Diversity Lecture: Jeannette Walls

>> GOOD EVENING.
WOW, THIS IS A GREAT CROWD TONIGHT!
MY NAME IS CHRIS ARNOLD,
AND ON BEHALF OF THE BOB AND ALEICIA WOODRICK DIVERSITY LEARNING CENTER
AT GRAND RAPIDS COMMUNITY COLLEGE,
WE’RE PLEASED TO WELCOME YOU HERE TONIGHT FOR OUR 17th SEASON,
CELEBRATING NEW VOICES THROUGH OUR DIVERSITY LECTURE SERIES.
AND IT IS SUCH AN HONOR TO HAVE MISS JEANNETTE WALLS WITH US HERE TONIGHT.
I’D LIKE TO JUST ACKNOWLEDGE A FEW INDIVIDUALS IN OUR AUDIENCE.
I’D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THE PRESIDENT, DR. STEVEN ENDER,
AND HIS WIFE, KAREN ENDER.
(applause) THEY’RE IN THE BACK.
AND I REALLY WANT TO THANK THEM FOR THEIR COMMITMENT TO DIVERSITY.
AND I’D LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE OF OUR TRUSTEES,
WHO’S WITH US HERE TONIGHT, DR. RICHARD RYSKAMP.
(applause)
AND OUR TRUSTEES WORK VERY HARD FOR OUR COLLEGE AND COMMUNITY,
AND WE SURE APPRECIATE THAT.
ALSO, WELCOME TO THE AUDIENCE
THAT’S PARTICIPATING IN GRCC’ S ENGLISH DEPARTMENT’S CONFERENCE--
“WHO CARES? WHY BOTHER? REAL WRITING FOR REAL PEOPLE."
WHICH CONTINUES WITH WORKSHOPS AND SPEAKERS TOMORROW,
AND I’D ALSO LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE OF OUR PROFESSORS, NORA NEILL.
SHE’S WORKED-- WHERE ARE YOU, NORA?
SHE’S WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS CONFERENCE,
SO I REALLY WANTED TO ACKNOWLEDGE HERE.
(applause)
AND OUR SERIES WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT OUR GENEROUS SPONSORS.
OUR CHAMPION SPONSORS INCLUDE THE NOKOMIS FOUNDATION AND STEELCASE.
OUR DIVERSITY ADVOCATES INCLUDE AQUINAS COLLEGE,
AND THE CENTER FOR THE EDUCATION OF WOMEN AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN,
VARNUM LAW, AND WARNER NORCROSS & JUDD.
AND OUR DIVERSITY PARTNERS... AMWAY, DAVENPORT UNIVERSITY,
FOUNTAIN STREET CHURCH, MICHIGAN RADIO,
AND SMG MANAGEMENT DEVOS PLACE.
AND AGAIN, WE NEVER FORGET HOW IMPORTANT OUR LOCAL SUPPORT IS TO OUR WORK,
SO PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO LOOK THROUGH YOUR PROGRAM
AND CONSIDER ALL OUR VARIOUS SPONSORS.
AND FOR ANY OF YOU WHO ARE INTERESTED IN SUPPORTING OUR PROGRAMS,
WE CERTAINLY WELCOME THAT OPPORTUNITY AS WELL.
I’D LIKE TO THANK AND ACKNOWLEDGE OUR DIVERSITY TEAM
FOR THEIR CONTINUING SUPPORT AND COMMITMENT
TO THE PROGRAMMING THROUGH THE CENTER,
AND TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE DIVERSITY LEARNING CENTER STAFF.
JENNIFER SMITH, TAMBER BUSTANCE, AND KATHLEEN OWENS,
AND ONE OF OUR STUDENT WORKERS WHO REALLY HELPED WITH ALL OF THE WORK HERE TODAY,
LONDON JOHNSON, AND ALL OF OUR VOLUNTEERS TONIGHT.
REALLY, A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO FOUNTAIN STREET CHURCH AND THEIR STAFF,
HEATHER, MELISSA, GARY, AND TRAVIS FOR HOSTING US HERE TONIGHT.
THIS IS JUST A WONDERFUL FACILITY AND A WONDERFUL PARTNER TO HAVE.
AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PARKED IN ONE OF THE GRCC LOTS,
YOU CAN PICK UP A DISCOUNT PASS TO GET OUT OF THE LOT TONIGHT.
AND THEN, IF YOU COULD PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO FILL OUT YOUR EVALUATION.
YOUR OPINION AND INPUT’S VERY IMPORTANT TO US,
VIA THE SUGGESTION FOR A SPEAKER.
WE ALWAYS WELCOME THOSE SUGGESTIONS AS WELL.
AND THIS IS OUR 17th YEAR, AND WE ARE VERY PROUD OF OUR HISTORY
OF OFFERING DIVERSE VOICES TO HELP ENGAGE OUR COMMUNITY
IN GLOBAL AND LOCAL VIEWPOINTS.
JEANNETTE WALLS HAS A STORY THAT HIGHLIGHTS BOTH THE REALITIES OF POVERTY
WITH THE POSSIBILITIES AVAILABLE UNDER ALMOST ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.
FOR STUDENTS IN THE AUDIENCE,
MISS WALLS WENT TO COLLEGE ON LOANS AND SCHOLARSHIPS, LIKE MANY OF YOU.
LIKE MANY OF YOU, ARE ARRANGING HER CLASSES TO ALLOW DAYS TO WORK.
SHE LIVED IN A MAID’S ROOM AND TOOK CARE OF TWO CHILDREN
IN EXCHANGE FOR THE ROOM.
SHE CREDITS HER PARENT’S EMPHASIS ON READING AND LEARNING
IN THE MIDST OF AN UNUSUAL FAMILY LIFE.
AND NOW, I AM PLEASED TO INTRODUCE SOMEONE WHO I SO ADMIRE.
ALL WHO KNOW MISS SHELLY IRWIN, MARVEL AT HER ENDLESS ENERGY
AND HER SINCERE COMMITMENT TO OUR COMMUNITY,
SO PLEASE WELCOME MISS SHELLY ERWIN,
HOST AND PRODUCER OF WGVU RADIO AND TELEVISION,
WHO WILL INTRODUCE OUR SPEAKER THIS EVENING.
(applause)
>> CHRIS ARNOLD-- YOU HAVE A GEM IN CHRIS ARNOLD, GRCC.
THANK YOU FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY.
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE IN WHICH WE INHABIT TONIGHT.
IMAGINE LIFE GROWING UP IN EXTREME POVERTY.
THE UNIMAGINABLE OBSTACLES FACED IN AN IMPOVERISHED LIFE,
GOING WITHOUT FOOD.
AND IMPOVERISHED LIFE WITH INDOOR PLUMBING... NOT EXISTENT.
NO CHRISTMAS GIFTS AT THE AGE OF FIVE.
SUCH IS THE STORY OF JEANNETTE WALLS, WHO JOINS US TONIGHT.
TODAY, AUTHOR, JOURNALIST, COLUMNIST JEANNETTE WALLS SHARES HER LESSONS
FROM HER MEMOIR, “THE GLASS CASTLE.”
DESCRIBED AS A COMPELLING TESTAMENT TO WHAT IT MEANS TO BE POOR.
STORIES, AT TIMES, HARROWING,
YOU’LL LEARN OF THE ENCOURAGEMENT FOR JEANNETTE AND HER SIBLINGS
TO READ SHAKESPEARE AT A YOUNG AGE,
TO DREAM OF THE BEAUTIFUL GLASS HOUSE THEY WOULD ALL ONE DAY BUILD.
MISS WALLS DID GROW UP IN THE DESERT OF THE AMERICAN SOUTHWEST,
AND THEN, IN A WEST VIRGINIA MINING TOWN.
SHE DID DEVELOP THE DETERMINATION TO LEAVE HER FAMILY AT THE AGE OF 16.
SHE MOVED TO NEW YORK CITY, ENTERED COLLEGE,
AND YES, DID BECOME A WELL-KNOWN COLUMNIST FOR NEW YORK MAGAZINE,
WORKING FOR MSNBC, A TV PERSONALITY.
OF COURSE, THERE’S A LOT IN BETWEEN THAT JOURNEY.
A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER FOR MORE THAN THREE YEARS,
NAMED AS ONE OF THE TOP TEN BOOKS OF THE DECADE BY AMAZON,
AS WE SPEAK.
“THE GLASS CASTLE” BEING OPTIONED INTO A MOVIE BY PARAMOUNT.
THIS BOOK HAS BEEN TAUGHT AT UNIVERSITIES AND COURSES ON LITERATURE,
PSYCHOLOGY, PARENTING, CHILD DEVELOPMENT, AND POVERTY.
SO MANY LIVES IT HAS TOUCHED.
TONIGHT, WE LEARN ABOUT OVERCOMING HARDSHIP,
AND TURNING ADVERSITY TO OUR ADVANTAGE.
MISS WALL LIVES IN THE VIRGINIA PIEDMONT.
SHE SAYS THE LEAVES ARE AT THEIR PEAK THIS FALL.
SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND, THE WRITER JOHN TAYLOR.
IN HER SPARE TIME, SHE SPENDS TIME WITH HER TWO RESCUED GREYHOUND DOGS,
THAT KEEPS HER HUMBLE.
SHE PLAYS THE PIANO, SHE SAYS, "ENTHUSIASTICALLY."
AND SHE RIDES HORSES NOT WELL, BUT JOYFULLY.
TONIGHT, YOU WILL BE INSPIRED AND MOVED TO ACTION.
WOULD YOU GIVE A WARM, "GRCC DIVERSITY LECTURE SERIES" WELCOME
TO THE AUTHOR OF “THE GLASS CASTLE” AND MORE,
MISS JEANNETTE WALLS.
(applause)
>> THANK YOU!
OH, MY GOODNESS!
MY GOODNESS!
OH!
THANK YOU!
MY GOODNESS!
WHAT A LOVELY CROWD!
MY GOSH-- I HAVE SPOKEN IN A LOT OF VENUES,
I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS, PERHAPS, THE MOST SPECTACULAR.
THIS IS NOT MY FIRST TIME IN MICHIGAN.
I’VE BEEN BACK HERE A COUPLE OF TIMES,
I HAVE TO SAY, IT MIGHT GET A LITTLE CHILLY HERE DURING THE WINTERS,
BUT THE HEARTS ARE ALSO VERY WARM.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME BACK!
UM, IT IS SUCH A JOY AND AN HONOR TO BE HERE.
YOU KNOW, I’VE BEEN LOOKING AT THE NAMES OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS LECTURE SERIES,
AND IT’S SORT OF HUMBLING.
SO MANY PEOPLE OF ACHIEVEMENT.
I’M NOT REALLY SURE THIS IS AN HONOR I DESERVE.
I AM JUST A WOMAN WITH A REALLY WEIRD CHILDHOOD, THAT’S ALL I AM.
(audience laughing)
JUST A WOMAN WITH A PAST, A WOMAN WITH A STORY.
BUT THE TELLING OF THAT STORY HAS GREATLY CHANGED MY LIFE
AND SOME FOLKS HAVE TOLD ME THAT HEARING MY STORY
HAS ACTUALLY CHANGED THEIR LIVES AS WELL.
SO, WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH OUR TIME TOGETHER THIS EVENING
IS SHARE WITH YOU SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I HAVE LEARNED
SINCE HAVING TOLD MY STORY.
IT IS IRONIC THAT IT GIVES ME SUCH JOY TO BE SHARING MY STORY WITH YOU ALL,
BECAUSE FOR MOST OF MY LIFE, MY STORY WAS A SOURCE OF GREAT SHAME FOR ME.
I USED TO WRITE ABOUT CELEBRITIES FOR A LIVING.
THAT IS NOT THE SOURCE OF SHAME-- PERHAPS IT SHOULD BE, BUT IT’S NOT.
(audience laughing)
BUT ONE DAY, WHEN I WAS ALL DECKED OUT IN FABULOUS DESIGNER CLOTHES
AND GOING TO SOME FABULOUS CELEBRITY PARTY,
MY TAXI GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC A COUPLE BLOCKS AWAY FROM THE PARTY.
I GLANCED OUT THE WINDOW AND I SAW A HOMELESS WOMAN
ROOTING THROUGH THE GARBAGE.
NOW, TO MOST NEW YORKERS,
SHE JUST LOOKED LIKE YOUR AVERAGE, RUN-OF-THE-MILL HOMELESS WOMAN.
BUT WHEN I GOT A GOOD LOOK AT HER,
I REALIZED IT WAS MY MOTHER...
AND THE EMOTION THAT SEIZED ME AT THAT MOMENT
WAS NOT ONE OF LOVE OR COMPASSION-- IT WAS FEAR.
‘CAUSE I WAS AFRAID THAT MOM WOULD LOOK UP AND SHE WOULD SEE ME,
AND SHE WOULD CALL OUT MY NAME.
AND MY SECRET WOULD BE OUT.
THE FACT THAT WHILE I WAS LIVING ON PARK AVENUE,
GOING TO THE OSCARS AND WRITING ABOUT CELEBRITIES,
MY MOTHER WAS LIVING ON THE STREETS.
SO, TO MY ETERNAL SHAME, I SLID DOWN IN THE BACK OF THE TAXI,
AND I ASKED THE DRIVER TO TAKE ME HOME.
ONCE I GOT HOME, I PACED AROUND THE APARTMENT,
AND I GLANCED IN THE MIRROR,
AND I DIDN’T MUCH LIKE THE PERSON I SAW THERE.
AND I GOT TOGETHER WITH MOM A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER
AND I SAID, “MOM, WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL PEOPLE
"WHEN THEY ASK ME ABOUT YOU?”
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AS THOUGH I JUST ASKED HER A REALLY STUPID QUESTION.
AND SHE SAID, “TELL THEM THE TRUTH.”
SHE SAID, “THAT’S SIMPLE ENOUGH-- JUST TELL THE TRUTH.”
BUT I THOUGHT, “I COULD NEVER TELL THE TRUTH!
“NOBODY WOULD UNDERSTAND!
“MY STORY’S TOO WEIRD!”
AND BEYOND THAT...
I WAS CONVINCED I WOULD LOSE EVERYTHING.
I WAS CONVINCED ONCE PEOPLE KNEW THE TRUTH ABOUT ME,
THAT I WOULD BE FIRED FROM MY JOB...
THAT I WOULD LOSE WHATEVER MEAGER LITTLE STANDING
I’D CARVED OUT FOR MYSELF IN THIS WORLD,
AND THAT PEOPLE WOULD HOLD ME IN RIDICULE AND CONTEMPT.
AND SINCE THEN, I’VE LEARNED A LOT.
AND I THINK THAT THE BIGGEST LESSON
IS WHAT A KNUCKLEHEAD I’VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH OF MY LIFE.
I HAD SO SERIOUSLY UNDERESTIMATED PEOPLE.
THEIR GOODNESS AND THEIR KINDNESS AND THEIR COMPASSION...
AND THEIR WILLINGNESS TO ROOT FOR A KID FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS,
BUT I THINK PERHAPS, MORE IMPORTANTLY, IN THE ISOLATION OF MY OWN SHAME--
AND I’VE COME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT AN ISOLATING EMOTION SHAME IS--
BUT I HAD UNDERESTIMATED THE DEGREE TO WHICH PRETTY MUCH EVERYBODY HAS A STORY.
