Game Program Attack! - Race Wars (Ep #5)


Uploaded by MondoMedia on 01.06.2012

Transcript:
[Chief:] Okay, Ace.
This is your last race as an undercover streetracing cop.
The stakes are high.
[Ace:] Blah blah blah.
The US will get annexed into Canada.
I get it. Jeez.
[Chief:] This isn't a goddamn joke, Ace.
I can't believe I came out of retirement for this.
You're too reckless.
[Chang:] More rike I wreck your mom's face! (laughs)
[Ace:] Lin Chang! Yakuza enforcer and world champion Tokyo street drifter!
[Chang:] The very same!
[Ace:] And expert fuck-face.
[Chang:] I fuck your face.
[Jacque:] Hey guys, why don't we back up all this trash-talk
and leave it on the curb, eh?
[Chang:] Die in fire, Jacque!
[Jacque:] Ha ha, actually a huge fear of mine.
Good luck, everyone!
[Chang:] Say, Ace. How's your partner doing?
[Ace:] Seriously, you don't remember? You murdered Lance like five years ago.
[Chang:] Of course I do!
Just reminding you, ha ha ha.
[Ace:] Son of a bitch, no way!
[Chang:] You can't beat me in turn, Ace!
I'm world drift champion.
[Chief:] He's right, Ace.
You'll have to wait for the straightaway and hit the nitrous.
[Ace:] I don't need the nitrous, chief.
I can beat him fair and square!
[Chief:] Now isn't the time for foolish pride.
There's too much at stake!
[Ace:] You don't need to remind me, chief.
[Chang:] Oh, it's more personal now.
[Ace:] Lin, what have you done? [Chang:] I took out a rittle ensurance.
Right now, Stephanie, your girlfriend
and crew chief's daughter, strapped to Yakuza rocket,
ready to be fired into space!
[Ace:] The Yakuza have a space program?
[Chang:] Space crime is the future!
And if I don't cross the line first, she becomes dead person in space!
[Ace:] Dammit chief, I have to let him win!
He already killed Lance. I won't let him take everything I have!
[Chief:] Listen! Stephanie loves you!
And I know if she was in your position,
she'd go for the win! The stakes, Ace!
[Ace:] They're too high, I know. God damn, Chief. Look at us weepy bitches.
All right, let's do this. But I'm gonna need some help.
[Jacque:] I'll help ya, buddy.
I don't know what I'd do if my model girlfriend Simone was in danger.
[Ace:] Thanks, Jacque. But we're gonna need more than Chief's free healthcare
and a moose cavalry to win this.
[Chief:] I don't know, Ace. A moose cavalry sounds pretty great.
[Lance:] Maybe I can help.
[Ace:] Lance! My former partner!
But I thought you died at the hands of Lin Chang!
[Lance:] I faked my death, Ace.
To join a ragtag car race team, like the ones we used to hunt down.
[Ace:] But Lance! I don't understand!
Really, I don't!
[Lance:] I done some bad stuff, Ace. Terrible things that I hope to forget.
They were dark times, and I did what I needed to survive
in the seedy underworld, to take it apart from the inside.
But I succumbed to the darkness. I've already said too much.
[Jacque:] This is very mysterious and compelling.
[Lance:] Helpng you, Ace, I feel may be my last chance at redemption.
[Ace:] Okay then!
Lance, Jacque, Chief, let's do this.
[Chief:] Ace! Your only chance is to draft each other and fire off in a slingshot maneuver!
[Lance:] Aha, the Guantanamo Suitrack.
Just like the old days, baby.
[Ace:] Alright, Jacque, you make the first move.
[Jacque:] Will do!
[Chang:]Well rooky here!
If it isn't the adorable mounty here to save the day.
[Jacque:] I'm gonna beat you then skin you and wear you for warmth
while I get a Saskatchewan skinner from my model girlfriend.
[Chang:] That would be scary
if you weren't dead! Hah!
[Ace:] Jacque! No!
[Jacque:] Oh jeez, losing control here guys.
OH JESUS SHIT I'M BURNING ALIVE
THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE
[Lance:] Damn. Lin just made our boy extra crispy.
[Ace:] Now I want some chicken.
[Lance:] Speakin' of food, let's take him out like some cheap chinese.
Take out.
Joe, go!
[Ace:] Hey, Lin!
[Chang:] Hm? [Ace:] This one's for Lance!
[Lance:] Hey, thanks buddy.
[Chang:] Nooooooo!
[Ace:] Yes!
[Lance:] My shadowy past has been redeemed!
[Chief:] Woo-ee, I knew you could do it, Ace!
[Ace:] But chief! What about Stephanie?
Your daughter! My girlfriend!
[Chang:] Oh, she is dead in space rike I said.
[Chief:] I've lost a daughter but gained a champion.
[Ace:] At least she's up with the angels now.
[Lance:] In space?
[Jacque:] THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE
JUST ETERNAL FIRE
(everyone else laughs)