The Guild - S6 Episode 3: Makeshift Solutions


Uploaded by geekandsundry on Oct 16, 2012

Transcript:
CODEX: I should have known better than to speak up at
that meeting.
The dynamic in there was Aaron Sorkin tense.
Why didn't I just escape the room without anyone noticing?
Move the mayor to get the code to open the safe to grab the
key to get the door open.
It's a gaming reference.
I'm pretty sure that I'm fired, and I want to cry,
because I really wanted this.
I thought I was walking into a happy fun dream place, where
perfect people made the thing that I worship.
But no.
Just real people with real problems.

ROY: Has Floyd been by to fire you yet?
CODEX: No.
Can you draw me as a water dryad before I
get kicked out please?
ROY: [SNORT].
[SLURPING]
[THEME SONG]
CLARA: Hi, honey.
Look.
I'm wearing a dickey, which is like Housewifing 101.
I just wanted to show you what a great day the
kids and I are having.

I forgot her.
Come on.

Look horticulture.
I'm sure it's fine to eat.
It's on a plant.
Five second rule.
Five second rule.
Look.
We're doing motor skills.
Higher, Blakey.
Higher.
Show Daddy how you can drive the car.
Oh no, Gabby.
Don't touch that.
GABBY: Bye.
CLARA: OK, honey.
We'll see you for dinner.
OK.
Go play, kids.
Do whatever.
Huh.
Great.
That should show Wiggly that I'm doing great mom stuff.
Can you email that to him now?
BLADEZZ: Yep.
Oh.
Oops.
I just uploaded the video to my channel with metadata and
tags and everything.
And when something's on the internet, you know you can't
get it off.
CLARA: Tell me about it.
Just google Clara Beane, Lou Ferrigno, and guacamole and
prep to wash your eyes out.
BLADEZZ: All right.
CLARA: We're back.
Did Codex join the lunch raid?
TINK: No.
Told you guys she would ditch us.
Guess we knew her when.
VORK: Famine and deception, the scourge of a nation.
Madeline is a convicted criminal.
My pee pee is covered in illegal substances now.
Holy pirogi.
She's got a peace sign tattoo?
BLADEZZ: Didn't you see that while you were doing it?
VORK: We were fully clothed in the dark.
I'm not a Vulgarian.
I have to confront her now.
Crash my interstellar dreams into Planet Reality.
CLARA: No, Vork.
Do not confront her.
If you want any humpity bumpity, zippo the lippo.
VORK: Live a lie for the sake of our euphoric sexy times?
ZABOO: No.
For your soul mate, which is a very hard thing to find.
But I am trying.
I started making a collage of my ideal Mrs. Zaboo, combining
the hair of Reese Witherspoon, the eyes of Emma Stone, and
the brain of Oprah.
I've even sprinkled on some of Codex's skin flakes.
Say what you will about her, she does
have a flawless epidermis.
TINK: You're Frankensteining your perfect woman?
ZABOO: Yeah.
Is it weird to include Na'vi parts?
Because I'm really into tails these days.
BLADEZZ: Buddy, you need to get laid.
ZABOO: There's no getting laid when it comes to
your perfect mate.
We will meld our bodies into one, like hot magma seeping
into a deep rocky crevice.
I will enter her organically, effortlessly, and with her
permission.
CLARA: That's the worst description of
sex I've ever heard.
TINK: Hey, Zaboo, you're looking for a lady.
I'm looking for a man puppet.
Do you have any talent in Econ 211 papers?
ZABOO: I mean I took it in college.
Yeah.
TINK: Since you're homeless, come over.
Log in from my room.
ZABOO: Really?
Man, that would be so--
BLADEZZ: Haven't you learned?
CLARA: Step back.
VORK: Please stop.
TINK: Shut up, you guys.
ZABOO: Oh.
No.
No.
No.
No.
You don't look anything like her.
She doesn't have like greed in her eyes.

FLOYD: You like to draw.
CODEX: No.
Definitely not.
Thank you for the opportunity, Floyd.
I'll leave now.
FLOYD: Are you quitting?
CODEX: No.
You're firing me.
FLOYD: I am?
Oh.
No.
I wanted you escorted from the building, but I'm over that.
CODEX: OK.
I just don't know why I'm here.
What do you want me to do?
Besides being loathed by everyone, because I
am acing that one.
FLOYD: I just want one person around here
who's not nagging me.
Theodora is always like, you know, quarterly reports right
in my face.
Gameplayer23 thinks I'm a washed up, old has-been.
I can't concentrate.
CODEX: OK.
Totally get it.
No nagging.
Whatever you need, I am here for you.
FLOYD: Great.
Our factory in Botswana, they put boobies on the barbarians,
and they put man packages on the witches.
Crazy, right.
CODEX: They clearly don't RPG in Botswana.
FLOYD: I need you to take this nail file
here and make it right.
CODEX: OK.
FLOYD: I also want to get you up on the test server.
Check out all the lame in there.
CODEX: Wait.
Wi--
with the underwater world?
Oh my gosh.
Really?
OK.
That is so super awesome.
I can check out the mermaids and, and see
how stupid they are.
Dumb.
FLOYD: Maybe not dumb.
CODEX: They could be cool.
Or not.
FLOYD: I'll get you a code ASAP.
CODEX: And then I'll let you know what I think.
FLOYD: No.
CODEX: No.
FLOYD: Glad this worked out, right hand.
I'll check back after I, uh, smack some
balls with Jace Hall.
JACE HALL: Time to get back to the gaming fundamentals.

BLADEZZ: Oh.
Look who deigns to join the unwashed masses.
CODEX: Sorry.
This job has been up and down to the max.
CLARA: You must doing the coolest stuff.
Tell us.
Tell us.
CODEX: I can't.
I'm under NDA.
ZABOO: Ah.
I bet the coders are crazy fast.
I'd like to see those guys in action.
[ALARM BELLS]
VORK: Madeline's here.
What to do?
CODEX: What happened?
CLARA: Zip it.
BLADEZZ: Jump on that thing.
TINK: Who cares?
CODEX: Hey, guys.
One cool thing happened.
Floyd's giving me access to the private test server.
GROUP: Private test server.
CODEX: Yeah.
It's where they're working on the new expansion.
He's giving me a key to upgrade my account today.
Not to brag, but--

guys?
[CRICKET NOISES]
CODEX: That's weird.

GROUP: Hey, Codex.
CODEX: Oh, hell no.
[THEME SONG]