AND I SUPPOSE THAT IS THE GREAT GIFT THAT READERS HAVE GIVEN ME
IN EXCHANGE FOR COMING CLEAN ON MY STORY,
IS SO MANY TIMES AFTER EVENTS LIKE THIS, PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND THEY’LL SAY,
“YOU KNOW, THE DETAILS OF OUR LIVES ARE VERY DIFFERENT,
"BUT YOU AND I HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.”
AND THEY’LL TELL ME THEIR STORIES, AND SOMETIMES THEY’RE CRYING,
AND THEY'LL SAY, "I'M SO ASHAMED OF THIS,"
AND I’M THINKING, "GOSH, WHY WOULD YOU BE ASHAMED OF THAT GREAT STORY?”
AND THEN I REMEMBER, “OH, YEAH, I WAS ASHAMED TOO.”
AND SO, THAT’S ONE OF MY MISSIONS IN LIFE, IS TO GET PEOPLE TO TELL THEIR STORIES,
BUT IT’S NOT AN EASY THING.
AS I SET DOWN, AND TRY TO RISE TO MY MOTHER’S CHALLENGE,
AND TELL MY STORY, I HAD TO THINK ABOUT SOME THINGS
THAT I HADN’T THOUGHT ABOUT FOR A LONG TIME.
WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD, MY VERY EARLIEST MEMORY,
COOKING HOT DOGS FOR MYSELF.
MY MOTHER’S AN ARTIST AND SHE DOESN’T MUCH CARE FOR DOMESTIC CHORES,
SO WE KIDS WERE SORT OF LEFT TO FEND FOR OURSELVES.
SO, I WAS THREE YEARS OLD AND COOKING HOT DOGS FOR MYSELF,
AND MY DRESS CAUGHT ON FIRE.
I WAS TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL,
AND THE THING THAT STRUCK ME THE MOST ABOUT THE HOSPITAL
IS HOW CLEAN IT WAS AND HOW FANCY IT WAS
AND THEY DIDN’T RUN OUT OF THINGS LIKE ICE OR FOOD
AND THEY CHANGED YOUR SHEETS EVEN WHEN THEY DIDN’T LOOK THAT DIRTY.
BUT AFTER SIX WEEKS, MY FATHER "RESCUED ME" FROM THE HOSPITAL.
HE CAME IN, SCOOPED ME UP,
AND RAN OUT WHILE THE ORDERLIES OR SOMEBODY
WAS HOLLERING FOR HIM TO STAND STILL.
WE JUMPED INTO THE WAITING CAR AND WE SPED OFF.
DAD CALLED IT “DOING THE SKEDADDLE.”
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, WE WERE ALWAYS DOING THE SKEDADDLE.
WE WERE ALWAYS ON THE RUN FROM SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.
DAD SAID IT WAS THE MAFIA AND THE CIA.
(audience laughing)
MY MOTHER SAID IT WAS BILL COLLECTORS.
SEE, WE WERE ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT BEHIND ON... RENT.
SHELLY MENTIONED THAT WE WERE POOR-- I’D HAVE TO TAKE ISSUE WITH THAT.
WE WEREN’T POOR-- WE WERE PO’.
WE COULDN’T AFFORD THAT LAST "O-R" OF "POOR."
WE WERE PO’. (audience laughing)
YOU KNOW, I GREW UP SLEEPING IN CARS, SLEEPING IN CARDBOARD BOXES,
SOMETIMES WE HAD A HOUSE,
BUT WE WERE ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF THAT 'CAUSE WE NEVER PAID THE RENT.
SOMETIMES WE HAD HAD HEAT, SOMETIMES WE DIDN’T.
WE ENDED UP MOVING TO A LITTLE TOWN IN SOUTHERN WEST VIRGINIA
WHERE THINGS GOT REALLY, REALLY TOUGH
AND ON A COUPLE OF OCCASIONS,
I ACTUALLY RESORTED TO ROOTING AROUND IN THE GARBAGE AT SCHOOL
FOR SOMETHING TO EAT.
BUT IF MOM AND DAD TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT WAS HOW TO DO THE SKEDADDLE.
SO, I LEFT, I FINISHED SCHOOL UP IN NEW YORK CITY.
MY SISTER AND I HATCHED A PLAN-- SHE WENT FIRST AND I FOLLOWED.
AND LIFE BECAME SORT OF NORMAL FOR A WHILE.
I GOT A DECENT JOB, I GOT INTO A PRETTY GOOD COLLEGE.
AND ONE DAY, I’M GETTING READY TO GO TO SCHOOL,
AND I’M LISTENING TO A TRAFFIC REPORT,
AND THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT A VAN BREAKING DOWN ON FDR DRIVE.
I APOLOGIZE TO THE SIGN-READER IF I’M GOING TOO FAST.
(laughing)
A VAN BREAKING DOWN ON FDR DRIVE
AND THE CONTENTS SPILLED OUT ALL OVER THE STREET,
AND THE DOLL WAS PLAYING "KEEP-AWAY" WITH THE COPS
AND THE DJs WERE LAUGHING UP A STORM ABOUT THIS CRAZY HOMELESS FAMILY.
I WAS THINKING, “OH, THAT POOR FAMILY.
“I HOPE THEY’LL BE OKAY.”
‘CAUSE THAT WAS THE SORT OF THING THAT WAS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP.
LATER ON IN THE DAY, I GOT A CALL FROM MY MOM.
SHE SAID, “JEANNETTEY-KINS!
“IT’S YOUR MOTHER!
“WE’VE MOVED TO NEW YORK!”
I SAID, “MA, DID YOUR VAN BREAK DOWN ON THE FDR DRIVE TODAY?”
(audience laughing) AND SHE SAID, “HOW DID YOU KNOW?”
AND I SAID, “IT WAS ON THE RADIO TODAY.”
AND SHE TOOK THIS AS A REALLY GOOD SIGN,
‘CAUSE THEY JUST MOVED TO NEW YORK AND ALREADY THEY’RE FAMOUS.
HER ART CAREER WAS REALLY GONNA TAKE OFF HERE.
THEY MOVED IN WITH MY OLDER SISTER,
AND THEN, THEY CAUGHT HER PLACE ON FIRE,
AND THEY MOVED INTO AN S.R.O., AND THEN, THEY CAUGHT THAT PLACE ON FIRE.
AND THEN, THEY MOVED INTO A VAN, AND THEN, THAT GOT TOWED,
AND THEY ENDED UP BEING HOMELESS.
BY THIS TIME, MY CAREER WAS SORT OF TAKING OFF,
AND I ACTUALLY ASKED THEM, ON A COUPLE OF OCCASIONS,
"PLEASE, DO NOT TO TELL ANYBODY THAT YOU’RE RELATED TO ME.
"I HAVE A SOMEWHAT NORMAL LIFE,
"AND MY WHOLE LIFE I HAD BEEN TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM YOU GUYS,
"AND I DON’T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!"
BUT THE PAST HAS A FUNNY WAY OF CATCHING UP WITH YOU,
AND IT DID ON THAT DAY THAT I SAW MOM.
AND SHE CHALLENGED ME, OR PERHAPS GAVE ME PERMISSION TO JUST TELL THE TRUTH.
BUT IN SITTING DOWN, AND TRYING TO RISE TO THAT CHALLENGE,
I HAD TO ASK MYSELF, “WHAT IS THE TRUTH?”
SOMEBODY WHO’S MUCH WISER THAN ME ONCE SAID,
“THE TRUTH IS A LIQUID AND NOT A SOLID,
"AND IT TAKES MANY SHAPES.”
NOW, ANYBODY WHO HAS SIBLINGS, WHO'S SAT AROUND,
COMPARED NOTES OF YOUR CHILDHOOD KNOWS--
I SEE A LOT OF NODDING GOING ON-- YOU ALL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.
BUT I’M SITTING DOWN. TRYING TO TELL ABOUT THIS CRAZY PAST THAT I HAD,
AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IS THE TRUTH,
AND I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT MY VERY FONDEST MEMORY,
FOR MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD.
I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD, AND WE HAD NO MONEY FOR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
MY FATHER TOOK EACH OF HIS CHILDREN OUT INTO THE DESERT NIGHT--
WE LIVED IN THE SOUTHWEST AT THE TIME--
AND HE HAD US LOOK UP IN THEY SKY,
AND FOR OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT, WE COULD CHOOSE WHATEVER STAR WE WANTED.
I’VE NEVER BEEN A VERY SUBTLE CREATURE, SO I ASKED FOR THE BRIGHTEST ONE.
DAD EXPLAINED TO ME THAT THAT WAS VENUS,
AND IT WASN’T A STAR AT ALL, IT WAS JUST A PLANET.
I WANTED IT ANYWAY, DAD SAID, “WHAT THE HELL, IT’S CHRISTMAS.
“YOU WANT A PLANET?
“YOU GOT A PLANET!” (audience laughing)
AND HE GAVE ME VENUS, AND IT IS MY MOST TREASURED GIFT EVER!
TO THIS DAY, WHEN I SEE VENUS UP IN THE SKY,
I THINK, ”THAT IS MINE, HONEY!
"I OWN THAT."
I LOVE THAT GIFT SO MUCH, AND I LOVE THAT STORY SO MUCH,
THAT I TOLD IT AT MY FATHER’S FUNERAL.
AFTER I FINISHED THE STORY, MY SISTER, LAURIE,
WHO IS THREE YEARS OLDER THAN ME, MUCH SMARTER THAN ME,
AND ALWAYS SAW RIGHT THROUGH MY FATHER’S B.S.--
I TOLD THE STORY-- LAURIE FOLDS HER ARMS,
AND SAID, “ISN’T THAT LIKE THAT SORRY S.O.B. DAD OF OURS
"TO GO GIVE AWAY SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T BELONG TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?”
(audience laughing)
AND, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT THAT COMMENT,
BECAUSE LAURIE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
DAD’S GIVING ME VENUS WAS A COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS GESTURE.
BUT I’M RIGHT, TOO.
IT WAS A PRICELESS TREASURE.
IT IS WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO MAKE OF IT.
YOU KNOW, AND I THINK YOU COULD SAY THE SAME ABOUT THE GLASS CASTLE ITSELF.
YOU KNOW, THE GLASS CASTLE WAS--
DAD SAID ALL OF THIS MOVING AROUND AND SLEEPING IN CARS
AND SLEEPING IN CARDBOARD BOXES-- THAT THAT WAS TEMPORARY.
ONE OF THESE DAYS, HE WAS GOING TO BUILD FOR US A GREAT BIG MANSION,
OUT IN THE DESERT, AND IT WAS GOING TO BE SOLAR-HEATED,
AND ALL THE APPLIANCES WOULD RUN FROM SOLAR ENERGY,
AND WE WERE, ALL THE TIME, DESIGNING IT.
AND ALCOHOLISM AND A FEW OTHER THINGS GOT IN THE WAY,
AND YOU CAN SEE THE GLASS CASTLE
AS ANOTHER ONE OF DAD’S BROKEN PROMISES,
ANOTHER ONE OF HIS DRUNKEN DREAMS,
OR YOU CAN SEE IT AS I CHOOSE TO.
AND IT IS A CHOICE,
AND MY CHOICE IS TO SEE IT AS A HOPE AND A DREAM FOR THE FUTURE.
AND MAYBE, THAT ONE OF THESE DAYS,
I WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE A NICE PLACE TO LIVE.
AND I THINK THAT THAT HOPE AND THAT DREAM AND THAT BELIEF
THAT YOU DESERVE SOMETHING BETTER THAN WHAT YOU HAVE AT THAT MOMENT,
THAT THAT IS THE MOST VALUABLE GIFT THAT YOU CAN GIVE A CHILD.
AS I SET DOWN WRITING MY STORY, I HOPE I LEARNED SOME OF THE LESSONS
THAT I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE LEARNED A LONG TIME AGO.
WHEN I WAS ABOUT FOUR YEARS OLD, I THOUGHT HEARD A MONSTER UNDER MY BED.
AND AT THAT AGE, I WAS SORT OF OLD ENOUGH
TO KNOW THERE WAS NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS,
BUT I STILL THOUGHT I’D HEARD SOMETHING.
I WENT AND I SAID, YOU KNOW, “DAD, I THINK THERE’S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!”
HALF EXPECTING HIM TO SAY, “HONEY, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS,
"NOW GO BACK TO SLEEP.”
INSTEAD, HE SAYS, “WAS IT A WICKED-LOOKING CREATURE,
"WITH THESE GREAT BIG OLD LONG, SHARP TEETH?”
AND I SAID, “MAYBE!”
AND HE SAID, “AND NASTY-LOOKING YELLOW EYES?”
AND I SAID, “YEAH, I THINK SO!”
HE SAID, “OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THAT OLD DEMON...
“YOU KNOW, OLD DEMON’S BEEN CHASING ME FOR YEARS!
“BUT NOW, I GUESS HE REALIZES THAT REX WALLS DON’T SCARE SO EASY,
"SO HE’S GOING AFTER MY KIDS!
“LET’S GO GET HIM!”
SO, DAD GETS OUT HIS GREAT BIG OLD HUNTING KNIFE,
AND GIVES ME A LITTLE PIPE WRENCH,
AND WE GO LOOK UNDER THE BED FOR OLD DEMON.
COULDN’T FIND HIM.
WE GO OUT LOOKING IN THE DESERT, IN THE SAGE BRUSH, IN THE GARBAGE CANS,
DAD’S CUSSING UP A BLUE STREAK, WAVING AROUND THE KNIFE,
AND I’M GETTING INTO THE SWING OF THINGS, SAYING, “C’MERE, DEMON!
“I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!”
NO DEMON.
DAD SITS ME DOWN, HE SAYS, “YOU KNOW, HONEY?
“THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT OLD DEMON.
“HE’S A BULLY, AND LIKE MOST BULLIES, HE’S A COWARD,
"AND HE GETS HIS JOLLIES SCARING PEOPLE.
“THING YOU GOT TO DO WITH OLD DEMON IS YOU LOOK HIM IN THE EYE,
"AND YOU LET HIM KNOW YOU’RE NOT AFRAID, AND HE TURNS TAIL AND RUNS.”
WELL, WHAT DAD WAS TRYING TO TELL ME, OF COURSE, WAS TO FACE MY FEARS.
AND I’VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A SORT OF BRAVE PERSON,
I’M NOT AFRAID OF SNAKES, AND WHEN I MOVED TO NEW YORK,
I WASN’T AFRAID OF GETTING MUGGED-- I’D GOTTEN BEAT UP WHEREVER I’VE LIVED.
I WAS USED TO IT. (audience laughing)
BUT IT’S TAKEN ME ALL THIS TIME TO REALIZE THAT, FOR SO MUCH OF MY LIFE,
MY DEMON WAS MYSELF.
IT WAS MY OWN PAST.
AND I’VE ALSO COME TO REALIZE HOW WISE DAD COULD BE IN HIS DRUNKEN STUPORS
THAT, YOU KNOW, "YOU LOOK THAT OLD DEMON IN THE EYE
"AND IT REALLY CAN’T HURT YOU."
