Beth of the Week - 9/14/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 14.09.2012

Transcript:



BETH HOYT: This shows I'm going to work, but this says
I'm ready to party.

Hi you guys.
It's Friday and this is My Damn Channel Live.
I do want to start off the show telling some truths, by
saying that if you were by chance visiting New York City
this week, it's not usually like this.
Um, you probably left with like a huge, huge love for the
city, which it deserves, but I think you got it
for the wrong reasons.
We had incredible weather this week, and everyone in town was
in a good mood.
Did you notice this?
We had, like, California weather.
It was beautiful, there were the crazy blue skies, no
humidity, and everyone was in th-- a good
mood and was smiling.
It was kind of weird.
Guests, this is rare, for a full week--
for a full 10 minutes, to have everyone
smiling like that, was--
Listen.
This week, in the course of a few hours hours, I
got hit on my bike--
I'm fine.
I'm a Hoyt.
But I'm fine--
my glasses got run over by a car, I'd just missed two
subways in a row, and then, I got stung by a bee.
That's all true.
That's a true story of my life.
But I was still in a good mood.
And maybe It's because I also had all of
this happen this week.
Here's the "Beth of the Week."
[FEMALE FREESTYLE RAPPING]
FEMALE SPEAKER: Hypothetically speaking, what does your
girlfriend really mean when she answers "nothing" to
"what's wrong?"
MALE SPEAKER: Oh, no.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
FEMALE SPEAKER: She means everything is wrong.
MALE SPEAKER: [INAUDIBLE].
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
MALE SPEAKER: She's having sex with the gardener.
BETH HOYT: Six years ago, I rode the Matterhorn at
Disneyland with Pete.
I'll never forget that day.
Do you know blood stains?
Do you remember?
MALE SPEAKER: That's a real person?
MALE SPEAKER: [INAUDIBLE].
Do you remember [INAUDIBLE]?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
MALE SPEAKER: I remember blood stains.
She had a shirt, yeah.
My name is, and it said blood stains on it.
And said, I'm riding the Matterhorn at Disneyland.
[INAUDIBLE].
BETH HOYT: What happens on the Matterhorn?
MALE SPEAKER: Stays on the Matterhorn.
BETH HOYT: If had a dick, it'd be probably doing fine.
Um, I'm just really picturing John [INAUDIBLE] dick, is all
that's happening in my head.
So, which is-- and it's-- that's doing fine, as well.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Can I offer you some water?
MALE SPEAKER: I would love some.
MALE SPEAKER: Oh, wow.
It's coming out of his penis.
BETH HOYT: Flirt, seduce, then make out with your hand.

MALE SPEAKER: What do you drink?
Me took me too.
Hey, what's that?
What's that?
Yeah, yeah.
This is just a little massage.
I know, you're tense.
Really tense.
Shh.
What?
What?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?
What are we doing?

I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
I have a girlfriend.
She's over here.
BETH HOYT: To see an old friend is as agreeable as a
good meal in bed.
That got kind of blue, you guys.

Shut up, you guys.
It was a It was a dare.
I had to do it.
Thanks Nate.
FEMALE SPEAKER: I said something to my friend's
boyfriend and now he dumped her and I blame made myself.
Help--
MALE SPEAKER: Oh.
Oh, you really did that, didn't you, Amy Poland?
FEMALE SPEAKER: You have to live in that cloak of shame.
MALE SPEAKER: You bitch.
FEMALE SPEAKER: You--
MALE SPEAKER: Kevin, you're such a disease.
MALE SPEAKER: That was--
BETH HOYT: Kevin, you're such a disease.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh, that was you?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MALE SPEAKER: [INAUDIBLE] seen you in.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
MALE SPEAKER: How do you like me now?
How do you like me now?
BETH HOYT: I like you a lot.
I like you a lot.
MALE SPEAKER: How do you like me now?
FEMALE SPEAKER: [INAUDIBLE], can I have your autograph?

BETH HOYT: Wow, all those gingers on one show--
Katie Pride and Pete and Pete.
That was so much fun.
Also I had so much fun hanging out with you guys and your
comments all week, and so did Grace, and Dave, and Ethan.
I know that for sure.
And just in case you haven't seen the latest from our
fabulous series See the Supers, here's the new newest.
It's "Super Force Versus the Party Crasher." Boom.

MALE SPEAKER: Previously on See the Supers, Elementra
sucked face with a teacher, so Merman went on a date an
energy sucker.
Fleet Foot was supposed to cancel the office party, but
got sucked into a race.
Night Knight's new sidekick, Sparrow, got his arms ripped
off, which promises to suckle the last of the already sucky
superforce budget.
What's a Merman to do?
Watch now, suckas.

ELEMENTRA: Hey.
MERMAN: Ugh, come on, I'm trying to work here.
ELEMENTRA: Hey, Captain Buzzkill, are you gonna join
the party or are you gonna stay in here all alone?
MERMAN: Elle, we are on the brink of bankruptcy.
ELEMENTRA: Just drink, you Grinch.
MERMAN: The General is coming next week for his inspection,
and he is not pleased with us these days.
WORLDMAN: Huh!
I'll make him like us.
I'm gold nugget.
ELEMENTRA: Please, don't explain.
WORLDMAN: It's a phrase I bought.
It'll catch on, you'll see.
MERMAN: Great.
World's been buying words again?
Yet another charge to explain to the General.
ELEMENTRA: That's next week.
Can we just not worry about money for one night?
FLEET FOOT: Where do you want me to set up the third DJ?
ELEMENTRA: It's--
MERMAN: A third DJ?
FLEET FOOT: They had a really good sale.
MERMAN: I'm going to work.
OK?
And--
oh.
Who put booze in my cup?
ELEMENTRA: World Man, before he flew off, and then
I put in some more.
Teamwork!
MERMAN: You know I'm coldblooded (SLURRING) and I
get instantly wasted.
Oh no.
Oh no.
My ink is leaking.
ELEMENTRA: Gross.
WORLDMAN: Check out my plus one.
GENERAL: What the hell is going on here?
MERMAN: Oh, this is not very gold nugget.

