"theView" SUZANNE VENKER + Hot Review by Allison Benedikt SLATE Magazine

0:00:01.129,0:00:08.129 misuses and successful dealing news greeting The Marriage Plot Suzanne Venker's recipe for a lasting union: "Just be nice, cook, and have sex!" By Allison Benedikt Friday, Feb. 1, 2013, 11:16 PM ET Other supporting texts for Venker's arguments for a return to female "deference" in the face of our post-feminist "You go, girl" world include He's Just Not That Into You, Fifty Shades of Grey, and Mona Lisa Smile. Venker cites major research articles such HuffPo's "How The Notebook Has Ruined Me," E! Online's "Jennifer Lopez Talks Adoption, Life a Single Mom, and Having More Kids," and the classic "Facebook comment a twentysomething male posted in response to a woman who said she felt honored to be the Other Woman in her man's life because his wife was one of those
and make a head spinning last week with 'submissive' types." According to Venker, "The best example of male and female nature was depicted in My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Clearly Venker, a conservative writer who made a splash late last year with her trolling FoxNews essay, "The War on Men," has done her homework for this latest entry in the burgeoning academic field of "Marriage is Dying!!!!" So it's a real shame to find that all of the hours she spent whittling down her Netflix queue, the bathroom time she devoted to reading celebrity magazines she pooped out roses on her lady throne, and the minutes--all those minutes!--she passed Googling "Marcia Cross and fertility" and surfing Facebook were in the service of this conclusion: a provocative article claiming
successful women are waging a war on men The best way to bag a husband is to detox from feminism, "return to femininity," tune out your mom and friends, stay away from pop culture, don't shack up without a ring, "marry the accountant, not the artist." And once you do find a man: Be sweet, give him lots of sex, and don't talk too much. That's not to say Venker, the author of 7 Myths of Working Mothers and The Flipside of Feminism, never makes sense. She initially frames almost all of her chapters, or steps, in a very general way, with statements and lessons that I imagine appeal to almost everyone (though she seems to think they are radical). For instance, I nodded vigorously along to Step 10, "Decide To Stay," which is largely a plea not to give up on your marriage when things get tough. This is something I learned early from my own parents, who separated briefly when I was young. Their split was not a preamble to divorce but rather an attempt to get their marriage back on track. In therapy lingo, it's called a "trial separation," that has resulted in
raising that and their marriage counselor built in strict parameters for their stint apart. They were back together in less than a year, and though I doubt it's been bliss ever since, their 43-year marriage is strong. So, yes, Venker would be pleased that Myra Benedikt gave it the old college try--though she would be shocked to learn that, while being the type of woman who "decided to stay," my mother also blasted the Venker-despised Free To Be ... You and Me on our record player and forced me to have a "chic" pixie cut when all I wanted was long hair and a perm. (Venker, it should be noted, is honest about her own failings--she did not "decide to stay" with her first husband, and writes about that divorce, and what led to it, with what feels like candor.) Other places where I scribbled "I AGREE!" in the margins: The beginning of Step 9, "Accept It: You Can't Have It All." "Making choices," Venker writes, "is part of life. You can't go to every party. You can't go on every vacation. You can't go to every college.
