CAP.1 TE QUIERO PERO... ES SOLO SEXO


Uploaded by tequieropero on 09.10.2011

Transcript:
NEW IN TOWN
BERTA, MEN EATER
I love fucking in the morning
Don't worry Grace, you're the love of my life
You´ve more boobs than any girl.
Even though that girl has really big boobs.
Javi!! Where's the toilet paper?
Now I’ll never be able to wash the picture of that girl shitting in my toilet out of my head
How sexy! In the closet in front of you!
This might be the cunt I’ve been looking for.
I’m getting off.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you.
I don’t believe in love and I never repeat.
Boys become such jerks as soon as we suck it to you a couple of times.
You’re... like a guy.
Yes. But with really big boobs. Bye-bye.
I LOVE YOU BUT... IT'S ONLY SEX
Well, roomie... when are you moving in?
Right now.
Berta, is that all?
No, Clara. I was thinking of bringing a hairdryer too. This humid weather makes my hair fat.
Makes your hair fat?
And my cunt itch! In town the weather is not as lousy as in here. Any plans, Clara?
I was planning to have dinner with my friends. They are a lot of... fun. You could come over!
You are crazy! I have to put my things in place and I don’t know where to start.
But all you’ve brought is a make-up case!!
Baby. If you want me to go and have dinner with you, I’ll have to put all that in place on my face.
CLARA, INSUBSTANTIAL GIRL
LUCIA, NEUROTIC BRIDE
RAUL, SILLY GROOM
Raúl, have you talked to the florist? Alvaro told me this year there won’t be any blue tulips either and...
...at this pace, I’m afraid I’ll have to paint the petals!
...yes Lucía…
And we need to have the wedding invitations reprinted. The color is not the one I ordered...
...Alvaro had already warned me about the satin paper. It never shines enough!
…yes sweetie…
Raúl, are you listening to me or ignoring me and the wedding as usual?
Yes sweetie…
Oh! You’re such an idiot!! What the fuck are you doing that is more important than me!?
Killing Germans.
Raúl, I love you, but if you don’t leave that shitty little gun right now, I am gonna stick it into your ass. Go get dressed!
Coming…
We are having dinner with Alvaro and Pablo today.
Dinner at the gays’!? I love the way they cook!
But why on earth am I gonna marry him!?
PABLO, ABSOLUTE DISASTER
ALVARO, OBSESSIVE HOST
Alvaro..., Do you need to make choreographies while you cook?, honey.
Yes, Pablo. It is absolutely necessary.
We could order a couple of pizzas and some nachos and that’s it!
I’m not even gonna bother answering that.
The thing is I don’t get why you always have to make such a mess in the kitchen for just a dinner...
...Álvaro, you’ve been cooking for 4 fucking hours. Anyone would think the Queen is coming.
If it depended on you, we would give our friends alfalfa... as if they were horses.
Actually, I read on the Internet that alfalfa is good for menopausal women. And I think you must be about that age.
Oh, really, smart ass? And what is alfalfa?
A kind of lettuce?
No, you idiot. It is a leguminous plant and you wouldn’t even know how to cook it, or anything else
Well... You love my grilled gilthead. You even told your mom it was better than hers.
Pablo, dear, she knows it’s not true, and you believed it.
You’re such a bitch... And you’re not gonna fix it with a kiss...
...Let’s fuck!!
Now?
Yes. Now.
Pablo, I love you... but I’ve got to make dinner...
...and you answer the cell
GIRLS!, I'M COMING OVER FOR DINNER WITH MY NEW ROOMMATE.
GREAT! THERE IS ALWAYS LEFT OVER FOOD AND HAVE TO EAT IT.
What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
You’re too old for that part. And too fat, girl.
I am rehearsing a part. Leave me alone, Sole. And don’t call me girl. You know I hate it.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief...
And too faggoty. Since you became a cabaret diva, you are unbearable. And everyone knows Romeo is much younger than you.
Okay, bitch. What do you want!?
mmmmm. Pay attention to me. I have the period and you know I need to be pampered.
And that’s why you had to call me fagotty old lady.
Yes...What you were just rehearsing sounded awful.
Sole...Do you think you can do it better than me?
Yes. I am a real actress... Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief...
Ugh.
What?
I think you should change the pad.
Did you see that, Grace? I finally find a girl I can fall in love with and she leaves me...
Where shall I find a girl that loves me for who I am and not for the way I look...
