¡Hola! Este es My Damn Channel LIVE - 5/14/12 (FULL EP)

BETH HOYT: Rosie, 21, Elise, wah!
Also, welcome to your headache cure.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Just kidding, it's me.
Oh, my gosh.
First of all, you're welcome.
Guess what, I'm bilingual.
Took Spanish in middle school and kind of in high school.
I say kind of because I cheated.
I'm not promoting cheating, kids, because if I hadn't
cheated, then I would actually know Spanish now,
which would be cool.
Instead, I remember a few words.
Actually, I know all of the vocabulary words
for classroom stuff.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
And I know what I said at the top, which translates roughly
to, "Hi, how are you?
All of the days in the time.
The brothers sing in the school Saturday, Sunday,
Wednesday."
Also, I know that Dimanche is Sunday in French, and that's
just an extra tip.
Hey, you know who speaks French?
God, so many people, but Reggie Watts does.
Of course, he does.
He does so many voices, but his French
one is actually French.
Also, he's my friends, and he's my hero.
Can I play that one video that I place myself whenever I'm
feeling down?
REGGIE WATTS: [BEATBOXING]
BETH HOYT: I mean, I don't know if we went too far with--

I don't know if this is going to work this time.
REGGIE WATTS: Yeah, I think you're [INAUDIBLE].
[SINGING]
Baby.

Yes, baby.
Beth is the name of your name, your name, your name.
Stop with the [INAUDIBLE].
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BETH HOYT: That's a good start.
REGGIE WATTS: [SINGING]
Your name starts with a B, and B is a letter in the alphabet.
Comes second.
It's not first, but it's close enough, baby.
Second is the best.
Beth, you are the best at being second, yeah.
Ooh.

Come on.
[INAUDIBLE]

break down!
[BEATBOXING]
[RAPPING]
Yeah, yeah, uh-huh.
You feeling this?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
REGGIE WATTS: [INAUDIBLE]
[BEATBOXING]
[RAPPING]
Yeah, come on, yo-yo, yo-yo, yo-yo, yo-yo, Beth on
MyDamnChannel.
It's MyDamnChannel, my damn, damn channel.
Beth on MyDamnChannel, doing the best that I can with the
best that I got.
Everything's going to be all right if you put your foot
down, and you take another foot, and you take the two
feet, and you put them [INAUDIBLE]
you be moving along.
[SINGING]
Yeah, Beth.
[INAUDIBLE]

Beth, baby, sugar-pie, little thing, Beth, Beth,
[INAUDIBLE].

Yo, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Yeah?
REGGIE WATTS: [RAPPING]
Come on, you got great, great red hair.
I love your reddest hair, so beautiful like
you just don't care.
You got eyes, eyes of ice, and you [INAUDIBLE]
rice, with the sushi and the stuff.
And the smile's real nice.
Very good, huh, looking good on it, yeah.
Yo, come on, put your hands together, yo,
for the Beth, yo.
Put your hands together, yo, put them
together for the Beth.
Baby, baby, babe, babe, baby, you're the Beth.
BETH HOYT: Thanks, Reggie.

I feel better.
Oh, guess what today is.
It's National Chicken Dance Day, duh.
Everyone do the Chicken Dance.
[SINGING "THE CHICKEN DANCE"]
Oh, I'm not going to do it.
Did you think I was going to do that dance?
No way.
I just played that whole video just to
make myself feel better.
You look great doing the dance, though.
Get--
Keep--
[SINGING "THE CHICKEN DANCE"]
Get out of your chair and just go for it.
Yeah.
[SINGING "THE CHICKEN DANCE"]
Your cousin's getting married.
[SINGING "THE CHICKEN DANCE"]
You're wasted.
[SINGING "THE CHICKEN DANCE"]
Do the "Chicken Dance." OK, that's enough, that's enough.
Your shirt is all messed up.
Maybe Matt McManus could help you with fixing it.
Let's play McMayhem with "Adjustment Bureau."
STEPHEN SEIDEL: This is "Adjustment Bureau."
[MUSIC PLAYING - "MCMAYHEM" THEMESONG]