IF YOU’RE AS LUCKY AS I’VE BEEN, YOU CAN PUT A HARNESS ON YOUR DEMON
AND PUT HIM TO WORK FOR YOU.
'CAUSE I BELIEVE WE ALL HAVE DEMONS, YOU KNOW?
IT’S THAT VOICE TELLING YOU THAT YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, YOU CAN’T DO THAT,
OR THAT YOU DON’T DESERVE WHATEVER COMES TO YOU.
THE THING IS, WE CREATED OUR DEMONS, SO WE’RE STRONGER THAN THEM.
AND YOU RUN FROM THEM, THEY’LL CHASE YOU,
BUT YOU TURN AROUND AND LOOK IT IN THE EYE,
AND YOU REALLY CAN PUT THESE THINGS TO WORK FOR YOU.
AS I SAT DOWN, AND TOLD MY STORY, AND WROTE IT,
I WAS THINKING, “WHY AM I DOING THIS?”
WHY AM I EXPOSING MYSELF TO WHAT I WAS CERTAIN
WAS GONNA BE SHAME AND HUMILIATION?
NOW, ANY AUTHOR WHO TELLS YOU THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE A FANTASY
FOR THEIR BOOK IS LYING, BECAUSE WRITING IS AN EXCRUCIATING PROCESS,
AND YOU’RE SITTING THERE BY YOURSELF, TYPING AWAY,
OR IF YOU DO THE LONG HAND THING, AND YOU THINK, “GOSH, I’M SUCH A LOSER,
"I’M SO INARTICULATE, NOBODY’S GOING TO READ THIS.”
SO, WE TELL OURSELVES STORIES... AND I NEVER DREAMED OF THE BESTSELLER LIST
OR ANY AWARDS OR ANYTHING.
I DID DEVELOP A FANTASY FOR MY LITTLE STORY,
AND THAT WAS THAT, ONE DAY, A RICH KID WOULD READ IT.
AND BY THAT, I MEAN SOMEBODY WHOSE FOLKS PAID THE BILLS ON TIME.
(audience laughing)
AND I HOPED THAT THAT RICH KID WOULD BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SYMPATHETIC
TO THOSE KIDS OF US FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS.
AND THEN, AS I WORKED ON MY STORY A LITTLE BIT LONGER,
I DEVELOPED A BOLDER AND MORE AMBITIOUS HOPE FOR IT...
AND THAT WAS THAT, ONE DAY,
MAYBE SOMEBODY WHO WAS GROWING UP LIKE ME WOULD READ IT,
AND THAT THAT SOMEBODY WOULD GET A GLIMMER OF HOPE FROM MY STORY.
THE SAME WAY THAT I GOT A GLIMMER OF HOPE FROM READING “A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN”
WHEN I WAS TEN YEARS OLD.
I’M SO HONORED AND OVERWHELMED
THAT SO MANY KIDS AT GRAND RAPIDS ARE READING THIS BOOK
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT IS A FANTASY OF MINE, SO I’M VERY HUMBLED BY IT.
BUT THE FUNNY THING IS SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SAID,
“KIDS WON’T GET THIS MESSAGE IN THE BOOK.
"IT’S TOO COMPLICATED AND TOO DARK.”
THEY COMPLETELY GET IT.
IN FACT, NOT LONG AFTER THE PUBLICATION OF IT,
A VERY, VERY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN-- I WOULD SAY 13 OR 14--
CAME UP TO ME, LONG BLONDE HAIR,
AND SHE SAID, “UM, I READ YOUR BOOK
"WHILE MY FAMILY WAS VACATIONING IN THE CARIBBEAN."
AND I THOUGHT, “THERE’S MY RICH KID, RIGHT?”
(audience laughing)
AND SHE SAID, "YOU KNOW, THERE’S THIS GIRL IN MY CLASS
"AND SHE ALWAYS WEARS THESE UGLY, OUT-OF-DATE CLOTHES.
“AND ME AND ALL THE OTHER CHEERLEADERS ALWAYS MAKE FUN OF HER.”
AND SHE SAID, “NOW, I UNDERSTAND.
“AND I WILL NEVER MAKE FUN OF HER AGAIN.”
AND I THOUGHT, “THE LORD CAN STRIKE ME DOWN WITH LIGHTNING RIGHT NOW,
"AND I WOULD BE FINE WITH THAT, BECAUSE I HAVE DONE MY JOB ON THIS PLANET,
"AND I HAVE MADE THAT ONE RICH KID UNDERSTAND.”
AND THEN, NOT LONG AFTER THAT, I WAS APPROACHED BY A KID...
IN NORTHERN ALABAMA, A ROUGH AREA.
AND HE TOLD ME HE HATES BOOKS.
HATES READING, BUT HE LIKED MY STORY.
I SAID, “WELL, IF YOU HATE BOOKS AND YOU HATE READING,
"WHY IS IT YOU LIKED THIS PARTICULAR STORY?”
AND THIS YOUNG MAN, HE THINKS FOR A MOMENT,
AND HE SAYS, “THIS HERE’S A FINE WHITE TRASH STORY!”
(audience laughing)
AND THEN, HE ADDED, RATHER QUICKLY, “YOU KNOW, I MEANT THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.”
BUT I TOOK IT AS A COMPLIMENT.
IN FACT, I THINK IT IS, PERHAPS,
THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT I’VE EVER RECEIVED,
BECAUSE IF SOMEBODY WHO THINKS OF THEMSELVES AS TRASH
CAN READ MY STORY AND SAY, “HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
“SHE’S NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM ME.”
AND THEN IF A POPULAR CHEERLEADER CAN READ THE SAME STORY
AND SAY, “HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
“SHE’S NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM ME.”
THAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT IS WHY WE TELL OUR STORIES.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT WE MEMOIRISTS, WE GET A LITTLE BIT OF A BUM WRAP.
PEOPLE THINK THAT WE’RE THESE EXHIBITIONISTS,
SAYING, “OH, THESE AWFUL THINGS HAPPENED TO ME, PLEASE FEEL SORRY FOR ME!”
AND THAT’S NOT IT AT ALL.
WE’RE SAYING, “THIS IS MY STORY,
"AND MAYBE YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT
"WITHOUT THE NASTY BUSINESS OF GOING THROUGH IT.”
AND IN MY EXPERIENCE, PEOPLE WHO READ THESE STORIES,
WHO COME TO THE LECTURES TO HEAR SOMEBODY TALKING ABOUT THEIR RAGGEDY LITTLE PAST,
YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FOR FREAKSHOWS-- YOU’RE LOOKING TO UNDERSTAND.
AND ONE OF THE-- IF IT SOUNDS LIKE I’M STANDING UP HERE BRAGGING,
IT’S ‘CAUSE I AM. (audience laughing)
BUT I AM NOT BRAGGING ABOUT MYSELF,
I AM BRAGGING ABOUT THE POWER OF STORYTELLING.
BECAUSE I THINK THAT SO OFTEN, YOU KNOW, WE THINK, “OH, I’M NOT LIKE THAT PERSON,
"THAT WEIRD PERSON WHO LIVES THAT STRANGE, DIFFERENT LIFE,
"WHO LOOKS SO DIFFERENT FROM ME AND DRESSES SO DIFFERENTLY.”
AND THE THING ABOUT STORYTELLING IS, YOU KNOW, WE ALL ERECT THESE FACADES,
TO BELIEVE THAT WE’RE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE.
BUT I THINK WHEN YOU TAKE THOSE FACADES DOWN
AND YOU HEAR SOMEBODY ELSE’S STORY,
YOU REALIZE THAT WE’RE ALL MOTIVATED BY THE SAME FEARS AND THE SAME DESIRES.
AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD BE LIKE IF YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES
WERE A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.
AND BY SHARING SOMEBODY ELSE’S STORY,
YOU ARE ABLE TO LIVE IN THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES,
AND I BELIEVE THAT INCREASED UNDERSTANDING ALWAYS LEADS TO INCREASED COMPASSION.
I’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU ONE OTHER STORY ABOUT A STUDENT READING THIS STORY,
BECAUSE I JUST-- I LOVE IT THAT KIDS ARE READING THIS, BUT THERE WAS--
A TEACHER TOLD ME, SHE WAS IN A ROUGH RUST BELT AREA
WITH A LOT OF UNEMPLOYMENT.
SHE WANTED HER KIDS TO READ MY STORY,
TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY’RE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE IN HISTORY
WHO’VE EVER GONE THROUGH POVERTY.
SHE SAID, “DICKENS JUST WADN’T DOING IT FOR THESE KIDS.”
SHE SAID THERE WAS ONE YOUNG WOMAN, IN PARTICULAR,
SHE WANTED TO GET THROUGH TO.
SHE SAID, “SHE’S A GOOD GIRL, BUT SHE’S GOT A LOT OF ENERGY,
"BUT SHE’S HAD A FEW BRUSHES WITH THE LAW,
"AND I WAS HOPING YOUR STORY WOULD RESONATE WITH HER.
“THIS YOUNG WOMAN, SHE COMES INTO CLASS ONE DAY,
"SLAMS MY BOOK DOWN ON HER DESK,
"AND SHE SAID, ‘THAT IS A VERY UPSETTING BOOK TO ME.’”
AND THE TEACHER SAID, “WHY IS THAT?”
AND THIS YOUNG WOMAN SAID, “THERE’S A SCENE
"WHERE THE MOTHER TAKES THREE CHILDREN TO GO SHOPLIFTING.
“THAT IS JUST WRONG!”
AND THIS TEACHER THINKS, “OH, THIS IS GREAT,
"I CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH THIS YOUNG WOMAN ABOUT CRIME AND PUNISHMENT!”
SHE SAID, “WHAT, IN PARTICULAR, BOTHERED YOU ABOUT THAT SCENE?”
AND THIS YOUNG WOMAN SAYS, “WHEN YOU GO SHOPLIFTING FOR ONE OF THE KIDS,
"YOU GOT TO GET SOMETHING FOR ALL OF THEM!”
(audience laughing)
THE TEACHER SAID, “THAT WAS QUITE THE EYE-OPENING CONVERSATION FOR ME!”
SHE SAID, “I’D ALWAYS THOUGHT OF THIS YOUNG WOMAN AS A RULE-BREAKER!
“AND NOW I REALIZED, SHE’S NOT A RULE-BREAKER AT ALL!
“SHE WAS JUST TAUGHT A DIFFERENT SET OF RULES!”
AND AGAIN, THAT IS WHY WE SHARE OUR STORIES.
SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, HEARING SOMEBODY ELSE’S STORY,
YOU’LL SAY, “WELL, THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT IS!
“THIS IS THE WAY WE WERE TAUGHT IN OUR HOUSE!”
SO, IT’S ALL ABOUT LEARNING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES.
YOU KNOW...
I HAVE ACTUALLY COME TO BELIEVE...
THAT THOSE OF US...
THAT THOSE OF US WHO’VE BEEN RAISED WITH SOME POVERTY AND HARDSHIPS,
OR HARDSHIPS OF ANY SORT--
WE POOR FOLK HAVE NOT CORNERED THE MARKET ON SUFFERING,
BUT IF YOU’VE BEEN RAISED WITH CHALLENGES,
THAT YOU CAN BE AT AN ADVANTAGE OVER THOSE WHO NEVER FACED ANY CHALLENGE.
THIS MIGHT JUST BE MY CAPACITY FOR PUTTING A POSITIVE SPIN ON EVERYTHING,
BUT IT’S A CONCLUSION I’D COME TO WELL BEFORE THE PUBLICATION OF MY BOOK.
I WAS LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY,
AND I WAS WORKING AT A SORT OF SNOOTY PLACE
WHERE THEY LOOK DOWN THEIR NOSE AT YOU IF YOU WENT TO A PUBLIC SCHOOL.
AND I BEFRIENDED A VERY WELL-TO-DO WOMAN.
SHE’D GONE OUT TO FANCY SWISS BOARDING SCHOOLS AND STUFF LIKE THAT,
AND SHE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT MY PAST, BUT SHE WANTED TO GO ON VACATION TOGETHER.
SO I WAS LIKE, “THAT’D BE SORT OF INTERESTING,
"TO SEE WHAT RICH PEOPLE DO FOR THEIR VACATION.”
"WELL, WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?”
AND THIS YOUNG WOMAN, SHE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING CALLED “OUTWARD BOUND.”
NOW, I HAD NEVER HEARD OF THIS HERE “OUTWARD BOUND” THING BEFORE,
AND SHE TELLS ME HOW YOU PAY A RATHER SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MONEY
AND YOU GO OUT INTO THE WILDERNESS AND YOU FORAGE FOR FOOD!
(audience laughing)
NOW, I DIDN’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT I’M THINKING,
“HONEY, THE FIRST 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE WERE AN OUTWARD BOUND," YOU KNOW?
(audience laughing) SO, I CALLED UP MY BROTHER,
I SAID, "BRIAN, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!"
(audience laughing)
I SAID, “RICH PEOPLE GOTTA PAY FOR THEIR HARDSHIPS, YOU KNOW?”
(audience laughing)
WE BOTH THOUGHT THAT WAS ABOUT THE FUNNIEST THING WE’D EVER HEARD!
BRIAN SAID HE WAS GOING TO SET UP AN OUTWARD BOUND IN SOUTHWEST VIRGINIA,
WHERE WE GREW UP. (audience chuckling)
I THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS, UNTIL I GOT TO KNOW THIS WOMAN A LITTLE BIT BETTER.
NOW, I SAID SHE’S INCREDIBLY WELL-TO-DO,
BUT SHE’S A STRONG AND RESOURCEFUL WOMAN.
AND THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT SHE COULD DO WHATEVER SHE SETS OUT TO DO.
BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW THAT, BECAUSE HER INCREDIBLY WEALTHY PARENTS,
IN AN EFFORT TO TAKE AWAY THE OBSTACLES IN HER LIFE,
ALSO TOOK AWAY THE GIFT THAT WE ALL GET FROM LEARNING TO NAVIGATE OBSTACLES,
AND BY PICKING HER UP WHENEVER SHE FELL,
THEY TOOK AWAY THE GIFT THAT WE ALL GET FROM LEARNING TO PICK OURSELVES UP--
WHICH I AM NOT KNOCKING WEALTH FOR ONE SECOND.
IF YOU’VE GOT MONEY, HONEY, GOD BLESS YOU, YOU KNOW?
BUT I THINK THAT EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE.
AND IT’S ENTIRELY UP TO US WHICH ONE WE CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON.
I THINK THAT, "YEAH, I HAD REAL HARDSHIPS IN MY PAST."
I’M NOT GOING TO DENY THAT.
I WILL ALWAYS HAVE ISSUES FROM MY PAST.
I WILL ALWAYS HAVE BAGGAGE.
THE FIRST TIME MY HUSBAND TRIED TO EAT OFF MY PLATE, HE ALMOST LOST HIS HAND.
(audience laughing)
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THINGS THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH,
BUT I ALSO THINK THERE ARE GREAT BLESSINGS ALONG THE WAY.
