luncheon or a business
dinner; because you are not gonna retain everything that we talk about today. What is Etiquette?
Anybody got an answer for that? [Student] Proper table manners.
[Howard] There you go, that's one. What does the dictionary call it? "The conduct or procedure
required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official
life". Now that's just a bunch of words. I'm not
sure that that means a whole lot to any of us, but this should: the practical definition
is that etiquette has to do with good manners. It's not so much our own good manners but
making other people feel comfortable by the way we behave, feel comfortable by the way
we behave, and that's important. It's important particularly in the career field when you're
looking for a job or when you're in the job and you're looking for advancement because
if your boss or the person who you're interviewing with doesn't feel comfortable with your behavior
they're not going to hire you or you're not going to get that promotion if they don't
think that you can sit down with a client without embarrassing your boss or embarrassing
your employer, one: you are either not gonna get hired if you're on an interview, or two:
you not gonna get that promotion, you're not going to be included in the business luncheons
with the rest of the people. It's going to be an obstacle to your career. So, what we
want to do is go over some of the basics. First rule in business: don't embarrass your
employer or your boss by your behavior. Why is it important? It's important for getting
that job, it's important for career advancement. Your diploma, which you worked so hard here
to get for four years or five years or six years, that's going to get you an interview
once you graduate, but it isn't going to get you the job. Believe me, that gets you I the
door to meet somebody, but isn't gonna get you the job. And as I said before when you're
in mid-career, a lack of knowledge in etiquette can hold you back in your career. I think
one of the things that young people need do is they need to project forward, and not think
about their lives as they are today or as they are going to be when the first get on
the job but think about the possibilities of where you're gonna go over time, who you
might meet. Right? And who's going to employ you when and where that might take you both
geographically as well as career-wise. I will tell you that when I was your age I had no
idea where life would take me, no idea at all and it's taken me places where knowing
etiquette was absolutely essential. And, like you, I had to learn a lot of it as I went.
I had to do research; I had to learn it because I didn't have a lot of the basic skills. It's
important because of invitations: if you want to be included in social events, you want
to be included in business functions you better know this stuff. And it's important for entertaining,
both business and social. It's important that you know how to be a good guest and it's important
that you know how to be a good host. It's important if you're going to entertain at
your house you'll need to know, and particularly if you are going to invite somebody over from
your company, or a business associate, maybe your boss and your boss' spouse. You're gonna
need to know how to set a table, right? You're going to need to know basic manners.
When is it important? I believe it's important all the time. In your daily life here it's
not important to you because of just you're in college, but it wouldn't hurt for you to
start practicing some of this things. It's important on the job, it's important when
you're networking in a professional environment, it's important in social situations, and it's
important in your personal relationships, and as you get older you will find that manners
is important in your personal relationships, with your family, with your spouse, with your
children, with your significant other - whoever happens to be. If you don't have basic manners
that relationship isn't gonna last. Some etiquette considerations: Your image,
your social skills, your office etiquette, your dining etiquette, your sensitivity to
norm and the awareness of the differences, because regionally there are differences,
nationally there are differences, an internationally, in this international world that we live in
there are cultural differences. In Europe, there's the European way to hold your knife
and fork and eat, then there's the American way to hold a knife and fork and eat, and
which hand you use to put the food in your mouth - there are cultural differences. You
don't have to worry about that today, and you're not gonna have to worry about that
in the near future, but just be aware that there are cultural differences where you go,
and particularly if you're traveling to Asia, or Latin America, or South Asia there are
gonna be significant differences and before you travel there you should read what those
differences are going to be. What we are going to cover today is image,
basic image issues, social skills, basic office etiquette, and dining etiquette and we're
probably spending most of the time on dinning etiquette. What is image? Image's dress, it's
how you dress professionally; image is behavior, and image is the attitude that you bring to
the work environment. Attitude, not unimportant. Attitude is something that people pick up
on. How do you look? What is an appropriate dress? Well, it depends on the situation.
I've got four pictures up here, let me ask you this: of these four pictures, which one
do the people look the most professional or the dressiest?
[Student] Top left. [Howard] Why? Why do they look dressier than
the people in the top right? [Student] Color, it's a black suit.
[Howard] One other thing. [Student]The contrast.
[Howard] Yes, that's not what I was thinking on, but that's absolutely true.
[Student] They are models. [Howard] yeah, they look professional, don't
they? Well, it's because their clothes are tailored. These clothes are tailored to fit
these two people perfectly as opposed to the upper right where they're not cut so tailored.
I mean they're not unattractive, they're not professional but they're clothes are less
tailored looking and they're more muted colors. In dress, business versus business casual:
we need to understand the rules there. Some people say business dressy, business formal,
but if you get an invitation and it says: business attire, it's talking about a suit.
It's talking about a suit and tie for the men, and the equivalent for the women. A general
rule is: dress for the occasion. Don't show up at an outdoor party, on a patio or around
a pool on a business suit when everybody else is going to be wearing a business casual,
one kind or another. So, dress for the occasion! Make sure your clothes are tailored for you.
Don't show up looking like you have your big brother's clothes on or your little sister's
clothes on. Make sure that your clothes look like you bought them for you. If you've gained
a lot of weight, or lost a lot of weight, have your clothes tailored. Make sure your
clothes are maintained in a professional environment. By that I mean if they're not missing buttons
or snaps, they're not torn, they are not wrinkled, and they look like you care about how you
close look. Accessories, what are accessories? Watch is
an accessory. What else? [Student] Jewelry, necklaces, earrings, cufflinksÖ
[Howard] Yeah. Watch the accessories! Be in good taste. If you're going for an interview
don't overdo, be modest. A watch, a ring, and earrings, that's fine. Maybe a necklace,
maybe a small broche but don't go in dripping in jewelry, don't go in dripping in gold.
