News Parody 24 TSA Don't Touch My Junk, William and Kate, Bristol Palin
Uploaded by youtraxtvnews on 25.11.2010
Transcript:
OK OK I get it, I'll do it! I've got a situation here. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I'm
being forced to give equal time to someone I've treated very poorly on my show. Here
is the piece I did that led up to last week's episode of Chuckys Revenge. Now can you untie
me? I think I may have peed myself! Hold it. Stop the show right here. Yeah. I'm
talkin' to yous guys. Time for us to talk here. Seems that there's this, discrepancy.
Now according to our records, there's been more than 60,000 of yous guys that have been
watching this show here, but only 150 of ya subscribed to my channel. Now, I got a way
to fix that see. Yous guys, are gonna go to this link you see right here. Right here.
Here. Uh huh. And your gonna subscribe, see. Or else, Chucky here, ain't gonna live to
see another scary movie, if you get my drift. Now I ain't gonna start the show till you
do. So I'm gonna start this countdown right here, and you're gonna go over there right
now and hit the subscribe button. You get it? Good. I'll be here waitin' while you do
that. Ahh, good. I thank ya, and I know our little
friend here thanks ya too. And don't make me come back here again, cause I'm telling
you now, it ain't gonna be pretty. Oh, and uh, don't call the coppers either, cause I'm
wise to you see. Now, let us get on with the show.
The Carnival cruise ship Splendor, hobbled into port last week, after a fire on board
crippled all power. Passengers had to endure no air conditioning, no working toilets, and
having nothing to eat but spam and pop tarts. Most passengers complained that the crew wasn't
very helpful. In fact the only crew members that could be found were these three, who
spent most of the time up on deck trying to pick up chicks.
In an interview with NBC, President Bush accepted a half assed apology by Kanye West when West
accused President Bush of hating black people. In a related story, during a book signing
appearance, Kanye cut to the front of the line to announce that Beyonce had the best
memoirs ever written. It's now time to play what are you gonna do?
We now know that President Bush is on a book signing tour to promote his new memoirs "
Decision Points". What are you gonna do? A: Go out and buy it, but hide it when friends
come over like that Justin Bieber CD you bought last summer.
B: Pay off that $100 bet you made with your body when you said you didn't even think Bush
could read. Or C: Wait for the movie to come out where
it will be called "Jackass 4" "Are my testicles black?"
"Don't touch my junk", is quickly becoming the new catch phrase in the U.S., when the
TSA decided to step things up with a more invasive pat down search, leaving passengers
to wonder how far the government will go for a cheap thrill. Meanwhile, the number of passengers
flying since the new changes has dramatically increased by priests, my grandmother, and
these three guys. Said to be the wedding of the century, Prince
William and Kate Middleton are finally setting a date to be wed sometime next year. Unlike
Princess Diana's wedding some 30 years ago, where she arrived at the church in a Cinderella
style horse and carriage, William and Kate will not be doing the same due to Kate being
allergic to horses. But it is expected, in spite of her allergies, that Prince Charles
will still be in attendance. Conan O'Brien came back to late night television
with his new show on TBS and a lot of folks had a hard time trying to find...
News of the future: Two years from today. After bouncing around the dial from one channel
to another, Conan O'Brien's late night show was again dealt a lethal blow when Nickelodeon
decided to return SpongeBob Square Pants to the 10:00 hour. In other news President elect
Sarah Palin is coming out with another Reality series showcasing the wildlife in Washington...
People magazine has just come out with a list of sexiest men, and named Ryan Reynolds as
the World's sexiest man alive for 2010. I missed it by just that much.
In an interview this week, Justin Bieber stated that based on his popularity with his fans,
he's sure to be around for a long, long time. Justin, I've got just three names for you.
Shaun Cassidy, Rick Astley, Scott Baio. Those of you under 30 are now scratching your heads,
saying who? The rest of us are laughing our asses off.
Now here's a segment I like to call " I couldn't make it up if I tried"
Hello and welcome to "I Couldn't Make It Up If I Tried. This week's topic: The fantasy
world of Sarah Palin, and family. Bristol Palin again sailed through yet a another
week of Dancing With The Stars and is now in the finals. No I'm not making this up.
She stated backstage that she is a good girl, yet got pregnant at 16, had her ass groped
and fondled by her partner in front of millions of viewers, with her nine year old sister
Willow tweeted to the haters to f*** off for hating, and conveniently forgot to vote in
the national elections. No, I swear to you, I'm not making this up.
And in another new book out this week, mother Sarah bashes American Idol for hosting "
talent deprived" contestants all while Bristol dances in a gorilla costume. No, I couldn't
make it up if I tried! And finally,
The Christmas season is upon us, and the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza is being prepared
for next week's lighting ceremony. Just to bring in the tree, streets had to be widened,
telephone lines had to be temporarily taken down, and a giant truck was used to haul in
the heavy load, oh no, wait, I must be thinking of the cast from Mike and Molly.
