Now You Tell One (Charley Bowers,1926)


Uploaded by StorageVintage on 06.02.2011

Transcript:
NOWYOU TELL ONE
The quest for truth is often clouded by uncertainty.
Citizens united against ambiguity
have therefore founded the Liars Club.
Each year a champion liar is honored
with a gold medallion bearing the effigy of George Washington.
"Last evening at the Capitol,
"Mussolini insisted upon treating me to a farewell dinner."
"And 47 elephants I had saved from hoof-and-mouth disease
"came to trumpet in his honor."
"We always talk about swimming across the Channel.
"I did it, without bragging, without boasting...
"No one ever knew about it."
"I would have done the crossing in less than 45 minutes,
"if we had not gotten a flat."
"Gentlemen, now we shall hear from Senator Foghorn,
"delegate from the Federation of Professional Liars."
"I have just been looking for a thief who got away
"with a high C which a famous tenor apparently forgot on his night-table."
"Gentlemen, this is pathetic.
"All your stories are more or less a bunch of truths!"
"When we compete with the Philadelphia chapter,
"they'll beat us hands down."
An adventure? Ah, gentlemen...
I hardly know where to begin.
"Attention, please...
"Mr. Bowers here will tell us a story
"that even the King of the Gullible
"would never believe."
"Here it is: I have discovered a magic process to graft anything."
"I decided to visit all the farms in the area
"and sell my potion door to door."
"Merry Christmas, sir."
"Look how cute both of them are."
"There are mice around."
"I love those little holes,
"your house looks like a golf course."
"It's because of the mice,
"they spend most of their time making sawdust."
"What a funny cat! Is he sick?"
"Wounded, sir!
"He bravely fought a whole army of mice."
"Mice... mice..."
"The mice drove him totally mad."
"He has already broken a whole load of brooms.
"He even hired a caddy from the golf course
"to carry his spare brooms."
"So old-fashioned to chase mice with a broom.
"A vacuum cleaner would be much more practical."
"I have an idea. We need some nasty cats.
"I can see that you have a young hunter,
"I'll make him some huntresses."
"You may live here while you conduct research."
"For a kiss from her,
"I'd have grafted anything she wanted."
After some unsuccessful trials,
Bowers was finally harvesting the fruit of his labors.
"It seems as if something is missing."
"How are you doing with your experiments?"
"Wonderfully...
"But I'm thinking that one sultan is enough.
"I will give him a harem."
"This is wonderful, but now I'll be short of mice
"to feed all these cats."
"Will you be done soon?"
"Sir, I'm in love with your daughter."
"My daughter? You idiot, she's my wife!"
"Mr. Bowers, you are undoubtedly the King of Liars."
"I beg your pardon, Gentlemen, this is a true story."
"Now now, no boasting!"