Don't go in with your piercings in your nose, your tongue. For an interview take those out,
when you get on the job see how other people are dressed, see what kind of accessories
they wear, and conform. Conform to what the norm is. And guys, I gotta ask you this: do
you know where your waist is? That's right around your belly button; it's above your
hips. When I see guys, particularly older guys here at college walking around with their
pants down around their butts, what goes through my mind is "that guy is immature, that guy's
still in high school mentally". That'll hurt you! That will hurt! If that's where you wear
your pants, grow up! Because you'll be going out there interviewing and you'll be going
out there into the business world and, trust me, in the business world they don't wear
their pants around their butt, with the underwear showing.
Grooming, you guys all know what grooming is? When I say "you guys" I'm talking about
the ladies too. [Student] Shave.
[Howard] Well, if you're gonna wear facial hair, make sure it's well trimmed, that you
look like you keep it up, if you're gonna have a mustache. Shave! That's right. Make
sure your nails are clean, your hair is done, like you run a comb or a brush through it,
you've had a haircut. That's grooming. And cleanliness, above all. Yeah?
[Student]What about in the case of a long-haired man, as far as tying it back or anything like
that is concerned? [Howard] I'll answer that in two ways. One,
it really depends on the environment that you're going into. If you're gonna and interview
for a job in an investment bank, for an accounting firm, you probably ought to think about going
in with short hair. if you're going to interview for a job at a small privately held company
that is in the manufacturing business, you might want to do a little investigation before
you go in there, but it's probably less important. Long hair is an accepted part of society,
on a man, and in the right environment. The investment banking world is not one of them,
unless you establish yourself as a top notch, firecracker investment banker. Somebody that's
pulling in big, big bucks for the company, believe me you can dress any way you want.
Trust me. If you're making the company, through your contacts, through your smarts, through
your deal making ability, if you're working from Goldman Sachs and you're making them
one hundred million dollars a year in fees and you're making twenty million dollars a
year in bonuses, they don't care what you look like. Just keep on producing.
Body language: this is an important part of the etiquette. People don't think about that
when they think of etiquette, but it is an important part. Posture, when you're trying
to make an impression on somebody, what should your posture be? Straight and tall, even if
you are not a tall person, standing up straight. How about walk? What do you think of when
you see somebody that just kind of.. going across the crosswalk, when they're walking
down the sidewalk, and they are walking like this..
[Student] They are not so confident. They don't care.
[Howard] Yeah. They are not confident, they don't have any place to go, they are not in
a hurry, they don't have a purpose and that's the word I'm looking for. When you walk, make
sure when you enter a room, that you are standing straight and tall and you walk like you have
a purpose for being there. You're not just meandering around. Walk with purpose! And
your attitude should be that you're confident, but you're approachable. Always have a friendly
look on your face, always have a posture that makes you approachable so people will come
up and talk to you, or they won't back up when you go talk to them.
[Student] wouldn't that be humility? Because when I think of approachable I think of humility
[Howard] Well, I don't think of humility, I think more of a friendly smile, an open
stance. This is not approachable: I got my arms crossed over my chest, I got my head
tilted, I'm not smiling, I'm looking like "I dare ya", right? Or I don't wanna talk
to anybody. But if you're standing there like this, your arms are in a friendly position,
that's approachable. If you're smiling you look friendly, that's approachable.
How's your behavior? Is it mature and professional? When you get in an environment where you don't
know the people, or you're networking, or you're going for an interview, is your behavior
mature? Is it professional? Is it friendly and open? Do you observe common courtesies?
Give me an example of a common courtesy. [Student] Holding the door for someone!
[Howard] Okay, holding the door for someone, yeah. What else?
[Student] When you are passing by someone and they drop something, pick it up for them.
[Howard] Okay. How about saying "please" and "thank you", and "you're welcome"? Those are
works that in many places, to a large degree in our society aren't used very much. How
about "hello, my name isÖ"? It's common courtesy. What do I mean by know your place? Anybody?
[Student] Understand your role around authority and subordinates.
[Howard]Understanding your role around authority and subordinates. If you're the new person
on the team, don't go in and try to monopolize the conversation. Don't be overbearing. Listen.
And in your speech, this is what I call using "adult talk". Be aware of your sentence structure
in your use of words to make sure you use the correct word, both written and when you
are talking. For instance, look it up the word "ensure". One spelled e-n- s-u-r-e, one
spelled i-n-s-u-r-,e one of the most frequent mistakes I see on paper is the incorrect use
of those words. You ensure that something doesn't happen- that's ñen, -in is what happens
after something happens, for instance you get paid money if there's an accident, that's
insurance. Annunciation and volume, speak clearly to make sure that whomever you're
talking to in a networking event can understand you. Enunciate your words, that means generally
speaking a little more slowly, annunciate. And watch your volume that's part of getting
somebody to understand you, but also if you're too loud you become overbearing, and that's
hard for some people to moderate that because they are naturally loud, they have, naturally,
a big voice but be careful that when you're in a networking environment that you moderate
that big voice so that you're not over talking other people. In the business world, if you're
gonna talk about something, you know your stuff. Don't try to BS people. And speak like
an adult in your language, get rid of the you knows and the likes. "You know, like,
I went to a movie, and like, it was a great movie, and you know Ö" Get rid of that stuff,
speak like an adult. How's your attitude? All of you have good attitude, you got up
early and you are here! Self-esteem: it's an important part of how
you come across to people. But beware of coming across as being arrogant. It's good to have
high self-esteem, but beware of coming across as being arrogant because it turns people
off. Confidence: if you're a naturally shy person or nervous person, train yourself to
overcome that. When you go into a room and you're networking with people, or you go sit
in front of the boss's desk, overcome your shyness; train yourself that is something
that you can train. Come across as positive and motivated, come across as having passion
for what you're doing and that usually is in the form of enthusiasm. Be open to change
and make sure you come across as being a team player.
