Clint Eastwood Meets Mister Ed - 1 of 2 (Captioned)

Honey, look who's here.
I'm awfully sorry about missing that town meeting,
but you know what happened?
Ed suddenly disappeared!
I had to go running all over town looking for him.
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking I'm lying, Well, you're wrong.
I'm telling the truth! And I must say, after years of marriage
I'm a little disappointed you doubted me.
You ah... you don't think I was chasing Ed, huh?
You think I was chasing after some dizzy little blonde, huh?
Oh boy! That's great! That's just great!
I come home, calm, apologetic, willing to sit down and discuss this
like a reasonable human being, and what do I find?
Instead I'm in the middle of an argument, and I can't get a word in edgewise.
No, no, please. You've hurt my feelings here.
I'm gonna put Ed away right now, and if you want me to sleep in the barn, that's ok with me.
Carol: Ok.
Just like a wife...got to get the last word in, huh?
Look Ed, I am tired of playing games. Why did you leave the barn today?
Well, there's a new horse in the neighborhood called "Midnight".
Well, he's been stealing my fillies, and I went over to kick him around a little.
And what happened?
Nothing! He's bigger than I am.
He's that big, huh?
Next to him I look like a poodle.
Well, this horse, Midnight,
Is he new in the neighborhood?
Yeah! He belongs to Clint Eastwood, that TV star who rides bareback.
Mr. Eastwood does not ride bareback.
Then why do they call his show "Rawhide?"
Very good. Very good.
So Midnight has been stealing your fillies, huh?
Yeah, they go for these tall dark handsome horses.
Blondes seem to be out of style.
Well, there's nothing you can do about it Ed.
You gotta get Clint Eastwood to move outta this neighborhood, Wilbur,
or I'll wind up an old bachelor.
Look, I'm not gonna get Clint Eastwood to move anywhere.
Don't answer that, Wilbur.
Why not?
We've got a party line now and two rings are for the other party.
Party...! Since when?
Well, the phone company called and asked if we'd mind
sharing our line for a week, and I said ok.
Mighty big of you Ed.
There's a shortage of circuits since the storm, Wilbur,
and I believe in helping a fellow human being in the time of need.
You're also a snooper who loves to listen in on conversations.
Yeah, that too.
You sure you didn't arrange this whole thing?
Aw no, Wilbur, of course not.
Good night, Wilbur.
Good night, snooper.
Party line!
Ah...
Well! So this is where you are.
Hi Rog.
Look, I'm awful sorry I missed that town hall meeting tonight, but how'd it go?
Oh fine, fine. We decided to put on a show to help raise money for the new youth center
and guess who was appointed chairman of the entertainment committee?
Ha, ha, ha...you, eh?
Ha, ha....you! Me?
I wasn't even there!
That's why you got the job. No one else volunteered.
Who suggested me?
Well...
Don't tell me. Somebody who has it in for me and wants to see me breaking my back over a thankless job, eh?
That's right. Your wife.
Carol! She knows I'd never handle a job like this.
Relax, my boy, relax. This is a very important job.
So we've appointed a co-chairman to help you round up the entertainment.
Who's my co-chairman?
Me. I went out for a glass of water and when I returned
my dear wife had already put the knife in my back.
But we'll be able to put on some kind of a show
All you have to do is write the play.
Play! What play?
Someone in the audience thought it would be a good idea
and suggested your name as the writer.
Rog, I'm an architect! I'm not a writer!
What nut suggested me?
Your wife.
I'm lucky they weren't looking for volunteers for the foreign legion!
If they were, you'd be on a camel now.
Oh hey, Wilbur.
We'd better have that play by this weekend if we're gonna learn our parts in time.
Oh Rog, we're not actors!
Dare I ask who suggested us?
The charming members of Misery Incorporated, our wives.
Wasn't even at the meeting!
Aw, you really got me into trouble.
Now I've only got a few days to write a play
and you're gonna help me.
With what? With the play.
Well, will you talk to Eastwood about getting rid of his horse?
Of course not. How can I do that?
Mr. Eastwood's residence.
Yes. Just a moment.
