Sorry, guys. Just can’t feel that bad for you. I mean, what did you expect? You were
chasing a bear around with a gun. That bear was thirty foot tall, you crazy bastards.
It ate Bigfoot for lunch. And now, it’s killed your father.
Good luck with your psychiatrists.
It’s Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2013 for the PlayStation 3.
The Dangerous Hunts series is back with more bullets, more blood and more borderline unethical gameplay.
This time around, you play as one of those brothers who watched as their father was mauled
to death by a bear...the blood-thirsty monsters. Anyway, the two have since parted ways and
haven’t spoken to each other in years.
And now, after all that silence and resentment, they plan to celebrate their dad’s birthday
by reuniting on a hunting safari...with guns. Great plan, guys.
Of course, despite the game’s most sincere efforts, no one really cares. If you’re
interested in this game, it’s not because you want to watch a family overcome the tragedy
that separated them. It’s because you want to shoot f*cking animals.
And fortunately, there are multitudes of wildlife to eradicate.
So you can play the story, which is an interesting series of free-moving levels in which hyenas
are cast in the role of velociraptor. Or you can do individual galleries, which are your
standard, on-rail...individual galleries. There’s also a new two-player mode called
Maneater, obviously designed by Hall and Oates. But the key addition to Dangerous Hunts 2013
is this bad boy.
This freaking thing is called the Top Shot Fearmaster, and it’s the latest piece of
plastic gaming clutter to overwhelm your living space. The interesting thing about this particular
pretend gun is its two metal sensor things. Those actually detect the player’s heart
rate and hand stability...so the calmer you are, the clearer your shot will be.
The game talks a lot about controlling your breathing and stuff, but I don’t know...the
thing seemed mostly based on how still you were.
I’m going to be honest and tell you...I don’t think there’s much room for criticism
in a game based on indiscriminately shooting animals in the face. Like, what could I even
say about this? Oh, the visuals aren’t so great—hey, big deal, there are hyena fights.
And really, that’s all there needs to be in Dangerous Hunts 2013.
Go ahead. Take the Fearmaster...master your fear.