Social Skills: Proper introductions and the handshake is important, conversational skills
or small talk, and common courtesies. Let's talk about how you make a good first impression
on somebody, because remember the old saying, "You only get one chance to make a first impression"!
How you look is important, and we already talked about image and being dressed appropriately
and being groomed. The one thing I didn't talk about there was make up for you ladies.
Make sure you don't overdo the makeup in a professional setting. How you act is important:
professional, again that word approachable, sincere, and with a positive attitude. And
what you do is important: proper handshake and believe it or not it's important and we'll
spend some time on that. Be aware of someone's personal space needs. If you walk up to somebody
and they start backing up, it means you just invaded their personal space. Give them a
little more space, and to most people it's about a foot and a half; a half to three feet,
but some people need a little more personal space around them.
Eye contact: whenever you're meeting somebody, talking to them, maintain eye contact. If
you're gonna shake hands with them, look them in the eye when you shake hands. Use a person's
name frequently in the conversation. It will do two things: one, it makes them think that
you really care about who they are, and two, it helps you to remember who this person is,
and associate the name with the face for later use. And listen! But don't just listen with
your ears, listen with your eyes. Be observant! When somebody is talking to you watch their
facial expressions as they talk. Do they really mean what they're saying or are they thinking
of something else? Proper handshake: Has anybody ever been instructed
on proper handshake? What were you taught? [Student] Firm, not too hard.
[Howard] Yeah, anything else? Take a guess, what else goes into a proper handshake? We
will go over the rules. [Student] The amount of time that you shake
the hand [Howard] Okay, that's one of them, the amount
of time. What else? "How long" or the amount of time, but that's also measured in another
way. [Student] whether you are shaking a female's
or a male's hand? [Howard] Yes, it is. The general rule is a
firm handshake, like she said. But what's firm to "that old lady back there" might seem
pretty timid to the big guy back there, and vice versa so.. yes?
[Student] I guess it depends culturally, whether or not you bow or something like that..
[Howard] Yeah, that gets into the different cultural aspects of what etiquette is, but
you're absolutely right, in some places you don't shake hands, and in some places if you
stick out your hand they'll look at you like "we don't do that here"! Well, eye contact
is obviously an important part of it. You walk up to somebody, you shake hand, you look
them in the eye. Firm, but painless! You guys don't get in this contest of who can crush
whose hand. Firm, but don't try to.. If you squeeze too hard you can hurt somebody. It
lasts about three seconds, between two and five pumps. Don't just stand there and go
like this the whole time you're talking. It starts and stops crisply, you shake somebody's
hand then it's done and it doesn't continue through the entire introduction. Always made
with the right hand, unless you're incapacitated or the other person's incapacitated then it's
perfectly OK to either shake with your left hand or to use your left and shake their right
hand. It's perfectly fine, if you've broken your hand or something, or they have some
kind of injury for impairment it's perfectly fine. Be aware that some people are uncomfortable
shaking hands and they will want it to end just as quickly as possible, they'll let you
know that. You walk up to shake their hand and they'll pull it away just after right
after you touch it. They are uncomfortable whether it's for germs or whatnot they are
just not comfortable with the process. And there're other things, if you go into sales
there are other things you should know about a handshake. I didn't study it very much but
I was told about it. I've never been in sales, except in the investment banking sense, to
be selling a deal or something. But where the personal sticks they're hand out can tell
a lot about their personality. If I remember the rules right - I'm not sure I do, but you
can look it up. If it's a low handshake it says that they're probably kind of a timid
person; if it's a high handshake I forget really what that means, but if it's a straight
out of the waist kind of handshake they probably have a more aggressive type of personality.
Anyway, look that up I forget what that is and what those rules are, but there are there
rules that salespeople use to moderate their pitch, when they're talking to people. There
are a lot of body language rules and I don't want to try to go into it because I am not
an expert at it. one of them, if you are in sales is, and part of this can be used in
interviewing too is that you mimic the person's posture that's sitting across from you: if
they're leaning back in their chair with their legs crossed, lean back in your chair and
cross your legs. If they are sitting forward with their hands on the table, sit forward
with your hands on the table. If they go like this, well do something similar. It, for some
reason, makes the sale process more successful. [Student] The idea behind that is people like
people who are like them. [Howard] Are you asking that or saying that?
[Student] I'm just saying it. [Howard] I think that that's probably pretty
accurate. When you shake hands? Give me an example.
[Student] In the initial introduction. [Howard] When you first meet somebody. Yes.
[Student] When you are saying "thank you" and "goodbye".
[Student2] Say you are at an awards and when the person comes up to receive it.
[Howard] Absolutely, if you are the presenter, absolutely. That's the first thing you'll
do. If you are walking up to receive an award, it's the first thing you do. So, what does
that mean in terms of if you're going to receive an award? Which hand should be ready to receive
that award? [Student] The left hand
[Howard] The left! Sure! So, obviously, if someone walks up and offers their hand to
you, you shake their hand. First time meeting someone, you shake their hand. When you're
greeting guests are coming to your event or to your house, you shake their hand. I mean,
that can be part of a chest bump if you're at your house or something like that, but
you shake their hand. In the real world out there that's how you do it, with your friends
you probably do something else. When you're greeting your host or hostess offer your hand.
When you're renewing an old acquaintance, offer your hand then give him a hug. When
you're saying good bye. Here are a few tips: which hand do you hold
a drink in? [Student] Left hand?
[Howard] Yeah, left. That's so you'd always be ready to shake hands. Where do you wear
your nametag? [Student] Above your heart?
[Howard] Above your heart? Here? Everybody agree with that? You say no? Why?
[Student] I say on the right side, so it's visible when you shake hands.
