The Temp Life: Season 5, Ep. #1: We're Number-Two!


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 09.12.2010

Transcript:

NICK: A lot of things have changed since I was put back
in charge of staffing.
For starters, Selton's is now the number two cellphone
button company in the US.
I like to think it has something to do with my
progressive management style.

It also might have something to do with the fact that the
number three and the number one companies merged, and cell
phones have so many buttons on them nowadays.

To keep morale up, I decided to let everyone choose their
own job titles.

Well, almost everyone.
I've created a--
a new kind of corporate culture.
And everyone seems really, really happy,
especially the temps.
And I'm finally making a name for myself.
That is the end of chapter one, how trouble got his
groove back.
STEVIE: Stevie P, P, P, P.
NICK: Hey, go short.
STEVIE: Damn.
NICK: Hey, I'm ready for you to
transcribe the first chapter.
STEVIE: Uh, I did it already are the words
that I'll say tomorrow.
Also, the new hire, been lying about his WPM score.
Said it was 30.
I timed him, 25.
Most of them acronyms.
I'm sorry, OMG's not three words, biatch.
See, you feel me, coach.
NICK: Stop calling me coach.
STEVIE: I won't, because I'm your quarterback,
and you're my coach.
NICK: You know what?
Those shorts actually make the tie look more professional.
STEVIE: I like to call this the office attire mullet.
Business up top, baller down below.
Boom.
NICK: Whoa.
Don't do that again.
STEVIE: Just stretching 'em out.
[SKYPE CALL]
NICK: I gotta take this.
STEVIE: All right.
I'm gonna take it to the house right now.
Boom.
NICK: Yeah.

Hi, you got trouble.
EVE: Chia pet.
Stop answering the phone that way.
NICK: Eve, sorry.
Look, I'm--
I'm doing, like, productivity charts and graphs, and--
EVE: Blah, blah, blah.
Listen, I understand that the numbers are up.
I also understand it has absolutely
nothing to do with you.
So I am going to need you to hire some new temps.
NICK: It is my specialty.
It's what I do best.
EVE: Listen, Chia pet, I am sending a senior VP down to
oversee this, uh, macaroni operation you got
running down there.
NICK: OK, well, I don't really need an SVP--
EVE: Make him feel at home.
NICK: I'm actually kind of running this already.
You're gone.
MARK: I'm still just a temp.
STORMY: Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I hear ya.
MARK: Meaning I don't have any health insurance.
I think Stevie P broke my rib the other day, and I haven't
been able to check it out.
Can you throw us a bone here?
STORMY: Yeah, OK.
Well, you know, health insurance absolutely is not
something that the temps ever have.
And, you know, Ben is fine with it.
BEN: I'm totally fine with it.
MARK: Where's Clark?
STORMY: Clark is dead to me.
I've locked him out of the building.
I hired this new temp, Ben.
He is fantastic.
And I don't even pay him a salary.
BEN: And I'm totally cool with that, too.
STORMY: He's great.
I'm sorry, you were talking about, uh, house
insurance, or something?
MARK: Health insurance.
I'd like to hold on to all my adult teeth.
STORMY: Absolutely.
I mean, adult teeth are so important to be an adult.
BEN: That's really good advice.
STORMY: Keep that.
BEN: I'm taking notes.
STORMY: He's great.
BEN: Yeah.
STORMY: We're done here?
NICK: Well, welcome back.
How was the time off?
ALINA: What do your want, [INAUDIBLE]?
NICK: Oh, God, how I have missed that nickname.
Well, you know, a lot of stuff.
A lot of exciting stuff's been going on.
A few hires, a few fires.
We repainted the break room.
Something else I'm missing.
Something else.
Oh, Pete and Laura's wedding.
ALINA: What?
NICK: Uh, wedding.
Like, uh, walking down the aisle, and nuptials.
[HUMMING WEDDING SONG]
No, they did that, that whole, like, they totally did that.
ALINA: I doubt that.
NICK: Totally swear.
I can actually send you the pictures.
They're all over Facebook, and like, I think in
the paper or something.
VOICE OVER SPEAKER: Mr. Chiapetta,
please report to reception.
The Senior VP from Selton's has arrived.
NICK: I got to go.
But um, [KNOCKS]
love your new desk.

NICK: Hi, I'm uh, Nick Chiapetta, and you must be--
EDDIE: The only one of us who ever calls their mother.
NICK: Eddie?
EDDIE: Not happy to see your brother?
NICK: Uh, stepbrother.
Oh, God.
Are you--
are you my new boss?
EDDIE: That's right.
I'm finally the boss of you.
NICK: Dammit.