I THINK THE WORST EXPERIENCE IN THE WORLD
HAS A VERY VALUABLE GIFT WRAPPED INSIDE...
IF YOU ARE WILLING TO RECEIVE THAT GIFT,
AND YOU CAN GO AROUND LIFE COMPLAINING ABOUT THINGS THAT WERE DONE FOR YOU
OR WEREN’T DONE FOR YOU, OR YOU CAN TAKE THE BLESSINGS THERE.
AND I DO BELIEVE THEY EXIST, WHICH IS NOT TO WHITEWASH POVERTY.
I THINK THAT, YOU KNOW...
I THINK THAT THE GREATEST CHALLENGE OF GROWING UP IN BAD--
IN CHALLENGING AND DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES IS THAT,
VERY OFTEN, WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO US,
WE FEEL THAT IT MUST BE SORT OF BECAUSE WE'RE A BAD PERSON,
THAT WE DESERVE THE LIFE WE HAVE.
I DIDN'T HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF FRIENDS WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,
BUT MY BROTHER, FOR WHATEVER REASON, DID,
AND HE'D LET ME BORROW HIS FROM TIME TO TIME...
(audience laughing)
AND WHEN I WAS LIVING IN THE LITTLE COAL-MINING TOWN
IN SOUTHERN WEST VIRGINIA, MY BROTHER HAD ONE FRIEND IN PARTICULAR I REMEMBER.
HE WAS A GOOD KID.
HE WAS, UM... A LITTLE BIT OF A TOUGH, BUT SO WAS MY BROTHER.
YOU KNOW, THEY'D HAVE LITTLE BRUSHES WITH THE LAW FROM TIME TO TIME,
BUT THIS WAS A GOOD KID.
I'LL CALL HIM "SAM."
SAM, YOU KNOW-- HE ACTUALLY HAD A LOT OF TALENT AS AN ARTIST.
MY MOM HAD BEEN GIVING HIM ART LESSONS.
AND WE STOPPED AT SAM'S HOUSE ONE TIME BEFORE SCHOOL,
AND I REMEMBER LOOKING AROUND-- IT WAS A COLD MORNING--
AND SAM'S MOTHER WAS MAKING BREAKFAST ON THE COAL STOVE.
AND I REMEMBER LOOKING AROUND, THINKING, "WOW, THIS WOULD BE A REALLY NICE LIFE.
"YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ASKING FOR A WHOLE LOT,
"BUT THEY'VE GOT FOOD AND THEY'VE GOT HEAT.
"I COULD BE HAPPY LIVING LIKE THIS."
SAM WAS SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, DRAWING A PICTURE OF A HORSE.
RIGHT THEN, HIS FATHER CAME DOWNSTAIRS AND LOOKED AT WHAT HE WAS DOING...
AND SMACKED HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD FOR PUTTING ON AIRS
AND THINKING HE WAS AN ARTIST.
AND I REMEMBER THINKING AT THAT MOMENT, "I'M THE LUCKY ONE HERE.
"WE MIGHT NOT HAVE FOOD, WE MIGHT NOT HAVE HEAT...
"BUT MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER MAKE FUN OF MY DREAMS."
IN FACT, THEY WERE THE ONES WHO NURTURED OUR DREAMS.
AFTER MY STORY CAME OUT, "PRIMETIME LIVE" DID A SEGMENT ON IT,
AND WE WENT BACK TO WEST VIRGINIA-- MY BROTHER AND I--
AND WE RAN INTO SAM, AND I WOULD NOT HAVE RECOGNIZED HIM.
HE'S HAD A TOUGH LIFE.
HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
BUT MY BROTHER RECOGNIZED HIM RIGHT OFF, AND WAS SAYING, YOU KNOW, "SAM!" "BRIAN!"
AND THEY DID THIS SORTA WEST VIRGINIA "GUY HUG" THING,
WHERE YOU DON'T TOUCH TOO MUCH. (audience laughing)
AND SAM SAID, "SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, BRIAN?"
AND MY BROTHER SAID, "I'M A COP."
SAM SAID, "NO KIDDING!
"I'M A CRIMINAL!"
YOU KNOW, UM-- (audience laughing)
AND THEY COMPARED NOTES OF THEIR VARIOUS ARRESTS AND, UM...
(audience laughing)
BRIAN SAID, AFTERWARDS, HE SAID, "I THINK SAM'S SORT OF HAPPY
"THAT WE WENT INTO THE SAME INDUSTRY."
(audience laughing)
BUT THE TRUTH IS, IT BROKE MY HEART.
IT BROKE MY HEART, 'CAUSE SAM WAS SUCH A GOOD KID.
AND HE AND MY BROTHER-- PEAS IN A POD.
SO MUCH ALIKE.
ONE BECOMES A COP, THE OTHER BECOMES A CRIMINAL.
NOW, WHY IS THAT?
AND THE THING I KEEP COMING BACK TO--
THE THING I KEEP COMING BACK TO IS...
THAT SENSE OF HOPE THAT MY PARENTS ALWAYS GAVE US--
THE DREAM, THE BELIEF IN THE POWER THAT EDUCATION, THE LOVE OF LEARNING--
AS WAS EPITOMIZED BY THE GLASS CASTLE--
YOU KNOW, WE WERE ALWAYS WORKING ON THE MATH OF THE GLASS CASTLE.
AND DAD WAS WORKING ON THE ESSAYS-- IT WAS THAT DREAM AND THAT HOPE.
AND I BELIEVE, YOU KNOW, IF A KID GETS A SENSE OF SELF-ESTEEM
AND A LOVE OF EDUCATION, YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.
IDEALLY, YOU GET THE FOOD AND CLOTHING AS WELL, I'LL ACKNOWLEDGE THAT.
BUT I THINK, IN SOME WAYS, I WAS SO MUCH LUCKIER
THAN SOME OF THE OTHER KIDS THAT GREW UP IN SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND I WILL TELL YOU THAT, IN MY EXPERIENCE WITH POVERTY,
THE WORST THING ABOUT POVERTY IS THE SHAME.
DEPRIVATION IS TOUGH, BUT IT'S RELATIVE DEPRIVATION.
I GREW UP A LOT WHEN-- I WAS LIVING ON PARK AVENUE.
A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE ASHAMED BECAUSE THEY HAD ONLY $50,000 BAR MITZVAHS
WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE HAD $100,000.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN FIND THINGS TO BE ASHAMED OF ANYWHERE, BUT--
(audience laughing) BUT IT WAS THAT SENSE
THAT I, SOMEHOW, WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHER KIDS.
AND SO, I WENT THROUGH LIFE FOR A WHILE,
THINKING THE WAY TO MAKE UP THE GROUND--
YOU KNOW, THE WAY TO START FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF,
WAS TO FEEL SUPERIOR TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THAT'S WHAT I WAS HELL-BENT ON, WHEN I LIVED IN NEW YORK CITY.
I WAS GOING TO, LIKE--
I DECIDED, AFTER I LIVED IN NEW YORK CITY FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS,
I WAS GOING TO GO BACK TO THAT LITTLE TOWN IN SOUTHERN WEST VIRGINIA,
WHERE I WAS THE POOREST OF THE POOR,
AND I WOULD SHOW THEM A THING OR TWO
ABOUT WHAT A SOPHISTICATED NEW YORKER I'D BECOME...
(with Southern drawl) AS Y'ALL CAN TELL
FROM MY SOPHISTICATED NEW YORK ACCENT HERE.
(audience laughing)
SO, I PUT ON MY FANCIEST DESIGNER CLOTHES...
AND I DECIDED TO HAVE DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
THAT I HAD ALWAYS BEEN TOO INTIMIDATED TO EAT AT.
IT WAS A COFFEE SHOP, BUT EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW, SO...
(audience chuckling)
I PUT ON MY FANCY CLOTHES AND I SASHAY INTO THE COFFEE SHOP
AND I TAKE A SEAT AT A BOOTH.
AND THE WAITRESS COMES OVER, HANDS ME A MENU...
SHE SAYS, "CAN I HELP YOU?"
AND I OPEN UP THE MENU AND IT SAYS, "SPECIAL TODAY-- FISH."
NOW, I KNEW FROM HAVING EATEN AT FANCY NEW YORK RESTAURANTS--
YOU KNOW HOW SOMEBODY COMES OVER AND SAYS,
"OH, YES, THE SPECIAL TODAY IS A LOVELY CHILEAN SEA BASS, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH,
"WITH, YOU KNOW, CARAMELIZED CRUST," AND NONSENSE LIKE THAT.
SO...
THE WAITRESS SAYS, "CAN I HELP YOU?"
AND I SAID, (clearing throat) "YES, WHAT IS THE FISH?"
NOW, I WAS BEING A JERK...
BECAUSE I KNEW DARN GOOD AND WELL WHAT THE FISH WAS.
IT WASN'T SOME LOVELY CHILEAN SEA BASS WITH A CARAMELIZED CRUST, BLAH-BLAH-BLAH.
IT WAS A LITTLE SQUARE PIECE OF FISH WITH BREAD CRUMBS.
IT WAS BASICALLY FISH STICKS. (audience laughing)
BUT I WAS TRYING TO HUMILIATE THE WAITRESS INTO SAYING,
"OH, THIS IS NOT A FANCY RESTAURANT LIKE YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY USED TO EATING AT.
"THIS IS JUST A LITTLE COFFEE SHOP," SO THAT I MIGHT FEEL SUPERIOR TO HER.
SO, SHE SAYS, "CAN I HELP YOU?"
I SAY, "YES, WHAT IS THE FISH?"
AND SHE SAID, "EXCUSE ME?"
AND I SAID, (in snobbish voice) "UH, YES...
"THE MENU SAYS SPECIAL TODAY IS FISH.
"WHAT IS THE FISH?"
AND SHE LOOKS AT ME TO SEE IF SHE JUST HEARD WHAT I JUST ASKED HER...
(audience laughing) AND THEN, SHE LOOKS AROUND
TO SEE IF ANYBODY ELSE HAD HEARD WHAT I JUST ASKED HER.
AND THEN, SHE SAID, SORTA SLOW AND CAREFUL, SO I CAN UNDERSTAND HER...
"A FISH IS AN ANIMAL-- WHAT SWIMS IN THE WATER."
(audience laughing)
SO, HERE I AM, TRYING TO BE A SNOB, AND I FAILED MISERABLY.
SHE'S PROBABLY THINKING, "MAKE 'EM PRETTY DUMB WHERE YOU COME FROM, HUH?!"
YOU KNOW? (audience laughing)
BUT IF I'D SUCCEEDED, THE ONLY THING I WOULD HAVE SUCCEEDED IN DOING
IS MAKING HER FEEL BAD ABOUT HERSELF,
AND I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE FELT ANY BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
AND IT HAS TAKEN ME ALL OF THIS TIME TO UNDERSTAND
THAT THE WAY TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF IS TO FIND THAT EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.
IF I HAD WANTED TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF,
I MIGHT HAVE INTRODUCED MYSELF AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A FRIEND.
INSTEAD, I MADE AN IDIOT OUT OF MYSELF.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT HAS TAKEN ME ALL THIS TIME--
AND ONLY BY CONFRONTING MYSELF,
THE TRUTH ABOUT MYSELF AND MY PAST AND MY MOTHER--
AND IT IS SO IRONIC TO ME THAT AFTER ALL THIS TIME...
YOU KNOW, IN TELLING YOUR STORY, EVEN THOUGH IT'S NONFICTION,
YOU SHAPE YOUR TRUTHS BY WHICH STORIES YOU TELL AND HOW YOU CHOOSE TO TELL THEM.
AND IT WAS A REAL CHALLENGE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
HOW I'D DESCRIBE MY MOTHER--
THIS COMPLICATED WOMAN WHO HAS SO MUCH GOOD ABOUT HER
AND SO MUCH NOT-SO-APPEALING, WHO--
YOU KNOW, MIGHT NOT BE THE-- SHE MIGHT NOT BE "MOTHER OF THE YEAR,"
BUT I DO THINK SHE GAVE US CERTAIN GIFTS.
AND I OFFERED TO SHOW HER THE MANUSCRIPT BEFORE PUBLICATION.
SHE WASN'T INTERESTED BECAUSE SHE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A REALLY GOOD ZANE GREY.
(audience chuckling)
AND SHE ONLY READ THE BOOK ONCE IT BECAME A BEST-SELLER.
BUT SHE'S BEEN QUITE FABULOUS ABOUT IT.
I HAVE TO SAY, SHE WENT-- SHE HELPED ME PUBLICIZE IT.
SHE WAS INTERVIEWED BY THAT SEGMENT FOR "PRIMETIME LIVE,"
"VANITY FAIR," AND "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY," AND "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE.
SHE ACTUALLY WENT ON THE "OPRAH WINFREY SHOW" WITH ME.
THAT WAS A HOOT. (audience laughing)
'CAUSE OPRAH FLEW US UP TO CHICAGO AND PUT US UP IN A FOUR-STAR HOTEL AND...
I WAS GOING TO TAKE MOM OUT TO A REALLY NICE RESTAURANT THE EVENING BEFORE,
BUT THE FLIGHT WAS LATE, SO I CALLED UP HER ROOM
AND I SAID, "I CAN'T DEAL WITH DOING DINNER TONIGHT, MOM.
"JUST ORDER ROOM SERVICE."
AND SHE SAID, "I LOOKED AT THIS MENU-- I COULDN'T-- THE ENTREES ARE $38.
"I COULD NEVER EAT A $38 ENTREE."
I SAID, "DON'T WORRY.
"OPRAH CAN AFFORD IT." (audience laughing)
SO, UM-- SO, SHE ORDERED THREE OF THEM.
(audience laughing)
SO, WE'RE GOING ONTO THE SHOW THE NEXT DAY--
AND I HAVE TO SAY, OPRAH HAS THE TIGHTEST SECURITY OF ANY SHOW
I'VE EVER BEEN ON, AND THEY PUT US THROUGH METAL DETECTORS
AND THEY PATTED US ALL DOWN, AND THEY OPENED UP OUR HANDBAGS,
AND THEY OPEN UP MOM'S AND THEY PULL OUT THIS GREAT BIG OL' SIRLOIN STEAK...
(audience laughing) AND THEN, THEY PULL OUT HER SALMON AND--
SO I'M, YOU KNOW...
MOM IS SITTING UP IN THE AUDIENCE DURING THE SHOW WITH MY BROTHER,
AND I'M ON THE LITTLE DAIS, BEING INTERVIEWED.
AND, UM...
OPRAH HAD THIS TAPED PIECE,
AND SHE SAID, "BY THIS TIME, JEANNETTE'S ECCENTRIC MOTHER BECOME HOMELESS."
AND AS WE'RE LEAVING THE SHOW, WITH OPRAH STILL THERE,
MOM TURNS TO ME AND, IN A RATHER LOUD VOICE,
SHE SAID, "JEANNETTE, I WAS NEVER HOMELESS."
NOW, THIS WAS BEFORE THE WHOLE JAMES FREY CONTROVERSY--
I'M STILL LIKE, "EX-NAY, MOM-- WE'LL TAKE ABOUT THIS LATER."