[Howard] That's exactly right! You wear them on your right lapel, on the right side of
your chest. What happens to your body when you shake hands? Generally, you step into
it, you move your right shoulder forward, and your nametag is clearly visible to whomever
you're talking to. If it's on the left side, you're actually turning your name tag away
from the person. You want that person to know your name and remember your name. That's where
your nametag goes. Whether you got a lapel or you don't, figure out a way. What do you
do if your hands are cold or clammy? Or if you shake someone's hand and their hands are
cold or clammy? You know what cold and clammy is, right? It's kind of like you are nervous
and you have the sweats and your hands are sweaty, what do you do?
[Student] Wipe it down beforeÖ [Howard] Ignore it. As you're approaching
somebody and you know your hand is kind of cold and clammy you can kind of go like that
and then you'd still gonna be cold and probably gonna be a little clammy, but ignore it, both
ways, the other party's too. Just don't say anything about it.
[Student] and in the case that you clearly just coughed or sneezed in your hand and walked
up to them, do you just say "I just sneezed, I'm sorry about that".
[Howard] Well, if you know you're gonna cough or sneeze, instead of putting your hand up
there turn away and go like this, or If you've got a handkerchief or tissue or something
use that. But not, if you're gonna be in a social environment and you sneeze, don't reach
out to grab somebody else's hand, that's definitely not cool. What do you do if you're seated?
Do you shake hands while you're seated? [Student] No, you stand up!
[Howard] Stand up, absolutely. If you're a woman and you're seated and somebody walking
your way, stand up. It goes for men too. And if you're approaching someone who seated,
give them the opportunity to stand up. Everybody got the handshake downtown? We should do an
exercise! Here, very good. "Hello", very good! Everybody, shake hands with the person near
you. Very good! It goes without saying that if you are shaking hands and it's an initially
introduction and you're shaking hands with somebody ñ even though you have a nametag
on - you do introduce yourself. Typically, if it's a business setting, then you use both
names, and not just your first name. [Student] What do you do if the other person
doesn't let go? It happened to me, they kept talking and talking and I tried to let go
and he squeezed my hand harder. [Howard] He was doing something to you.. I'm
not gonna lie. I mean if it goes on too long you might give him a shove or something, I
don't know. You try tactfully to move your hand and then eventually if it's really uncomfortable
you'd ask him to let go of your hand. Just say please. Yeah?
[Student] What about handing business cards? Let say you just meet the person and a business
card is given to you, when is it appropriate to put it away, immediately or?
[Howard] Well, it depends. I never look at a business card immediately because I can't
read it if I don't have my glasses on. When I'm greeting people I'm not wearing my reading
glasses, so I just say "thank you" and I'll put it in my pocket. And if he hands it to
you in shaking cards obviously it's like an award or something, he's handed it to you
with the left hand, you take it with a left hand. If you can read it, there's nothing
wrong with taking, looking at it, seeing where the office is located, if there's any kind
of logo on it, something like that, that's fine. But typically what happens to a business
card when somebody takes them home? [Student] Probably trash it
[Howard] in most cases today it either goes directly into the contact information and
then in the trash, or it ends up in a drawer with a thousand other business cards and it
never get seen again. Small talk: very important skill whenever
you are networking, or are interviewing, in business functions, social situations, small
talk is really important. It doesn't come easily for a lot of people, but take comfort
in knowing that practice makes it easier. The more you are in social situations the
easier it is to talk about the everyday things. There are appropriate and inappropriate topics,
and there are things to avoid altogether. Appropriate topics in a small talk, again
try to master the art of doing this, talk about your family, your home life, where you
came from, your job or career interests, hobbies, pets, sports, public figures, current events,
personal interests, vacations, movies, music, inconsequential things but things that are
interesting to other people. Things to avoid or inappropriate topics: money, salaries and
bonuses, etc., don't talk about alcohol, don't ask somebody how much they cost: "Oh, that's
a nice Gucci purse, how much did you pay for that?", "well it's really a fake", okay that's
embarrassing. Don't talk about other employees, or if you're interviewing for a job don't
ask about other candidates. Or don't tell the interviewer "you really don't want to
hire that person". Confidential client information that will bring it up in a business situation.
Don't talk about sex, religion, or politics the latter to you're probably gonna get in
an argument with somebody. Don't ask overly personal questions and don't talk about personal
issues, like health and weight. Things to avoid all together - and these are good rules
to live with, not just small talk: foul language, I don't understand when I hear that gratuitous
swearing around campus, I don't get it. Using foul language as an adjective to describe
a fence, or a bike or something, I mean what's that about? You're gonna offend people. Jokes
in bad taste, those are generally ethnic or sexual or something like that, ethnic slurs,
negative comments about anything, people don't like negativism and you're trying to come
off as positive and professional. Don't ever have more than two alcoholic drinks in a business
situation. Avoid eating while standing up, although you'll find in many situations at
a networking event the tables will be high tables, there won't be stools or chairs, so
if you're going to eat it's unavoidable to stand up, but everybody else will be standing
up too. If you're in the cafeteria ñ while we are on that subject ñ and you got you
tray and you're heading back to your table, do you ever eat off of the food while you're
walking? Very bad manners. Don't arrive late, don't leave early and avoid public displays
of affection. And I mean more than just a quick hug with somebody that you know. Yeah?
[Student] Back to eating while standing for a moment, for example I work downtown, and
of course you know there are street food. I was told that you're not supposed to eat
while walking on the street or something like that. That's inappropriate too? It's a public
setting. [Howard] It'sÖ you know, use your judgment.
Depends on really what you're eating, I guess, more than anything else. I mean in our society
nobody's gonna say anything to you, but if you're in a networking event, that's what
I'm talking about walking around eating like that.
