TL;DR - How Simon Proposed to Martina

[music]
kaaptenblau from Sweden asks
Can you PLEEEEEEEASE tell us how Simon proposed.
I guess so.
Ok before we start the story
there's one thing you need to know about Martina first.
Oh! What? What are you gonna…are you gonna embarrass me?
No. She's like the 007 Sherlock Holmes meets Dr. House of surprises
Oh yeah!
You give her any clue whatsoever about anything
she will figure out exactly what you've got planned.
You wear a different colored shirt, she's gonna say
"Oh wait, you must have got that at the store
WHERE YOU BOUGHT MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT"
You fart one octave louder than before
she'll know that you ate something different
which means that you went to a restaurant
which means that you planned an anniversary present.
She knows it all. It's so difficult to surprise her.
Yeah. I'm good like that.
It's really annoying.
It's like a useless superpower.
The Ability to Predict Surprises!
So the day was our one year dating anniversary
Our dataversary!
Yes, it was our dataversary.
And I wanted to plan something special,
So, in cahoots with her mother,
I started first by going to Martina's house
and making her a surprise breakfast while she was still asleep.
Yes, and I looked terrible.
I was in pyjamas with my terrible hair upside down
with, like, drool crusted on my face.
You look beautiful with drool and crust on your face!
I was like, HUH WHAT?!
So while Martina was getting reedy I had it planned so that
Martina's mother would take the car that I was supposed to drive downtown
and go grocery shopping and be intentionally late.
So that when Martina was finished with her shower and getting ready
she would panic and be like "OMG where's the car? What are we gonna do?"
But I had a secret plan instead.
I was suspicious.
So while Martina's mother was out I was pretending to be very antsy and nervous
I was like "OMG our plans are gonna be late! What am I gonna do?"
And I was pacing around the house and I was calling the phone
He got me to "call your mom call your mom"
and my mom wouldn't pick up the phone because she's in on it
and while we were all pretending to be antsy
I had the limo pull up to the driveway.
Roll down that sexy window Simon,
Roll that sexy window down
Thank goodness you didn't do that.
So we hopped into the limo and I was pretty excited about that
and Simon took out a blindfold
because he said if I'm looking I'm gonna know right away where we're going.
The second we pull out of the driveway I'll be like
A HA! We're going here!
So, not only did they blindfold me,
they also decided to do something to really screw up my senses
Because Martina's got, like, a GPS tracker in her head
and she'd be like we're going 4km South and we're going 20km west
She would know where we're going,
so I had the driver…I was whispering to him "turn left turn right"
So we went down a whole lotto different sidestreets
We reversed, we started driving backwards,
we flipped the car over a couple of times,
I thought that was odd!
and Martina was very confused and she had no idea where we were going afterwards.
Yeah, it actually did work, because I seriously
can picture the road in my mind with my mind
The blindfold did nothing. THE BLINDFOLD DOES NOTHING!
So we wound up pulling up into Hart House,
and what's special about this place
is that we actually talked about having our wedding there one day.
So what I wanted to do is, for our anniversary,
I wanted to have lunch there at the little bistro that they had
So I was actually really thrown off by this part:
because Simon kept going on and on and apologizing to me in the bistro
"I'm so sorry, you know that I'm broke.
I can't afford an engagement ring,
but why don't we get engaged in the summertime?"
and I actually fell for this completely
because we had honestly talked about engagement in the summertime
not at the time that it was happening,
So I was like "you know, Simon, don't worry!
I understand! You don't have any money"
but he had actually…he had already bought the ring and everything by then
So we had a wonderful meal at the bistro,
we had three courses and we had dessert
and I really fell in love with the atmosphere of the restaurant
but after that Simon told me "oh, why don't we go see a movie?"
So we went to go see a movie, and two hours later we got out of the movie,
And Simon just suggested, lightly and airily
"Hey! You know what we should do? Since it's our anniversary,
why don't we go back to the classroom we first met in?"
Now this is where the big part comes in:
Now I had that classroom booked for the specific time
that I wanted to come in there and propose to Martina.
What was really important about this was that I had
a friend come into the classroom while it was booked
and decorate it for us for the proposal.
So we continued our walk to the classroom,
and we went down the stairs, and it was this dingy old looking building
(New College)
So there was nothing romantic about it at all.
And the classroom door was closed and I didn't think anything about it.
And Simon's like "is there a class in there?"
And I'm like "oh! It's empty!"
And when I opened it up I was totally floored.
So the classroom was covered in candles
there were poetry, pieces of poetry (WTF IS A PIECE OF POETRY?!)
scattered around the classroom [from our classroom] all over the tables
They had a poem handwritten on the chalkboard,
it was just amazing looking.
The poem that we had written on the chalkboard
was actually a very special poem
It's by Christina Rossetti and it's called "Remember" [WAIT NO THAT'S THE WRONG POEM NAME]
It's a sonnet, and I actually still have it memorized.
Let's not kill everyone now, but we'll probably post it on the blog post.
I also found out later on that Simon's friend who helped decorate the classroom
also went back afterwards to gather up all the photocopies of the poems and everything
So I actually got a chance to keep them
So I still have them now, actually, the same ones
In your sentimental box,
That's right, and I'll pass it on to Spudgy when he gets older
when he wants to propose to his bunny cushion back in Canada!
Bunny cushion!
So I sat her down in the chair and I got down on one knee
And I was like "OMG! What's happening right now?"
"Is it…is this a proposal?"
"Have I been surprised for the first time in my life via a proposal?"
Oh my gosh!
And I said to her
"At first I called you Martina, and then I called you Sunshine,
and then I called you Snuggle Duck, and now, I want to call you my wife.
Will you marry me?"
And out of nowhere he whips out this Birks box
and I didn't even know where that came from
because he didn't even have a bag on.
and I was just like OOOHHMGMMGDFF DERP
And I started crying and I said "yes of course I'll marry you!"
and then the crowd behind the desk jumped up and cheered
and Simon fist bumped that guy…there was no crowd.
But, what I had planned was that while she was still sobbing and in tears,
I grabbed her by the hand and I took her upstairs
and there was another limo waiting for us there
and he rushed me as if there was some huge event happening
and I was like "WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"
And I ran upstairs with Simon into the arms of a limo
Limos have arms?
They've got these really long arms and they snuggle you.
So we arrived at a restaurant, and Simon had chosen this restaurant
because it was in the neighbourhood that my grandmother used to live in,
my baka, and my baka had recently passed away,
so, I was feeling really upset about that,
so Simon wanted it to be in the neighbourhood
so that my baka was kind of present with us all.
So that really choked me up again,
So I was already crying from the proposal
and I'm crying because of the symbolic nature of the restaurant
and then my family's waiting in the restaurant
and then I cry again and it was just all types of crying
like onions underneath my eyes the whole time
Great success!
So that's our proposal story.
We did actually end up getting married, as you can see,
a year and three months later,
and we did actually use the restaurant that Simon took me to
as our reception area, so it had a lot of important memories to us.
So, yeah, we had a reception at our university
and in the same restaurant, so, it was very cool!
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Huzzah! Huzzah!
Gong!
[Intoxicatingly sexy music]