The Guild - Season 1 Recap


Uploaded by geekandsundry on Sep 14, 2012

Transcript:

Guild, noun: a group of people who regularly play a
role-playing computer game together in which large
numbers of players interact with one another
in a virtual world.

Codex, Vork, Clara, Tink, Bladezz and Zaboo are the
Knights of Good.
They play together every day, but they've
never met in person.
Codex just got fired and hasn't left
her house in a week.
Guild leader Vork hasn't left his chair in a week, but that
doesn't stop him from making bacon.
Tink's a bee-yotch, Bladezz is a tool, Clara's a bad mom, and
Zaboo is missing.
VORK: What the heck?
Ding-dong.
Zaboo calling.
He's in love with Codex.
Turns out he's a very nice stalker.
He's come to comfort her and to poop.
CODEX: Ew.
OK.
Codex doesn't know what to do with Zaboo, so she gets the
guild to meet in person.
VORK: Physically?
Vork doesn't invite Bladezz, who's been banned from the
game for yelling obscenities in the trading house.
BLADEZZ: I made a macro.
The guild meets at a restaurant called
Cheesybeards.
All goes well and the conversation flows like wine.
Not really.
VORK: [MUMBLING]
At the table, they get to know each other.
Codex tells Vork she's a former child prodigy.
Vork tells her he makes a living from his dead
grandfather's Social Security checks.
CODEX: Isn't that illegal?
VORK: What?
Zaboo tells Clara and Tink that he and Codex are an item.
Clara gets drunk and Tink tells everyone her life story,
or someone's life story.
ZABOO: That's the plot to Ugly Betty.
Codex sends Zaboo on a sweater quest.
She tells the group she's not interested in him.
They don't buy it.
CLARA: There were a lot of winkies in guild chats.
The guild gets distracted by cheese.
Zaboo returns.
Vork distributes agendas.
They discuss Bladezz.
Bladezz shows up and tells everyone that Vork transferred
all the guild gold and equipment to him.
Bad move.
Back home, Codex gives Zaboo the boot.
Clara needs a nanny and Vork needs money,
but Tink needs revenge.
TINK: I won't babysit.
Ding-dong.
Codex answers her door again.
It's Zaboo's mom, with a special delivery.
Tink gets Clara's kids and Codex talks to Zaboo's mom.
TMI.
CODEX: You went to give him his bath?
Bladezz posts a video on the forums.
It's everyone's characters, doing it.
VORK: And why make me defile everyone?
It's against my alignment!
Zaboo says goodbye to Codex, then
tries to log off, literally.
CODEX: Oh my God!
Zaboo spills his guts to Codex.
ZABOO: She used to take me into the
ladies' room with her.
Until I was 15 years old.
Again, TMI.
ZABOO: Awww.
Codex feels bad.
Tink smells kid poo.
Bladezz returns, and he's douchier than ever.
BLADEZZ: Meeting you all in person was, like, inspiring.
Zaboo and Codex hatch a plan to stop Bladezz.
It's so crazy it just might work.
The group reconvenes and Codex unveils her plan.
Turns out Bladezz has done a photo session that's worth its
weight in game gold.
TINK: Nice sausage.
Bladezz gets owned, but some of the guild feels bad.
Suddenly Zaboo's mom shows up.
It's up to the guild to save him from her evil clutches.
Game on.
The guild makes the pull, but she's a powerful opponent.
It looks like Zaboo's a goner, but then Bladezz returns and
delivers the kill shot.
The Guild is happy again.
Bladezz says he's sorry, Clara's kids are gone, and
Codex learns that through it all, she's still got friends.
And Zaboo.