Cooking With Ziggy (The Dark Side of Baked Lobster)

Uploaded by johnnywoodcrest on 03.02.2009

Think lobster, baby. This is my baby...
My baby seven and half pound... dinner!
Smile for the camera, honey.
Yeah, there you go. A face only a mother could love
...but a tail that everybody can chow down on. Look at that,
is that beautiful or what?
is that beautiful or what? Looks just like his mother
is that beautiful or what? Looks just like his mother
I couldn't take it any longer... ahhh! I went crazy, and a feeling came upon me like a tidal wave, swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
I would love you 'till the end of love time, good lord, love you till the end of time
so now I'm waiting for the end of time to hurry up and arrive! 'Cause if I have to spend another minute with you
I don't think I could really survive... I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But god only knows what I could do right now... Ahh, waitin' for the end of time, that's all I can do...
...Waitin' for the end of time, so I can end my time with you
(with apologies to Meat Loaf)
Yeah, so my camera, man...
...sad day. Got that lobster this morning...
...I said 'Ah, I was going to make some great photos,' mmm...
Afraid not. I've had that camera for over twenty years, man.
...Twenty five years.
And it pisses me off!
Really pisses me off....
....if I find the perpetrator, be assured....
....[kiss] I've got plans.
With a lobster you got to kill it quick, man. You got to just do it and get it over with...
...zap that sucker right in half, and as I'll show you later
You stick your hand right in there, rip out its brains, spinal cord...
...and some of the less edible organs. Most of the stuff you leave in there,
and that'll be cooked in with the stuffing. A lot of people like the tamale,
I tell you it's just going to be a real eating experience...
...and a preparation experience, so those who are weak of heart or a little queazy in the stomach...
...might want to skip the actual, uh, butchering, but, ah, the finished product will be something to marvel at.
More vodka, please

You awake in there? Hello?
Woah, yeah! He's ready....
He's ready to punish someone, I hope it's not me
Good to have a moment of freedom before it's all over...

This is an event you really don't want to miss
Right? Especially you...
...This part's really tender, see how they move their eyes in "Ouch ouch"
"Ouch, ouch, ouch" It's like punching a dog in the nose.
So uh, this is going to be something you don't want to miss
Classic New England... Horror!
Make sure that he's out of his misery
he doesn't want to be...

[crunching sounds]
What you want to do is cut his brain in half

[crunch] There we go!
Right through the old shnozzola!
And! It's a male friend, you can tell by the green tamale...
can actually call him a guy and know that I'm not insulting him...
...cause insults can hurt, but probably not as much as this does.

There we go.
Some people have trouble with little lobsters, you wouldn't want to wrestle a big guy like this.
Ooh.... and there we go.
First thing I'm going to do is open him up a little bit.
Ok, and I'm gonna get the kitchen shears

Now this is all inedible, this is all brains and nerves
stuff that you really don't want to eat
and you want to get in there, and basically...
...just pull out the spinal cord
and that'll really stop him from kickin'.

Scoop out these here guts
And... take this....
Just scoop it out, look at that, huh? Yum!
If you've got somebody in the audience who likes that...

And... [straining] we're going to pull out the brain....
[relieved breath] Lobster brain
Ugh, he still bit me. That is creepy, that is creepy
He didn't bite me with his claws, he nibbled me...
...with his mouth. I guess that's what happens when you tear you brain out... just go berzerk.
Again, you just want to go down the tail
Take out that spinal cord.

You got all those nice juices left in there. And all the guts are gone.
I'm going to pour out some of these juices
just so the stuffing doesn't get real sloppy, cause as he cooks...
...just got to drain it right out through the tail here...
...there we go, and that'll wash out some of the the... debree.
It's all nice and clean now as you can see.
Ready for the stuffing!
We got this gaping hole here, as you can see the guy's still twitching a little bit
And that's a pretty good trick considering you don't have a spinal column
Pretty good trick
Don't try it at home.
Now this, I'm doing here
Put a little extra bread crumbs in the bottom
That'll soak up all the juices you saw. Eh, just about enough stuffing I wasn't too far off
There we go, beautiful.
Little more s... little more bread crumbs in there
That'll keep the meat moist, also
while it bakes
Clean him up a little bit
Always want to look good.
Next step, put him on the machine and it's going to make him ours
Just gonna make it... just gonna make it. Look at that, huh.
We'll curl the tail, the bottom of the tail up a little bit
And save these guys, tuck the antenna underneath for looks
They'll just get all crispy in the process

I don't know why you bother saving the antenna after you mutilate the hell out of it...
...just to show some respect I guess
Oh yeah. Let the room fill with the aroma
Want to take a gander?
Let me smell your bowels... Mmm, those bowels smell good
[moans] Every great chef should stick his nose
right into his food, man, it's the only way to really appreciate it.
I say we make a go of this
Goddamn... that should be just, like, laquered and left like it is.
So, you in viewing audience, man I'm comin' to get you.