Beth of the Week - 11/16/12

BETH: And I want to thank my mom and this one's for Jack.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH: Hello, everyone.
I am Beth Hoyt, and this is "MyDamnChannel LIVE." And
today is Friday, November 16th.
It's Friday, so we all know that happy hour is about to
start soon--
like, for the entire weekend.
But first-- first--
while we're all still here, I have some newsie news.
First up, next week contains the holiday Thanksgiving, so
the "Live" show will be dark for the entire week.
But, in case you missed it, we will be playing highlights
from our Thanksgiving episode this past Wednesday.
And, of course, giving you the perfect chance to catch up on
all past episodes.
If you're subscribed, you'll obvies be debriefed on when we
put up the new stuff.
Cool.
Next week I will physically be in Wisconsin, visiting my
family and eating whenever I'm bored.
If you're bored next week, tweet me.
Let's be bored plus bored equals no longer bored.
But I'll still be eating things out of holiday bowls
scattered around the house.
So.
Nextly, more big exciting news.
OK, we are changing things up a bit starting the week after
Thanksgiving.
We are combining all of our energies and funnies of the
week to one big day, Wednesday.
Grace will still be here, or here via LA, on Tuesdays to
chat with you just like we did this week.
But we are going to put our load into Wednesdays.
And I'll have more time to talk with you in those.
And we'll have more guests, and more games, and incredible
things we haven't even dreamed up yet.
But not to worry, you guys, because there's still plenty
of meat in my blog about the show, so we can totes chat
there on Mondays when you need a dose
of awkward and fabulous.
So that's the stuff I wanted to be you to
be a bit sober for.
Um, now pop open your can, and let's relive what happened
this past week.
We got Grace in LA live, here.
That was exciting.
All those crazy, hilarious guys from Fodder came on.
We celebrated Hanks--
I mean Thanksgiving.
I digested it all yesterday.
Let's just watch.
Here is the Beth of the Week.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hey, guys, this was a living thing that we're bowling with.
BETH: Hey.

