Uploaded by Filmexperimente on 23.06.2012

A brief history of the world (according to Zeus)
The year is 11 before Zeus.
The world is entirely occupied by the titans.
Well, not entirely...
One small group of indomitable gods under Zeus' command
rebels against the oppressors.
In an epic ten year war the titans are defeated by Zeus.
Some of them, including the philanthropist Prometheus
and his simple brother Epimetheus are banned onto the earth and live therein.
Under Zeus' sage regency, the earth and heavens thrive
and people are storming to the temples to bring him offerings.
With his faithful and devoted spouse Hera,
he lived happily until the end of his days.
Well: Until the end of all days.
Or so he thought.
Zeus? Zeusi? Hubby?
Don't you have to get up?
What's the time?
Well, about... one hour after sunrise!
Hm? Holy c*?#, I overslept again!
Morning, Prometheus.
What's up?
Over an hour late, really!
This wouldn't have happened with us titans.
Good morning, Epimetheus.
Good morning, mister god!
May I introduce myself:
I am Ontis, one of you.
Well, a god.
I'm a god.
I didn't know about all this, but the oracle brought back my memory.
We present: The wise oracle of Delphi.
This was: The wise oracle of Delphi.
I get it... oracle, hm? Appeared in your dream, hm?
I know, I also couldn't...
...and all that aside, you are in the completely wrong place.
By now, the olympians are ruling.
Come again?
We are titans. We were in charge once, but then we got a chewing out.
Titanomachy and stuff. By now we are just ordinary immortals.
But me, I'm a god!
Be it olympic or titanic.
Prove it.
And look at our garbage, all thrown into one single bucket again.
Recycling is important, my eloquent brother.
Good day, sir. Sisyphos gyro service. You ordered one meat plate.
No, I didn't order anything.
Epi? Did you order gyro?
Sorry, there must be a mixup.
Not again. Maybe you are still interested in...
...mortal, can't you see that you are bothering us gods?
And who are you?
I'm Ontis. Former mortal. I had an epiphany.
Ah, I see.
It's terribly droughty outside.
Sun, rain, they don't get anything right up there.
I'll go see if I can do some good for the humans.
If you get bored, go visit brother Atlas, I hear he's getting cabin fever.
But, if the product of a number with itself is the same as the area of a square,
whose edges have exactly the length of said number, I have therefore proven
that the sum of the areas of the squares over a right triangle's secants is the same
as the area of the square over its hypotenuse.
This concludes our proof.
And what about the rain?
What rain?
Well, the rain!
It hasn't rained for weeks.
Our grain withers.
How do we make it rain?
I don't know that.
You mean, we've been listening to you rambling on for half an hour
and you have no idea how to let it rain?
Well, I didn't know that's what you wanted.
I'm not a seer.
I... am a thinker.
Good grief, a thinker.
Useful like a hole in the head.
We are hungry and he talks about stupid triangles.
Guys, guys, this doesn't help.
Looks like we need to sacrifice again.
Okay, I vote for Athena.
Zeus has a special offer this week:
Rain twice for just one ox.
That doesn't sound too bad.
But... what about me?
Don't you understand the merits of math?
I enlightened you with valuable knowledge!
Wait till the taxes are due, and you'll come crawling back.
But I'll overcharge you like there's no tomorrow.
And you?
Do you need help with your taxes?
No. I am Prometheus. A titan!
Oh god, please leave me alone.
I have to deal with failures all day as it is.
But let me help you.
Considering your unprofitable occupation...
Good god, I studied at the famous Akademon!
Well, I'll just do the atom thingy in the next village, there's always some money in that.
But I won't share with a titan.
Are you mad?
I won't give up my nice ox head if you only provide half a stomach.
What? Then I'm not in, and Zeus will let all your fields wither, you headless ox.
And who are you?
I am Prometheus, a titan.
I'm here to help you.
Listen to that, guys!
The titan wants to help us!
Good god, no offense, but we have enough trouble as it is.
It hasn't rained for weeks. Probably the olympians are quaffing it all off themselves.
An unemployed ex-god is about the last thing we need right now.
Come on: Against these modern jokes, you could use some experience, right?
He's right. Our gods are a catastrophe when it comes to service.
I heard that in Palestine, they only have to maintain one god.
Not a whole extended family like we do.