A Mr. Stanley Darrel.
Stanley Darrel!
Some day .... Take it easy!
Hello, Mr. Darrel?
Mr. Eastwood, the reason I'm calling we have a big feature coming up soon
and I thought you might be interested in a starring role.
It's a great script. You think you can get about six weeks off from your TV series?
Six weeks. Well, I can sure try to manage that, sir.
(Ed) But you couldn't afford me you cheap old windbag.
What did you say?
I didn't say anything.
Well, are you interested, Eastwood?
Yes sir! I..I..I'm definitely interested Mr. Darrel.
(Ed) But if you ever show your ugly puss on the set...
I'll quit.
Who's on the other end of this line?
(Ed) he..he..he..he
What's the matter Mr. Eastwood?
Some smart joker on that party line is giving me a hard time.
I'll find out who it is. (Phone rings)
Wait a minute, I'll get it.
Hello?
Darling? What's the matter?
Oh, hi, baby doll. No...I'm uh...
I'm just having a little bit of a problem here, that's all.
Well, don't be mad at me.
Sweetie? I miss you.
I miss you too, sweet talker.
What time do you want me to pick you up tonight?
(Ed) Listen little girl, if you're smart...
you'll cut this con artist off right now.
He's been promising to marry my daughter for over a year.
What on... that's awful!
(Ed) ho...ho...ha...ha...ha...ha
Ha..ha..ha! I almost got carried away that time.
I'll find out who that guy is and break his back.
Hello, give me the business offices, well ya?
Honey, I'm trying to write the play but it's pretty hard.
I'm sure Tennesee Williams didn't have to get his own breakfast.
Good morning, Carol. How's Wilbur?
Wilbur who?
I trust you had a good night's rest on the couch?
Whose side are you on anyway?
Yours. I always root for the underdog.
and I've never seen a dog who looked more under.
I'm going out to get some fresh air.
The play isn't coming very fast.
How far have you got?
First word of the title. (Doorbell rings.)
Yeah?
Are you Wilbur Post?
Yeah, that's right.
How'd you like a punch in the face?
Things they're selling door to door these days.
You must be making some mistake, fella. I don't know you.
Look. I'm the guy on your party line, and don't tell me you didn't play that practical joke on me.
What practical joke?
Come to think of it, his voice was a little deeper than yours.
What voice? I don't even know who you are!
Say...
Aren't you Clint Eastwood?
Yeah, that's right.
Who's voice? What practical joke?
My wife and I watch you every week on Rawhide.
We think it's a wonderful show.
Well, thank you, sir.
My name is Roger Addison. I believe you've met Wilbur Post.
Say, could I have your autograph? My wife likes to save those things.
Sure.
You were taking an awful chance there, fella.
I don't make practical jokes, and I don't like people coming to my house and pushing me around.
Please, Wilbur. If you wanna cry, go outside.
Mr. Post, evidently there's been some mistake.
Yeah? Well what would you say if I came to your house and started to rough you up?
Well, I'd say that's trick photography.
Well put partner.
Why don't you take your quick tongue out for a slow walk.
Mr. Post, some guy got on our party line
and caused me to lose a very big picture job,
lied to my girlfriend,
and I thought it was you, but evidently it wasn't.
Now will you forgive me?
Well, yeah, yeah!
Did you say this fella' voice was lower?
Yeah, very low. You got any idea who that might be?
Maybe. Yeah.
May be some character I know who likes to horse around a lot.
Excuse me.
We'll go downtown after lunch.
Alright, sweetie.
Clint Eastwood!
Oh Addison, you doll. You got Mr. Eastwood for our show.
Well, not exactly my dear.
You see, Mr. Eastwood is new in the neighborhood and he just dropped by to pay a social call.
Oh Mr. Eastwood, may I present my wife, Kay, and Carol Post.
How do you do Mr. Eastwood. We watch you every week on television.
Yeah, I just loved that one last week
where that wealthy woman from Texas fell in love with you.
Yes. She wore such stunning jewels. Do you know where she bought them?
Do you suppose you could get us some tickets to where your show will be filmed?
Oh! That would be exciting!