Lammbock German Stoner Comedy 2/9 English Subtitles

THE INFILTRATION
Dealing is dangerous.
My father just sentenced one guy for 3 years
for possession of 100 grams.
100 grams? 3 years?
Yes
You dad is a nice guy, but sometimes he's a fucking Nazi.
- Don't you think the high stand looks in use? - I won't answer that anymore.
Look in the top corner there is some moss scratched off.
Yea there is some moss scratched off your brain. We investigated the place, it's out of order!
I don't know.
Be happy! Everything is fine, everything grows.
Everything is well hidden
Plenty of sunlight Good soil...
- Stefan - What?
Aphids
Aphids?!?!
Yes aphids!!! Check this out!!!
They are everywhere.
Shit
Vinegar should help
What?
Vinegar helps
- Vinegar?!? - Yes.
You mean vinegar?!? We can't just experiment with vinegar on our crops.
We need serious help.
Useful plant or ornamental plant?
Flower, bush, herbaceous plant...?
Useful plant. Definitely useful.
- You think it's herbaceous? - How the hell should I know.
Listen, is this a pharmacy or what?
We need something against Aphids. Can't be so hard, can it?
You need to plan carefully.
Without knowing the name of the plant I can't help you.
Thank you, we will try somewhere else.
Now you listen to me!
I won't bend down in front of some "florist codex"...
...You can't treat people like that!
Of course we go in there.
Stefan! Listen, ok?
People in those shops have no style, Ok?
They study new age spirituality, and fuck chicks with hairy arm pits.
I never hung out with those cliché potheads and I won't start now, ok?
Stefan, wait. Stefan.
Let's take off, did you see that guy? No way!
Let's just ask, ok? Don't be so intolerant.
- No way! - Think about the aphids
OK let's go.
Excuse me, I might be able to help you.
I also grow crops.
Grow what?
Yea alright, well I can tell you there is a cure for aphids.
Especially for big plants.
The stereotype of political left wingers as fucked up potheads is old fashioned.
THC abuse exists in all professions
...all social classes, and all ages...
The aim is:
"Know your enemy"
Aphidoteles aphidimyza, räuberische Gallmücken- a secret weapon.
One larvae kills up to 50 aphids and then takes off. No problem for the plant.
Where do you know that from?
Well when you do this business professionally you have to teach yourself some things.
I'm a fan of zero-zero.
That's dank stuff.
You know zero-zero?
- Yea of course - Back then
You have to be able to roll a joint.
But even more important is the presentation.
"Awesome shit man" Nonsense, nobody talks like that anymore.
Only social pedagogues and teachers
This shit kicks better than Mehmet Scholl.
Trying too hard.
No this dope....my dear friends.
This dope is the deluxe version.
This dope is...
"Die Jacobs-Krönung des THC"
"Die Jacobs-Krönung des THC"?
If I smoke another one now I can't study anymore.
"If I smoke another one now I can't study anymore"
Alright one more.
And that is the only reason why she was fired.
I say that theory is bollocks.
- Air planes have pressure cabins... - So what?
Sorry guys but Kai has got a point. Have you ever heard of the porn star Karla Kowalcyk?
Called "Karla Super Fist", breast perimeter 142 cm.
- "Four Fists for One Hallelujah"... - ...was her last movie.
Karla was a customer of my cousin Dominik, He was sort of her pimp.
Domino is a little weird but honest.
He always took care of her...
...especially since he made sure she traveled only in small planes that fly low.
But on the way to her shooting for "The Super Fist Hits Again" it happened...
Karla misses her flight...
...but she never wanted to miss an appointment and so she takes a Boeing 737.
And then?
When the plane reached its final height it happened.
The entire business class was messed up...
And the super fist never hit again.
Makes sense.
Man that is a sad story, don't you think?
What's wrong?
- Haaalooo? - I'm black and white.
You're what?
Look I'm black and white man.
That's not funny man, I'm black and white!
He's black and white.
Zero-zero, sometimes it even kicks in late.
One of my buddies didn't feel anything for 3 days. Then the devil appeared to him...
...sat in front of his bed, and watched him. Seriously!
Did you hear that, Stefan?
Wanna smoke another one?
STEFANS' LITTLE SISTER
Don't panic, go do the AIDS test now and you show some optimism.
Kai, I'm showing realism.
That guys girlfriend is HIV positive.
Don't think I'm just trying to make myself important, ok?
But I slept with him without a condom and his girlfriend is HIV positive.
That is pretty frightening.
Well I know one thing for sure.
If that test is negative I will never cheat on Tim again.
All this cheating sucks anyway. 30 of minutes fun and a months long bad conscience.
3 months of hell.
3 months?
It takes that long to detect HIV.
During that time I didn't sleep with Tim.
What? 3 months?
Well sure, what else should I do?
And what did he say?
I told him I had an infection and that was ok for him.
Ok for him? 3 months?
Get over it, ok? I know you think he's a jerk
but I was ok with it too.
You got a code name for the test?
Hmm?
A code name for the test.
Nope, i'll think of one later.
What is that?
That's important, you have to think of that before.
What if you can't think of any?
Then you say your name is "funny bee". You can't do that.
I guess you have one already?
Yes. Yes...
...I thought about it for a long time.
...it's like that... ...it's gotta be a cool name.
Not aggressively cool...
...but the coolness has to be underneath the surface?
Got it?
Mr Pink.
Mr Pink?
Mr Pink, you know? From "Reservoir Dogs", the movie, you know?
Yea, Mr Pink...
A cool name for a cool character, right?
And it's got some sort of understatement...
...cause the movie is not that famous.
I need some information for statistics.
First you need one code name.
Mr Pink!
One word only please.
What do you mean?
Am I not speaking German? One word only!
Well "Pink" then.
"Pink", alright.
I suppose I don't need to ask about your sexual habits.
The test takes 30 minutes. You can get the results here then.
"Sexual habits", that stupid bi...
I should have said "äugeln".