(audience laughing) AND SHE SAID, "BUT I WAS NEVER HOMELESS."
I SAID, "MOM, YOU LIVED UNDER THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE FOR SIX WEEKS."
AND SHE SAID, "RIGHT.
"THAT WAS MY HOME."
AND THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS I FIND BOTH ENDEARING AND MADDENING ABOUT MY MOTHER.
SHE CAN PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING.
SHE ALWAYS SEES THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THINGS.
I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT IT WAS A DEFENSE MECHANISM
THAT HELPED HER GET THROUGH SOME REALLY TOUGH TIMES.
IT ALSO ENABLED HER TO NOT SEE HOW TRULY BAD THE SITUATION WAS FOR HER CHILDREN.
YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE WOULD SAY SHE'S IN DENIAL.
SHE WOULD DENY THAT.
BUT SHE-- (audience laughing)
SHE'S THE MOST POSITIVE HUMAN BEING EVER.
ONE TIME, I WAS FRUSTRATED WITH WHERE SHE WAS IN LIFE AND HOW SHE--
SHE NEEDED TO ORGANIZE THINGS, AND SHE SAID--
UM, I MADE A LIST OF THINGS SHE NEEDED TO DO.
AND SHE SAID, "JEANNETTE, YOU WORRY TOO MUCH."
SHE SAID, "THINGS USUALLY WORK OUT IN THE END."
AND I SAID, "MOM, WHAT IF THEY DON'T?"
AND SHE SAID, "THAT JUST MEANS YOU HAVEN'T REACHED THE END YET."
(audience laughing) AND THERE MAY BE SOME TRUTH IN THAT.
YOU KNOW, THE ABANDONED BUILDING WHERE MY MOTHER'D BEEN LIVING FOR 15 YEARS,
WITHOUT HEAT AND WITHOUT RUNNING WATER--
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, IT CAUGHT ON FIRE
AND SHE WAS BACK ON THE STREETS AGAIN, AT AGE 75.
AND I LIVE IN VIRGINIA-- IN RURAL VIRGINIA--
AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET MY MOM TO COME LIVE WITH ME FOR YEARS.
NOT WITH ME, BECAUSE I'M NOT A SAINT, BUT WE HAVE A PLACE OUT BACK.
(audience laughing) AND, UM...
I SAID, "MOM, THIS IS CRAZY!
"YOU'RE LIVING ON THE STREETS, I'VE GOT AN EMPTY PLACE."
SHE SAID, "YOU LIVE"-- SHE SAID, "I LIVE IN THE MOST EXCITING CITY IN THE WORLD
"AND YOU LIVE IN THE STICKS!
"WHY WOULD I WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU?"
I SAID, "BECAUSE I HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE AND YOU'RE LIVING ON THE STREETS."
SHE SAID, "I'M NOT SOME MOOCHER.
"I'M NOT A CHARITY CASE."
AND I SAID, "YOU KNOW, MOM, I'M THINKING OF GETTING HORSES
"AND I COULD REALLY USE THE HELP."
AND SHE SAID, "I'LL BE RIGHT THERE."
AND IT WAS SUCH A VALUABLE LESSON FOR ME,
THAT THERE WAS A TYPE OF PERSON WHO PUTS SELF-ESTEEM
AND A SENSE OF SELF-RELIANCE EVEN BEFORE THEY PUT THEIR OWN COMFORT
OR EVEN THEIR OWN SECURITY, AND MOM IS THAT SORT OF PERSON AND I USED TO BE, TOO.
AND HAD I BEEN THAT FAR REMOVED FROM MY OWN ROOTS THAT I--
I JUST FOUND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT HELP FROM PEOPLE.
BUT WITH THAT SORT OF PERSON,
IF YOU TELL THEM THAT THEY CAN HELP THEMSELVES OR EVEN HELP YOU,
THEY'RE MUCH MORE WILLING TO ACCEPT YOUR OFFERS.
AND THE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL THING IS THEY MIGHT SHOCK YOU
AND RISE TO THE OCCASION AND BE OF GREAT HELP.
AND I HAVE LOVED HAVING MY MOTHER LIVING WITH US.
YOU KNOW, IT'S SO FUNNY, BECAUSE... 15, 20 YEARS AGO,
I WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS WOMAN.
AND NOW, SHE'S A GREAT SOURCE OF JOY FOR ME.
AND SHE'S BEEN A GREAT DEAL OF HELP WITH THE HORSES.
SHE'S TURNED 'EM LOOSE A FEW TIMES,
'CAUSE SHE THINKS THEY SHOULD BE FREE, BUT OTHER THAN THAT...
(audience laughing) SHE'S VERY GOOD WITH THEM.
AND, UM...
SHE HAS A DIFFERENT VIEW OF THE WORLD THAN I DO.
ONE TIME, THESE STUPID CARPENTER BEES WERE FLYING AROUND OUR HEADS
AND I WAS THINKING, "STUPID CARPENTER BEES.
"I GOTTA GET SOME POISON AND KILL 'EM."
AND SHE SAW ME LOOKING, AND SHE SAID, "AREN'T THEY WONDERFUL?
"THEY'RE SO FRIENDLY.
"IT'S KIND OF LIKE HAVING PETS THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO FEED."
(audience laughing)
AND MOM ACCEPTS EVERYTHING FOR WHAT IT IS.
AND SOMETIMES, I THINK, "I NEED TO BE MORE LIKE THAT."
AND IF YOU'VE TOLD ME SEVERAL YEARS AGO I WANTED TO BE MORE LIKE MY MOM,
I WOULD SAY, "THERE'S NO WAY-- I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYTHING LIKE HER."
BUT HAVING HER LIVE THERE, IT'S SO FUNNY,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A CHARITABLE ACT BY LETTING HER LIVE THERE.
AND WHEN I NEEDED A TOPIC FOR A NEW BOOK,
IT WAS READERS WHO KEPT SUGGESTING, "TELL YOUR MOTHER'S STORY."
READERS ARE SMARTER THAN I AM.
THEY SAID, "TELL YOUR--" AND I SAID, "EHHH.
"MOM'S STORY'S TOO, YOU KNOW-- I DON'T WANT TO TELL HERS."
THEY SAID, "I UNDERSTAND YOUR FATHER, I UNDERSTAND ALCOHOLISM.
"YOUR MOTHER'S A MYSTERY TO ME."
AND I HAVE NO IMAGINATION.
I CAN'T MAKE THINGS UP.
SO, I PROPOSE THE IDEA TO MOM...
AND SHE WAS ALL FOR IT, BUT SHE SAID, "TELL MY MOTHER'S STORY INSTEAD."
MY GRANDMOTHER'S, HER MOTHER'S.
SHE SAID, "THAT'S THE MORE INTERESTING STORY."
HER MOTHER, LILY CASEY SMITH, WAS A GUN-TOTING, HOOCH-SELLING,
CARD-PLAYING, HORSE-RACING, HORSE-BREAKING SCHOOL TEACHER.
(audience laughing)
SHE WASN'T JUST A SCHOOL TEACHER--
SHE ALSO DROVE THE SCHOOL BUS, WHICH WAS ACTUALLY-- IT WASN'T A SCHOOL BUS.
IT WAS A HEARSE WITH THE WORDS "SCHOOL BUS" PAINTED ON THE SIDE.
(audience laughing) AND IT WAS, ALL THE TIME,
GETTING STUCK IN THE MUD, AND SHE'D MAKE THE STUDENTS GET OUT AND PUSH IT.
AND SHE'D MAKE 'EM RECITE PRAYERS WHILE THEY WERE PUSHING.
AND SHE WOULD HOLLER AT 'EM, "PUSH AND PRAY, KIDS!
"PUSH AND PRAY!" (audience laughing)
AND IT'S BECOME A LITTLE BIT OF A MOTTO OF LIFE FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S NOT A BAD SLOGAN.
LIKE, I BELIEVE IN PRAYER, I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING
AND OPTIMISM AND ALL THOSE GOOD THINGS,
BUT I ALSO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PUSHING...
ROLLING UP YOUR SLEEVES AND DOING THAT HARD WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
SO, MY MOTHER...
AFTER I WAS THINKING I WAS DOING A CHARITABLE ACT
AND LETTING HER COME LIVE WITH ME, SHE ENDED UP GIVING
SO MUCH MORE THAN SHE'S TAKEN,
AND THAT'S SO OFTEN THE WAY IT HAPPENS IN LIFE.
AND IT'S SUCH A SHOCK TO ME, BECAUSE I WAS GOING AROUND LIFE CLENCHED UP,
PROTECTING MYSELF, AND IT'S ONLY ONCE YOU OPEN YOURSELF UP
THAT YOU CAN LEARN TO RECEIVE, AND IT HAS BEEN SUCH AN EPIPHANY FOR ME.
TELLING MY STORY HAS CHANGED THE WAY I SEE THE WORLD...
FROM A PLACE FILLED WITH POTENTIAL ENEMIES
TO A PLACE FILLED WITH POTENTIAL FRIENDS.
AND ONE OF THOSE FRIENDS HAS BEEN MY MOTHER.
ONE TIME-- AND I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM HER--
ONE TIME, I WAS INTERVIEWING HER ABOUT THE BOOK, ABOUT HER MOM.
SHE WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD,
AND MY MOTHER'S ALWAYS IN A GOOD MOOD THESE DAYS.
BUT ON THIS DAY, SHE WAS IN A PARTICULARLY GOOD MOOD.
AND I SAID, "MOM, WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT TODAY?"
AND SHE SAID, "OH, JEANNETTE, THE MOST WONDERFUL THING HAPPENED."
I SAID, "WHAT'S THAT?"
SHE SAID, "I FELL OFF A HORSE."
NOW, MY MOTHER'S ACTUALLY A VERY TALENTED HORSEWOMAN--
SHE GREW UP ON A RANCH.
AND IT WASN'T EVEN HER FAULT THAT SHE FELL OFF THE HORSE,
'CAUSE IT WAS MY HUSBAND WHO CINCHED HER UP WRONG,
SO MAYBE HE DIDN'T LIKE HER LIVING THERE AS MUCH AS HE SAYS HE DOES, BUT...
(audience laughing) BUT I SAID, "MA,
"I KNOW YOU CAN PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING,
"BUT HOW COULD EVEN YOU THINK THAT FALLING OFF A HORSE IS A GOOD THING?"
AND SHE SAID, "WELL, JEANNETTE, ANY DARNED FOOL CAN RIDE...
"BUT KNOWING HOW TO FALL-- NOW THAT TAKES GREAT TALENT."
(audience laughing) AND I THOUGHT,
"YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF WISDOM IN THAT."
THERE'S A LOT OF WISDOM-- WHEN TIMES ARE GOOD,
ANYBODY CAN JUST MOSEY ON ALONG AND LOOK LIKE A GOOD RIDER, BUT IT'S WHEN WE FALL--
THAT'S WHEN WE SEE WHAT WE'RE REALLY MADE OF.
AND YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY IN THESE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES THAT WE’RE GOING THROUGH.
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY FALLS.
EVERYBODY FALLS... AND THERE IS NO SHAME IN FALLING!
YOU KNOW, THERE’S NO SHAME IN FALLING.
THE ONLY SHAME COMES IF YOU THINK THAT YOU DON’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES
TO PICK YOURSELF BACK UP.
SEE, I THINK THAT WE’RE ALL MUCH STRONGER THAN WE REALIZE.
YOU KNOW, YOU’RE ENTITLED TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF FOR A SHORT WHILE,
BUT YOU GOTTA DUST OFF YOUR BUTT AND YOU GET BACK UP AND YOU MOVE ALONG.
YOU MIGHT DECIDE YOU DON’T WANT TO TAKE HORSES ANYMORE.
YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION.
IF YOU DON’T LEARN SOMETHING FROM YOUR FALL--
IF IT’S JUST SOMETHING BAD THAT HAPPENED TO YOU-- BUT EVERYBODY FALLS.
THERE IS NO SHAME IN FALLING.
I THINK THAT WE'RE ALL--
YOU KNOW, THERE’S ALSO NO SHAME IN TAKING A LITTLE HANDOUT,
BUT WE’RE ALL STRONGER THAN WE REALIZE,
AND THE TRULY, TRULY LUCKY AMONG US KNOW THAT WE HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO GET UP.
AND THE TRULY LUCKY AMONG US, THOSE WHO ARE SO FORTUNATE,
ARE IN A POSITION, FROM TIME TO TIME, TO GIVE SOMEBODY ELSE UP A HAND.
SAY, “HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND AND HELP YOU UP.”
AND THERE'S ALSO-- THERE’S NO SHAME IN FALLING, AND THERE'S ALSO--
AND IF YOU GET A LITTLE BRUISED
AND A LITTLE BATTERED IN YOUR FALL, THERE’S NO SHAME IN THAT EITHER.
THAT’S SOMETHING IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME FIGURE OUT.
I USED TO BE DATING THIS RATHER WELL-TO-DO MAN...
AND I THOUGHT, “GOSH, ONCE HE KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT MY PAST,
"HE’S GONNA DUMP ME-- GONNA DROP ME LIKE A HOT POTATO.”
‘CAUSE THIS IS A GUY, YOU KNOW-- HIS DAD WAS A DIPLOMAT,
AND HE WENT TO BOARDING SCHOOLS,
AND THIS IS SOMEBODY WHO WENT TO “OUTWARD BOUND,” FOR GOSH SAKES.
(audience laughing) WHAT’S HE GOING TO WANT WITH SOMEBODY--
YOU KNOW, I’M NOT MOCKING “OUTWARD BOUND,” BY THE WAY, IF ANYBODY HERE WENT TO IT.
I THINK IT’S A WONDERFUL THING.
EVERYBODY’S GOTTA SEE THAT THERE’S THINGS OUTSIDE OUT OF YOUR SPERE,
AND IF YOU DO THAT BY READING MEMOIRS
OR LISTENING TO SOMEBODY TALKING ABOUT A RAGGEDY LITTLE PAST
OR GOING TO “OUTWARD BOUND," TO JUST SEE THAT THERE ARE WORLDS UNLIKE YOURS.
IT’S ALL GOOD.
BUT ANYWAY, I THOUGHT, “ONCE THIS GUY KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT ME,
"HE’S GONNA DUMP ME!”
SO, THINGS STARTED GETTING A LITTLE SERIOUS,
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I SHOULD WARN HIM BEFORE WE GET TOO INVOLVED,
AND I SAID, “YOU KNOW, JOHN, I NEED TO TELL YOU,
"I HAD A SORT OF STRANGE CHILDHOOD.”
AND HE SAID, “WELL, STRANGE HOW?”
AND I SAID, “WELL, FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD,
"MY DRESS CAUGHT ON FIRE AND I HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL
"AND GET A BUNCH OF SKIN GRAFTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.”
AND HE SAID, “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?”
AND I SAID, “WELL, I’M SORT OF COVERED WITH NASTY SCARS.”
AND HE SAID, “WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME ALL THIS?”
“WELL, I DON’T WANT YOU BUYING A PIG AND A POKE, YOU KNOW?
