PARTY with David Cross - Pilot Season


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 30.09.2010

Transcript:

[BABY CRIES]
MALE SPEAKER: $8.64 an hour.
[LAUGHS]
You know what I'm saying? $8.64 an hour to play in a
park with a bunch of kids.
You know?
Have fun.
[CLUCKING LIKE A CHICKEN]
[LAUGHING]
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BEN: I have been waiting my entire life for this.
I have been saving up and saving up.
I don't care about my clothes.
I don't care about my apartment.
I don't care about what I eat.
I don't care about my health.
I care about one thing because it's Hollywood.
Look at this.
It's beautiful.
Mercedes Benz.
S500.
Mine.
About to be mine.
Aw, Jesus, I'm getting a hard-on.
MALE SPEAKER: Ben, how long you going to need it?
BEN: Uh, a couple hours?
MALE SPEAKER: We don't rent by the hour.
It's daily.
BEN: A day.
One day.
MALE SPEAKER: One day?
BEN: One day.
MALE SPEAKER: OK.
BEN: So, let's go get us, uh-- let's go get us some work.
How about that?
Let's get us some work, gentlemen.
[BLEEP]
Cameron Dia-- well, no.
It looks like Cameron Diaz.
[CAR BEEPS]
BEN: Mercedes club.
And uh, there's a, um--
no, that's a Toyota.
[SINGING]
I've got my party shoes on, and I'm ready to dance around.
[END SINGING].
We're gonna go-- now, we're going to go up into the Hills,
see if we can't find ourselves a script deal.
Big old plate of china white and a glass of wine.

EARL: Beautiful.
And then, there was the OMEGA watch too.
Yeah.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

I want to show my gratitude to you guys for showing me Who's
the Caboose?, the docudrama, the
documentary, by giving you--
this is a 14-karat, gold-filled--
actually, I'm going to need this.
And what I would like you to actually have is for me to
take you guys to Musso and Frank on Hollywood Boulevard.
When you're available, you'll call me and let me know.
And that way, I can express my sincere gratitude.
I took Who's the Caboose?, the documentary, had my friend
Carlos chop it up.
We made a demo reel out of it.
Shopped it around.
Couple of days.
Just sent it out there, see what kind of feelers I get off
of it, right?
And I thought I would never utter these words again in my
whole entire life because at one time to me, these words
seemed like they were just words of poison.
Don't Forget Your Mother-in-law has now paid off
and has metamorphosed, has risen like a phoenix from the
ashes into Sabido, Sabido, Sabido.
Which in translation to English, of course, is
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.
Which happens to be Telemundo's baby project.
I'm the host.
I was able to negotiate a producer credit on it as well.
Hola.
Amigos.
[SPANISH].
To Sabido, Sabido, Sabido.
[SINGING]
I'll be writing a lot of the sketches.
And we're not going to just put these Spanish people in
like, you know, gardening positions or, like,
landscaping positions.
We're going to put them in, you know, business suits and,
you know, see what they do in business suits.
Can you imagine a Mexicani in a business suit?
I mean, that alone is, like, ridiculously funny.
The bridges I'm going to build between those of us that are
American and those of us that are going to be American and
that want to be American--
if you don't see my face on money in the next 25 years--
BEN: Sometimes I like to come up here.
You know, I'll just take a cab up here.
And then sit here and just imagine it's
the end of the world.
Armageddon.
It's all on fire, and angels are going up to heaven.
Hollywood angels all going up to heaven to--
to make God laugh.
That's Hollywood.
It's just like Las Vegas.

Except only here, I'm not playing with money.
I'm playing with time.
[CLOCK TICKING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MAX: Excuse us for one second?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Max, that is kind of weak.
MALE SPEAKER: You need to--
MAX: Hey, don't threaten me with a razor.