Tips for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse With P. Allen Smith


Uploaded by ehowhome on 13.10.2012

Transcript:
I'm Tracy Ellen from Channel 17 News, and this is a Breaking News Bulletin. The world
as we know it appears to be in chaos as numerous reports of zombies pour in from across the
globe. Experts say that the virus is not airborne, so the only way to get infected is to be bitten.
You know, this is about the time that everyone panics. But, you know, there's actually a
few easy tips you can follow that will help survive the zombie apocalypse. …Appears
to be infected. And remember, aim for the head. The first thing you need to know may
sound like a tired old cliche, but it's very important: It's exercise. You see, zombies
are walkers not runners, but they're dead, so they don't run out of breath. You just
wanna make sure you're in tip top shape so you don't end up somebody's supper. Now another
thing to remember: Whether you're working or playing, you never want to let you're guard
down. We've all heard it before: "They just come out of nowhere," people say. Well, this
is what I like to do. Mirrors, I have everywhere. That way, these nasty walkers can't sneak
up on me. That brings me to my next point: Weapons. You definitely need some firepower,
but the sound of guns frightens my songbirds and shakes up the hummingbirds. Of course,
some zombie experts recommend a baseball bat. But for me, there's nothing like a beloved
garden spade. You see, it has a nice cutting edge and a broader sweet spot and longer length
for greater protection. Of course, you're gonna wanna clean this up as soon as you can
because you don't wanna leave a mark on your lawn. Now this next tip is self-explanatory,
or at least I hope so. You see, you have to have food and water, certainly, but you also
have to protect it. That's why I use electric fences. You know, electricity can be very
effective, and you can pick up these electrical fence chargers at your local farm store. Hey,
not only are you protecting your food and your water, but this can be a source of entertainment,
hours of amusement. Ooh, good one. Hey, you might not think this last tip is important,
but trust me on this one, it really is. You see, when the zombie body count begins to
stack up so does the aroma and the stench. So, that's why I always plant plenty of fragrant
flowers. You see, zombies are basically just rotting flesh, so they produce a lot odor.
To mask that odor and bring a nice fragrance to the house, try planting some of these beautiful
flowers. They also look great around the house. Mmm, that's nice. You know, the best laid
plans of mice and men often don't work out. So as the old saying goes: If you can't beat
them, join them. And make sure you subscribe to eHow Home.