DailyGrace LIVE with Dave and Ethan - 9/11/12 (Full Ep)

[MUSIC PLAYING]
DAILY GRACE: Ryan Reynolds got married.

-Hello, sexy and less-than-sexy people.
Daily Grace from My Damn Channel LIVE.
If you had to describe how you're feeling in one word
right now, what would it be, hmm?
Go ahead, write it down.
Mine would be bloat-tacious.
Pretty accurate.
Pretty honest.
Let's start off today's show with MFCFLTS, My Favorite
Comment From Last Tuesday's Show.
It's from Mila17Love.
"Have you been in Bulgaria?" No, I
have not been in Bulgaria.
However, when I went to college my freshman year,
there were all of these foreign exchange students from
Bulgaria that were there on full scholarship that lived on
my floor, and I lived at the campus over winter break.
And I was alone with them.
And so I used to drive them to the grocery store to get their
groceries because none of them had cars.
And one day, we opened up a can of soup together with
scissors because we didn't have a can opener.
And it was snowing.
My life is so fun.
Speaking of fun, I have two very fun guests on the show
with me today.
They're both comedians.
They're both relationship experts, and one of
them might be a girl.
Just kidding, they're both dudes.
I have no proof, but let's assume.
Please welcome Dave and Ethan.
Yay.
ETHAN: Hey, what's up.
Hey.
Thanks for having us.
DAILY GRACE: Thank you for being here.
DAVE: Thank you for having us.
ETHAN: It's our pleasure.
DAILY GRACE: Can I offer you some water?
DAVE: I would love some.
ETHAN: Oh wow.
It's coming out of his penis.
DAILY GRACE: Yeah, you're observant.
DAVE: May I help with this one?
DAILY GRACE: Please.
ETHAN: Is it safe to drink, or--
DAILY GRACE: Yes, absolutely.
For a little bit.
ETHAN: I'm going to pass.
DAILY GRACE: So tell us, Dave and Ethan, you have a YouTube
channel on the internet.
Tell us a little bit about it for all the noobs out there
that know nothing of it.
ETHAN: Well, we dated a bunch of girls.
We went on some double dates, almost 200 of them.
DAVE: Yeah, we put up videos on our channel where we
solicited double dates, and went on a ton of them.
DAILY GRACE: Michelle and I are in one of those videos.
Google it.
ETHAN: Guilty as charged.
So now we post videos about our adventures in dating and
in dating coaching.
DAILY GRACE: Ah, you're dating coaches.
ETHAN: That's what we are now.
DAILY GRACE: You're experts.
ETHAN: We're real pros.
DAILY GRACE: You've been through the war of dating and
now you've come out with a lot of experience.
DAVE: Big time.
ETHAN: Veterans, yeah.
DAILY GRACE: Two purple hearts.
DAVE: Two purple hearts and three Puerto Rican ladies.
ETHAN: Well, we don't need to talk--
DAVE: Sex.
DAILY GRACE: Well, since I have relationship experts
here, I thought it'd be best for us to answer some of your
dating and relationship questions.
We asked you to tweet at us and leave us comments with
your questions, so let's start answering them.
ETHAN: Let's do it.
-We got a comment.
Who's it from?
It's from Kate Ayy.
"Dave and Ethan, you went to St. Olaf College recently, and
I transferred this year.
I feel as though this is unjust, and I would appreciate
an appearance at Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma,
Washington." Wow.
That girl is exercising her right to complain.
DAVE: She's got sass.
That has nothing to do with dating at all.
DAILY GRACE: No.
ETHAN: We'll go to your school, but does that mean
that we have to convert to Lutheranism?
I don't know if that meets the requirement.
DAVE: I'll just go to your school alone.
And we can hang out in your dorm room.
Maybe watch some Hannah Montana.
ETHAN: Well, no.
That's all right.
We'll just do it.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take another comment.
ETHAN: Yeah, let's move on.
DAILY GRACE: What have we got?
This is from Megan the Octopus.
"What do you do when you like a boy and you think he likes
you but you don't want to ask him out in case he doesn't?"
ETHAN: Ooh, that's a good question.
DAILY GRACE: Classic question.
What do you guys do when you like a boy and you're afraid
to ask him out because what if he doesn't like you?
DAVE: I just grab.
Go in for a grab.
DAILY GRACE: Where do you grab?
DAVE: The grundle.
ETHAN: That's a little too aggressive.
DAILY GRACE: Ah.
Grab the grundle, the classic GTG.
ETHAN: Why can't you just send him a nice little text message
and say, hey I like you?