“I’M SORT OF DAMAGED GOODS HERE!”
AND HE SAID, “YOU’RE APOLOGIZING?”
HE SAID, “OH, NO-NO-NO.
“DON’T EVER APOLOGIZE IF YOU HAVE SCARS.”
HE SAID, “THOSE SCARS ARE A SIGN THAT YOU’VE SURVIVED...
"AND THAT YOU ARE STRONGER THAN WHATEVER IT WAS THAT TRIED TO HURT YOU.”
AND I SAID, “I JUST-- I WISH I WAS NICE AND SMOOTH LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.”
AND HE SAID, “OH, NO-NO, SMOOTH IS BORING.
“YOU’VE GOT TEXTURE.” (audience laughing)
I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST ABOUT THE WISEST THING ANYBODY HAD EVER SAID TO ME.
IN FACT, I MARRIED THAT MAN-- HE’S MY HUSBAND NOW.
(audience laughing) SO, UM...
SO, I THOUGHT THAT WAS ABOUT THE WISEST THING I’D EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE
UNTIL NOT THAT LONG AGO.
SOMEBODY SAID SOMETHING I THOUGHT WAS EVEN WISER.
I TOLD THAT STORY ABOUT WANTING TO BE NICE AND SMOOTH LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
AND THIS WOMAN COMES UP TO ME AFTERWARDS
AND SHE WAS INCREDIBLY WELL-DRESSED AND PERFECTLY QUAFFED HAIR,
AND BIG OLD DIAMONDS ON HER HANDS, AND SHE SAID, “SWEETIE, COME HERE.”
SHE SAID, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SMOOTH.”
SHE SAID, “YOU LOOK CLOSE ENOUGH, SILK’S GOT TEXTURE.”
SO, THAT’S MY MESSAGE TO YOU ALL.
YOU KNOW, WE ALL HAVE OUR TEXTURE.
WE ALL HAVE OUR TEXTURE.
WE ALL HAVE OUR SCARS.
SOME ARE VISIBLE AND SOME ARE INVISIBLE.
THEY ARE OUR STORIES.
THEY ARE OUR TEXTURE AND SOME OF US ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE THE SILKY TEXTURE.
AND SOME OF US ARE LUCKY TO HAVE TEXTURE THAT’S A LITTLE BIT ROUGHER
AND SOME OF US GOT A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH
AND YOU CAN SHOW WHICHEVER YOU WANT TO THE WORLD.
BUT IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE THAT SILKY TEXTURE,
JUST DON’T THINK THAT THAT SOMEHOW MAKES YOU LESS STRONG.
AND IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE TEXTURE THAT’S A LITTLE BIT ROUGHER,
DON’T THINK THAT THAT SOMEHOW MAKES YOU LESS VALUABLE.
YOU KNOW, IT IS THAT TEXTURE THAT MAKES YOU WHO YOU ARE,
AND TOGETHER, ALL THAT TEXTURE MAKES THIS GREAT BIG CRAZY QUILT OF SOCIETY
AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU REACH OUT AND HELP SOMEBODY ELSE
AND BRING THEM CLOSER TO YOU,
YOU’RE MAKING THE ENTIRE FABRIC STRONGER.
AND IN HELPING OTHERS,
I AM LIVING AND BREATHING PROOF THAT YOU ARE HELPING YOURSELF,
AND IT IS THAT TEXTURE THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ONLY ACCEPT, BUT EMBRACE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
THANK YOU. (applause)
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. (applause continues)
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
(applause continues)
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU-- VERY KIND, THANK YOU.
>> IF YOU’D LIKE TO ASK A QUESTION, PLEASE STEP UP TO ONE OF THE MICs.
>> C’MON, GRAND RAPIDS, I KNOW YOU’RE BOLD.
C’MON. (audience laughing)
>> I'D JUST LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE
IN PRESENTING YOUR TRUE STORY.
>> THANK YOU. >> I’D LIKE TO GIVE YOU A SECRET.
I’M (indistinct).
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> (indistinct speaking).
>> I BEG YOUR PARDON?
>> AT THE END OF YOUR BOOK,
IT JUST SEEMED LIKE IT WAS JUST KINDA ONE OF THOSE WISE ANSWERS,
YOU WERE (indistinct).
YOU JUST KIND OF REALIZED THAT WHAT YOU’D BEEN THROUGH, HELPED YOU.
LIKE MOST MEMOIRS, LIKE IN THE CASE OF (indistinct),
WHEN WROTE HIS MEMOIRS, (indistinct)...
HE ENDED IT WITH A LITTLE TIDBIT OF WHERE HE IS NOW.
>> YEAH, SO YOU’RE ASKING FOR A UPDATE ON MY SIBLINGS, BASICALLY?
>> WHY DID YOU JUST END IT THE WAY YOU DID?
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO WRITE THE LAST CHAPTER LIKE THAT?
>> I’M SORRY, WHAT MADE ME WANT TO END...
DID YOU GET IT?
>> AM I TALKING TOO QUIETLY? >> NO, I JUST-- I’M SORRY, IT’S AN AUDIO--
>> WHY DID YOU END THE BOOK THE WAY YOU DID?
>> WHY DID I END THE BOOK THE WAY I DID?
UM... I BELIEVE THERE WAS A SOMEWHAT HAPPY ENDING...
COMING TO TERMS WITH-- AND ON THANKSGIVING
AND JUST THE WHOLE PROCESS OF ACCEPTING MYSELF AND MY FAMILY
AND MY MOTHER AND ALL COMING BACK TOGETHER.
THANKSGIVING IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY.
AND, UM... I DIDN’T GIVE PEOPLE AN UPDATE ON MY KID SISTER
BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS UP WITH HER.
BUT MY BROTHER AND MY OLDER SISTER CAME
AND MY MOTHER CAME AS WELL
AND I THINK IT WAS JUST SORT OF A SCENE OF RECONCILIATION.
I WILL ADD THE "P.S." THAT ONE OF THE MANY BLESSINGS THAT’S HAPPENED
AS A RESULT OF THE BOOK IS THAT I’M BACK IN TOUCH WITH MY KID SISTER
AND SHE’S LIVING IN CALIFORNIA, AND SHE’S FINE WITH THE BOOK.
SHE, UM...
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER TO COME LIVE WITH ME IN VIRGINIA,
BUT SHE SAID SHE NEVER WANTS TO LIVE WHERE IT’S COLD EVER AGAIN.
I KEEP TELLING HER THE COLD’S NOT SO BAD WHEN YOU HAVE A THERMOSTAT.
(audience laughing)
JUST MOVE THE LITTLE HICKEY-MAJIGGER OVER AND IT GETS ALL WARM.
I MIGHT HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT SHE WILL NEVER WANT TO LIVE WITH ME,
BUT I’VE GOT A PLAN-- I’M GOING TO TELL HER THAT...
I’M THINKING OF GETTING CHICKENS AND I COULD REALLY USE THE HELP.
(audience laughing)
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO END IT SOMEWHERE,
AND I JUST TRIED TO BRING PEOPLE UP-TO-DATE,
WHICH WAS, PRETTY MUCH MORE OR LESS, WHERE IT WAS WHEN I ENDED THE BOOK.
>> OKAY, I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION.
IN THE PART OF THE BOOK WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD (indistinct)...
BUT, I'M JUST CURIOUS AS TO IF YOU’D CHANGE THAT NOW.
>> YEAH, THAT’S SUCH AN INTERESTING QUESTION.
I DID NOT WANT THE WELFARE WORKERS TO COME
BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD SPLIT UP THE FAMILY.
AND I DID NOT WANT TO BE-- EVEN MORE THAN LOSING MY PARENTS,
I DIDN’T WANT TO LOSE MY SIBLINGS.
AND THAT, APPARENTLY, IS A VERY COMMON FEAR
AMONG PEOPLE IN MY SITUATION.
IN FACT, I WAS READING A BIOGRAPHY OF--
A LITTLE SHORT BIO-- NOT A BOOK-- BUT OF SHANIA TWAIN.
SHE HAD THE SAME FEAR.
THAT PEOPLE, IF THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT HOW DIRE HER CIRCUMSTANCES WERE
IN HER CHILDHOOD, THAT THEY WOULD SPILT HER UP.
I DO NOT REGRET THAT THEY DIDN’T COME.
THAT BEING SAID...
IF THEY HAD, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME.
I DON’T KNOW.
PEOPLE ASK, “DO YOU WISH YOU’D BEEN TAKEN AWAY?”
NO, I’M THRILLED WITH THE WAY MY LIFE HAS TURNED OUT.
I HAVE NO REGRETS.
PERHAPS MY KID SISTER FEELS DIFFERENTLY, OR MY BROTHER.
I’M VERY HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
I DID NOT WANT TO BE SPLIT UP,
AND I’VE SPOKEN TO A LOT OF SOCIAL WELFARE WORKERS,
CHILD WELFARE WORKERS,
WHO SAY IT IS A VERY DIFFICULT CHALLENGE TO KNOW WHEN TO INTERFERE
AND WHEN NOT TO, AND WHEN TO SPLIT UP THE FAMILY.
MY HAT-- I KNEEL BEFORE-- YOU KNOW, I BOW BEFORE CHILD WELFARE WORKERS
WHO MAKE THIS TOUGH CALL ALL THE TIME.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS, AND, YOU KNOW, LIKE I SAID,
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE BEST THING THAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME,
BUT THEN, SOMETIMES YOU READ HARROWING STORIES
ABOUT KIDS PLACED IN FOSTER HOMES.
SO, ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT, FROM MY CURRENT PERSPECTIVE,
UM, I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER WITH THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.
THANK YOU.
>> (indistinct speaking)...
...(indistinct speaking)...
...(indistinct speaking)...
...(indistinct speaking).
I’M SORRY, WHAT ADVICE WOULD I GIVE TO SOMEBODY
WHO’S THINKING OF TELLING THEIR STORY?
IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE ASKING?
>> (indistinct speaking). (Walls laughing)
>> ARE YOU ASKING, WHAT ADVICE WOULD I GIVE TO STUDENTS WHO, WHAT?
>> (indistinct speaking).
>> TO TELLING YOUR STORY, TO WRITING ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
>> YEAH. >> WELL, MY MOTHER GAVE ME
THE BEST ADVICE ANYBODY EVER HAS, WHICH IS JUST, “TELL THE TRUTH.”
BUT AS I SAID IN MY TALK, THAT’S NOT NECESSARILY A SIMPLE THING.
THERE ARE TWO GREAT CHALLENGES-- WELL, THERE ARE SEVERAL GREAT CHALLENGES.
FINDING THE STORY-- YOU DON’T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT THE STORY IS.
I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE WORRIED ABOUT WRITER’S BLOCK,
BECAUSE I WASN’T PARTICULARLY WORRIED ABOUT IT BEING GOOD OR BAD.
I WROTE THE FIRST VERSION IN SIX WEEKS AND THEN I SPENT FIVE YEARS REWRITING IT.
AND THE FIRST VERSION WAS VERY, VERY BAD.
(audience laughing) THAT IS NOT FALSE MODESTY.
IT WASN’T SORT OF STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS.
IT WAS SORT OF-- IT WAS BAD WRITING, LIKE STILTED JOURNALISM.
"I’D HERETOFOR NOT CONSIDERED THE PLETHORA OF INFLUENCES..."
(audience laughing)
AND THE CHALLENGE FROM THERE IS TO FIND YOUR VOICE...
AND THAT’S PART OF BEING HONEST, BEING TRUE TO WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
AND THAT’S WHY I SPENT FIVE YEARS REWRITING IT,
TRYING TO JUST FIGURE IT OUT.
BUT WHAT YOU DO-- IT SEEMS LIKE A VERY DAUNTING PROJECT, TELLING YOUR STORY.
BUT IT’S JUST ONE SCENE AT A TIME.
IT’S ONE EPISODE.
SO, IF THIS IS-- TO ANYBODY WHO’S THINKING OF TELLING YOUR STORY,
TAKE THAT MOST... MEMORABLE SCENE.
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THE MOST TRAUMATIC,
BUT THE SCENE THAT YOU KEEP ON COMING BACK TO, AND WRITE THAT.
AND THEN, IT’S JUST ONE SCENE AFTER ANOTHER.
AND IF THERE’S SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE AND SO EXCRUCIATING
THAT YOU CANNOT IMAGINE PUTTING IT IN WRITING...
THAT MEANS YOU MUST TELL IT, BECAUSE IT IS CRUCIAL.
AND A VERY WISE MAN ONCE SAID TO ME--
HE SAID, “SECRETS ARE A LITTLE BIT LIKE VAMPIRES.
“THEY SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU, BUT THEY CAN EXIST ONLY IN THE DARKNESS.”
ONCE THEY’VE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE LIGHT, THERE’S A MOMENT OF HORROR,
BUT THEN, POOF, THEY LOSE THEIR POWER OVER YOU,
AND I HAVE FOUND THAT TO BE TRUE.
NOW, THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD EVERYTHING.
YOU MIGHT DECIDE TO FICTIONALIZE IT
AND THAT’S WHAT SO MUCH OF REALLY GOOD FICTION IS.
IF YOU READ A LOT OF THE MOST FAMOUS WRITERS,
THEIR LIVES ARE THEIR STORIES.
AND YOU CAN MAKE THAT CHOICE, BECAUSE IT IS DIFFICULT
NOT JUST TO TELL YOUR STORY BUT TO TELL OTHER PEOPLES’.
BUT JUST SIT DOWN AND WRITE IT.
AND DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHETHER IT’S ANY GOOD IN THE EARLY VERSIONS,
AND KEEP ON REWRITING IT,
AND I KNOW THAT THERE ARE WONDERFUL WRITING TEACHERS HERE AT GRAND RAPIDS
AND GO TO THEM.
BUT... TELL THE MOST SALIENT STORY FIRST.
AND BE UNAFRAID.
DON’T WORRY WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK OF IT.
JUST GET IT ACROSS, DON’T BE IMPRESSED BY--
AND FIND YOUR VOICE.
FIND...
DON’T READ OTHER MEMOIRS WHILE YOU’RE WORKING ON IT.
I WAS READING FRANK McCOURT WHILE I WAS WORKING ON “THE GLASS CASTLE,”
AT ONE POINT, AND I STARTED WRITING IN BLARNEY, YOU KNOW?
(audience laughing) YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
YOU HAVE TO BE-- AND IF YOU TRY TO COPY A FAMOUS WRITER,
THE BEST YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS TO BE A PALE IMITATION OF THEM.
FIND YOUR VOICE, AND THAT’S PART OF BEING HONEST.
GOOD LUCK WITH IT. >> THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU. >> GOOD EVENING.
MY QUESTION IS...
AT SOME POINT, DID IT OCCUR TO YOU
THAT YOUR MOTHER WAS MENTALLY ILL, AND IF SO, AT WHAT POINT DID YOU KNOW?
>> THAT’S SUCH AN INTERESTING QUESTION.
I DON’T KNOW IF MY MOTHER IS MENTALLY ILL.
I’M ASKED THAT A LOT, AND I DON’T KNOW.
THE BEST INTERVIEW I’VE EVER GIVEN IN MY LIFE WAS WHEN I WAS ON “THE VIEW.”