[Student] That makes me thing about networking events, especially if we're standing, there's
probably like finger foods. It's probably normal to have some finger food, at that point
it's normal.. [Howard] In a lot of events like that you'll
have a place to sit down. If there are tables out with chairs take your plate and go sit
down with somebody. [Student] Because we just went to an event
this last week and, they had the conference room, they had everything catered, but then
everyone stand up and every one was having a glass of wine or eating but there was no
place to sit. [Howard] With no place to sit, so you have
no choice. And, again, be aware of the environment. You wouldn't want to say "hey, this is bad
manners, I demand a chair!". I mean everybody's standing up, that's how they arranged the
room, that's how it is with the food. If they didn't want you to eat standing up they wouldn't
serve the food. Office etiquette: be responsible, because
there should never be any doubts about giving you an assignment. Be accountable. Nothing
does your career more good then admitting that you've made a mistake. Be the one in
the office to say "Yeah, I made that mistake, and I learned from it, and I won't do it again".
It builds trust! Follow through with your commitments, this is a common courtesy and
in the office environmentÖ [Howard] a common courtesy amongst any kind
of relationships ëcause you've got to be thought of is reliable and dependable. These
are important for your career, really important. Be punctual because if you're consistently
late you get the reputation of being a flake and nobody likes to be like someone who's
consistently late to a meeting or consistently late to an appointment. And we're not going
to go over telephone or e-mail etiquette but learn what it is and observe it. Really, seriously
e-mail can make or break your career. People ask me what was the biggest mistake you've
ever made in your career and I had a pretty successful career. My answer is I guarantee
you it had something to do with hitting the send button. Because in anger or for whatever
reason I typed out an e-mail that I regretted sending and it came back to hurt me. We don't
have time for a lot of questions on that before we get to the table etiquette stuff but anybody
got a question or a comment about any of what we just covered and I know it was a lot. When
we figure out how to post a video online that complies with ADA requirements, we will post
this online assumingówe're experimenting. We just got our camera. We just got our tripod.
We just got our mic and our sound equipment. We've got our transcription software so that
we can try to make it ADA compliant and we want to post all of what we do, all of our
workshops online. And so if we can figure out the ADA compliant and if the video comes
out ok but we can't make it ADA compliant, maybe we'll post it to, you know, my web site
or something like that so people can access it.
[Howard] Dining Etiquette. Be a good guest. Be a good host. Okay? Look at that. Hmm? If
she showed up at a dinner could you figure that out? Would you know what to use and when
to use it? I've got some materials here that I'll leave with you. You know, cocktail fork,
soup spoon, you know, salad knife, fish knife, dinner knife, dinner fork, fish fork, salad
fork, butter plate, butter knife, dessert fork, dessert spoon, water glass, white wine
glass, red wine glass, sherry glass. You know which glass is which. When you sit down at
the table, okay, a table for ten, you're over at the convention center and a hotel, do you
know which bread plate is yours and which bread plate is the one that belongs to the
person next to you? So, no, you probably don't. So we're going to try to figure that stuff
out. You are not likely to ever in your professional life sit down at a table like this, but you
never know. You never know. I have on two occasions dined in the private dining room
in the House of Lords in London with the Queen's cousin, unexpectedly. I never dreamed I would
find myself there. You know there is a formality there. I'll tell you what though, the bartender
there makes the best Bloody Mary's you have ever had. They are just fabulous. I don't
know what their recipe is but wow. The other funny thing about that is that when you go
into that dining room, a lot of the lords there are hereditary lords and they're old
you know, and the funny thing is a lot of them are sitting there in the bar area of
the private dining room and they're throwing down Bloody Mary's right and left and half
of them get smashed. And then they go downstairs to the chamber in parliament and they sit
there. And you've seen it on TV, somebody's the Prime Minister speaking and all that and
they're in the back bench and they're going "aheheheh" and their stamping their feet and
all that. Half of them are just drunk and they're having a good time. You may encounter
a place setting like this. It's not quite as complicated as in that diagram. Why is
it not quite as complicated? Well it only has one knife. It doesn't have a fish knife.
It doesn't have a salad knife. Does have a salad fork. And it does have an appetizer
fork here. That would be for like eating oysters or something like that. But it does have a
water glass, a white wine glass, a red wine glass, and a sherry glass. So you may encounter
that. And notice the soup bowl ñokay, you're going to have soupóis sitting in the middle
of the plate as opposed to this where there is no soup bowl, but obviously there going
to have soup because they provided you with a soup spoon. This does have a fish knife,
does have a fish fork, and you can see they're a little bit different. Different shape of
the blade. Different handle than the other knife, the dinner knife. In this case they
only have a water glass, a red wine glass which is a bowl, and a white wine glass. You
definitely are going to encounter a place setting like this. Maybe not with four glasses,
but would not be uncommon to have dinner forks, salad fork, dinner knife, salad knife, butter
dish or butter plate, and a butter knife and a dessert spoon. What do we use? Rule of thumb:
start with the outside utensils and work in because if there's a soup spoon there, they're
going to serve soup before they serve the next course. There's not a soup spoon but
they're two knives and they're to forks. They're going to serve salad before they serve the
main course. So start at the outside and work in. The other thing you can do is you can
watch your host. Hopefully your host, if they've set the table this way, hopefully your host
knows the proper way to eat. Silverware at the top of the plate. That's only used for
dessert and coffee. You can use the spoon for coffee if they don't serve the coffee
with a spoon. Never use that for your main course, your appetizer, your salad. The rule
of B&D, that's the rule of bread and drinks. Your bread plate is on your left. Your drinks
are on your right. And if you sit down next to somebody who doesn't know that, don't be
afraid to tell them that "no that's your glass" or "no, that's my glass" or "that's my bread
plate". Be the one that understands this, not the one that makes mistake. What do you
do if the silverware is dirty? Anybody know? When you pick up your fork and it's got food
that didn't come off in the dish washer. Do you use it anyway? I hope not. You ask the
server discreetly or subtly just to bring you another one. Just call the server over
and say, you know, can you bring me another one? He'll take it from you and they'll come
back. Very easy. What do you do if you drop the silverware on the floor? Do you slide
your chair back, bend over and pick it up? Would that be the right thing to do? Do you
kick it under the table so nobody sees it? Yeah?
[Student] I was told you leave it because it's the waiter's job to get it.