Why can't you be a nice person about it?
DAVE: Yeah.
You might wanna, you know, converse a little.
And touch.
ETHAN: Yeah.
DAILY GRACE: Invite him over and then just kiss him, is
what I say.
And then see how he reacts.
ETHAN: You guys are both really aggressive.
DAILY GRACE: If he reacts negatively, you cut him out of
your life completely and pretend he never existed to
begin with.
Let's take another comment.
DAVE: Let's do it.
DAILY GRACE: This is from EllieDavis.
"How do you get over an ex when you have to
see them every day?
Sigh, help me."
ETHAN: It sounds like you need a hit man.

That was-- that was a joke, guys.
DAVE: I don't know why you did that.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take another comment.
ETHAN: Yeah, move on.
DAILY GRACE: This is from Rachel Saunders.
"What happened after the Grace and Michelle,
Dave and Ethan date.
Was there ever a second date?" Oh my god.
ETHAN: I wish there was.
DAILY GRACE: There was not.
There was not.
Oh, my god.
This is the first time we've hung out in the four years
since that happened.
It took four years to get over that.
We karaoked our hearts out that night.
And it was a lot of--
ETHAN: We're over it, though.
DAVE: I'm not.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take a Twitter question.
This is from Jeff Dye.
"I don't wanna have a baby and my girlfriend does.
She's pregnant.
What should I do?"
ETHAN: I think I'm gonna back away from this one.
DAILY GRACE: I'd say-- no, I can't.
I can't.
I think, um--

ETHAN: You guys take this one.
DAILY GRACE: I got a lot of ideas.
DAVE: Inject a twin.
DAILY GRACE: What?
DAVE: I think if she's pregnant already and you do it
quick enough and really put your mind to it, Deepak Chopra
style, you can inject a twin.
DAILY GRACE: Thoughts are things.
Wait, inject a twin into her vagina?
DAVE: Yeah.
Yeah, another baby will form next to the other one.
DAILY GRACE: Wait.
He doesn't want any babies.
DAVE: But the baby-- oh, he doesn't want one.
DAILY GRACE: He doesn't want a baby and his
girlfriend is pregnant.
DAVE: Then don't do that.
DAILY GRACE: I thought you were gonna say inject a twin,
find someone in the universe that looks like you and sub
out in that situation.
ETHAN: Guys, I don't think we're qualified for this one.
DAVE: Inject a twin, and then the twin'll beat
up the other fetus.
DAILY GRACE: Yeah.
ETHAN: No.
DAILY GRACE: Yeah.
ETHAN: No.
DAILY GRACE: I'd just get her a nice Hallmark card that
says, "Thank you for the lovely time.
I'll see you never." It's life.
Hallmark makes cards for every occasion, so they say.
Let's take a Twitter question.
ETHAN: Please.
DAILY GRACE: This is from KarensAdventure.
"How do I politely say no to someone asking me to
homecoming?"
ETHAN: Oh, good question.
DAILY GRACE: I say GTG.
You grab the grundle.
DAVE: GTG, GTG.
ETHAN: You know, you guys seem to have the same answers for a
lot of these questions.
I mean, these people really need help.
DAILY GRACE: OK, what would you do?
ETHAN: I would kick them in the grundle.
DAILY GRACE: Ah, the classic KTG.
Mm, OK.
Well, the options are there for you if you like them.
DAVE: G or K. G or K.
DAILY GRACE: Regardless, that grundle's getting hurt.
Let's take a comment from YouTube.
This is from Amy Poland.
ETHAN: Amy Poehler?
Oh, no.
DAILY GRACE: No, it's Polish version of Amy Poehler.
ETHAN: Ah, got it.
DAILY GRACE: "I said something to my friend's boyfriend and
now he dumped her and I blame myself.
Help."
DAVE: -Ooh, ooh, you really did that,
didn't ya, Amy Poland?
DAILY GRACE: You have to live in that cloak of shame.
DAVE: You bitch.
ETHAN: You brought this upon yourself.
How dare you?
DAVE: God.
ETHAN: Guys, we're being kind of mean to her.
DAILY GRACE: Close the door.
DAVE: Just close it.
DAILY GRACE: Listen to Adele.
DAVE: Give it up.
DAILY GRACE: Think about instead of the boyfriend in
her songs, it's your friend.
DAVE: It's your friend.
You just got Adele'd, bitch.
ETHAN: Oh god.
DAILY GRACE: You set fire to her rain.
How dare you?
How dare you?
ETHAN: You know, there is a solution for her.
