RITUALISTIC SACRIFICE (Do's and Don'ts #10)


Uploaded by ShutUpCartoons on 02.07.2012

Transcript:
She’s ALWAYS killing things and wearing their skin.
SHUT UP
Cartoons
Whatcha doin there, Jimmy?
Not now.
You seem bummed!
Ugh! I’m supposed to grow these sprouts for science class.
Well that’s nothing more than some simple water, sunshine, and
patience.
That’s the thing, I don’t have patience... it’s due tomorrow!
I was at the end of Angry Birds. But then there were more levels...
they just keep updating it!
Now now Jimmy, in times like these it’s good to turn to the ancients.
Like my grandma’s book club? They don’t even know what internet is.
No, silly... Sacrifice! The Greeks were great at this since they had a
god for EVERYTHING, so it was much easier to pinpoint for maximized
results.
Good, because every time I ask regular god for something it takes
forEVER!
So today we’re going to pay tribute to Demeter, Greek goddess of the
harvest. And like most gods, Demeter likes a flesh offering. So
where’s your animal?
What do you mean?
An animal you have to kill to make your god happy.
All I have is my dog.
Super! It’s essential that you have a close connection with the
animal.
So I have to kill Munchkin?
It’s either that or get an F, so let’s gather your materials. We’ll
need a stone slab.
Check. I stole this from Susie’s stone slab collection.
A killing knife.
Will this work?
No, it needs to be scarier... for killing.
Oh ok, here we go.
And the latest in ritual fashion.
My grandma has tons of this crap. She’s ALWAYS killing things and
wearing their skin.
The goddess gives her body for the harvest. We need to replenish her
with blood, in this case, of a Yorkshire Terrier, so the cycle can
be complete.
Makes sense to me. Every Sunday I eat the body of Christ and I’m
getting bigger and stronger every day.
That’s probably just you growing up, but yes, that’s the spirit!
Now just a few words of prayer...
Oh sprouty sprouts, may you drink this doggy blood and give me a
passy grade.
And sacrifice!
Get the stabbing, Jimmy.
I know I know.
Do you? Because I’ve got like ten more lessons to teach today.
It’s not as easy as I thought it was going to be.
Little boys who get F’s end up s___ing d__k for crack rock under a
bridge.
Ok, jeeze!
Hey Jimmy, have you seen Munchkin?
What?
Is that my stone slab?!
Now present the fat and bones to the god while you eat the meat.
There’s no time for that, she’s on her way over, we need to hide the--
Munchkin!!!
Jimmy was that not your dog?
Ok look, I can’t STAND that dog. I just wanted a good reason to kill
it so I wouldn’t get grounded.
I’m going to kill you!
Oh come on, that thing barks like crazy!
Jimmy, breaking the rules of ritualistic sacrifice can result in
dire consequences. Or as we like to call them, “whoopsie daisies.”
Oh please, what’s the worse that could hap--
Whoopsie daisy...
Yep, I’d say that’s probably the worst thing...
Oh, hey look, the sprouts grew--