DailyGrace LIVE - 4/19/12 (FULL EP)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 19.04.2012

Transcript:

DAILY GRACE: Welcome to the internet.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
DAILY GRACE: Hello, my wonderful internet dumplings.
Daily Grace here.
Welcome to My Damn Channel LIVE.
I'm seeing myself on this computer, and on here.
Technology is crazy.
Matrix.
We have 10 beautiful minutes together today.
So let's get right into it.
If you guys missed yesterday's show with Michael Showalter,
here's a clip.
MICHAEL: What do you think about Skittles?
BETH: I have nothing--
I just, I had some today.
MICHAEL: You had Skittles today?
BETH: Yeah.
I didn't buy them, they were just in front of me, and I
would never refuse a bowl of Skittles.
I like the sound of the cling cling of Skittles.
What about you?
You see--
MICHAEL: Skittles make a lovely cling cling sound.
DAILY GRACE: They do.
Make a lovely cling cling sound.
We get right to the core of what matters here on My Damn
Channel LIVE.
But let's keep it moving.
Let's take a look at my favorite comment from last
Thursday show.
It's from SalemStorm and he and/or she writes, "Do your
farts smell as good as you look?" No, no they don't.
Spoiler alert, my farts smell like farts.
OK?
That's the honest truth.
They don't smell like anything other than farts.
Surprise, I'm gross.
Hey, guys, did you know that it's National High Five day?
Ah.
Get real.
Now you do.
Smash.
Are you ready for that?
Sorry if I knocked your glasses off your face.
You all wear glasses, crazy.
Speaking of getting fired, check out this clip from Five
Second Films.

BOSS: Hey, buddy.
We're going to have to let you go.
I'm really so--
EMPLOYEE: God.

Honey, stop.
It's OK.
He fired me.

DAILY GRACE: Guys, work is hard.
So hard.
And speaking of jobs, today I decided that I'm going to give
you a breakdown of all of the places that I've ever worked
in my entire life.
Let's see.
When I was 15, it's when I got my first job at Marshall's.
Then I worked at Chili's.
Then I worked at a different Chili's.
Then worked at Applebee's.
Then I worked at a different Applebee's.
Then I worked as a tennis instructor.
Then I worked at Dave and Buster's, which is the
restaurant with an arcade for adults.
Then I worked at Olive Garden.
Then I worked at Houston's, which is a slightly more
elegant Chili's on 53rd and Lexington in New York City.
Then I worked for the internet.
Dom, dom, dom.
And actually with all of those really prestigious careers, I
have learned a lot about the work environment.
And I'm just going to share some of what I've
learned with you guys.
Let's see, at Marshall's I learned that women steal
clothing in the dressing room by putting it under their
actual clothes.
And me, being a 15-year-old super passive-aggressive
employee, I let them do it.
I saw them stealing, I let them walk out the door, and I
did not say one word.
Until now.
Marshall's, you're welcome.
Let's see.
I also learned at Applebee's on Friday nights after 11:00
PM, when appetizers become half-price, that a restaurant
can turn into a high school full of hormonal hormonal
teenagers that only want to order water, and one order of
boneless Buffalo wings for a table of 12.
Well, they're all just trying to bone each other.
Ah boneless wings, bone each other.
What?
Something's there.
So that was a horrible time in my life.
High schoolers are terrifying.
And so turned on all the time.
What else did I learn?
Oh, at Olive Garden, I learned that you can give your friends
free house wine.
They have it all over the restaurant, you don't have to
ring it in for it to come through the bar.
You can just give it to your friends.
I gave a lot of friends a lot of wine.
And desserts, you can give them free desserts too.
Huh, I was, needless to say, maybe the best employee at all
of those places.
I was great.
And actually, it's hard to believe, but in between a
different Chili's and Dave and Buster's I went to college.
Oh, what?
But now I work for MyDamnChannel.com and I should
get back to work.
Beth was obligated to show this video last week, and I
have to show it today, because it's my job.
And I don't work at Dave and Buster's anymore, where the
cooks in the kitchen are ex-cons.
True story.
There is a security guard that walks to your car at the end
of a shift.
Yay, play that clip.

In accordance with the--
in accordance with the Digital Millennium Fairness Act of
Speech Act of 2006, this video affidavit is to be displayed
prominently among the digital assets of the offending party
in a way that is readily accessible by its viewing
constituency.
My name is Robert Davis-Brockweiler Munghj.
I'm the legal counsel representing the estate of the
late Dontrail Tyberious Hoyle and the following affected
parties The Donnie Hoyle Memorial Thumbdrive Exchange
for the Cure Foundation, Donnie Hoyle's Special Place
Centers for Photoshop fluency, and Peopleburg.com, who some
of which parties, recently received a recorded phone
message from one Rontrell Richard Cox, Ronny Cox, author
and creator of You Rock at Photoshop.