who are interested in there at all You have to choose." Unfortunately, this chapter actually turns out to be "Accept It: You Should Stay Home With Your Kids," a case against day care, nannies, full-time work, Sheryl Sandberg and Oprah Winfrey. This argument is backed up by facts! Facts without citations, like: "The vast majority of women choose to quit their jobs or cut back when they have children." And: "A baby who attends daycare five days a week for three hours a day is actually better off than the baby who attends daycare three days a week from eight to five." The directive Venker seems to feel most strongly about is Step 1, "Live an Examined Life," in which she implores young women to tune out the noise of media. Stop watching unrealistic romantic comedies, delete those ridiculous single-girl sitcoms from your DVR, put down the women's magazines, avoid the Internet. Even if you agree that, say, the Channing Tatum movie in which Rachel McAdams has amnesia doesn't exactly offer a realistic portrayal of marriage, Venker's advice probably sounds extreme to you. But the intensity of her argument--mass-media-produced trends, for instance, aren't just silly, they're "wicked"--would be less offensive
carried out for women who are still if she didn't go on to make her entire case throughout the rest of the book based on pop culture references. ("Have you seen Pride and Prejudice? The one with Colin Firth? It must be the one with Colin Firth.") There's also this: Unfortunately, even if you steer clear of pop culture, many of your friends will not--which means they'll have a different take on how things should be. As a result, your friends may try to steer you in a direction you don't want to go. That's why trends are so powerful: even if you reject them, they affect you indirectly via your friends. And rejecting your friends, or least their advice and opinions, is significantly harder than rejecting the media. And yet, says Venker, this is what you must do because you, my dear, are in detox. "Our post-feminist culture is toxic," writes Venker. "It celebrates women the exclusion of men; it ignores the needs of children; and it glorifies the single life. ... Sadly, more women than not will allow this poison to invade their bodies playing the next uh... we got here about
this please welcome susan banker and even ruin their lives." But not you! You will find yourself a husband by boxing out your friends, or least the friends who think differently than you do, and also your mother, who, along with all of her fellow man-hating moms of the '70s and '80s, "did their daughters a great disservice. They were wrong to tell their daughters never to rely on a man." Shut. Mom. Out. Here is the portion of the review where I pull a Stephen Marche and just list a bunch of the crazy stuff Venker wrote that I couldn't fit in above: On feminists: "These women hate America, for one thing." On equal pay: "Who wouldn't believe in getting paid for work you've actually performed? But that's just it: women don't make much men precisely because they don't work the same number of hours. Women continue to take years off the job to care for their children or aging parents or to live a more balanced life. Feminists leave that part out." On gender differences: "Men are hunters. They want to build things and kill things--that's why more men than women shoot guns. It's why male engineers greatly outnumber female engineers.
here wednesday night so need one of her Females, on the other hand, like to gather and nest--that's why more women than men like to shop and bake, or stay home with their kids. Women also like to get all dressed up and prance about in their heels. And men love to watch women prance about in their heels. That's the yin and yang of gender relations." On feminists again: "What feminists envision is an androgynous world. They want men and women to be virtually indistinguishable--that's why they love the LGBT community, where gender is murky or skewed." On a wife's role: "Just be nice, cook, and have sex!" Truly, if that's what makes a good marriage, then I concur with Venker: Marriage is doomed. Agh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've gotten off track. I really did want to spend some time in this piece highlighting the ideas that Venker, clean and sober and happily married, and I, poisoned and unbalanced and happily married, can both get behind. Venker's a fan of having kids, and so am I! Venker says it's a bad thing that, in our dual-income, co-parenting households, we've turned marriage into a competitive sport, and I say, Amen! Let's stop keeping track of who did the dishes last (just soon my husband does the dishes, because, seriously, it's his turn). Venker says we have unrealistic ideas about what long-term love feels like, and I say: Yep, totally, 10-4. We are not so different after all! Except that Suzanne Venker wedding let's talk about that but
delivered thinks a woman can find the right husband by writing a checklist in her early 20s and not straying from it. (She recently lamented to New York magazine that women no longer "go to college to find a husband; you go to find your own single life and your career.") And Venker thinks women like me--working mothers who expect things from their husbands--are unhappy, and are making their spouses and children unhappy too. And Venker thinks she gives good advice. --- How To Choose a Husband: And Make Peace With Marriage by Suzanne Venker. WND Books. MORE FROM SLATE In Praise of Archer's Gorgeous, Awful Facial Expressions. Straight Men Should Come Out of the Closet Disney CEO Delivers Epic Smackdown to Dumb Congressman Over Privacy Concerns The Problem of Check-Splitting, Finally Solved Bubba "The Love Sponge" and the Honey Trap Kindergartener Hostage Situation Enters Third Day FROM AROUND THE WEB 6 Things To Do Before Bed Every Night (from SheKnows) The 5 Most Unsettlingly Funny Lines in a Real-Life Serial Killer's Review of Kevin Bacon's New Serial-Killer Series (from Vanity Fair) Saudi Arabia Beheads Young Sri Lankan Maid (from Sky News) What She's Looking For In The First Seconds (from Elite Daily) I'm a Geek and I Like to Wear Heels (from Conduit Blog) The Reason Why Some People Experience Unrequited Love (from Rapidtmp) Illustration by Mike Norton
