The Guild - S3 Ep 11: LAN Off


Uploaded by watchtheguild on 21.05.2010

Transcript:
Man, it felt good to be back together again!
I think being in the Guild satisfies one of my secret wishes:
To be in a gang. I mean, I know they do bad things;
things associated with gang-like activity,
but uh... it's kinda cool to have that exclusive connection with other people.
We could invent secret handshakes, wear matching outfits,
meet for brunch at the hideout. That sounds more like a book club.
Upshot is: Those dudes were going down!
Well, well, well. If it isn't the Knights of Goob.
You are.
The insurgency must stop. We battle to end this. Here and now.
Guildo a Guildo.
- Don't help. - Ok.
A challenge! We accept. Terms?
Hey! That's our menu!
I've formulated a simple system of 24 elimination rounds.
Initial pairings will be determined by using US census data from the 1990's.
It should take about six hours...
Screw that! Immediate play. Battle Royale.
Fine. But winner declared winner.
Well, that's fucking obvious.
If someone from our Guild wins,
you guys have to leave us alone, forever!
- And when we win? - The Guild will cease operations.
The Knights of Good will be but a noble blip in gaming existence.
And I'll return to playing Chinese Checkers
with various neighborhood children.
Deal.
- Set it up. - Absolutely.
Muhahahah. Muhahahah... ok.
Guildies, a moment.
I don't know what's about to transpire, but I do want to prepare you for this:
Hearts may be broken. Avatars will surely die.
Yeah. FYI, that dude in the track suit, Kwan, I looked him up.
He's a champion Starcraft player.
He makes millions playing in Korea. Ringer'd.
- He's got a hand masseuse. - Those are the man's instruments.
I could use a masseuse for my instrument.
Tink! We need a zinger!
No?... I miss her.
Clara!
Oh! Gaby is such a bad hider!
Is this really your decision? Choosing a game over our marriage?
I can't believe you left without telling me!
You wouldn't have wanted me to go, and I wanted to go!
- Why go through the motions? - She's got a point actually.
- Can you give us a moment? - I can.
Wanna make out to make up?
Just so you know, I'll be playing my alt character, Artemis,
since my main character has no equipment!
I am really sorry about what happened.
It got completely out of control and we just...
Artemis? So you play two girl characters?
Yes, is there something wrong with that?
- No. - I play two girl characters...
because I like girls. I like looking at girls.
I'm a girl loving guy.
I like your shoes.
They kicked me out! Where's your loyalty?!
It's ok! They don't think you're a straightjacket anymore!
- You mean a Turncoat? - Yeah, that!
Hey Vork, Wiggly's in the clear, right?
As recently reinstated Guild Leader, I'm willing to assume your
nefarious activity wasn't deliberate, that you were just an idiot!
How awesome is that?
I'll be enjoying this. Finally meeting you on equal ground.
Equal?
Your dick could fit in my ear canal!
Zing, shield that.
I just wanna say that I really admire people who overcome adversity.
My aunt plays the piccolo without a pinkie finger.
If you talk to me again
I'll cut myself where I can't feel anything
and bleed out all over the concrete.
Gotcha'd.
I can't stop crying!
You're not crying. You're just shaking your bottom lip.
Alright, look. Let's get through this and I promise
this will be the last time I'll game.
It has to be, Clara. Or otherwise your word means nothing!
I can not participate in a shell of a marriage!
- Oh, I love chocolate bunnies! - You... How...
How did that just happen? That sentence?
Well, they're hollow when you eat them. Duh.
Come on. I gotta game.
Your tap water, sir.
Kwan says that...
Nice view. "Beauty that dies the soonest has the longest life."
- Bertha... - I don't care.
3...
2...
1... Begin!
Sweet justice! Killing you will be the best part of my week.
You've made it clear in every way.
If I died the world would be a better place. I got it.
When I kick you and you take it, not so fun.
Why won't they let me be myself and play a disabled avatar?
Re-designing Medieval towns to accommodate the...
handicapped would certainly impact the graphics aesthetic.
For instance, ramps in dungeons would limit the rubble graphics and...
OOOHHH! Ahh, gah!! Ahh! Dead already?!
Blah, blah, blah. You're dead, baldie.
No! No! Ugh! No sir!
Honey mustard! Son of a nugget!
That's some lame tourettes, dude.
Remember we were supposed to be taking the kids to the park today?
Can't believe I'm sitting here watching you sling tornadoes at elves!
God! Nag nag nag! When did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?
- Stick-in-the-mud?! - Yeah!
When was the last time we woke up in some strange hotel asking
"Where are we?", "What state are we in?",
"What concert were we just at?".
Is that what you think I've become? Boring?!
Yeah! And while we're at it, let's talk about your cell phone holster.
It's so dorky!
- [speaks in Korean] - The lady has a point.
Thank you.
Ah! You're so dodgy! I can never get close to you.
Wow, this game is such a metaphor for life.
Tink, I want you to know that whatever happens, we really did miss you.
Why do you always have to be so nice? I'm stabbing you!
God, I hate you sometimes!
No no no no no! No no no!
- What the FUCK!?! - Eat that, biceps!
Clara, I'm coming to you, hold on, alright?
Damn, it feels good to be Zaboo again!
Confident, crushing my opponents with class and justice!
I'm the George Clooney of RPG's.
I'll show you I can take risks! Move over!
[speaking in Korean]
No one uses those spells in your class, it's sheer idiocy!
Sheer idiocy is my gaming specialty.
Oh my gosh! Guildies! Wiggly just took out the ringer guy!
He's not a newblet anymore!
He what?! Anarchists, waste that guy!
Oops.
AAAAHHHH!!! Oohh...
It feels so good to die!
Who's next? I got my Zab back!
Someone forgot that I like an afternoon foot massage!
Whole-season-download... Riley?!
You're dead! Suck it, loser!
Cry or something! Uch!
Looks like it's two against one. Knights of Good are toast.
Codex, awesome! You guys, who woulda thunk?
Codex is the last one standing!
Wait a minute! What?!?