Kung Fu Karl - Birthdays (#17)

[Karl:] Get... in there, you stupid poisonous sn-
Oh, hello there!
Uh. Dark Ninja's birthday is right around the corner
and I always throw him the best parties.
Tons of presents,
a big ol' cake,
and of course,
a filthy hooker hidin' inside it.
But nothin's gonna top last year's birthday party.
And it brings us to the
Now, according to legend,
DK was born inside a dragon's fiery heart about 2000 years ago.
And we all know that the big two-zero-zero-zero is a big deal for ninjas.
So I decided to decorate his room real nice,
got him his favorite hooker cake,
and a bunch of awesome presents
like a new Murder Sword,
the souls of his fallen enemies,
and tube socks!
Since it was DK's special day,
I took him to his favorite place in the world.
Dr. Penguin's Baragain Safari!
All his favorite rare animals were there.
Like the chicken squirrel,
bird bird,
and turkey lion.
He even got to be sexually harassed by
It got a little weird when Finny managed to get DK's pants off, but...
It was all in good fun.
I th- I guess. It didn't look like fun.
Anyway,
just when DK thought the party was over,
I suprised him with the best gift of all.
I invited all his buddies,
like his kung-fu master
his ex-wife
and his old ninja crew slash boy band
I was feeling pretty proud of myself
until I noticed that DK was crapping himself with fear.
Turns out that Hung Dong, Blonde Ninja, and Ninjas II Men
weren't so much his friends
as they were his mortal enemies.
I guess I mixed up the guest lists.
My bad.
Anyway, DK grabbed his new Murder Sword,
I grabbed the cake hooker,
and the battle was on.
We fought them off the best we could,
and just when we thought we were dead meat,
Finny the Horny Dolphin came out of nowhere
and humped 'em all to death!
What a wonderful fish.
Er... Bird? Eh, it's a bird.
Well, the party was a total success,
and DK and Finny still keep in contact every once in a while.
They're takin' it slow.
Well, I hope you all learned something from today's life lesson.
Horny Dolphins will save your life.
Next time a dolphin starts hittin' on ya,
just see where it goes.
That horny son of a bitch will always have your back.
[DK:] Hey, Karl?
Uh, did you get the regular cake,
or the hooker cake?
[Karl:] Hooker cake.
[DK:] Aah.
I... probably should not have sliced a piece, then.
[Karl:] Fan-tastic.
Well, I gotta go explain what happened to the cake pimp,
so I'll leave you with
Give a man to fish and he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish,
then charge him a hundred bucks for the fishing lesson,
then take his fish.
Tweet your questions at ASKKFK,
and I'll answer the hell out of it.
Or just ignore it.
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