MATT MCMANUS: If you don't mind, I'm with
the Adjustment Bureau.
MALE SPEAKER: Go ahead.
MATT MCMANUS: I'm going to do some minor adjustments if
that's all right.
MALE SPEAKER: All right, perfect.
MATT MCMANUS: I'm adjusting people all day long.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh, thanks.
MATT MCMANUS: I'm with the Adjustment Bureau.
I went to FIT.
I know about that.
Women look at your shoes, and also, women look at your dick.
So you want your dick and your shoes to be just right.
--because you never know when you're going to run into that
butt that makes you want to jump up and down.
How do you say McMayhem in Korean?
FEMALE SPEAKER: McMayhem.
MATT MCMANUS: True.
Now, take the jacket off.
FEMALE SPEAKER: No.
MATT MCMANUS: Yeah, please, please, please.
FEMALE SPEAKER: [SPEAKING KOREAN]
MATT MCMANUS: Put your arms up.
[SPEAKING KOREAN]
MATT MCMANUS: Both arms up.
Both arms up.
You know, it's a sunny day, you're wearing a nice belt.
It's a little punk rock.
It's a little chic.
Can I please just button one of your
buttons for you, please?
MALE SPEAKER: No.
MATT MCMANUS: Just one.
MALE SPEAKER: No.
MATT MCMANUS: Just one.
MALE SPEAKER: No.
MATT MCMANUS: I can't push your buttons?
Now, you could take one of these earrings out, and just
[INAUDIBLE] one of these earrings on the left just to
keep it gangster on one side.
Come on, you guys are shining stars.
Let me shine your glasses.
[IN TOUGH GUY VOICE]
Let me shine your star!
Look at me, real quick.
It's going to be your last second.
MALE SPEAKER: No, leave.
MATT MCMANUS: No, no, wait.
MALE SPEAKER: No hair gel, please.
MATT MCMANUS: You go to the party tonight, you're not
going to have any boogies.
Check this out.
We have a winner.
We need deodorant.
Tuck it in.
Yeah, there you go.
OK, all around, all around, all around, all around.
All the way around.
You've been adjusted.
Got to get rid of that hat, though.
For me, for the world, and for Ed Hardy.

BUFFALO BILL: All right, so this is the part of your
[INAUDIBLE] where I dim the lights, and put on my night
vision goggles.

So you like to watch videos on the internet?
I love the internet.

[TYPING]
FEMALE SPEAKER: I am going to sell this apartment today.
GARY: Get out.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Open house, Gary.
I put it in your calendar.
GARY: Oh, sorry.
[TYPING]
FEMALE SPEAKER: This is just that perfect buttery,
butternut Thanksgiving kind of family feeling.
You come in here with the family.
You have your latte.
You--
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
FEMALE SPEAKER: Would you like to see the kitchen?
[TYPING]
FEMALE SPEAKER: [BABY TALKING]
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Come and get it.
Come and get it.
Yes.
Yes.
You're so hungry.

Was this really necessary?
GARY: When I get excited, I--
FEMALE SPEAKER: Just--
Gary, just don't.
[TYPING]
FEMALE SPEAKER: Come on, Eric.
Will you clean this crap up?
[COW NOISE]
FEMALE SPEAKER: No, it is not a-maze-ing.
I'm going to tell the creepy guy upstairs that you are
stealing his Wi-Fi.
[COW NOISE]
FEMALE SPEAKER: And what's over here?
FEMALE SPEAKER: That is your vortex.
MALE SPEAKER: Huh?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Did you read that ad?
It was one [INAUDIBLE], dishwasher,
vortex straight to Hell.
But I'm so sorry, you're going to have to
share laundry with--
MALE SPEAKER: Is the building haunted?
Like built on an Indian burial ground or something?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Well, it's Manhattan, so everything's
built on Indian burial ground.
FEMALE SPEAKER: We'll take it.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Great.
[WOLF HOWLS]
ANNOUNCER: Has this ever happened to you?
Traditional garbage cans have maimed and disfigured dozens
of people around the world.
Even worse, with a normal garbage can, it often takes
one, two, three tries to get your garbage into the can.
[CENSOR BEEP]
ANNOUNCER: That's why we invented the
human garbage can.
For only $8.99 a month, we will supply you with a board
certified human garbage can.
Just hand them your trash, and they'll take care of the rest.
No mess, no fuss, and no more tears.
Cat litter, baked ziti, toilet drippings, the human garbage
can can handle it all.
Don't worry, they'll never judge.
These cans are completely self-sufficient.
Exemplary service, 24 hours a day.
Each human garbage can comes with a two-year
manufacturer's warranty.
We'll replace a defective can, no questions asked.

Order yours today.
It's against company policy to sexually engage the human
garbage can.

Wow, that was nasty.
Personally, I'd like a human dishwasher.
Do they make those?
Actually, I'm good with the appliance.
I've taken up with the appliance.
OK, that concludes today's episode.
Come back tomorrow.
Justin Helper, an author of Shit My Dad Says will be here.
He's got a new book out called I Suck at Girls.
Were going to talk about it.
And Wednesday on our big show, along with a bunch of brand
new MyDamnChannel videos, Steve Rannazzissi of The
League will be here.
Also, breaking news, a new segment with comedy legend
Gilbert Gottfried.
It's 4:00 PM Eastern.
OK?
Also, have you noticed?
We've changed on the internets for the better.
From now on, we'll be uploading the show in super
high quality as a playlist the following day at 12 PM
Eastern, so if you miss the show live at 4:00, you come
back for it at youtube.com/mydamnchannel and
mydamnchannel.com at noon the next day.
You got that?
Cool.
OK, I'll see you tomorrow, and don't be mean.
Just don't.