Blood Light - Ep 6 - Connor The Vampire Player (Part 1)


Uploaded by Bloodlightseries on 13.03.2011

Transcript:
Music - Not quite the Buffy The Vampire Slayer theme
You're back.
I am, you looked surprised.
Uh....stop it. Stop it.
I missed you.
Ok, I've been gone three days.
Relax. What have you been doing?
Noooooothing. Nothing.
You were going to say 'when you were gone', I did nothing.
Wait, it smells like cock in here.
It smells like what?
Cock.
It's the white stuff.
It comes in a tube. It, like, squirts out.
It smells, tastes bad. You can get it at Home Depot.
Oh, caulk.
Yeah...um...ah...Jobin was....
Muffled - Hello.
Did you hear that?
No, where you going, champ?
Hey, where you going?
To go put my stuff in my room.
Why, we have seen each other...come back.. We can watch Battlestar Galactica.
Yeah, as soon as put my stuff away.
Ok.
SFX - Cell phone beeps
I guess I'll just leave you be.
Ethan.
One question.
What the fuck are these?
Ummm...
SFX - DING
SFX - GNID
SFX - A tape rewinding
I think it's nice that your family wants to take you on a vacation.
It's not a vacation. It's a vamp family nocturnal retreat.
Didn't you say that Blood Light is a sponsor?
Fuck Blood Light.
SFX - Coin dropping.
Fuck sponsors.
Now I know that's just the anger talking.
Fuck anger.
That's two for the swear jar.
Awww...well here's another one, fuck stick.
SFX - Coin hitting the floor.
Anger management really coming along.
You can shove it up your ass.
Try to have fun!
Now seriously, if
you need anything, as your sponsor
or your friend,
I'm just a tweet away.
Oh...
Nope, nothing yet.
Get out.
Ok.
Song - 'This is How we Do It'
SFX - Girl yelling crazy words.
Alex? OH MY GOD!
I'm so sorry. I thought you were on vacation.
Alex?
No. Who's Alex? Connor.
No, I'm...
Connor.
I thought you were Connor.
Song - 2001 A Space Odyssey
I am.
Then who's he?
He's giving us five more minutes.
Connor.
I'm in the middle of doing something Ethan.
Connor!
Are you a vampire, too? That's hot.
Connor!
Five minutes Ethan.
Connor!
Oh, is he special.
I don't care, he can watch.
But you better be looking at me!
SFX - More crazy girl sex talk Song - '2001 Space Odyssey' kicks back in
Two minutes.
First off, what the fuck are you doing here? B, who the fuck is that?
And finally do you have any idea how much trouble I'm going to be in when Alex finds out
you're fucking some girl in her bed.
First of all, you answer first of all with your other two questions.
'B' clearly is a girl who thinks I'm a vamPIRE.
And finally, why would you tell Alex I was fucking 'B' in her bed?
Because you were.
That's hardly a reason to tell her.
Who is that girl?
That girl....
That girl has a name Ethan....
Which I would tell you if I could remember.
You don't know her name.
I don't remember her name
and I thought we were using 'B' as a place holder.
And, I have a pretty full docket the next couple of days so why don't you cut me some slack.
SFX - Scary music
Connor.....I'm ready again.
Ok.
This time when I say the safety word,
Keep choking me.
Five minutes.
Why are you talking like that?
That's how a vamPIRE talks.
That's not how you say it.
That's not how you say it. Wait.
Introduce yourself to Ethan.
Hi, I'm Dee.
Damn, two off.
How did you get in here?
You invited me in.
No I didn't.
Oh, not tonight. Never invite a vamPIRE into your house you silly, silly boy.
It renders you powerless.
That's not how it works.
Well you're pretty powerless right now.
You're not a vampire!
I keep saying vamPIRE.
Get out of my apartment Connor.
Ethan if you didn't want me coming in you never should have given me a copy of your keys.
Those were for emergency purposes.
Damn it Ethan, this is an emergency.
Connor, cut your bullshit for five seconds and tell me what the fuck you're doing here.
Alright Ethan, alright.
Ethan, it's time for you to learn about...
Vampersonation.
About what?
Ethan, there are rules to pretending to be a vampire, I just don't make them up as I go along, alright.
Rule number three is never let them know when you live. Or they can find you again.
So we always go back to their place but there are some girls who still live with there parents
or have to be up really early for school.
How old are these girls?
Legal.
In New York?
Don't interrupt.
So I have a list of girls I can't close a deal with because we have no place to go.
But I figured with Alex out of town I could bang out, pun intended, a few of these Su-Fu's.
Su-Fu's?
Sucker Fuckers.
And that is?
Exactly how it sounds.
Su-Fu.
Su-Fu.
Yes.
Coming.
Now look I'm going to be crashing her the next couple days.
AND you can enjoy yourself.
OR you can sulk like a little bitch. But one way or the other it's going to happen.
But Alex...
Will never find out.
Ethan...
you are my friend,
and I take care of my friends.
You two with me.
No eye contact.
This is my first time with a vamPIRE. Me too.
What are you doing? What are you going to stick your head out? You're going to follow back into the room?
That's creepy, that's creepy.
Why do these girls keep calling you a vamPIRE?
Because they think I'm a vamPIRE.
That's not how you say it.
That's not how YOU say it.
That's not how it's said. It's VAMpire.
When you say it wrong it's like a defamation to everything I am.
It's a defamation to what you fail at.
Ethan, rule number nine of vampersonation.
'that's not how you say it'.
You know how people with accents are automatically more charming and sexually appealing for
like virtually no reason what so ever.
Yeah, Helena Bonham Carter, James McAvoy, Gérard Depardieu....
You really need to lay off the pop culture referrences.
Emily Blunt.
You get like one or two with these conversations Just pick a pop culture referrence and move on.
James McAvoy.
Fine James McAvoy. Is the person...
It's terrible.
But you agree with my point.
Yeah.
Absolutely....good.
So, by pronouncing some words just slightly the wrong way, it gives you the impression that you
have an accent with none of the actual hassle of having to learn one.
Plus it makes you seem like you have an accent from way long ago like before language
was created.
Which makes you seem more vampiric.
Does that really work?
Ethan.
Every girl knows,
There's nothing better than 'tre-some' with a vamPIRE.
It's pronounced 'three-some'.