NIGHT KNIGHT: How dare you disturb our General
when he's off duty?
GENERAL: Off duty?
Nonsense.
A soldier's always prepared.

NIGHT KNIGHT: I love him.
GENERAL: What say we move that inspection from 0900 Tuesday
to 2120 tonight.
Team Revengers have already aced theirs, so let's get over
with, shall we?
MERMAN: Oh, I'm ready.
I'm so--
I was born ready.
Let me tell you a think or two about
the Team Douche Ventures--
ELEMENTRA: OK, OK.
Night, do you want to show the General around?
We're gonna go for a walk.
NIGHT KNIGHT: My undying pleasure.
MALE SPEAKER: Is this party gold nuggin' or what?
MERMAN: What's the plan?
Oh, Morphman's here.
Oh, he drank a bottle of water.
Lookin' silver, Morphy.
Oh, Holy Roller
HOLY ROLLER: Bless you, Merman.
MERMAN: Bless you, stud.
Hey, Brain Wave.
BRAIN WAVE: Drinking like a fish, I see, Merman?
MERMAN: I am.
Oh, can I rub your brain [INAUDIBLE]?
I love to do that.
Oh.
Rascal's here.
I'm gonna--
I'm gonna put my tongue on her tongue.
ELEMENTRA: Whoa there, hotshot.
Let's just relax.
WORLDMAN: I'll see to her.
Hey.
RASCAL: Oh, hey, World Man.
Rascal.
WORLDMAN: Yes.
RASCAL: Oh.
I'm actually here to see Merman.
Do you know where he is?
WORLDMAN: Oh, right, yeah.
He sent me to distract you because he's drunk.
So how about we take a flight?
OK!
MALE SPEAKER: Elementra.
Hey.
ELEMENTRA: Hey, Brad.
MERMAN: Hey?
Hey?
Hey is what you have to say to a [? four to ?]
[? 83-year-old ?]
[INAUDIBLE]?
Smooth.
ELEMENTRA: All right.
Can you take care of Merman?
FLEET FOOT: Speed up, speed out.
MERMAN: Oh, fish toys?
As if that's-- that is not gonna distract me.
OK?
None of it.
Oh, it's a deep sea diver.
NIGHT KNIGHT: So that's the meeting room, my liege.
Rather standard.
Six chairs.
One table.
GENERAL: And a whiteboard with exposed intel.
NIGHT KNIGHT: Excellent observation.
GENERAL: Graduates of the Sparrow Program?
NIGHT KNIGHT: In a sense.
Strangled.
Drowned.
This is won a Grammy and then was incinerated.
Uh--

RASCAL: OK.
GENERAL: OK, Post-flight hookup time.
RASCAL: I'm dating your friend.
Merman.
Anyway, if you touch me, I'll suck the life out of you.
WORLDMAN: You're not the first energy sucker
I've had sex with.
I'm from another planet.
Your sun makes me awesome.
Yada yada.
We can bang.
RASCAL: It's kinda hard to bang with that inflated ego of
yours gettin' in the way.
WORLDMAN: Great joke.
Very gold nuggin'.
But, seriously.
When's the last time you touched someone
who can handle it?
MALE SPEAKER: This giant [INAUDIBLE]
powered out, oh, let's get hyped.
MERMAN: Hey, Morph?
I'm glad you came, man.
If you're clean and sober, I want you back on the team.
You know what Morph?
Hey.
You're my best friend.
You're my best friend.
NIGHT KNIGHT: Step into my lab, General.

Don't touch the liquid AIDS vat.
MERMAN: Oh, that's not good.
NIGHT KNIGHT: It has liquid AIDS in it, and that stinks.
MERMAN: Excuse me.
OK, Oh, sorry.
General, I apologize for being a little MIA, but I can assure
that everything is under control.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
GENERAL: Step away from the General.
MERMAN: Yes, sir.
GENERAL: I have seen enough.
We can only fund one team going forward.
The Team Revengers are a gifted group of youngsters.
They are at an age where the world hasn't jaded them yet.
They're well-adjusted, no egos, no family ties, and
their powers are astounding.
Now.
All they lack is leadership, but with Morphman taking the
job to lead them, this is a no-brainer.
By the end of the month, we will no longer be funding the
Super Force program.
Great party, though.
Way to wrap things up.

NIGHT KNIGHT: Uh, catapulted.
Strangled.
Stabbed.
She ran in front of a hoard of horses.
Confetti lung.
Voodoo magic.
Death by paper cut.
Death by--
I can't remember.
Uh, bee sting.
Electrocuted.
Death by urination.

BETH HOYT: That's the show.
I'll see you guys Monday, same time, same place.
Well, I'll be in that corner, but it's not
that far from here.
Subscribe.
And I hope you have a great weekend and do something that
scares you and then eat something the comforts you.
Laters, yous dolls faces.