it's not the way from what was happening There is a lot of Steve Harvey in Suzanne Venker's new book, How To Choose a Husband, a 12-step guide for women seeking a lasting union in a culture that prepares them for anything but. The comedian and Family Feud host is quoted an expert on marital sex after comparing her interview with Sam Botta to words of Steve Harvey. She states "I decided to ask Sam Botta, a celebrity interviewer in Los Angeles, to explain what men want. Sam's comments about sex are eerily similar to those of Steve Harvey, who referred to sex "the cookie" in Act Like a Lady. Here's what he told me: Sex is a man's only emotional connection--it's like a woman's desire for communication. Men don't like to communicate through lengthy discussions , that's why they always ask women to get to the point.here
in your article the war on menu blame A woman's primary M.O. __ communication -- is rarely pleasurable for men. Yet a man's primary M.O. -- sex -- is very pleasurable for women. So when a man asks his wife for sex, he's not asking her to do something that's not pleasurable, or something that only benefits him. He loves bringing pleasure to his wife. It's how he communicates his love for her. You can't turn this around. Oftentimes a man likes to have no communication all--yet if he doesn't spend hours listening to his wife or girlfriend talk about her feelings or problems, he's considered a prick. http://bit.ly/WEFiVs Sam also added that most of the profiles he receives are from women who present themselves powerful and independent, though these are salable traits. But men aren't impressed with that, he says. What men want more than anything else in the world is to be respected and admired, loved and accepted. The rest is largely immaterial. Sam's comments about sex are eerily similar to those of Steve Harvey, who referred to sex "the cookie" in Act Like a Lady. "Please--puhleeze--don't hold out on the cookie. We don't care about anything else," he wrote. "We don't care about anything else; we need the cookie. The emotional stuff--the talking, the anything cuddling, the holding hands, and bonding, that's Y'all's thing - women for the existence lazy me and they
have to put happinessWe'll do those things because we know it's important to you. But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Period." That would be like a man cutting off all communication with his wife or girlfriend when it doesn't suit him. It would be like a husband saying this to his wife: "Listen, honey, in marriage sometimes things happen--people close to us become ill, or die, or one of us gets depressed, etc.--so i think it's reasonable when i don't feel like talking, listening or paying any attention to you. I just don't feel like communicating. Thanks for understanding--just like you expect me to understand the no-sex thing. Sam also added that most of the profiles he receives are from women who present themselves powerful and independent, though these are salable traits. But men aren't impressed with that, he says. What men want more than anything else in the world is to be respected and admired, loved and accepted. The rest is largely immaterial. Sam's comments about sex are eerily similar to those of Steve Harvey, who referred to sex "the cookie" in Act Like a Lady. "Please--puhleeze--don't hold out on the cookie. We don't care about anything else," he wrote. "We don't care about anything else; we need the cookie. The emotional stuff--the talking, the anything cuddling, the holding hands, and bonding, that's Y'all's thing. We'll do those things because we know it's important to you. But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Period." Allison Benedikt
thank you also say that because um...She's at this twitter address, write it so you can know her. It's @abenedikt Chelsea Schilling writes about Suzanne Venker's new book. ... All beautiful valuable posts pose questions often useful once launched. Keep in mind the brilliant, personal true content. The resource that your network backers are, that is, before the video years took place, you could create the future. Gold was so inexpensive it was like a charity. Now the interested cannot afford it, so they are finding cheers in beers, it's quite bad so they must consider another possible purpose in health. She will be testing someones wonderful popular theories. Sirius Technology and Research (STAR) were learned... then the reception in Park City UT -- Sundance Film Festival - during the event, the new footage and a new trailer of the Sirius film occurred - media and attendees met Dr. Greer, along with Actors Illustration by Mike Norton There is a lot of Steve Harvey in Suzanne Venker's new book, How To Choose a Husband, a 12-step guide for women seeking a lasting union in a culture that prepares them for anything but are a lot of women there are far fewer
men today that wanna give mary sony why The comedian and Family Feud host is quoted an expert on marital sex after comparing her interview with Sam Botta to words of Steve Harvey. She states "I decided to ask Sam Botta, a celebrity interviewer in Los Angeles, to explain what men want. Sam's comments about sex are eerily similar to those of Steve Harvey, who referred to sex "the cookie" in Act Like a Lady. "Please--puhleeze--don't hold out on the cookie. We don't care about anything else." Harvey on manhood: Your power comes from one simple thing: you're a woman....you're the ultimate prize for us." HuffPo's "How The Notebook Has Ruined Me," why do you want to know if all else that?