And that's the news. Have a wonderful holiday and we'll see you again right here next week.
being forced to give equal time to someone I've treated very poorly on my show. Here
is the piece I did that led up to last week's episode of Chuckys Revenge. Now can you untie
me? I think I may have peed myself! Hold it. Stop the show right here. Yeah. I'm
talkin' to yous guys. Time for us to talk here. Seems that there's this, discrepancy.
Now according to our records, there's been more than 60,000 of yous guys that have been
watching this show here, but only 150 of ya subscribed to my channel. Now, I got a way
to fix that see. Yous guys, are gonna go to this link you see right here. Right here.
Here. Uh huh. And your gonna subscribe, see. Or else, Chucky here, ain't gonna live to
see another scary movie, if you get my drift. Now I ain't gonna start the show till you
do. So I'm gonna start this countdown right here, and you're gonna go over there right
now and hit the subscribe button. You get it? Good. I'll be here waitin' while you do
that. Ahh, good. I thank ya, and I know our little
friend here thanks ya too. And don't make me come back here again, cause I'm telling
you now, it ain't gonna be pretty. Oh, and uh, don't call the coppers either, cause I'm
wise to you see. Now, let us get on with the show.
The Carnival cruise ship Splendor, hobbled into port last week, after a fire on board
crippled all power. Passengers had to endure no air conditioning, no working toilets, and
having nothing to eat but spam and pop tarts. Most passengers complained that the crew wasn't
very helpful. In fact the only crew members that could be found were these three, who
spent most of the time up on deck trying to pick up chicks.
In an interview with NBC, President Bush accepted a half assed apology by Kanye West when West
accused President Bush of hating black people. In a related story, during a book signing
appearance, Kanye cut to the front of the line to announce that Beyonce had the best
memoirs ever written. It's now time to play what are you gonna do?
We now know that President Bush is on a book signing tour to promote his new memoirs "
Decision Points". What are you gonna do? A: Go out and buy it, but hide it when friends
come over like that Justin Bieber CD you bought last summer.
B: Pay off that $100 bet you made with your body when you said you didn't even think Bush
could read. Or C: Wait for the movie to come out where
it will be called "Jackass 4" "Are my testicles black?"
"Don't touch my junk", is quickly becoming the new catch phrase in the U.S., when the
TSA decided to step things up with a more invasive pat down search, leaving passengers
to wonder how far the government will go for a cheap thrill. Meanwhile, the number of passengers
flying since the new changes has dramatically increased by priests, my grandmother, and
these three guys. Said to be the wedding of the century, Prince
William and Kate Middleton are finally setting a date to be wed sometime next year. Unlike
Princess Diana's wedding some 30 years ago, where she arrived at the church in a Cinderella
style horse and carriage, William and Kate will not be doing the same due to Kate being
allergic to horses. But it is expected, in spite of her allergies, that Prince Charles
will still be in attendance. Conan O'Brien came back to late night television
with his new show on TBS and a lot of folks had a hard time trying to find...
News of the future: Two years from today. After bouncing around the dial from one channel
to another, Conan O'Brien's late night show was again dealt a lethal blow when Nickelodeon
decided to return SpongeBob Square Pants to the 10:00 hour. In other news President elect
Sarah Palin is coming out with another Reality series showcasing the wildlife in Washington...
People magazine has just come out with a list of sexiest men, and named Ryan Reynolds as
the World's sexiest man alive for 2010. I missed it by just that much.
In an interview this week, Justin Bieber stated that based on his popularity with his fans,
he's sure to be around for a long, long time. Justin, I've got just three names for you.
Shaun Cassidy, Rick Astley, Scott Baio. Those of you under 30 are now scratching your heads,
saying who? The rest of us are laughing our asses off.
Now here's a segment I like to call " I couldn't make it up if I tried"
Hello and welcome to "I Couldn't Make It Up If I Tried. This week's topic: The fantasy
world of Sarah Palin, and family. Bristol Palin again sailed through yet a another
week of Dancing With The Stars and is now in the finals. No I'm not making this up.
She stated backstage that she is a good girl, yet got pregnant at 16, had her ass groped
and fondled by her partner in front of millions of viewers, with her nine year old sister
Willow tweeted to the haters to f*** off for hating, and conveniently forgot to vote in
the national elections. No, I swear to you, I'm not making this up.
And in another new book out this week, mother Sarah bashes American Idol for hosting "
talent deprived" contestants all while Bristol dances in a gorilla costume. No, I couldn't
make it up if I tried! And finally,
The Christmas season is upon us, and the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza is being prepared
for next week's lighting ceremony. Just to bring in the tree, streets had to be widened,
telephone lines had to be temporarily taken down, and a giant truck was used to haul in
the heavy load, oh no, wait, I must be thinking of the cast from Mike and Molly.
And that's the news. Have a wonderful holiday and we'll see you again right here next week.