But it feels so good to get a strike.
-[INAUDIBLE].
BETH: Yes.
So what are you going to make on the show today?
What's the, um, what are you gonna contribute to the feast?
-N-No, no, no, no!
No!
BETH: I'm sorry, I thought you were gonna-- you agreed to--
-No, no, not you.
No, no, no, the, the--
BETH: Oh, the play.
Good, yeah, go team.
-This one is called Jelly Mold to Perdition.
BETH: OK, yeah, I like that one.
-Jello, to me, it just resembles kind of like a fat
man, OK, that's kind of like done.
And, like, I almost feel like these little rolls here are
like mustaches, like a weird, weaselly mustache, OK.
But you know what?
You cut this open.
You break that open, right, and there's sweetness inside
just like Tom Hanks in "The Road to Perdition."
SHANNON: Pretend that it's naked, and that the fruit by
the loop is a bunch of clothing.
And you're like, don't show us your body on Thanksgiving.
Cover your body.
LAURA: Pretend it's that chick from "5th Element," and this
is her little slutty [INAUDIBLE].
SHANNON: Uh, uh, just this.
I'm just gonna wear this.
That's what she was like in that movie, right?
LAURA: Yeah.
We hate her.
-Break up with the turkey.
BETH: Ah, such a short-lived romance.
-It's November, and then it's December and--
your family all the time.
And I, I'm going to start seeing the ham.
BETH: I really, really do like the sound of the football in
the background--
ahh!
You guys--
oh, my god.
There's a shark in the studio.
SHANNON: Just make sure you don't put too much, because
you don't want to overload it.
Uh, you know what, you're going to pack on the pounds
when you eat that turkey, so keep it cool, ladies.
BETH: Yeah, that's a nice light dish.
Shannon, how did your plant die in the
Plants are Friends video?
Was it your fault?
LAURA: Uh oh.
SHANNON: Why would you bring that up on a live show?
Why would you bring up that--
BETH: This is proof.
She's proving right now.
SHANNON: --dead plants?
LAURA: No, no.
SHANNON: No, I didn't kill my own plants.
-Do your best Gordon Ramsay impression.
Uh.
Ah, donkey!
Donkey!
BETH: Good.
That was it.
I felt like he was in the room.
SHANNON: Just spread it open.
Make sure that the jelly's actually there.
If, if you don't feel jelly--
BETH: I like your nail polish, ladies.
SHANNON: If you didn't feel jelly when you touched the
inside of the donut, you didn't get a jelly donut.
You didn't get a jelly donut.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH: What a week.
And, I tell you what, after you eat a slice of the
turducken take on dessert that Shannon and Laura call the
pixie-meltdown-b rown-jelly-piecake-fruit-foot--
you like, after you have a slice of that, you fall into
the most perfect coma.
I'd call it a nap, but it lasts for two days.
OK, up next is a brand new video from my pal--
your hero--
the very funny and perpetually homeless, Dan St. Germain.
It's kicking Dan out, and this premiere is called Occupy.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-1% of the world's population controls 99% of the world's
wealth.
-Build schools, not bombs.
DAN: Princess Diana--
inside job.
Long live Napster.
Bring back "Grace Under Fire."
[MUSIC PLAYING]
DAN: We have to put a stop to these big corporations.
Enough is enough.
Hey, check it out--
I put a chalupa loop inside a McChicken.
I call it the McLupa.
It kinda sounds like the name of a bad-ass teacher in inner
city high school.
(FALSETTO) Mr. McLupa, I left my homework at home.
(BASS VOICE) Ah, hell no.
-Yeah, that's great, Dan.
Do you maybe want to actually protest?
DAN: Way ahead of you, sister.
Fuck you, Republicans.
Huh?
Deal with it.
-What the hell is that?
DAN: It's a sweet-ass alligator
fucking up a ying-yang.
-Yeah, that doesn't really mesh with the whole--
DAN: All right, how about this--
four more not-years.
Huh?
-Wow, that's kinda homophobic.
DAN: No, no, it-it, it-it's not two dicks.
It's one dick and a samurai sword.
-Do you have any political beliefs?
DAN: Fuck, yeah, dude-- check out the weed shirt.
"High again."
-Yeah, can you stop smoking our weed, by the way?
DAN: I gave you those books I stole from the library.
-Those were from the library?
DAN: Yeah, they're a big corporation.
-That's not what corporation is.
DAN: Dude, they've got a fucking catalog on it with
fucking numbers on it.
And those numbers have something to
do with those books.
I don't know what it is, but it's fucked up, and it's
wrong, and it's fucking--
Obama's a Muslim.
-No he's not.
-Dude, you got to find a different protest.
DAN: Come on, man.
The pride guys kicked me out because I tried selling them a
boxed set of Matthew Shepard action figures.
The pro-choice rally kicked me out because I said life
started with the pull-out.
And Amnesty kicked me out because I
thought Kony was handsome.
We have the responsibility to serve the will of
our founding fathers--
Jefferson, Franklin, Harriet Tubman, Kato Kaelin--
-You're under arrest.
-NYPD.
Put those down, please.
-Come on.
-We have a right to be here.
-You have a right to remain silent.
Anything you say--
DAN: Hey, how come you're not handcuffing me?
-You're just a homeless guy.
-Hope you guys like D-grade bologna and fruit cups.
DAN: Fruit cups?
-I'm allowed to be here.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
DAN: Yeah, Time for some off-roading
in fruit cup country.

BETH: Guys, if you're deep frying a turkey this
Thanksgiving, just be careful.
It's very dangerous.
Delicious--
but dangerous, just like chocolate-covered safety pins.
Secondly, we won't be here next week because it's
Thanksgiving.
And then, the week after that, "Daily Grace" will be live and
taking your questions from the chat on Tuesday.
And, remember, I'll see you live on
Wednesday, November 28.
And the guys from Whisker Wars will be here.
They're going to shave Nate's face, or shape it.
Oh, before we all leave for holiday, let's take one last
look at Nate's progress, on his beard.
On his new shape.
This is where we're at.
This is like two weeks in.
NATE: Mm-hmm.
BETH: It's feeling very soft.
Is it itchy?
NATE: Uh, not anymore.
BETH: Oh, good.
Let's look at your hole.
I didn't mean that, like, uh, this one.
It's still very bald.
It totally is a perfect circle of baldness.
NATE: It's gonna stay that way.
BETH: I love it.
And the hair's gonna grow all around it.
So you have two weeks to get enough facial hair that I can
french braid it.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH: Good luck.
We're all gonna check out his Tumblr and his vlog over the
next week to check on his progress.
We'll let you know how you can help us decide what to let
Whisker Wars do to him.
Go back to work.
OK, be in touch with me next week-- and forever--
via Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Bethinshow vlog.
All the info is below.
And that's our show.
Please subscribe.
And, finally, you're my favorite.
Happy Thanksgiving.
[MUSIC PLAYING]