Urban Nature Man Ep. 1 pt 2 When S*** Happens, (www.urbannatureman.com)


Uploaded by urbannatureman on 06.08.2012

Transcript:
Jro-What are you doing with the stick?
Matt- I'm wacking the ground in front of me so that ..um...
...if they're any rattlesnakes or anything, hopefully I'll annoy them and they'll start rattling to let me know they're there...
...and then I can avoid 'em.
J- That sounds good.
J- (interview) The whole premise of Urban Nature Man is that he... uh... is a city man who...likes to take in the nature every now and then...
...and does not want to forget his nature roots.
J- (interview) So I guess this is his way of gettin' a balance between city and nature.
I am very much a city boy...so I figure I could use a little bit of nature...
...ish.
(intro music)
(V/O) Lighters and firebows...
Grocery aisles and woodland trails...
Stair climbing and mountain climbing...
(falling scream)
I'm setting out to answer the question.
Can a city boy still be a part...
...of the circle of life?
M- We'll take a break right here...
It's starting to get a little later in the day, so it's gonna start cooling off, you don't wanna be all sweaty...
It'll actually make you cold and can be dangerous.
J-(interview) I'm an actor. Just...random stuff...
M- Did ya bring any food?
J- Was I supposed to...?
J-(interview) I did play a guru and we shot in the safari.
There weren't any flies... well there were flies, but it wasn't like this.
J-...thank you.
M- mhmm.
M-Did you bring anything else?
J-(interview) I have an iPhone...
...and my ID.
...should I...turn up dead somewhere.
We won't.
M-Do you have reception?
J- No.
M-Cool.
M- There are a couple of extra things I like to bring...
...you know, just in case.
First, and most importantly, snakebite kit.
Ya know, if you run into a rattlesnake, you wanna be able to take care of yourself...
Um...I also bring a little first aid kit with me.
Just has band-aids, alcohol or disinfectant wipes, a little bit of gauze...
Some moleskin in case I get a blister...and then I threw in some of that wild tobacco I told ya about...
...in case, ya know, somebody gets a sprain.
Rescue mirror and whistle.
In case I really do get lost...
(whistle sound)
...that way I'm not yelling, my voice doesn't go hoarse.
Sort of Kate Winslet style from Titanic.
And then the mirror so I can signal if I need to...
J- Uh, huh.
M- A little medical tape.
Extra bottle of water, I always bring that cause today's like really hot...
This guy, is almost gone...
AND...
I have...one more energy bar.
J- (whispers) yeeeees.
M- Just in case.
This is called an "emergency blanket."
It's a special material that actually reflects your heat back at you.
And the best use for it is actually to build a shelter out of it or kind of burrito it. It's not like a blanket so you don't want to lay on it...
...because it'll just become cold and you'll become cold.
J- All the time...you bring this...stuff with you?
M-I always bring that
J- Makes...sense.
M- Yeah.
What we're gonna do next is just walk over to that ridge over there...
That'll give us a nice view of the whole valley...
...and we should be able to see the trail we lost and we'll um...
pick it up. Let's head over.
Oh!
J- My stick.
M-Snake stick. Don't forget the snake stick.
J-(interview) Well, seeing that there's no cell phone reception here...
...like what would I REALLY DO? Well, I would scream first...
and then...THEN I would calm down...
and...and...pick my two sticks up and go look for...
...reception.
M-Alright, it's gettin' a little late, so I wanna see how much time we have left before the sun goes down.
J- Mmhm.
M-And there's a good way of doing that, you take your four fingers...
Like this.
Hold 'em out at full arm's length and put the first finger into the sun, then count how many there are till the horizon.
And each finger is approximately...
fifteen minutes.
So it looks like we've got about...
...two and half hours left till the sun goes down.
J- Hey Matt, what's- what is this?
M-Hahaha...THAT'S the trail.

J- BOOOYAH!!
M- Nicely done!
J- No fingers!
M- So we just come around...
...and then the trail should go around and we'll meet up with it down there.
J- Sweet, you first.
M- Me first, okay.
J-Snakes, we're coming. Back the f- ...EFF UP.
J- (interview) The sun...
...rises in the east.
(sings to himself)..."tale as old as time...dadada..."
"...rising in the east..." Soo, then it sets in the west. The sun is...
...there...
...and, I think, it's continuing to go back down... that way?

...so maybe that's west?
M-Ok...
J- Wait, slow down...
J-(interview) No, I, I, I... I...that's what Matt's for.
M- Now, I think we saw...
...the section up there in the sun.
...and that goes up and to the right here.
If I'm not mistaken, and then this way...
...should go up through the valley.
I mean, another hour, and we should be there.
J-Then, we're home?
M- Another hour.
J- Home!
M- Are you sweating?
J- No.
M-No, I'm serious. Are you sweating?
J-NO.
M- No, Jro... take off your shirt.
J-It's not...wa-WHAT?
M- Take off your shirt.
J- NO, what kind of show IS THIS?
M- JRO.
J-(interview) Well, one.
(clicking of sticks)
... (laughs) they keep the...the flies away...
But, I saw on the Parent Trap...

...that if you (click! click!) click the sticks...
...s'pose to...keep the um...
...mountain lions and stuff away.
M-Keep clicking.
(click! click!)
M-I'm serious, (click! click!) Yeah, there's some mountain lions around here.
(Interviewer -off camera) Doesn't that...attract animals closer?
J-(interview) I don't...
I don't know. Does it? (laughs)
M- They seem to really like Filipinos... (chuckles).
Jro- Shut your mouth.
M- ohhh railing!
J- ...railing!
M-We're gettin' close!
J- yeeeesss.
M-Ya know, it's almost kind of too bad? I have my little fire pouch just in case, but I guess we won't get to use it.
J- Hmm. Too bad.
(click! click!)
J-home. (click! click!)
home...(click! click!)
M- Ooooh....Sh(bleeep)t....
M-...it's a dead end.
...hey did you tell anybody where you were going?
J- No. Was I supposed to?
M- Yeah, it's usually a good idea, just in case.
J- Did you tell your girlfriend?
M-Well, she's behind the camera.
...hi honey.
J-Ya know what, I'm gonna try and find reception.
...because THIS...
...was not part of my contract.
M-Hey, hey! Hold up!
J- nope.
M-Jro wait! J-nope.
(interviewer-startled) What was that??
J- Shut up. (laughs) I'm not falling for it...
(click! click!)
M-We're not gonna make it outta here before dark...
...we're gonna have to build a shelter here on the trail. J- ..son of a-
M- uh...can you kinda pee around the campsite?
J-WHAT?
J-...if something f(bleep)ing bites my penis it's over.
M-...I just wanna get something over my head before the sun goes down...
J-...found a rock...
M-It's gettin' real now, we gotta get this thing done.
M-Bye, camera crew!
J- Tell my family, I love them...
M- ...let's..uh..give it a shot Blair Witch style.
Camera Op.- Rolling!
M- Here ya go..woops!
M-...ahhhhh..
J-...ahhhh...
M-...please, please, please, please, please, please...
...please, please, please, please, please- (GONG!)
M-...AAHHHHH...
M-...AAHHHHH...
J- ...ahhh...ah HAH...
M-...aahhh.
M-Come on baby, take off your shirt. What, are you scared? You shy? Come on...
J- Nah, that's alright... M- aww...come on baby..
J-I'm gonna get sunburn
J-...mmmm?
J-...who's Urban Nature?
M- (laughs)