A Grim Outlook Helped One Man Grow | Stepping Up™ Video Series


Uploaded by MenSteppingUp on 18.10.2012

Transcript:
So on Thanksgiving morning, 2009, I woke up a little bit later than Lauren. Lauren had
been in the kitchen kind of preparing breakfast and some dishes to take to our in-laws. We
were going to do Thanksgiving dinner with her parents they live just a few blocks from
us. So, I got up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then asked Lauren if I could do
anything to help.
And she said I could feed Nora, our youngest daughter. I could just hear the normal sounds
of a normal morning, and could hear the kids playing, could hear the TV humming. All of
a sudden, I hear just this crash that interrupts just the normal sounds and I'm just waiting
to hear Matt say "Don't worry about it, Lauren, I got it."
Waiting to hear something, and the only thing that breaks the silence is Audrey, saying,
"Dad Dad are you OK?" I see Matt on the floor in a seizure, just his whole body shaking.
So the EMTs get him on the gurney and they take him to the ambulance. He kind of looks
at me, but kind of looks through me. There's no recognition in his eyes.
when he looks at me. I'm just wondering if this what my life. Am I going to have a husband
who will no longer know who I am? That for the rest of my life. I don't know how long
this is going to last, the effect of whatever just happened. So really, where I pick back
up is post CT scan. To this point in my life, like there just had never been a lot of bad
news.
I mean, I've definitely walked through difficult seasons life but no one in my family has cancer.
Some people who had seen the scan said that it looked like it was just going to be some
sort of low-grade ganglioma, and they're going to have to watch it, and I was probably going
to have to be on anti-seizure meds.
So going into Tuesday, my expectation is to hear those kind of things and so we walked
into Barnet's office, sit down and he pulls up that scan. And very quickly says that "This
looks bad. This will kill you. The questions now is when." I mean I felt like I got punched
in the soul. That was the first time maybe in my life that it felt like the floor dropped
out from underneath me. I asked the question, what's the prognosis? He said "two to three
years." So I think more than anything the prognosis is what just felt like a kick to
the stomach. I shed some tears and then geared up. I don't know how else to explain it. I
felt like I shed some tears and then they're like, OK, let's see what the Lord's going
to do.
What the Lord stirred up and showed me is that I had some idolatry in my life, and I
had some confidence in me in my life, that ultimately is the kind of idolatry that you
would never get in trouble for. That I really believed that my kids were going to know and
love the Lord, not because He was gracious and merciful to them but that I had trained
them in it.
So there's an element that God has called me to train them. But really all I can do
with my kids is put kindling around them. I can't light the fire, I can just put the
little sticks there in the hopes that the Holy Spirit will. So the Lord just really
graciously go: "You love them more than i do? or You're a better provider for your wife
than I am?
Are all your hopes and dreams for your family are built around you?" And those were the
kind of gut checks the Lord was having with me. Ultimately I want to provide for my family
and I want, if something happens to me, for them to be taken care of but ultimate care,
is gonna be the Lord, and his care for them. We want to express our desire for this before
the Lord, while simultaneously saying but what you want is better than what we want
and what you want will bring more joy than what we're saying we want.