AND I DIDN’T GET A SINGLE WORD IN. (audience laughing)
THIS WAS BACK WHEN ROSIE O’DONNELL WAS ON IT
AND SHE AND JOY BEHAR GOT INTO A BIG FIGHT ABOUT MY MOTHER.
AND JOY BEHAR, “I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE GONNA LET THAT NUT LIVE WITH YOU!
“SHE’S INSANE!
“SHE’S MENTALLY ILL!”
AND ROSIE O’DONNELL SAID, “THERE’S A WHOLE SPECTRUM OF MENTAL ILLNESS,
"ALL THE WAY FROM SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER TO SCHIZOPHRENIA,
"AND MANY CREATIVE PEOPLE, MYSELF INCLUDED,
"ARE SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN, AND SO IS JEANNETTE’S MOTHER.”
NOW, MOM IS CERTAINLY THE FAR SIDE OF LOOPY.
I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD CALL HER--
YOU KNOW, MENTAL ILLNESS--
I MEAN, THE EXPERTS ARE ALL THE TIME ARGUING OVER WHAT IS
AND WHAT ISN’T MENTAL ILLNESS.
I MEAN, SHE CERTAINLY THINKS DIFFERENTLY THAN MOST PEOPLE.
I READ THIS FASCINATING BOOK BY JILL BOLTE TAYLOR, “MY STROKE OF INSIGHT,”
IN WHICH SHE LOST THE USE OF THE LEFT SIDE OF HER BRAIN,
AND IT WAS SORT OF LIKE READING THE ROSETTA STONE ABOUT MY MOTHER.
SHE’S COMPLETELY A RIGHT-BRAINED PERSON.
DOES THAT MAKE HER MENTALLY ILL?
I WILL TELL YOU THAT MOM, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S STILL PRETTY FAR OUT THERE,
SHE’S NEVER BEEN AS SANE AS SHE IS NOW, LIVING WITH ME.
AND IT’S MADE ME REALIZE THE EXTENT TO WHICH HER LOOPINESS
WAS ADAPTING TO THE CHAOS THAT MY FATHER CREATED.
YOU KNOW, THAT BEING SAID, SHE’S STILL--
I MEAN, SOME OF THE THINGS OUT OF HER MOUTH ARE JUST STUNNING!
HOW DOES SHE-- NOBODY THINKS LIKE THIS!
BUT AT THE SAME TIME, SOME PEOPLE, WHEN THEY MEET HER,
THEY SAY, “WOW, SHE’S REALLY SMART AND CAN BE VERY SANE!”
SO, I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD--
I DON’T KNOW IF I-- SHE’S NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED AS MENTALLY ILL,
AND WHERE THAT FINE LINE BETWEEN, YOU KNOW, ECCENTRIC--
YOU KNOW, I’M NOT AN EXPERT ON THAT.
I KNOW THAT THIS BOOK IS BEING READ AT GRAND RAPIDS
ON SOME COURSES ON MENTAL HEALTH,
WHICH I FIND JUST FASCINATING AND EXHILARATING.
SO, MAYBE, WE CAN ASK THEM WHAT THEY THINK.
(audience laughing) THANK YOU.
>> I WAS JUST WONDERING, (indistinct)...
...HOW WOULD YOUR VIEW OF HOMELESS PEOPLE (indistinct)?
>> UH-HUH, YEAH.
UM, HOW DO I VIEW THE HOMELESS NOW, IS THAT SORT OF WHAT YOU’RE ASKING?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, IT’S FUNNY, BECAUSE I DO A LOT OF WORK ON BEHALF OF THE HOMELESS,
AND I DO A LOT OF SPEAKING
AND ORGANIZATIONS RAISING MONEY FOR THE HOMELESS,
AND PEOPLE ASK ME, “ARE YOUR PARENTS TYPICAL OF HOMELESS PEOPLE?”
AND WHAT I SAY IS, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A TYPICAL HOMELESS PERSON."
THERE ARE AS MANY REASONS FOR HOMELESSNESS AS THERE ARE HOMELESS PEOPLE.
SOME PEOPLE ARE HOMELESS BECAUSE OF MENTAL ILLNESS,
SOME BECAUSE OF ALCOHOLISM,
SOME BECAUSE THEIR HEALTH INSURANCE RAN OUT.
SOME PEOPLE GOT FLOODED OUT BY KATRINA.
SO... I CAN ONLY TELL THE ONE STORY OF HOMELESSNESS.
I CAN ONLY TELL MY ONE STORY.
AND WHAT I HOPE IS THAT WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT A HOMELESS PERSON,
THAT THEY REALIZE, “NO, EVERYBODY HAS A STORY.
“NOT JUST THE HOMELESS PERSON.
“BUT THE SHALLOW GOSSIP COLUMNISTS GOING ON TELEVISION
"DISCUSSING IMPORTANT THINGS
"LIKE WHO BRITNEY SPEARS IN REALLY DATING, YOU KNOW?”
THAT WE ALL HAVE OUR STORIES.
AND PUT IT--
REMIND PEOPLE THAT THESE ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH THEIR STORIES, TOO.
AND IN MY EXPERIENCE, THE SO-CALLED "RICH KIDS,"
WHO I USED TO HAVE SUCH CONTEMPT FOR, ARE SO COMPASSIONATE.
KIDS ARE VERY EMPATHETIC.
PEOPLE ARE GOOD AND KIND AND EMPATHETIC, AS LONG AS YOU OPEN UP THEIR EYES.
AND I-- SOME YOUNG WOMAN TOLD ME THAT SHE CAN’T--
AFTER HAVING READ “THE GLASS CASTLE,”
SHE CANCELLED HER DEBUTANT BALL
AND OPENED UP A HOMELESS CENTER WITH THE MONEY FROM IT.
SO, I THINK THAT THE CHALLENGE-- THE MISSION FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME
IS TO JUST GO AROUND TELLING THE STORY...
AND REMIND PEOPLE OF THE HUMANITY THAT WE ALL SHARE
AND I THINK, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH THE HOMELESS
TEND TO DIVIDE THEM INTO TWO CATEGORIES.
THE CHRONICALLY HOMELESS, AND THE CIRCUMSTANTIALLY HOMELESS.
THE CHRONICALLY HOMELESS TEND TO BE DRUG ABUSERS OR MENTALLY ILL
AND THERE’S NOT A WHOLE LOT THAT--
YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE WAY THAT THEY NECESSARILY LIVE.
THE PEOPLE LIKE MY MOTHER WHO CANNOT TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.
BUT THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO JUST NEED TO BE JUST HELPED UP ALONG.
SO...
SO, IT’S JUST UNDERSTANDING AND BEING REMINDED THAT THESE ARE HUMAN BEINGS
WITH FEARS AND HOPES AND DESIRES.
AND THAT WE’RE TOO GOOD AND TOO RICH A SOCIETY
TO IGNORE AND DEHUMANIZE THESE PEOPLE.
THANK YOU.
>> FIRST OF ALL, I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR COMING.
>> OH, THANK YOU. >> I REALLY LOVED YOUR STORY.
WE’RE JUST ALL WONDERING-- (indistinct)?
>> I REGRET TO SAY THAT SHE’S GOTTEN IN A CAR CRASH.
I WENT BACK TO WELCH AND I WAS PAYING HER A VISIT--
AND I’D INTENDED TO PAY HER A VISIT
AND SHE’S GOTTEN IN A CAR CRASH, AND SHE’S DEAD, SO...
THANK YOU.
>> (indistinct speaking)...
...(indistinct speaking)...
>> (chuckling) UM...
REGARDING FORGIVING MY MOTHER...
TO ME, IT'S NOT AN ISSUE OF FORGIVENESS.
I'M NOT NUTS ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF FORGIVENESS,
BECAUSE FOR ME TO SAY I FORGIVE MY MOTHER,
THAT WOULD BE FORGIVING HER FOR WHO AND WHAT SHE IS.
SHE SORT OF CAN'T HELP HERSELF.
THAT'S JUST THE WAY SHE IS.
MOM STILL HAS THAT DIAMOND RING.
SHE STILL WEARS IT...
AND SHE WAS WEARING IT WHILE SHE WAS HOMELESS.
I SAID, "WELL, WEREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT SOMEBODY STEALING IT?"
SHE SAID, "OH, IT'S SO BIG-- EVERYBODY THINKS IT'S FAKE."
(audience laughing) SHE...
YOU KNOW, WE STILL HAVE THE LAND IN TEXAS.
I WAS AT AN EVENT ONE TIME AND SOMEBODY SAID,
"YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE SOLD THAT LAND!
"Y'ALL COULD HAVE HAD A NORMAL LIFE."
ANOTHER WOMAN STOOD UP AND SAID, "IF SHE WOULD HAVE SOLD THAT LAND,
"THAT NO-GOOD HUSBAND WOULD HAVE GOT HIS MITS ON THE MONEY.
"IT WOULD BE GONE IN A THREE DAY BENDER."
SO, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT...
IT'S NOT ABOUT FORGIVING MOM, BECAUSE...
YOU KNOW, IF I WOULD'VE SAID, "MOM, I FORGIVE YOU."
SHE DOESN'T SEE IT THAT WAY.
AND IT'S-- AS I'VE SAID EARLIER, I THINK I'M THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.
I HAVE A GREAT LIFE.
AND I DON'T KNOW IF HAVING SHOES WOULD HAVE MADE IT ANY BETTER.
YOU KNOW, I JUST-- I MEAN, I THINK WE ARE SUCH A FORTUNATE SOCIETY.
WE HAVE SO MUCH.
WHEN I GO TO A GROCERY STORE, I CAN BUY ANYTHING I WANT...
AND THAT NEVER CEASES TO BE A MIRACLE FOR ME.
UM, I...
EVERY TIME I FLUSH A TOILET, I SAY, "THANK YOU, GOD."
(audience laughing) YOU KNOW,
I AM THE LUCKIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD,
AND I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS THAT I FEEL SO FORTUNATE
IS BECAUSE I WILL NEVER TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED.
AND IT'S A GREAT BLESSING TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN WANTING THINGS AND NEEDING THINGS.
AND I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE... SO WOULD HAVE HAVING MORE FOOD
AND MORE CLOTHING WOULD HAVE MADE ME A HAPPIER PERSON TODAY?
NO.
I COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE HAPPIER.
SO, WHY WOULD I GO AND FORGIVE MOM
FOR SOMETHING THAT TURNED OUT SO WELL?
THANK YOU.
>> WHY DO YOU THINK THAT READING IS SO IMPORTANT,
AND HOW CAN IT INFLUENCE OUR THINKING?
>> WHY IS READING SO IMPORTANT?
SOMEBODY CAME UP TO ME TODAY AND HE SAID,
"I HATE BOOKS, BUT I LIKE YOUR STORY.
"I HATE READING."
HOW COULD YOU HATE READING?
IT'S ALL ABOUT STORIES.
IT'S ALL ABOUT, JUST, YOU KNOW, FINDING THINGS OUT.
I THINK EDUCATION GETS A BAD NAME,
BECAUSE THE ONLY THING I DON'T EDUCATION IS THE WORD.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING BAD, THAT YOU SHOULDN'T WANT,
LIKE A VACCINATION OR MEDICATION OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
(audience laughing) THAT OUGHTA CALL IT,
"FINDING OUT NEAT STUFF THAT IS INTERESTING
"AND MAKES YOU MORE POWERFUL."
LEARNING IS ABOUT, LIKE-- IT'S GETTING TOOLS.
YOU FIND OUT THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE.
IT MAKES YOU MORE POWERFUL.
IT PUTS YOU IN A BETTER POSITION.
KNOWING MORE THINGS-- HOW CAN THAT POSSIBLY BE BAD?
IT'S FINDING OUT THINGS.
YOU CAN FIND OUT THINGS ABOUT POOR LITTLE WHITE TRASH KIDS.
YOU CAN FIND OUT THINGS ABOUT HOW TO FIX CARS.
YOU CAN FIND OUT HOW ATOMS WORK.
IT'S ALL OUT THERE.
IT'S ALL OUT THERE, AND ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS OPEN A BOOK
OR TURN ON A KINDLE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW POOR YOU ARE.
LIBRARIES ARE OPEN TO ANYBODY.
ANYBODY HAS ACCESS TO THIS INFORMATION.
INFORMATION IS POWER.
DON'T EVER FORGET THAT.
AND EVERYBODY HAS ACCESS TO THIS INFORMATION RIGHT NOW, WHETHER--
I DON'T CARE WHETHER IT'S FICTION OR NON-FICTION.
YOU JUST GO OUT AND READ STUFF,
AND YOU WILL KNOW MORE THINGS THAN YOU DID BEFORE.
HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE BAD?
>> (indistinct speaking). >> HM?
WHAT HAPPENED WHAT?
>> WELL, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE TROUBLE READING LIKE I (indistinct)...
...(indistinct speaking)...
>> I JUST READ THIS WONDERFUL BOOK-- A WONDERFUL BOOK--
"LIFE IS SO GOOD," ABOUT A GENTLEMAN WHO LEARNED HOW TO READ--
WHO LEARNED TO READ AT AGE 98.
HE WAS THE SON OF-- THE GRANDSON OF SLAVES,
AND HE WAS THE OLDEST IN THE FAMILY.
AND SO, HE HAD TO WORK ON THE FARM
AND NEVER GOT THE GREAT PRIVILEGE OF GOING TO SCHOOL.
FINALLY, AT AGE 98, HE DECIDED HE WAS GONNA LEARN TO READ.
YOU CAN ALWAYS START OUT EASY.
MANY PEOPLE HAVE HONORED ME BY SAYING IT IS THE FIRST BOOK
THAT THEY HAVE EVER READ, THE FIRST BOOK IN ENGLISH THEY'VE EVER READ.
"THE GLASS CASTLE" IS VERY ACCESSIBLE.
THERE ARE EASY BOOKS.
WHEN PEOPLE SAY, "I HATE READING BUT I ENJOYED YOUR BOOK,"
I TELL 'EM, "YOU DON'T HATE READING.
"YOU JUST NEED TO FIND BOOKS THAT WERE WRITTEN FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU."
FIND ACCESSIBLE BOOKS THAT RELATE TO YOU.
SOME PEOPLE BASH ALL THE VAMPIRE SERIES AND ALL THAT, SAYING KIDS SHOULDN'T BE--
PEOPLE SHOULD BE READING WHATEVER GETS 'EM HOOKED ON READING,
WHETHER IT'S FICTION OR NONFICTION,
GO OUT AND READ MAGAZINES, READ WHATEVER--
THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE-- PEOPLE HAVE INFORMATION YOU WANT TO KNOW.
IT'S ABOUT INFORMATION.
READING GETS A BAD REP.
IT'S LIKE, (in snobbish voice) "OH, LITERATURE, DUH-DUH-DUH."
THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.
IT'S LEARNING THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE.
THAT'S ALL IT IS.
AND SO, DON'T BE TURNED OFF BY THE EGG-HEADED,
YOU KNOW, STEREOTYPES AND ALL THAT.
THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
IT'S KNOWING POLITICS.