[Howard] Yeah that's exactly right. Again, if they didn't notice, you call the server
over and if you drop your soup spoon just before they serve the soup, you obviously
need another soup spoon. So you call the server over and say, "Hey, I dropped my spoon. Could
you get me another one?" What do you do with silverware once it's been used? It doesn't
mean you're finished, but once you've used it do you ever set it back down on the table?
No. It never gets set back down on the table. You rest it on the plate. Don't put it bank
on the tablecloth. Napkins. What is the first thing you do when you sit down at the table?
[Student] Set the napkin on your lap? [Howard] You take that napkin. You unfold
it. You put it in your lap. That is the very first thing you do. There's no food on the
table at all. That is the first thing you do. If your wine and water glass is full,
that's the first thing you do. You don't take a drink. That is the first thing you do. Put
the napkin in a matóin your lap immediately or as soon as the host does it. What do you
do with the napkin if you have to get up mid-meal? Take a guess. What do you do?
[Student] Set it on the chair? [Howard] Set it on the chair? That's correct.
You just fold it and set in on the chair and that lets the waiter know you're coming back.
When do you put the napkin back on the table? [Student] When you're finished.
[Howard] Correct. Only when you're finished. When the meal is finished and you're leaving
the table. So even though you finished the meal, even though the plates have been cleared,
if you're still sitting there talking, the napkin stays in your lap. When you get up
to leave, you put it back on the table. Where do you put it when you put it back on the
table? [Student] On the plate?
[Howard] You don't scrunch it up in a ball and toss it into the middle of the table.
You don't stick it on the plate where the gravy is. No, you fold it up. Just lightly
fold it up and set it to the right of your place setting. How about ordering? There's
an etiquette to ordering. Drink orders are usually taken first. Now you may have a set
meal in which case you don't have to order anything, but they'll still ask you what you'd
like to drink. Drink orders are usually placed first. What do you order? More appropriately,
what don't you order? [Student] Hard liquor?
[Student] Definitely not alcohol, but definitely get water first. Or coffee or tea.
[Howard] Water should be on the table already. If it's a sit-down, you know in most restaurants
where they're conserving water, they'll ask you if you want water and you'll have to ask
for water. But in a meal like this water will be on the table. You definitely do not order
alcohol. Now, if your host orders alcohol that's something else. Again it's really up
to you. When is it ok to pick up the menu and order? Common sense if you're following
the lead of the horseóthe host. Ok one of you may follow the lead of the horse sometime
too, but if you follow the lead of the host when ordering the drink what do you think
you do about menu and ordering your meal? Follow the lead of the host. Yeah. When the
host picks up the menu it's a signal for you to go ahead. What if you have questions regarding
items on the menu? Even if it's a set meal. If they're serving, you know you get your
choice of chicken or beef. If you have a question, which a lot of people will, particularly if
they have food allergies, what do you do? [Student] You wait until the server comes
to your table? [Howard] Um, you can wait or you can call
the server over and say, "Hey, you know, I'm allergic to garlic. Does the mash potatoes
have garlic in them?" Anybody here allergic to garlic? It's not uncommon. I'll tell you
it is a horrible allergy to have. Absolutely horrible. There is garlic in almost everything.
Pasta sauce, pizzas, you know, any kind of sauce that you put on your food. You look
at the labels. There is garlic in almost everything. It is a horrible, horribleóI don't have it
but I'm close to somebody who does. Yeah, you ask the server. Can you order anything
you want? You know, you're the guest at a business lunch. You know you pick up the menu.
Can you order anything you want? [Student] No you have to take into consideration
the other person that's paying. If they're paying.
[Howard] Well, if you're the guest you're not paying for sure.
[Student] That was pretty much the goal of what he said following the host's lead. You
don't outspend the host. [Howard] Right. As a guest you don't order
the most expensive thing or even expensive things on the menu unless the host indicates
that you should. You know if you're sitting there and the host says, "They got the best
steak and lobster in the city here. You all really gotta try it." Go ahead and try it.
You know, if you like it. Go ahead. Here's another clue. Order food that's easy to eat.
Don't order food that you eat with your hands. You know, it's great to order that club sandwich,
but you're gonna make a mess. Avoid wild foods, spicy foods, finger foods, or foods that are
potentially messy. The rule of thumb: if you can eat it with a fork, knife, or spoon, ok.
If you can't, then you probably shouldn't order it. And follow the host's lead when
you're ordering dessert. If the host orders dessert and you feel like it, great. If he
doesn't or she doesn't, then don't order dessert. Do you think it's appropriate to take the
leftovers home? You know, you still got that part of that lobster sitting there or half
of the fried rice. No not if it's a client kinda thing. If you're having a business meetingóif
you're having a meeting with a colleague or something like that sure don't leave it there
on the table. Take it home. You know, you're probably splitting the bill or you're gonna
submit an expense claim or something, but if it's a client relationship, no. Even if
you're paying you don't take it home. Leave it there. Eating guidelines. Quickly. Can
you start eating before it gets cold? Etiquette says no. You don't start eating until the
host starts eating or the hostess starts eating or if it's a couple's thing. Generally it's
the woman who's the hostess or the wife of the boss or something like that. Now, cooks
in the culinary industry will tell you that if it's hot food you should start right away.
Well that's because they cooked it and that's when it tastes best, when it's hot. But etiquette
says no you should wait. How does the server know when you're done eating? It's by how
you place your eating utensils. You rest them on the plate at a 10 o clock 4 o clock angle,
okay. So you're done eating. You put your knife and your fork or your spoon, you put
it at a 10 and a 4 o clock angle across the plate together. The waiter now knows that
you are done. If you've only paused when you're eating, you take your knife and fork and you
put them across the plate like this. You don't lean them up against the plate. You put the
across the plate kind of like the 10 and 2 position. That tells the waiter that you've
only taken a pause and to not take your plate away. Now that assumes that the server has
been properly trained. Is there a correct way to pass food to someone across the table?