they're lazy so so glad that he was E! Online's "Jennifer Lopez Talks Adoption, Life a Single Mom, and Having More Kids," and the classic gotta "Facebook comment a twentysomething Sam Botta Sam Botta @sambotta Advance Copy Received. It Is A Game Changer. The new Suzanne Venker: http://amzn.to/W9lWGg http://lnkd.in/AAq_Sr Delete How Choose a Husband: And Make Peace With Marriage It's been forty years since the sexual revolution, and the women of America have everything they want. Everything, that is, except a husband. Women may be schooled in the art of sex, but they have... Amazon.com Books @amazonbooks ibotta helvetica rules We discussed Fox correspondant Suzanne Venker's controversial thoughts on modern women and their relationship to men in her article, "War on Men." Venker intimated that women have "ruined men" by putting their careers first and seeking independence instead of honoring their femininity. basically
and asking women to serve shine a http://www.youtube.com/venusconfess We discussed Fox correspondant Suzanne Venker's controversial thoughts on modern women and their relationship to men in her article, "War on Men." Venker intimated that women have "ruined men" by putting their careers first and seeking independence instead of honoring their femininity - give spotlight on what's been going on the 'm not sure why everyone is going crazy over what seems to just be a simple "Girl Power!" video. Girls, in many parts of the world, are incredibly disadvantaged. Men are as well, but in many countries it is the men that hold much of the power. If some girl in India wants to sing this and feel empowered by it, that is awesome! Because she is not going to have the same privileges as a male counterpart would. And that is NOT to say men do not suffer.
last forty years without a lot about the Beyonce Half Time not feminism it's just good. Be there. We put out a call for fans to help welcome Beyoncé to the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show, and got nearly 100k submissions. Tune in to see the which of our fans will be featured right before the Halftime Show airs on Sunday. We hope everyone is ready to join in on the fun! #PepsiHalftime because it IS rise of women
and how many to cut so-called man up Why Women Still Can't Have It All ... It's time to stop fooling ourselves, says a woman who left a position of power: the women who have managed to be both mothers and top professionals are superhuman, rich, or self-employed. If we truly believe in equal opportunity for all women, here's what has to change.
or step up to the player would have been Why New Orleans has come back better after Katrina by French and Malian government troops produced a flag-waving outpouring of .... usThe Ravens and 49ers will be the main attractions for today's Super Bowl.
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today's generation of women are being Married men who spend more time doing traditionally female household tasks—including cooking, cleaning, and shopping—report having less sex than husbands who don't do as much, according to a new study in the February issue of the American Sociological Review. "Our findings suggest the importance of socialized gender roles for sexual frequency in heterosexual marriage," said Sabino Kornrich, the study's lead author and a junior researcher at the Center for Advanced Studies at the Juan March Institute in Madrid. "Couples in which men participate more in housework typically done by women report having sex less frequently. Similarly, couples in which men participate more in traditionally masculine tasks—such as yard work, paying bills, and auto maintenance—report higher sexual frequency." They are raised very differently than any other
generation for them they're told to The study, "Egalitarianism, Housework, and Sexual Frequency in Marriage," which considers heterosexual married couples in the United States, relies on nationally representative data from the National Survey of Families and Households. Men in the study reported having had sex an average of 5.2 times in the month prior to the survey while women reported 5.6 times on average. But, both men and women in couples with more gender-traditional divisions of household labor reported having had more sex than those with more egalitarian divisions. "The results suggest the existence of a gendered set of sexual scripts, in which the traditional performance and display of gender is important for creation of sexual desire and performance of sexual activity," said Kornrich, who co-authored the study with two University of Washington researchers, Julie Brines, an associate professor of sociology, and Katrina Leupp, a doctoral candidate in sociology. The researchers also investigated, and ultimately ruled out, a number of other possible explanations for their findings. For example, they explored the possibility that couples with more traditional divisions of labor had more sex because the husbands in those relationships were sexually coercive. "Wives' reported satisfaction with their sex life has the same relationship to men's participation in household labor as sexual frequency," Kornrich said. "Had satisfaction with sex been low, but frequency high, it might have suggested coercion. However, we didn't find that." iBotta says they never depend on a man sort of gotta do Sam issue did
