Shit People Say to Asexuals

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Asexual . . . never heard of it.
I'm sorry, I've never heard of that except in plants.
I don't think that's actually a thing humans can be.
Did you get this idea from the Internet?
So, what, does that mean you're attracted to animals?
Do you really need a label for all the sex you're not having?
You're using the word wrong.
That's NOT what asexual means.
Why don't you just say "celibate"?
That's called celibacy.
Is that the same thing as celibacy?
You guys should really find a more appropriate word.
Doesn't that mean somebody who's a compulsive masturbater?
Well, you know, you CAN'T be asexual if you masturbate.
If you masturbate, you can't be asexual.
I can totally understand being asexual. As long as you masturbate.
But you said you masturbate. So you're not really asexual, you're self-sexual.
Haha. Caught ya.
But . . . you masturbate!
Masturbate?
Masturbate?
I think that's called being a tease, honey.
[Whispered] Frigid!
Playin' hard to get?
You HAVE to wanna fuck SOMETHING.
Asexual or not, why don't you just TRY IT?
But wait. Then . . . what's your purpose in life?
I can't imagine being like that. But good for you!
Never?! God, I'd die!
I'm just sayin', orgasms are the best thing ever.
Oh come on, you can't be asexual, you're just depressed. Everyone loves sex.
Then what do you do all day?
I just want you to be happy.
Hey, if you're happy with a houseful of cats, it's none of my business.
Oh my God, you must have SO much free time on your hands!
[Eating popcorn] Oh man, I SO wish I was asexual. You must get SO MUCH DONE.
God! I admire your self control!
That's SO awesome that you're saving yourself!
Are you like . . . really religious?
You must be so spiritually enlightened!
So . . . you're straight then.
You're really just straight. Stop trying to seem special.
I figured we'd watch a movie you'll really relate to.
So tell me, what IS it like to be the forty-year-old virgin?
. . . You're gay then.
I bet you think I'm nasty because I like sex, huh?
You can't be an asexual. I have SEEN the fanfic you write.
You can't be asexual. I mean, look at what you're wearing.
You shouldn't be wearing such revealing clothes. That's called false advertising.
But you're the most perverted guy I know.
How can you say you're asexual? You have like the dirtiest mind of anyone I know.
You can't be asexual. You're like the biggest flirt I know.
How did you become asexual? I really want to get rid of my urges.
How did you become asexual? I have really got to try that.
Oh my God, last night in bed with my boyfriend, I was--oh, never mind.
It'll gross you out if I mention S-E-X.
So, you're like, an alien, aren't you?
Well, if you're not sure about your gender identity, you can't really be sure about your sexual orientation.
You're a guy!
Guys can be asexual?
So . . . are you a serial killer?
Have you tried counseling?
Ya know, you should really see a psychiatrist about that.
I'm just trying to help you.
If you don't want a guy then why do you even try to look pretty?
You're only asexual 'cause no one will sleep with you.
Heh, oh my God, she TOTALLY needs to get laid!
OH, SORRY, I don't mean to offend you.
Don't worry. You'll find someone.
C'mon, there's someone for everyone!
You just haven't met the right person yet.
I'm sure you'll find someone that'll change your mind!
Oh, don't say that! You'll meet the right person one day.
You just haven't found the right guy.
I could change that. Heh.
You say that now, but you'll fall in love someday.
It's just a phase.
[Sigh] You kids and your phases.
You're just a late bloomer!
Don't worry! You'll grow out of it!
You'll grow out of it.
You'll grow out of it.
I used to think I was asexual. I outgrew it.
Don't you think you'll regret that?
Yeah, my best friend's cousin's boyfriend's uncle's son's nephew was asexual, but he got over it.
You really shouldn't write it off just 'cause you tried it once and did it wrong.
I feel bad for you. You'll never know what love is.
Don't you think you're being selfish?
Don't you ever feel guilty about preventing your "boyfriend" from having a real relationship?
I mean, they have needs too.
It's fine with me if you wanna take it slow.
Humans are sexual by nature!
Humans are sexual by nature. It's just not possible.
I mean, animals bang, so why don't you?
You know if everyone was like you there'd be no more babies, right?
I saw that on an episode of House. I'm pretty sure there's a cure for that.
Is that, like, a diagnosis that you got from a doctor?
Maybe you should get your hormones checked.
Have you had your hormones checked?
Have you had your hormones checked?
Have you had your hormones checked?
That's not a PERSONAL MEDICAL QUESTION at all!
I just want to know if you got your hormones checked!
There's a pill for that.
When you see Brad Pitt on the screen, you REALLY don't get horny? REALLY?
What about Zac Efron?
But why do we need to "raise awareness"?
It's not like people are getting asexual bashed.
I don't get why you don't worry about racism first.
I mean, that's a bigger problem than people not recognizing your sexuality.
I know you're asexual and stuff, but you've had sex, right?
I mean, you have to have. You're, like, 30 or something.
♪ . . . get our minds made up. (Made up, made up, made up, made up.) ♪
♪ This ain't the way to get the trouble started. ♪
♪ Pre-empt the move to leave you broken-hearted. ♪
♪ This ain't the way, this ain't the way. ♪
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♪ Unconventional means, non emotional days, ♪
♪ they represent your love. ♪
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♪ Some people might say, some people like me might say ♪
♪ that it's never enough. (Enough, enough, enough, enough.) ♪
♪ This ain't the way to get the trouble started. ♪
♪ Pre-empt the move to leave you broken-hearted. ♪
♪ This ain't the way, this ain't the way. ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ This ain't the way to get the trouble started. ♪
♪ Pre-empt the move to leave you broken-hearted. ♪
♪ This ain't the way, this ain't the way. ♪
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