[Student] To your left. [Howard] Nope.
[Student] To your right. [Howard] Yeah. Food should be passed to the
person requesting it. Others should not take food while it's being passed. So if the person
across the table asks you for the bread basket, you pass it to them. Don't take one out of
it and then pass it to them. [Student] I was taught that even if the person's
across from you, you still have to pass it to the person beside you.
[Howard] You do. You don't reach across the table. You pass it around.
[Student] You always pass it to your right? [Howard] Yeah food should always be passed
counter clockwise to the right. And you know what happens at a table when people don't
get that. You got the salad dressing at this end, the bread at this end, and someone passes
the salad dressing to the left and you pass the bread to the right, and somebody is in
the middle there trying to go you know like this. Does that apply to salt and pepper shakers?
Yes. But they should always be passed together and they should always be held by the middle
of the shaker and never the top. You don't wanna get your grimy little germs all over
the top of the salt and pepper shaker. Is it ok to eat and talk at the same time? No.
Common sense. Chew with you mouth close. Do not speak when chewing even to answer a question.
Go ahead and swallow and try not to ask somebody a question just before they're taking a bite.
It happens but not to. How do you eat a large piece of food? What's a knife for? Right?
Cut it up into small pieces. And in this culture you cut it up on piece at a time and eat that
piece. Cut another piece. Eat that piece. In some cultures, you cut it all up into little
pieces and then eat the pieces, one piece at a time. Are there rules that apply to eating
bread and butter? Absolutely, there are rules for everything. Bread should be broken into
bite sized pieces. Do not take the dinner roll and break it in half and slather butter
over the half of it. It should be broken into bite sized pieces. Take the butter from the
butter dish and put it on your butter plate. Do not take butter from the butter dish and
put it directly on the bread. Put it on your butter plate. Usually there will be a little
knife passed with the butter dish and you use that you put it on your plate. If there's
not you use your butter knife to put it on the plate. And if you don't have a butter
knife, use your dinner knife and put it on your plate. Butter and eat the individual
pieces one at a time. Again don't butter them all and then eat them. And never butter bread
directly from the butter dish that's passed around. You see people do that. Yes?
[Student] Is bread the only one you can eat with your hands? Or should you useÖ
[Howard] Yeah you can eat the bread with your hands. Yeah. It's a good point. What about
the remaining small pieces of food on the plate? I mean it was a great meal and there's
still left over rice or something on your plate. Yeah I see you all shaking your heads.
Yeah you let it go. Don't try to push it onto your fork with another utensil or your bread
or take your fork and mash it down trying to get it between the tines of the fork and
eat it that way. Just let it go. How about soup? The last of that delicious soup? You
leave it in the bowl. You never pick up or even tilt that bowl. You just leave it there.
Some additional tips. Is it okay to chew gum at the table?
[Student] No [Howard] No. So what do you do with your gum?
But it behind your ear. Yeah there you go. Do you go like that and stick it under the
table? Huh? No you get rid of it before you sit down. Dispose of the gum prior to sitting
down. Is there lipstick etiquette at the table? Yeah there is. You blot your lipstick ladies
on tissue or a napkin before eating and not your dinner napkin. It'll be like a cocktail
napkin or something before eating. Is it okay to refresh your makeup after eating?
[Student] No. You go into the ladies' room for that.
[Howard] After you're done. After the meal's over. Never apply makeup or comb your hair
at the table. What do you do with your purse or handbag ladies? Or you guys too if you
carry a purse in all seriousness cause I've seen guys that do. I did when I was living
in Europe long time ago. What do you do with your bag, your handbag, or your purse?
[Student] Leave it there on the chair? [Howard] You can do that if you're not afraid
of somebody lifting it. You can put it under the table. You can put it under your chair.
You can hang it on the back of the chair. That kinda gets inconvenient at times if somebody
has to get up. But you never ever put it on the table. Can you order alcohol during lunch?
No, but if the host orders wine for the table then go ahead and have some wine if you feel
like it but not very much. What do you do with your hands and arms when you're not eating?
It's ok to have your hands on the table. It's ok to have your forearms on the table. It's
ok to have them in your lap. Not ok to put your elbows on the table. Ever. Okay. What
do you do if you have to sneeze of cough? Turn your head and sneeze into your arm or
napkin. Not your dinner napkin. A tissue or something like that. What if you spill something?
Happens right? It happens. You know if it's water, you know, offer your napkin or use
it to try to blot it up. Call the server over and get them to help. If you spill red wine
on the lady next to you be prepared to pay the cleaning bill. But the point is don't
overreact. Don't make a big deal of it. Clean it up. Move on. Are there other things you
should not do? Sure. Don't arrive late. Do not season the food before tasting. Why is
that? [Student] It might already be perfectly seasoned?
[Howard] That's right. You offend the cook. You offend the cook. Don'tówhen they put
that piece of meat down in front of you don't grab the salt and pepper and go like this.
It may have plenty of salt and pepper on it. You don't know. Do not remove unwanted food
from the dinner plate. Leave it on the food. Don't take your broccoli and put it on your
bread plate. Do not push your plant and chair away when done. Somebody will remove your
plate. Do not use a toothpick in public. And particularly don't use one at the dinner table
unless you've got a piece of lettuce hanging there in which case go excuse yourself. And
don't smoke and do not use your phone. Turn your phone off. Keep in mind, okay, this is
the end and we'll quickly go over the quiz answers. Keep in mind that you represent your
employer and your boss. Your appearance, actions, and attitudes are important. Client relationships
can be ruined by unprofessional appearance or action, a careless word or poor attitude.
But on the other hand, client relations can blossom if you are professional and enthusiastic,
helpful, concerned, and impressed with your behavior. Any questions about that? And I
have some information here for you on table etiquette. Place settings and things like
that [Student] Could you be so kind as to go back
to the previous slide? [Howard] Since you asked so nicely.