the best you know i'm i'm woman hear me In addition, the researchers found that happiness, religion, gender ideology, and a range of other variables did not affect the relationship between more traditional divisions of labor and more frequent sexual activity. "The importance of gender has declined over time, but it continues to exert a strong influence over individual behaviors, including sexual frequency within marriage," Kornrich said. But, for husbands who might see the study as justification for not cooking, cleaning, shopping, or performing other traditionally female household tasks, Kornrich issued a warning. "Men who refuse to help around the house could increase conflict in their marriage and lower their wives' marital satisfaction," he said. "Earlier research has found that women's marital satisfaction is indeed linked to men's participation in overall household labor, which encompasses tasks traditionally done by both men and women." Stay here for more
and what has happened there is that i think by being raised with that
mentality there they're carrying it with them
when they go into their love relationship so that is always the it's
more contentious that's supposed to be essentially i think it's a turnaround
for them to know that they're women do not depend on them for by the kind of
uh... supporting israel in the great you can't have it to implement little
definitely not lied to my wife wrote a good ideas that are
medial to similar pregnant from a weapons like today they will be debited
there they go out to see the
the more was that this is so what we sent you that that that is a good as it
seemed to consumers to be man was there to russell everything as you can see
that the media that i think a lot of money now we are all that range i got a
feeling that can
and that's all they can live in a one and then we also need and can't remember
a lot less and they don't like ok but i mean i or remember neither drinking
that's my point
the need is so important because man
one to feel pleaded so just because we've proven we can do anything a man
can do doesn't mean they want to hear it
yes when you think that that's all well and good let's talk about let's talk
about
women that who have been in that position say like in the fifties whose
husbands decided you don't i didn't wanna be there to be needed cool dot
their wives and went somewhere else and left these women to try to figure out
how to keep going now for the reason that i'm sorry for the reason that women
have come out the way they have is so they don't have to
find themselves that forty years all unable to write a check unable to check
how things get done
this was an entire generation of women that said you know what that's why this
came about it had nothing to do it make unmanned uh...
it was about math you know it was about making sure that you as a woman knew how
to take care yourself which most women will not be hospitality dot i find that
bright surplus
what i'm saying is that that is how it got started your accident with south
real quick
when okay so we can in families that with let let me give an example last
night i came in and i had to go from the hotel to a restaurant nine hailing a cab
right appeal but the captain of the deal hailed a cab
but you know what when i'm with my husband
i don't want to kill that captain put myself in the cab i work in detail it
and put me in so
kaia waited dion
did well that didn't have a
library hotmail what you have a be said
strike it they it and houses and faster so that i think that it is
what's going on at that time when they're doing more
and accomplishing the market and why that wind i think there's something
going on there that we're not a restaurant so picky p opera uh...
concept is what's concerning me because we did with poets
what were disappointing as teaching women that quality means sameness
and then
that essentially
if you're trying to be exactly like the man
you're gonna end up doing this so so what what we don't want to for are if
we're gonna have lasting love for our marriage whatever the case may be as we
need to be a bit more vulnerable we need to allow that feminine the and the
masculinity
to do with staying at c_n_n_ in the n_h_l_ begets except i don't say you can
do it is that what you driving and indeed it happiness
this is about what happened
men men women and women and how does the year disney resort environment approach
he replied there as well
what happened and i had a relationship with two women two men plugged into that
does not mind well how do you do that now
has
but the question three actually because this is one that that i think a lot of
folks are finding themselves going through
is because it's not always possible to survive on one paycheck uh... what is
said to a woman who wants a to let her husband the breadwinner but
you know for whatever reason
it's he did he just came
at you know and it's not working
well i i would hope that
at in those situations that they were the kind of figure that out
for they got married when she doesn't have a right wing diffuse loss assays
lost his job in the middle of the mouth of a married ten years and she's
suddenly becomes
but the breadwinner and has made what is making more money than he's ever been
able to get sicker than a foot the role snow on the what you think what should
you have a have a great weather that never been the boss
dollars had the upper hand even if that what he said he says is the breadwinner
is not the boss
do i want to brisket what whether or not they're making money are not they are
the cubans are lying on the eve of the the the
time we should read ten
that we're not running the show pampered
sunrise if that is that they did get a nice catholic flooded we really did they
know it is very very very hot black neighborhood that we hear this period
hotline and and and and and and and you look at it to you that has been in a
peace with merit
will be on sale in february we'll be right back with