DAVE: What?
ETHAN: She should just get a new friend.
DAILY GRACE: Never mind.
Your friend'll find someone like you.
ETHAN: I didn't know the show was gonna be like this.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take a comment.
ETHAN: Messed up.
DAILY GRACE: Sammehpwnz.
"How do I get someone to go out with me?
I've already tried doing the wiggle wiggle dance and
gangnam style, but they didn't work." What's the wiggle
wiggle dance?
DAVE: This one.
DAILY GRACE: OK.
I can see why that one did not work for you.
ETHAN: So we have a different dance that'll actually work
really well for you.
You wanna show him?
DAVE: What is it?
ETHAN: OK, so you go like this.
And you just go behind like this, and you just move to the
music like this.
-And the best about this is from the front, you
can do a quick GTG.
DAILY GRACE: OK.
So someone get on that GIF.
Let's take a Twitter question, shall we?
This is from JoeyXofSPYDERX.
Whoa, you kind of sound crazy.
Look at that Twitter picture.
DAVE: I wanna hear that band.
How can we get an MP3 of SpiderX?
DAILY GRACE: How can they get their hair?
That is just pure magic.
OK.
"How do I meet a nice girl without going to church?
I don't want any weirdos, and I don't want a bar
slut." How are you--
that hair alone--
DAVE: Yeah, you look like all you'd want is bar sluts from
the 1980's.
That's what he wants.
ETHAN: He's trying to move on.
DAILY GRACE: How do I get a good girl
without going to church?
Here's the thing.
The girls that go to church, they're not good girls.
They're going to church because they got a lot of
stuff that they need to repent.
DAVE: Mm-hmm.
ETHAN: Mm-hmm.
So you don't want to go to church anyway for that.
DAVE: You wanna go to a synagogue or a mosque.
DAILY GRACE: Or a single mothers'
group function picnic.
They have picnics all the time.
Crash one of those picnics.
Bring your guitar, the rest of the band.
Have a day of it.
DAVE: Or Cold Stone Creamery.
That's where all good girls eat their ice cream.
DAILY GRACE: No.
Go to Pink Berry.
They're all there.
ETHAN: Don't go to 16 Handles.
There's a lot of sluts at 16 Handles.
DAILY GRACE: Big time.
Those girls touch about 16 handles every
day of their lives.
Let's take a Twitter question.
This is from Lizzzzz.
Liz had a stroke on the Z key of her keyboard.
"How do I make the perfect sandwich so every boy
instantly wants to
date me?" ETHAN: Oh!
DAILY GRACE: You put a piece of bread right here.
ETHAN: Oh god.
DAILY GRACE: Just kidding.
ETHAN: No, what you need to do is you need to cook.
There's actually a couple different recipes that we've
come up with.
Certain sandwiches are like aphrodisiacs, you know?
Oyster sandwiches, amazing.
What else?
You've got banana sandwiches.
You don't realize, those are actually an aphrodisiac.
And penis sandwich is actually delicious.
DAVE: She's making it.
How would she make a penis sandwich?
DAILY GRACE: Yeah.
And bread here is too much?
Please.
Let's take another question, shall we?
What do we have?
DAVE: Ethan, answer seriously, please.
DAILY GRACE: Yeah.
Can you stop being horrible?
This is from Ross Walker Smith.
"Is it weird to make love to dubstep?
ETHAN: No.
DAVE: Not at all.
DAILY GRACE: No, I think it gives you a rhythm.
ETHAN: Yeah.
[DUBSTEP BEATS]
Don't think I'm coming back for you now.
DAVE: And I'm finished.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take another comment, shall we?
This is from Andre Louise Seco.
"Friends with benefits, yes or no?" Health benefits?
Yes, get on that.
DAVE: Dental benefits, for sure.
DAILY GRACE: What benefits?
DAVE: Dental.
DAILY GRACE: Dental.
Oh, I thought you said, dansel or tinsel.
DAVE: Dansel tinsel benefits?
ETHAN: Dental.
Dental.
DAILY GRACE: Dental benefits, yeah.
DAVE: Friends with benefits, we're all about.
Just make sure you don't fall in love.
DAILY GRACE: Oh.
That's a caveat.
ETHAN: Slippery slope.
DAVE: Oh god, Grace.
Be my friend with a benefit?
DAILY GRACE: Let's take a Twitter question.
This is from Victor Quinaz. "Who's the bottom?" Oh, this
is for you guys.
ETHAN: Oh yeah.
This is from Victor, the director of our new music
video that coming out.