[Student] Okay. Thank You. [Howard] Okay there's one wrong answer on
the quiz on here, an incorrect one. The person at the head of the table faces the door if
possible. Yes. As a host at a business dinner, and I have all the answers to this here too.
You can take with you. So if you're in a hurry to leave you can grab it and go. As a host
at a business dinner, you should place the highest ranking guest to your left. Correct.
If you're hosting the CEO of a client and the Senior Vice President of sales, the CEO
sits to your left, the Senior Vice presidents sits next to somebody else. When you must
leave the table for a few minutes during the meal the napkin should be placed beside your
plate? No. Napkins upon completion of the meal should be refolded and placed on plate?
No. The best time to toast is usually after dinner has been served or when the wine glasses
have been refilled. Yeah. And you know, think about that at a going away dinner or at a
wedding or something like that. If you're hosting a luncheon it is perfectly correct
to order house wine in a carafe. Yes it is. Everybody know what a carafe is? It's a glass
or ceramic container that's usually got a rounded base and a neck like that and a handle
on it. They take the house wine and they put it in there and the waiter pours from the
carafe. It's a pitcher. Glass of white wine should be held by the bowl and not the stem.
No holding the wine by the stem. Cutlery should be used from the outside in. the answer to
this is true. It should be. I marked false for some reason. The meat knife is held differently
than the fish knife. That's true. It is. You'll have to look that up for yourself and see
how it's held. When resting the knife place it across the corner of the plate. Yes. You
should always take the first roll from the basket and then pass the basket to the guests.
No. The bread plate is located on the left hand side. Yes. You should cut bread with
the butter knife. No that's not what the butter knife is for. The butter knife is for spreading
butter. When eating soup, the soup spoon is tipped slightly and is filled by moving it
towards you. That's correct. That's the proper way to eat soup. When someone requests the
salt, always pass it to the right. Yes. You do not have to cut olives or cherry tomatoes
in your salad before eating them. That's correct. They're small enough already. To indicate
that you have not yet finished eating but are just resting place the knife and fork
like a pair of oars leaning on the edges of the plate. No. Remember ten and two across
the edges? You're out at a business lunch with clients when the clients start to order
alcoholic drinks; you order one as well to be politically polite. No. Not to be politically
polite. It's ok to drink alcohol but do it only if you want it. Dessert may be eaten
with both the fork and spoon. However the spoon only serves as the pusher. That's wrong.
Pie or ice cream can be eaten with a spoon. Yes it's correct. It can be correct if you
want to eat pie with the spoon. When the course is finished it is polite to replace your cutlery
where they were originally. No. They're dirty. It is acceptable to gently move the plate
away from you when you are finished. No. The server will remove it. It is no longer necessary
to stand when you are being introduced to someone. No. Stand up. It is appropriate for
a man to wait for a woman to offer her hand first before shaking it. No. Stick out your
hand. Use a person's official title when introducing them even if you know them personally. Yes.
Use the official title. It is now acceptable to eliminate mister, missus, miss from the
introduction. No. It's not acceptable. This is a business introduction. When introducing
the customer to the senior executive, the senior executive's name is spoken first. You
received a dinner invitation that says RSVP. You only need to reply if you're going to
accept the invitation. That is wrong. You're expected to reply whether you're going or
you're not going. That's one of my pet peeves. You send out an invitation that says RSVP
and fifty percent of the people don't reply. You don't know whether they're coming or they're
not coming. That's what RSVP means. Reply. It's French. Reply. A business cocktail party
is called from 5 to 7 PM and you arrive at 6, is that inappropriate? Yes it's inappropriate.
Arrive on time. Or within 5 minutes of being on time. It is correct to arrive at 6 for
dinner. To arrive for a six o clock dinner at 6:20. No that's rude. At a party it is
better to break into a group two people rather than three. No. Break into three. It's easier
to carry on the small talk and the conversation. When meeting a guest at a restaurant it is
polite to wait for your guest in the front area. Yes.
[Howard] that's so you can leave gracefully. Also, there are only two chairs; you don't
wanna have to step over your host in order to get out the door. Business casually meetings
you can pretty much wear whatever you want as long as the clothes are clean. No. Dress
appropriately for the occasion. When wearing a business suit it does not really matter
what color the socks a man wears. Wrong. It does matter. Number one: if it's business,
you never wear white socks anytime. Two: your socks should always be the same color or darker
than your suit or your slacks. For men, a dark sport coat and slacks are sometimes not
suitable substitutes for a business suit. That's true. When somebody says business attire
for a man it's a business suit. Sport coat and slacks and a tie is probably the dressiest
form of business casual. In a business casual environment, someone who is a manager, leader,
or influencer should always try to dress a little nicer than the others. Yes. You know
if you're the team leader or if you're the manager of a unit, you know, everybody shows
up in jeans, you probably should show up in khakis, you know, and hard soled shoes. The
kind of shoes you wear and their condition do not really matter. That is absolutely wrong.
When I meet somebody for the first time, I do a body scan, and one of the things I notice
particularly are the shoes. If the shoes are scuffed up, they haven't been shined, they
have nicks in them, they're worn on the heel, or something like that. It tells me something
about the person wearing them. It is important to have your shoes look professional and that
means have them shined. Your appearance in the office is not really important so long
as your job performance is good. That's wrong. How you act and look in the office can hold
you back no matter what your job performance is like. And it is probably not a good idea
for a woman to wear heavy makeup and lots of jewelry in a professional setting and that's
absolutely true. We're done. I hope you got something out of it. I hope you enjoyed it.
It's an important subject. You know. I hope you remember it. This stuff will help you
remember it. You go online, do your evaluation. The system keeps track of who did it and who
didn't. If you don't do your evaluation, you don't get credit for having attended the workshop.
The only way you get credit is you go online, do the evaluation, and then bring your passport
in to be stamped. Kay?