IT'S KNOWING HOW TO GET POWER, HOW TO GET MONEY--
WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU WANT, IT'S OUT THERE,
AND THE WAY TO FIND IT IS BY READING ABOUT IT.
>> (indistinct speaking)...
...(indistinct speaking)...
>> YEAH!
YOU KNOW, THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I OPEN WITH THAT BOOK,
IS I THINK IT MAKES ME-- UH, OPEN THE BOOK WITH THAT.
IT MAKES ME VERY UNSYMPATHETIC.
"WHAT SORT OF A HORRIBLE PERSON DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR OWN MOTHER?"
AND THAT'S WHERE I SPENT THE NEXT 200-PLUS PAGES TRYING TO EXPLAIN...
THAT, UM...
I WAS ASHAMED.
I WAS ASHAMED, AND I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED.
I MEAN, THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO'VE TOLD ME THEY'VE RELATED TO THAT,
THAT THEY'VE GOT HOMELESS PARENTS AND IT'S REALLY HARD.
IT'S REALLY HARD.
AND THEN, YOU COME TO TERMS WITH THAT SHAME,
AND YOU REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS IT IS.
BUT TO COME TO TERMS WITH MY MOTHER, I HAD TO COME TO TERMS WITH MYSELF FIRST.
AND SO, THAT WAS MY JOURNEY.
AND COMING THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE,
ACCEPTING MY MOTHER WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD ACCEPT MYSELF.
THANK YOU.
>> HI!
YOU HAD MENTIONED THAT DENIAL HAS BEEN (indistinct)...
>> YEAH. >> ...BACKGROUND (indistinct).
DID THAT CAUSE PROBLEMS WHEN YOU'RE GROWING RELATIONSHIPS,
OR WERE YOU ABLE TO JUST PUT IT ASIDE?
>> WHAT AN INTERESTING QUESTION.
IT DID NOT CAUSE THAT MANY PROBLEMS, AND I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS IS, UM...
WELL, AMONG OTHER THINGS, I HAD THE GREAT GIFT
OF HAVING HAD A DECENT EDUCATION WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,
SO IT WASN'T LIKE THERE WAS ANY SORT OF A CULTURAL GAP.
BUT I ALSO THINK THAT PEOPLE ARE LESS...
BIGOTED THAN I HAD THOUGHT.
I THINK THAT PEOPLE, IF YOU GIVE THEM AN OPPORTUNITY,
ARE VERY WARM AND VERY KIND.
IN FACT, HAVING JOHN ACCEPT ME, AND SEEING--
ME AND MY FAMILY THROUGH HIS EYES WAS A HUGE STEP TOWARDS ACCEPTING MYSELF.
YOU KNOW-- I-- YOU KNOW, A LOT OF US POOR KIDS--
WE GO AROUND WITH A CHIP ON OUR SHOULDER,
THINKING, "OH, RICH KIDS THIS AND RICH PEOPLE--"
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE NOT HALF-BAD, THESE RICH FOLK.
YOU KNOW, YOU GET TO KNOW 'EM AND THEY GOT SOME NICE QUALITIES TO 'EM, YOU KNOW?
SO, NO.
NO.
SHOCKINGLY FEW.
>> WERE YOU NERVOUS TO HAVE HIM MEET ANY--
>> WAS I NERVOUS?
I WAS-- I WAS A BASKETCASE.
I WAS SO NERVOUS.
I WAS SO NERVOUS, LIKE, "DUH-DUH-DUH, DUH-DUH-DUH!"
AND THE TRUTH IS, JOHN IS-- JOHN IS THE FIRST PERSON--
WHEN I WAS LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY, HE'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO SAID,
YOU KNOW, "JEANNETTE, YOUR STORY DOESN'T STACK UP."
'CAUSE I JUST AVOID-- HE SAID, "YOU NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR PAST.
"WHY IS THAT?"
AND I WOULDN'T TELL HIM, YOU KNOW?
AND HE SAID, "YOU KNOW, THINGS DON'T ADD UP.
"WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS?"
I MEAN, IT'S SORT OF FUNNY.
PEOPLE-- I DIDN'T HAVE TO LIE WHEN I WAS LIVING IN NEW YORK CITY,
'CAUSE NOBODY EVER ASKED ME ABOUT MY PAST,
AND JOHN WAS THE FIRST PERSON WHO DID.
AND WHEN I TOLD HIM, HIS FIRST REACTION WAS, "THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT BOOK."
HE LATER TOLD ME THAT WHEN I TOLD HIM,
HE THOUGHT I WAS A LITTLE-- A LITTLE LOOPY.
HE SAID IT WAS SO EXTREME, IT'S LIKE, "RIGHT.
"YOU DIDN'T GET FOOD.
"RIGHT."
AND THEN, HE MET MOM.
(audience laughing) HE'S LIKE... "OKAY."
HE SAID, "OKAY."
HE SAID, "WE GOTTA SIT DOWN."
SHE'S COMPLICATED.
SHE'S REALLY COMPL-- BUT HE WAS REALLY THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME TO TELL THE STORY.
HE WAS REALLY THE ONE WHO SAID, "THIS IS-- YOU KNOW-- WOW.
"WOW, THAT'S REALLY COMPLICATED AND IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.
"AND YOU'VE BEEN CARRYING THIS THING AROUND AS THOUGH IT'S A BURDEN."
AND-- YOU KNOW-- AND I HAD COME TO BELIEVE THAT, VERY OFTEN, YOU KNOW,
THESE THINGS THAT WE THINK OF OURSELVES--
THESE THINGS THAT WE THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH US,
IT'S ACTUALLY, VERY OFTEN, THE BEST THING YOU HAVE GOING FOR YOU.
IF YOU HAVE THE ABILITY OR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHINE YOUR LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS,
THAT'S WHERE YOU FIND THE DIAMONDS-- THE DIAMONDS.
I REALLY BELIEVE THAT,
THAT THAT'S THESE AREAS THAT WE DON'T LIKE ABOUT OURSELVES.
THAT THAT'S WHERE OUR BLESSINGS ARE.
AND THAT'S ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT I LEARNED FROM HAVING TOLD MY STORY.
THANK YOU.
>> (indistinct speaking)...
MY QUESTION IS, WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE FOR (indistinct)...
>> MMM-HMM.
MY ADVICE TO ANY ASPIRING AUTHOR IS "WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW.
"WRITE WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT, WHETHER IT'S FICTION OR NONFICTION.
"WRITE WHAT MEANS A LOT TO YOU.
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT TRYING TO-- DON'T TRY TO IMITATE ANY OTHER AUTHOR,
"BUT JUST WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT GREATLY."
I'D ORIGINALLY THOUGHT THAT "THE GLASS CASTLE"
WAS GONNA BE A LOT MORE ABOUT MY NEW YORK CITY YEARS
AND THESE RICH PEOPLE I LIVED AMONG.
AND, UM...
IT WASN'T THAT INTERESTING.
I WAS WRITING ABOUT A WORLD I DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND.
JOHN STEINBECK-- HE SAID HIS WHOLE CAREER WAS DEDICATED
TO TRY TO GET PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND OTHER PEOPLE BY TELLING THE TRUTH.
AND HE, ONE TIME, WROTE A PIECE OF SATIRE,
AND WHEN IT WAS STILL IN MANUSCRIPT FORM,
HE TOLD HIS AGENT, "YOU MUST DESTROY THAT WORK."
HE SAID, "IT IS AN EVIL PIECE OF WORK.
"IT'S AN EVIL MANUSCRIPT.
"BECAUSE IN MOST OF MY WORK,
"I WAS TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND OTHER PEOPLE BY TELLING THE TRUTH.
"THIS LOOKS TO INCITE HATRED BY TELLING HALF-TRUTHS."
AND THAT'S WHAT STEREOTYPES AND CHARACTERS ARE-- THEY'RE HALF-TRUTHS.
AND WHEN I WAS TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT THESE RICH PEOPLE,
IT SOUNDED LIKE I WAS MAKING FUN OF THEM.
I COULD ONLY REALLY TELL MY STORY.
SO, TELL-- WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU KNOW, AGAIN, WHETHER IT'S FICTION OR NONFICTION.
AND I HAVE FOUND, BY READING THE LIVES OF MOST--
OF MANY OF MY FAVORITE FICTION WRITERS, THAT-- THEY--
THEY'RE NOT SO GOOD AT MAKING UP THINGS EITHER.
THEY TAKE THINGS FROM THEIR REAL LIVES.
SO, TAKE THESE EMOTIONAL TRUTHS.
A FRIEND OF MINE WHO'S JEWISH SAYS THE TALMUD HAS A LINE THAT SAYS,
"WHEN THE HEART SPEAKS, THE HEART LISTENS."
SO, WRITE WHAT MATTERS TO YOU, WRITE WHAT CARES--
AND TRY TO GET AN AGENT, BUT IF YOU CAN'T--
YOU KNOW, THE WORLD HAS CHANGED SO MUCH.
YOU CAN GET YOUR WRITING OUT THERE IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS.
THERE'S THE INTERNET, WHICH HAS FOUND--
MANY, MANY MAINSTREAM BOOKS GET STARTED ON THE INTERNET.
BUT IF YOU HAVE A STORY THAT YOU WANT TO TELL, SIT DOWN AND TELL IT.
JUST SIT DOWN AND TELL IT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FIRST VERSION BEING GOOD OR NOT.
YOU CAN REWRITE AND REWRITE.
YEATS HAD-- I THINK IT WAS YEATS WHO SAID,
"IF IT SEEMS MORE THAN A MOMENT'S THOUGHT,
"ALL YOUR STITCHING AND UNSTITCHING IS FOR NAUGHT."
WHICH MEANS YOU GOTTA REWRITE AND REWRITE A WHOLE LOT
TO MAKE IT SEEM SPONTANEOUS.
SO, JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT REWRITING,
BUT JUST TELL A STORY THAT YOU CARE ABOUT A GREAT DEAL,
AND GET IT OUT THERE, WHETHER IT'S ON THE INTERNET,
OR GET AN AGENT TO GET IT OUT.
BUT DON'T GIVE UP.
IT'S AN EXCRUCIATING AND HORRIFYING PROCESS.
AND IF, WHILE YOU'RE WRITING IT,
IF YOU DON'T FEEL THAT IT'S DIFFICULT AND OVERWHELMING
AND THAT "I CAN'T DO THIS, THIS IS HORRIBLE,"
YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
(audience laughing) IT'S-- THAT'S THE WHOLE PROCESS.
AND GET SOMEBODY WHO YOU TRUST TO SHOW IT TO.
GOOD LUCK.
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
>> WE'RE GONNA TAKE THESE LAST TWO QUESTIONS--
>> OKAY.
>> AND THEN, MISS WALLS WILL SIGN YOUR BOOKS
IN THE SOCIAL HALL AFTER THE LECTURE.
>> (indistinct speaking)?
>> I'M SORRY, WHAT?
>> WHEN YOU JOINED YOUR SCHOOL NEWSPAPER,
HOW'D YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO BECOME A WRITER?
>> WHAT MADE ME WANT TO BECOME A WRITER?
IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE
THAT I EVER SORT OF FELT I BELONGED AT AN EVENT.
I WAS SUCH A SOCIAL OUTCAST.
THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS EVER GOING TO GET INVITED TO A DANCE.
THERE WAS NO WAY, IF I WENT TO A BALL GAME,
A LITTLE CROWD WOULD'VE SORTA LIKE GONE AWAY FROM ME.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE MOSES PARTING THE SEA.
YOU KNOW, I JUST-- THERE WAS NO WAY I BELONGED AT ANY EVENT...
UNTIL I WAS THERE WITH MY LITTLE PAD AND PAPER AND A CAMERA.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I FELT LIKE I WAS PART OF SOMETHING
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.
AND, UM...
AND I THINK I'VE ALWAYS BEEN VERY INTERESTED IN THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY.
I LOVE JOURNALISM.
AND THE IRONY THAT I'VE SPENT MY CAREER PURSUING OTHER PEOPLES' SECRETS
WHILE I WAS HIDING MY OWN...
SOME MIGHT SAY "IRONY."
OTHERS WOULD CALL IT "HYPOCRISY," BUT THAT HAS NOT ESCAPED ME.
BUT YOU KNOW, I DO THINK THAT THERE'S ALWAYS THE DEEPER STORY.
AS A GOSSIP COLUMNIST, I WAS TRYING TO TELL THE TRUTH
IN A SNARKY FEW PARAGRAPHS.
AND I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOME TRUTH TO IT,
BUT IT'S WHAT I WAS ALLUDING TO EARLIER,
WITH THE CHARACTERS AND THE STEREOTYPES.
I STILL BELIEVE THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.
THE TRUTH IS A VERY POWERFUL INSTRUMENT.
AND, UM... AND IN GOOD JOURNALISM, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO...
YOU LOOK TO TELL STORIES.
AND THAT'S WHAT I'D WANTED TO DO.
THANK YOU.
>> I'M WONDERING...
WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU (indistinct)...
>> I THINK THAT, FOR ALL MY FATHER'S MISSTEPS...
AND SCANDALOUS BEHAVIOR,
DAD GIVING ME THE $1,000 THAT I NEEDED TO FINISH MY EDUCATION
REDEEMED HIM SO MANY TIMES OVER.
YOU KNOW, THAT EDUCATION WAS SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND TO HIM.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY FATHER FOR MANY THINGS,
AND THAT'S ONE OF THEM.
THE PRODUCER WHO'S WORKING ON TURNING THE BOOK INTO A MOVIE
SAID THAT HE FEELS THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SCENE IN THE ENTIRE BOOK.
HE SAID, "IF I DON'T INCLUDE THAT SCENE IN THE MOVIE,
"THE VILLAGERS ARE GONNA STORM THE CASTLE WITH TORCHES," YOU KNOW?
I THINK THAT...
THAT DAD UNDERSTOOD HOW IMPORTANT THAT WAS.
I FEEL VERY BLESSED AND VERY HONORED TO HAVE GOTTEN A GOOD EDUCATION...
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO DAD FOR THAT.
THANK YOU.
>> (indistinct speaking)...
>> YOU KNOW, MY FATHER'S VIEWS ON RELIGION ARE SO COMPLICATED.
AND YEAH, I BELIEVE, BY THE END, HE HAD CONVERTED.
AND I THINK HE BECAME A RELIGIOUS MAN.
MAYBE NOT IN QUITE--
IN A COMPLETELY CONVENTIONAL WAY,
BUT MY FATHER, I THINK--
YEAH, I THINK HE SAW THE LIGHT.
AND, UM...
THE PATTERNS THAT EMERGED TO HIM--
YOU KNOW, HE CAME ABOUT IT FROM A DIFFERENT WAY.
BUT YES, I BELIEVE HE DID.
>> (indistinct speaking)? >> EXACTLY.
EXACTLY.
BUT I THINK THAT, BY THE END, MY FATHER WAS A RELIGIOUS AND VERY SPIRITUAL MAN.
AND, UM... AND THAT MAKES ME VERY HAPPY.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU ALL.
(applause) THANK YOU-- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. (applause continues)