I’ll never sleep again with a different girl every night, it’s over. That way it’s impossible to get to know anyone.
The next girl I meet has to last at least one week.
Well, of course, she needs to have big boobs...
...and be hot...
...and have money.
You’re right. Big boobs will do.
IF SHE HAS BIG BOOBS, I WANT HER!
YOU’RE SICK. BEHAVE WITH MY FRIEND!
WHAT ABOUT ME, CAN I MISBEHAVE?
SHE IS NEW IN THE CITY AND WE HAVE TO LOOK NORMAL.
NORMAL? DON’T BRING HER OVER THEN.
Are you ready, Berta? You’ve been in the bathroom for an hour and a half.
Shit! I don’t think I’ll have enough time. Give me at least 5 minutes.
We’ve gotta leave now or we won’t be there on time. I hate being late.
You’re not chic at all, Clara. Being late gives you more options in bed...
You get there. You let your eyelids subtly fall, put out your tongue suggestively and they will be fighting over you to eat your pussy.
Are there many hot guys in that dinner?
Yes. But most of them are gay.
Gay! Give me a shit. Are all of them gay!?
Yes. Have you got any trouble with gay people!?
Now I’ll have to put on expensive make-up. Those jerks can detect private branding from a distance...
... What about you, ready?
I...don’t wear make-up.
You don’t wear make-up?
I’d rather...not...
We can fix that with some foundation here...
...some face powder there.
Eyeshadow.
This hairband made with my beautiful hands.
And ready!
Look at you! You look gorgeous. Let’s go!!
Dinner’s ready!! And the guys are here!
I’ve also got a late news item: the stove exploded.
Shut up and help me lay the table.
And I´ll have to do all the dishes afterwards! You’ve used 8 pots to make two dishes?
You broke a record!
Yes. Absolutely necessary.
Absolutely necessary....
Thankful. Excited. All I can say is. Thanks for coming!
Can’t stand my husband.
Hi baby. Has your husband made a complete mess in the kitchen again?
Do you remember when we used to make a complete mess in the kitchen? -I never understood why you liked fucking on the stove top...
Hi dear! What are you talking about?
Classic ex’s chatting.
Here they are... The queers’ home!
Helloooooo!
Hi there! What’s wrong with you, Clara?
I’ve got some make-up on!
Doesn’t she look cute! I’ve highlighted the best of her face.! I’m Berta, her roommate.
Hide away before she highlights your face.
Hi there!. I’m Sole and this little bastard is Manu. He loves your make-up.
I have it in my bag. I’ll give you some powder later.
Bitch!
I’m Álvaro, Pablo, my husband.
And Javi, our straight.
I’m straight too.
Don´t interrupt, sweetie.
Hi, I´m Berta! Are you coming alone?
No! I’ve brought some wine with me!
Dinner is getting cold, have a seat!
Besides, the main thing is not coming alone by returning in company.
Now!
DINNER WAS A SUCCESS, AS USUAL
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT
I NEED A TANK TO GET INSIDE THE KITCHEN
AND I GET TO DRIVE IT. TANKS ARE SO DYKE
Berta, you’re beautiful.
My dog’s name was Beautiful. When I was 4 I saw her die. She was run over by a garbage truck.
I... I’m sorry...
That was 24 years ago. I got over it. And I hated her, anyway. She ate my toys.
Good for the garbage truck.
You don’t need to go that far.
I... I’m sorry...
I was just kidding.
Sorry... it’s because I’m a little nervous. I’m a virgin.
You’re a virgin!?
Yes.
For a moment I was falling apart.
Really? Where?
Here.
Oh. So this is what they mean when they talk about global warming?
Hey. The humankind might vanish.
The humankind has already vanished. It’s only you, I, and Grace left.
Grace?, Who is Grace?
My little dog. I bought her to make up for all the puppies I killed while I was jerking off.
That’s what happens when you go to a religious school.
Did they tell you that? Well, I’m a public school girl, so...
Let’s fuck.
Yes, sure. And leave the kitchen like that, in a complete mess.
Like when you were with Manu... a complete mess in the kitchen.
Excuse me?
Classic ex’s chatting, I think that’s what they call it.
How old were you?
We were 18. And we broke my mom’s dinner service.
Great. I know your mom’s taste. And I also want new dishes.
Hi gorgeous. I think we found her...
Another girl... has taken advantage of me.
They’ve become us.
Blame it on the climate change.