So how do you want to help us anyways?
Do you maybe want to do a rain dance?
What exactly is your problem?
Quiet, quiet! Okay, the thing is:
We need to sacrifice. For rain.
We need an ox for Zeus, but we only have a head.
And an ass!
With ears!
I have a stomach!
There you go.
You already assembled like half an ox, didn't you?
Now, this will go down like this:
You prepare two offerings.
For the first one, you evert a stomach and stuff it with good meat.
For the second one, you take the ox's skin.
You only fill it with bones and waste. But oil the outside up nicely so it looks delicious.
You see, Zeus is so nearsighted, he'll never be able to see through that.
Excuse me? Zeus is nearsighted?
You bet! I mean: Have you ever seen Europa up close?
And that's what he puts up with...
And if he notices?
Then we'll scram.
Good morning.
We would like to hand an offering to Zeus.
To Zeus?
Yes, to Zeus.
To Zeus.
Don't you want to do some registration?
Boy, she's weird.
What is it?
Is there someone with an offering?
Someone with an offering.
Ah, excellent. Tell them, Zeus will be ready soon.
Zeus will be ready soon.
Thanks, thanks.
Stupid bureaucracy.
At least we get to see Zeus in person.
I hope so, if he wants to etch our oxes.
That'll be a sad day when I have to pay homage to a god I can't even see.
Who wants to speak to the grand Zeus?
Master of the heavens, guider of the sun, conqueror of Cronos.
Two simple peasents, good god.
And what do you wish for?
We are the farmers' representatives.
We hope that the mighty Zeus might bless us with rain.
Rain? But why rain?
You know, rain is really bad weather.
Why don't you want to enjoy my sun's warming shine?
Yes, good god, but not all day long.
Our fields are in need of water to flourish.
And if we lack grain, the cattle can't feed.
Also, there are so many tourists from the north.
The Germans block all the best beach spots with their coats.
This all seems very complicated.
But okay, you may have your rain.
Thank you, oh good Lord.
Of course, I'll have to ask for a tiny compensation...
Of course.
So, what did you bring for me?
Well, dear god, we weren't so sure.
As the mighty Zeus knows, we have a bit of a water shortage,
so we had some trouble coming up with a complete ox.
Therefore we decided to bring two...
...specialities, amongst which the wise Zeus may choose.
Oh yeah? And why can't I just take both?
But, what would we be left with?
But if we have nothing to eat, we'll starve!
Hm. Starving. Yes, I remember.
Well, I'll play nice then.
What do we have here?
Mmmh, not bad, not bad.
Ugh, disgusting. What's that supposed to be?
I think, I'm gonna stick with this one.
The grand Zeus is content.
I will shower you with rain.
Wait, what's this?
Echo, where have they gone, those traitorous mortals?
Traitorous mortals?
Yes, them humans.
Them humans.
Have the left already?
Left already.
Oh, those bastards.
They messed with the wrong ox.
The thought men could outwit the great Zeus?
Men could outwit the great Zeus.
But wait and see!
Wait and see!
Erm, yes.
The will pay for that.
So they want rain, yes?
No more heat, yes?
No more fire, yes?
Let's see how they cope without fire.
I'll take away what burns them!
What on earth is picking on you?
Zeus! That self-loving egomaniac.
He took away our fire.
Took away our fire?
You can't even upset yourself.
Calm down. We still have the sun to warm us, don't we?
Well, look at that: Even a simpleton gets one right sometimes.
The sun! Olympic fire! I'll just snitch back some fire for the humans!
Tit for tat.
Where are you going again?
Mount Olympus!
Please say the secret password.
The password is... correct.
Oh, erm...
Hi Ares. Aphrodite.
Erm... Say hallo to your husband.
Decadent bunch. It's about time someone kicks them out of here.
No wonders, with all that incest.
What's this? A titan on Olympus?
What are you doing here?
Zeus, it was a mistake to take away the fire.
I grant fire, I take fire, I am fire.
Those idiots on earth thought they could trick me.
They are not like the other creatures.
They have potential.
Today they tricked the great Zeus, tomorrow they might have the sun move according to their own plans.
Nothing on earth or in heaven can stop them.
I won't tolerate that. Olympus will always rule over the earth.
I think I heard something similar before.
It's over, Zeus.
The reign of the gods is at an end!