This bone-chilling recording has prompted us to submit this
video affidavit to serve as a temporary injunction for a
restraining order against Ronny Cox, and the members of
the previously mentioned organizations.
And let me just add one other thing.
Mr. Cox, I don't care if you're four years old.
You don't make threatening phone calls to people you
don't know.
You don't steal intellectual property that
doesn't belong to you.
And, I hope, that when all is said and done, and your
threatening phone calls, and your theft are repudiated in
the court of law, that you spend a very long time in a
minimal correctional facility with someone named Lonnie, who
likes Fig Newtons.
And I'm not talking about the cookies.
DAILY GRACE: Um, hold on a second, Nate.
That clip sounded weird.
Can we-- can we play that backwards really quick?

That was weird.
But I'm going to do what I do with everything in my life
that is confusing, stressful or regrettable.
I'm going to ignore it.
I'm going to lock it up real tight in my emotions box,
which lays right here, where my heart should be.
But it's a box with a lock on it.
Yay.
Speaking of being a robot, it's time for Twitter Q&A. And
keeping with our theme, I'm going to answer your
work-related questions.
You guys Twitted us with the hashtag #mydamnchannellive.
Now let's take a look at your questions, what have we got?
This is from Georgie Luttrell.
They say "If I'm at work and there are no customers, what
is something fun I can do to pass the time?" Diddle.
Oh, please.
I mean, doodle.
On paper.
Arts.
Be an artist.
With your body.
Just kidding.
Let's look at another Twitter question.
This is from ShaynaGibson_x.
"Why are customers at restaurants so picky about the
table they want to sit at?
Just sit where I
put you." Oh, girl.
From a former hostess to what seems like you are a current
hostess, I know.
You know what's the worst?
People that sit on the same side of a booth together.
When you have two people that go out to eat, and they sit on
the same side of the booth.
What?
What is that nonsense?
A booth has two booth things across from each other, so
that you can distribute yourselves equally.
It's not a Ferris wheel.
OK?
You need to sit across from each other and have a
conversation like we're having right now.
I'm going to stand next to you and converse like that.
Those people.
Watch out for those people.
Those people are not your friends, they are dangerous.
Let's take another Twitter question.
What have we got?
This is from Tyler Maxwell.
"Grace, a co-worker doesn't seem to understand the concept
of personal space.
How do I tell him to step back?"
OK, this is my suggestion to you.
You get at real close to him, super duper close.
But he's already probably close to you, just say, listen
friend, I have unpredictable diarrhea right now.

And that guy will back away.
Trust me.
It's how I get out of being mugged.
It's how I get out of bad dates.
It's how I get out of family functions.
Diarrhea you can use for any, anything, really.
Sew that on a pillow.
Let's take another Twitter question.
What do we get?
This is from LAWLZimkyle.

OK.
"Is Metal from MyMusic your boyfriend?
I bet he's your boyfriend.
Is he your boyfriend?"
Whoa in capital letters.
Um, well, for those who don't understand that question,
MyMusic is a new web series that I'm in, which is produced
and created by the Fine brothers.
It just premiered last Sunday.
And there's new episodes every Sunday.
Um, so you should check that out.
Side note.
Plug, plug, plug.
Um, and I'm sorry to, to burst your cap blocks bubble, but
he's not my boyfriend.
He's not.
We're just.
We're not together.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
Are you going to take cap socks off now?
Good, you should.
Move on with your life and do some productive things.
Try art.
With your body.
Just kidding.
Guys, that it for Twitter today.
But before we go, I want to tell you that MyDamnChannel
has partnered with King of the Web for a
really, really cool contest.
Now, if you don't know what King of the Web is, it an
internet contest, where content creators can compete
to become King of the Web and win fabulous prizes.
Such as, getting a chance to win a trip to New York and
hang out with us here, at MyDamnChannelLive.
You can hang out with us.
All the details for the contest are down here in my
lock box of emotions.
And I'm sad to see this end.
I'm not really anything, but I'm sad to see this end.
Remember, guys, that you can check me out every other day
of the week at MyDamnChannel.com/DailyGrace
and all I ask is for you, hormonal teenagers, to please
tip your servers at least 20%.
I'll see you guys next Thursday.
I am now passing the baton onto you, Beth.
Bye.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]