Kung Fu Karl - Camping (Ep #7)


Uploaded by MondoMedia on 08.05.2012

Transcript:
[Karl:] Food. [DK:] Check.
[Karl:] Fishing Gear. [DK:] Check.
[Karl:] Antique 17th century camping chandelier? [DK:] Check!
[Karl:] That's everything!
[Both:] Let's go camping!
[Karl:] Camping is a great way to get in some good ol' male bonding.
Like starting a campfire,
peeing on squirrels,
and preparing for the zombie apocalypse.
[DK:] Speaking of the apocalypse,
it's also a great way to learn some survival skills.
And that brings us to the Life Lesson of the Day.
Now, our camping trip started out like it always does.
I had just set up my tent in record time,
while DK fumbled and bumbled with his as usual.
[DK:] You replaced my tent poles with poisonous snakes!
[Karl:] That was a test, and you failed it.
Anyway.
With the campsite set up, it was time for some R & R.
[DK:] Rest and relaxat-
[Karl:] Rifles and rrralcohol!
We headed down to the ol' fishin' hole
to blast us some West American snapper trout for dinner,
when suddenly we were face-to-crotch with a humongous grizzly bear.
[DK:] This is when your survival instincts kick in.
[Karl:] So while the bear was distracted by the disgusting sight and odor
of DK shitting his pants,
I quickly fashioned some Bear Mace
using a pine cone, fresh skunk spray,
and mixed it together using the cap from DK's can of Bear Mace.
I threw the mixture directly in DK's face,
causing him to vomit all over the bear,
and giving us enough time to flee.
[DK:] Uh, for the record,
I wasn't shitting my pants,
it was a series of strategic "panic farts" to confuse the bear.
[Karl:] Yeah, sure, whatever.
Anyway,
after I heroically saved the day,
we decided to head back to camp
and protect ourselves in case that bear came after us again.
[DK:] That's when we built
[Both:] Bear Fort sixty-five hundred!
[Karl:] Triple-reinforced steel tent,
sixteen laser-guided turrets,
an army of meat-filled decoys,
and a flaming gasoline moat so big
it would make Jacques Cousteau jizz his pants.
For some reason.
In hindsight,
it probably would have made more sense to build the fort from the inside,
because, as we were trying to figure out how to get past the gasoline moat,
our old friend the grizzly bear was back and more pissed off than ever.
thankfully, all the toxic fumes from the gasoline moat
got the attention of a park ranger who came in to save the day.
And then the bear wasted no time ripping off and eating the ranger's face,
allowing me and DK to sneak off safe and sound.
So I hope you all learned something from today's life lesson.
Bears love to eat your face.
[DK:] I learned the dry cleaners can not get shitstains out of a ninja outfit.
[Karl:] Aha-ha! So you WERE shittin' your pants!
[DK:] Uh- Dammit!
[Karl:] Ha! Well that's it for now, but we'll leave you with
[DK:] When eviscerating your enemy,
be sure to take a step back,
so his intestines do not get on your shoes
as they spill out of his abdomen.
[Karl:] Jeez, DK, uh...
I usually keep these things a little more lighthearted.
That was...
that was messed up.
[DK:] Wanna go pee on some squirrels?
[Karl:] I thought you'd never ask.