DAILY GRACE: Whoa.
Whoa, someone--
DAVE:
Youtube.com/daveandethanvideo, tomorrow.
DAILY GRACE: You know, there's a few more outlets here if you
wanna make some more plugs.
ETHAN: We didn't even answer his question.
DAILY GRACE: OK, who's the bottom?
You just proved it in that dance.
DAVE: Ethan's usually the bottom until I put on a
Mexican accent.
And that is when I'm (MEXICAN ACCENT) the bottom.
ETHAN: Why would you laugh at that?
DAILY GRACE: I was thinking about this other GIF of a
Pommerian doing something crazy.
Follow Rose on Instagram.
Let's take a Twitter question.
It's from Law of 4.
"Hypothetically speaking, what does your girlfriend really
mean when she answers 'nothing,' to 'what's wrong?'"
She means everything is wrong.
ETHAN: She's having sex with the gardener.
DAILY GRACE: Yeah.
Or you forgot something or you did something wrong.
So whatever you do, don't keep asking.
Just fix something.
DAVE: Yeah, ASAP.
ETHAN: Apologize.
DAILY GRACE: Just be nice and just fix it.
Fix it, fix it, fix it.
That's all I can say.
Let's take a Twitter question.
This is from FrankieStyling.
"Any tips for when you move in with your boyfriend?" Ooh,
when you move in with your boyfriend.
ETHAN: Well, first of all, you need to hide all of the
material that might get you trouble, OK?
If you have any porns in the house, make sure
that you hide those.
You don't want him to get jealous.
DAILY GRACE: Porns?
Who has porns in the house?
ETHAN: My girlfriend had porns.
DAVE: What are we 12 years old in the 1990s?
DAILY GRACE: All the porns live on your computer.
ETHAN: No, my girlfriend had magazines.
She had Studs, and Meat Rods.
DAVE: She's blind.
She has Braille porn.
ETHAN: It was terrible.
It was a terrible experience.
DAILY GRACE: Do they make Braille porn?
They have to, right?
ETHAN: Yeah, of course.
DAILY GRACE: They have to.
Where do you buy something like that?
ETHAN: At the same place that you buy girl porn.
Or man porn.
DAILY GRACE: We got girl porn, Braille porn, we
got all of the porns.
DAVE: Helen Keller--
so hot.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take a comment.
This is from Cherry Cheeks333.
"Is high school love real?" Nope.

DAVE: I uh--
I thought it was, for--
ETHAN: Yeah, I don't know.
DAVE: I was eight years old.
It was 10 years.
I kept calling her.
ETHAN: Yeah, this was actually a bad one to do for him
around-- to have him--
DAVE: She was like, I'm studying for my SATs.
ETHAN: Is there any way we can--
can you delete-- can we go back?
Can we delete this from--
DAVE: She's still in high school.
DAILY GRACE: Let's take a comment.
This is from MCliver.
"I think I'm being strung along.
How do I find out for sure?"
DAVE: Call him out.
DAILY GRACE: Oh my god.
Yeah, just say it.
Or, you can just go for the classic GTG.
DAVE: You stringing me along?
ETHAN: I prefer the KTG.
Just for the record.
DAILY GRACE: We all have our preferences.
Guys, that's it for the show today.
ETHAN: That's it?
I don't wanna go.
DAILY GRACE: -Thank you so much for being here.
Make sure that you subscribe to Dave and Ethan's channel.
What is it again?
ETHAN: Youtube.com/daveandethan.
DAILY GRACE: They're gonna have a music
video coming out tomorrow?
DAVE: Yeah.
DAILY GRACE: -Oh my god.
So subscribe right now so that you can see that tomorrow.
Spoiler alert.
I might be in an upcoming video of theirs in the future,
which is also what upcoming means.
ETHAN: Amaze balls.
DAVE: But yeah, it's gonna be great.
And don't forget to subscribe to My Damn Channel because
tomorrow's My Damn Channel LIVE is gonna be a doozie.
Beth is gonna have Pete and Pete.
ETHAN: I love them.
DAILY GRACE: They're from Pete and Pete.
ETHAN: I love that show.
DAILY GRACE: The '90s Nickelodeon show.
And Kitty Pride from rapping.
DAVE: Oh, I wanna be here tomorrow.
DAILY GRACE: Yeah.
And remember, you can catch me every other day of the week at
mydamnchannel.com/dailygrace.
Until next Tuesday, tell Beth I say hi.
Bye.
ETHAN: Bye.
Oh, that rang.
Do I have to do something now?